Venting about ED recovery

nancy10272004
nancy10272004 Posts: 277 Member
in Motivation and Support
A year ago I was in treatment for Binge Eating Disorder. My therapist and GP were ecstatic when I told them that I was ready to start losing weight but they keep really close tabs on me because it's easy to go from "lifestyle change" to obsession.

Well, it happened today. I've been doing really well - eating things I like and staying around 1600 calories/day (net). I'm not allowed to exercise except for 5000 steps on my FitBit and that's going well too. I lost 28 lbs in 73 days (236 to 208).

Recently, I've been weighing myself every day. I'm not supposed to even have a scale in my house. This morning I was devastated because the scale went up 3 lbs. All I can think about is how what I have to do today so the scale goes back down tomorrow. I have anxiety disorders and I'm walking around in state of panic.

I'm not really looking for advice. I just wanted to vent about how I realized today that I'll never truly recover from my ED. It will always be there. I'll always struggle with it. It really makes me want to cry.

Thank goodness I'm going to the therapist on Friday and my GP next Friday.

Replies

  • blondageh
    blondageh Posts: 923 Member
    :cry: This is so sad to hear. I wish we could all just be happy with we what we are, think about how much more joy we would get out of life. I say "we" because I feel like I am either constantly stuffing my face out of control and miserable or like you, obsessing and watching every little bite. It is like no matter what, life revolves around food when there is so much more I should be enjoying. And I do! I have my family and friends who I love and am blessed with, but I can never find my inner happiness because food and obsession over it seems to get in the way. Hang in there hun. Try to find something you do that you enjoy to take your mind off of it. I read, it is my own little escape into another world.
  • Catflower6
    Catflower6 Posts: 27 Member
    Good to vent about Ed ... I'm in recovery too. But for me it's been a long road. I think it's so important to keep the calories realistic, up rather than down. I too hate the scales when it goes up as it can cause complete havoc. I weigh once a week and that's it for ongoing recovery. My heart aches for those suffering as it's such a pain. Good luck. ????????
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    OP:
    Weight fluctuation is a normal process (which you probably already know) and that may be the reason why they don't want you to have a scale in the house. If it is possible, maybe try to write some of your thoughts down so you can take to your therapist on Friday? Maybe try some of the tools you have learned in handling your anxiety? Either way…. congrats on taking steps forward to reclaim the life you deserve… Wish you the best.

    If you are feeling extremely overwhelmed and nothing is helping you… you can go to this website and get a toll free number or click to chat to someone.

    http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-referral-helpline

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