Trying to work(out) through depression

fatalis_vox

I've recently gone through some stressful life experiences (my house had a minor "blowing up" issue, and then my little sister died--unrelated) and they've triggered a major depressive episode like I haven't seen...ever. Through the stress of dealing with finding a new place to live and trying to put my life together, I didn't just fall off the wagon, I screamed and jumped and ran away.

I've undone all of my previous progress and gained 15-20 pounds back. It made me feel even worse about myself and my life, and I got into this terrible slump.

I told myself that I'd give myself until April to mope, and then I was going to start trying to take care of myself again. I went back to my psychiatrist, who prescribed me Zoloft (Which I've been on for about three weeks, now. Should be about another three before it starts working.) and I've been seeing my counselor again. I've been trying really hard to make healthy decisions about food and activity. I try to walk to the grocery store to get fresh meat (usually chicken or salmon) and whatever vegetable looks best, a couple of times a week. Additionally, I've been using my dog as motivation to get out and walk at least a mile every day.

I don't do everything right every day, and some days I don't do anything right. But I'm working on it, and I'm trying to let that encourage me enough to start getting some momentum and feeling good.

However, it's getting to be summer, and the days are in the 90s and above, and I'm -really- trying to work on getting up in the morning for a workout.

But that's the absolute hardest thing in my life right now. Getting out of bed. I'm regularly sleeping until the last possible minute (Sometimes I just roll over and decide that I don't care enough to show up at work on time. What can they do, yell at me? Write me up? I don't really care about the good things in my life, why would I care about that?) and I'm REALLY trying to stop that.

I'm going to bed early, I'm trying to use sleep-cycle planning, and some nights I even fall asleep easily--But I always wake up exhausted and unmotivated. But I'm warm and comfy and I have an adorable giant puppy next to me being snuggly. And getting out of bed is the hardest thing in the world. It's hard at six thirty--Which is ideally the time I should get up to get ready for work. When I try to get up at five (which is workout + shower + getting ready for work) I don't even hesitate before I turn off the alarm. (Even though I have to do math to turn it off.)

I live alone, and 5 is earlier than any of my friends or family wake up. I have the desire, but lack the determination currently.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me?

heatherutopia

I just went to send some love.... sometimes life is difficult but things will get better. You're being so strong, I k ow it sounds stupid but keep trying... It is the first step and it will get easier.. If you ever need to talk, I'm here! Internet hugs!

Eric_DeCastro

I haven't gond through what you have but i do suffer from depression and anxiety disorder. I have my whole life. I see a psychiatrist once a month. I have noticed I have not had an episode since I started running. running has brought my quality of life up so high. I am never depressed. anxious yes to go run but that is a good anxious.

fatalis_vox

I just went to send some love.... sometimes life is difficult but things will get better. You're being so strong, I k ow it sounds stupid but keep trying... It is the first step and it will get easier.. If you ever need to talk, I'm here! Internet hugs!

Thanks so much! I'm really trying!

fatalis_vox

I haven't gond through what you have but i do suffer from depression and anxiety disorder. I have my whole life. I see a psychiatrist once a month. I have noticed I have not had an episode since I started running. running has brought my quality of life up so high. I am never depressed. anxious yes to go run but that is a good anxious.

Well, that's why I'm trying so hard to take care of myself. Proper diet and excercise can help -so- much, plus I deserve to be healthy. Getting there is just so freaking hard.

jlshea

Thinking of you.

This is a great place for support and motivation. Its helped me immensely.

fatalis_vox

Thinking of you.

This is a great place for support and motivation. Its helped me immensely.

Thanks so much! I'm hoping that it helps me, too. Every little bit helps!

SeattleJill

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have chronic depression that hits me in waves, had it my entire life. I think of it like living with diabetes. There are medications I can take and things I can do to ease the symptoms. First, everything in Teeny tiny baby steps. Seriously. If you can't get out of bed early to work out, start by getting out of bed for 10 minutes, physically out of bed. Then gifting yourself the option of going back into it if you still feel the need to after a trip to the bathroom and a glass of water or coffee. Start by focusing on what you can do to feel better and stabilize. Start to build up from there. Have you tried a grief support group? The acting of getting out and being forced to interact with people (see below) helps my episodes to not last as long. it took a long time for me to start learning of my symptoms and a lot of trial and error before I found what worked for me (along with medication).

For me, a strict routine of bedtimes, nap times, eating times, bath times, and a steady dose of walking outside in public, no matter how awful I felt (helps to have a very cute dog that makes people interact with you) helps me to get through the worst of my low times. As soon as I recognize my symptoms, my routine becomes instituted again as I begin to prepare for the onslaught of no energy and despair. Something about the routine of it, I guess, for me, makes it not last as long and helps me to muster up enough energy to slog through the day. I also allow myself comfort when I need it. During the worst of my lows, I try and stay away from sugar because it amplifies things, but I love dairy and salty food. I allow myself to have it, but the rule is I have to record it. It forces me to take an active part in eating it and being mindful. All of it forces me to stay aware and present in myself as much as I can stand it. But again, this took a lot of time and practice for me to do. Baby steps. Try little things each day to find what works for you and know that it may take a long time, but no one gets out of quicksand by running. Self care and being kind to yourself is key.

fatalis_vox

Thank you so much, SeattleJill, for your suggestions! The idea of just trying to get out of bed for a few minutes is one I think I'll try tomorrow!

A strict routine is a little more difficult because of work, but I can probably start small with, say, 6 PM until bedtime at ten, and see if I can incorporate a routine into work without being disruptive to the process.

I haven't gone to a grief support group--But I do force myself to go spend time with a group of my friends at least once a week. And I usually wind up doing some interacting when I go out with my dogm, because he's also adorable. And even if people don't comment on how adorable he is, they'll comment on how huge he is. (~90lbs currently.)

I'm trying to eat mostly fresh, real food--Nothing processed or packaged (except my organic oatmeal) and sometimes bottled tea. I've been snacking on olives, apples, almonds, and seaweed to stay on the healthy path without feeling like I'm denying myself too much.

Anyway, thank you, thank you, thank you for your suggestions, comments, and support! It's great to know that I'm not alone in all this.

ashandstuff

Hey there!

First off, good for you getting treatment and giving a healthy lifestyle a chance at the same time. It's not easy, at all, to really live a healthy lifestyle while also trying to manage symptoms of mental illnesses.

Last year, getting out of bed was simply NOT going to happen for me...and getting up to go workout was a laughable thought. I spent probably >70% of my day in bed at the peak of my depression, and I remember that even activities I enjoyed doing weren't enough to get me to crawl away from the comforts of my blankets.

Here is what I did: I set reminders on my phone, computer, and alarm to go off at a pre-scheduled time three days a week devoted to being active. Some people don't respond well to this, but it worked for me. At first, I wasn't really sure of myself and was in terrible shape so I didn't do much...but hey, I went to the gym and moved around! As weeks went by, it got easier and easier to get out of bed and sometimes it was even fun to get to the gym. Now, nearly a year after making the change...running is one of the best ways for me to get some energy and I look forward to it.

That being said, I still have days (ok, weeks) where my symptoms get me down and working out just doesn't happen. The most important thing then is that I forgive myself and try again the next day.

What I'd suggest is just this; try.

Simply that. Just; try.

Try getting out of bed. Try putting on workout clothes. Try getting in the car to get to the gym. Try getting on a treadmill. Try walking for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, etc. JUST TRY. If it doesn't happen, it's ok...you will get there. But if you /don't try/...nothing will change.

Best of luck my friend!

darlenegilzean54

Just wanted to let you know, you are not alone. I also suffer from depression. I have had a few anxiety attacks in the past few months as well. After a bitter divorce and court battles and my ex ending up in jail for some horrific crimes he committed before I met him I just didnt care about anything anymore, especially the way I looked. I gained a lot of weight and became kind of a recluse. I do homecare for my eldery Mom and I have an 11 year old son. Amidst all my divorce issues my Mom was diagnosed with colon cancer and had to have an ostomy bag applied. She is soon to be 80 and I have to help her with all of her everyday chores. It is a really tough job sometimes and I don't have much time for me, but I started my journey about 4 weeks ago and I am not looking back. I have started exercising daily and am much more careful of what I eat. My advice to you is worry about you. It is okay to doat on yourself for awhile. When you dont feel like working out, that is the best time to do it. You will feel so accomplished afterwards and know that you have more strength than you thought you did. Somedays I dont even want to get off the couch, but I push myself and do feel much better for it. I think of it as it is only 30-45 mins a day, that is nothing. I have a whole 23 left to do whatever. My heart feels for you and I am praying and hoping you will get through this rough time in your life, and it is just a time.....it will get better, I promise!!!!
Darlene

HaraldurB

I'm sorry for your loss. My advice might sound stupid but what about keeping the alarm clock somewhere away from the bed so you'll have to get out of bed to turn it off? That way the hardest part (getting out of the bed) is already done. And then you just have to resist the temptation of going back in.

rachellemac14

I went through something similar when my father died last year. Just do the best you can and allow yourself this time. It took me a solid 8 months before I had any desire to even bother trying. In the beginning I wrote up a routine and stuck with it because that was the routine....trust me I hated it. I did it though and I found that after about 6 weeks of faking it the results were enough to actually want to make me go and get out. They say fake it till you make it...sounds like great advice to me.
I also found the exercise was doing wonders for my mood and state of mind.
I wish you all the best.

_HeartsOnFire_

I also suffer from depression.

I also have a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I HATE it. I've been trying to start working out in the morning since January of this year. Finally, I can do it! I'm switching jobs soon, so I'm going to have to get up even earlier so I'm really easing into it. Try to get out of bed 5-10 minutes earlier for a few days to a week, then 10-15 minutes earlier minutes earlier for a few days to a week, then 15-20, and so on. Another trick that has helped me before, going to bed in my workout clothes. Now getting up is easier. I look forward to it. It may also help to go to bed earlier. At least until this becomes a habit.

MSeel1984

I do not suffer from chronic depression, but everyone has their days.
I'm going through a rough time right now (for many reasons) and I find that getting exercise is a natural mood elevator for me. Especially if you can find a form of exercise you look forward to (hiking, swimming, dance, whatever it may be)...so that becomes your "you time"...
I lost my mother a couple Christmases ago (on Christmas Eve)...being home was rough because it was winter and I couldn't get exercise...and the way human beings seem to console each other is with food...people were constantly bringing food over and it was hard to turn it down...many bottles of wine shared. But like you I told myself I could have X number of months to mourn...and to not focus so much on weight, exercise, calories, etc...then I went back to it. I honestly felt better when I was taking good care of myself than when I allowed myself to give in to eat and do what I wanted.

If you ever want someone to talk to, you know this is a very supportive network of people on MFP...(despite some of the forum posts you may see). I'm certainly here if you need an encouraging word or someone to talk to. *virtual hugs* I'm so sorry for your loss and for all of the $hitty times you're going through...You're in my thoughts.

WeightLossWarrior6

I'm sorry that you're going through such a difficult time. I cannot say that I can relate to losing someone so close to me but I deal with a lot of depression and anxiety. Lately, I have been under a lot of stress and it all came at about the same time I began my healthy living journey. I decided to start writing down how I feel before I workout then when I am done, I write down how I'm feeling afterwards. Let me tell you there has not been one time that I haven't felt better after working out! I have taken my daily workouts and turned them into my therapy sessions. I put in my headphones and focus completely on my body and how much happier and alive I will feel when my workout is done. My advice is to do the same, look forward to that high afterwards. Work out in a way that you're focused on your breathing and your workout alone and block every other thought from entering your mind! In my experience, exercise has become the one thing I look forward to each day. I hope this can help you! Let me know if you need to talk. I know it's difficult opening up to complete strangers but this is a great place for all kinds of support! We are here for you.

Again, I'm really sorry to hear about everything you've been going through. There is always hope and positivity in everything, no matter how much pain you're experiencing. :flowerforyou:

deksgrl

I've never been diagnosed with depression, so if this doesn't apply, then disregard. But I did have a rough time this winter where I was really struggling, fatigue and depression which I thought was hormonal related. Turns out, I was vitamin deficient, vitamin D and B complex has helped me immensely. Once I started the vitamins I felt like a completely different person, I didn't realize how bad I really felt until I was feeling good again.

Catfriend25

I am SOOOOO sorry to hear about what You are going through. It's so sad, I'm very sorry for Your loss. I feel for You, it must be a difficult time. Please be gentle with Yourself. It's commendable that You have the will power and strength to want to exercise. Take it one day at a time.

24lol25

I'm sorry to hear that you've been dealing with such difficult things in your life. It's great so far that you've tried to chose healthier foods at the supermarket. Don't feel discouraged; you'll need to take this one step at a time. I've delt with mental illness as well (manic depressive) and know what it feels like to feel like there's no point in getting up, and moving on with life at all. And not being able to believe in yourself, not believing that any motivation will ever come, or that it's even possible for anything to turn out right anymore. Since there's no easy way to just randomly overcome depression on your own, you'll have to be very sure to take your medicine regularly. When it kicks in you will feel a lot better. Even though things may seem bleak now, remember every morning that you have the ability within you to make a brighter, happier future for yourself.

jscanlon922

Running has kept my depression at bay as well. I feel like a totally different person from 10 months ago when I was just on antidepressants.

SillaWinchester

I am honestly so sorry for your loss and all your struggles. I have terrible anxiety and it has recently triggered depression with all the changes and issues I've dealt with over the last couple of years (and some for my whole life). I wouldn't wish these metal illnesses on anyone.

I would like you to know that although we are strangers I will always be here for you if you need to talk or vent about anything. I may not always know what to say but I am ALWAYS here to listen.

I'm very proud of you for even making an effort to WANT to be better and for taking the steps towards that direction. Doing that is overcoming something huge in it's own way so bravo to you.

Sometimes you feel like giving up but you know what? That's when you need to stick around! Good things always happen after the bad things have passed. It may take a while, but I promise you it will be worth it. In 2009 my grandmother died, in 2012 I seemed to lose all my closest friends, earlier this year I failed my college courses and the guy who seemed to be the love of my life left me for another girl.... my heart just kept seeming to break more and more to the point where I didn't want to live anymore...but you know what? I decided that enough was enough. Going to sleep crying and waking up doing the same wasn't me, driving to school wishing a car would hit me and feeling like my life was completely irrelevant was NOT good enough for me. I decided I needed to make an effort to be happy. I used to have people tell me that they are jealous of me because no matter what I go through, I always have a smile on my face... that was in 2011. I'm not 100% there yet and I don't know if I will ever be able to get to that point again, but you know what? It's the middle of this college quarter and I have straight A's, the rest of my family is alive and well and things may be difficult but I've got them... and my grandma is watching me, I learned that the 'friends' who left me really weren't my friends and I'm better off with a couple loyal ones rather than 50 that made me question myself on a daily bases. I'm working out and slowly changing my eating habits. I've seen a difference in my will power AND my confidence has gotten better and I find that life is so much easier when you don't care what others think.

My point is, acknowledge the bad things in your life and learn from them but look forward to the good. Think about everything nice that has happened to you. Try! Wake up, smile, stretch, listen to some happy songs from the 80's on the radio, dance around like no one is watching, take a walk, smell some flowers, tell a stranger you like their hair, help someone cross the street, drink tea before bed and think about one happy thing every night so that way you go to bed with a smile and wake up the same. Karma, whether you believe in it or not, will reward you.

You seem wonderfully kind and caring and I hate to see someone like that being hurt.

kimberly_smith718

I also suffer from depression, as well as anxiety. Last year I put myself in the hospital because I was having suicidal thoughts and making plans. I am also struggling with waking up at a decent time. I have been unemployed for over a year, which means there's really not much to wake up for. My therapist told me something today that really stuck with me... "Progress, not perfection". Every tiny step counts.

fatalis_vox

Wow, you guys.

Thank each and every one of you for the support, encouragement, and advice. I wasn't expecting to find so much when I logged on this morning, and it's wonderful to know that people are in my corner.

I went for a (very) short run last night, only about a halfmile, with about a mile total of walking before and after, and then I made myself go out with some friends. I ate a nice healthy dinner. I tried to get up this morning, but just couldn't. I did think about it, though, and that's good.

Tonight I plan on trying to go for another run (It's not a hundred degrees today, so maybe I'll do a little better?) and tomorrow I'll try again to get out of bed early, even if it's just a few minutes.

It's very easy to feel alone when you deal with the things so many of us deal with. Sometimes I feel like I'm taking advantage of my friends' patience, or that they're just humoring me, or that if I come to them with these things too often they'll get sick of me or tell me to suck it up, that they're tired of me bringing them down. I imagine many of you feel that way, as well, from time to time.

Online communities like this one are different, because people we don't even know can choose to feel for us and reach out to have our backs. And I'll have yours, too. If any one of you ever needs to talk, feel free to add or message me.

I'm going to keep trying, and try to forgive myself when I fail. Maybe I'll do daily check-ins here for a while, just so I feel like I've got some people rooting for me.

For anyone who is also struggling, I invite you to do the same! We'll help each other.

Again, thank you all so much. It means a lot to me.

Cheriemightyfit

Hi. I am also struggling with depression. I seem to be emerging from it and feel a lot better. (It hits me in cycles, as others have said. It's only bad every few years.) I really admire your determination to take care of yourself. It really does get better. I respect your journey through this and hope you realize how great you are doing. I send you love and hugs!

A couple things that work for me: (1) praise. you might not realize it, but you are doing a ton to be good to yourself and pull through this. I have had trouble getting out of bed (or trouble resisting getting back into bed!) It's important to keep your job because your life would suck more if you had to find a new one at this point. Praise yourself for actually getting up and going to work everyday. Lord knows that you really do feel "sick" but aren't ditching your responsibilities at work. This is huge. Getting to work at all is a major accomplishment. Pat yourself on the back--really. At the end of the day I say to myself: success! I made it to work...no one knows how close I came to not doing it! Seriously. If that's all I can do today, it's okay.

(2) Anything that gives your brain a jump-start. For me, going to the movies gives my brain a good jolt. Not sitting in front of a tv movie, but going to the movie theater. For some reason, the big screen the loud sound and the bright images do something to jack me up and I feel invigorated after. I'm not a neurologist, but I'm guessing something chemical happens with the stimulation. The best are action movies, especially positive ones (corny, but superman was great). Another thing that helps me are video games--online ones or arcades or downloaded ones on my computer. The kind where you have to do something quickly. Again, I think it's adrenaline or something that gets jolted. (Maybe a Wii would be good for exercise?)

I hope some of this helps. Please know that others are pulling for you, and you are doing everything right to get through this. You will feel better soon!

PJPrimrose

Find a way to "bribe" yourself out of bed and do put the alarm clock across the room! I have trouble waking up. I bribe myself with a piece of candy (that may not work for everyone) to get up. I'm a total sugar fiend so it does work!

Exercise helps with depression. Situation depression, clinical depression, short term depression and long term depression. (My step-father is a psychiatrist/neurologist so I know a bit about mental illnesses.) A good motivator for running (not my favorite thing but a lot of folks like it ) is to get dressed for a run and tell yourself you're "only" going to power walk. It's a way to trick your mind into going outside to run. Then do a half run/walk routine and give yourself a reward (candy for me but that might not work for everyone.) Good luck!

TrekkerCynthia

fatalis, I am very sorry for your loss and the struggles you are going through now. There are times, even when depression is not involved, when doing what we need to in order to be healthy is just plain hard. Can you afford a gym membership, or find a reasonably priced gym or YMCA so that the outside temperature isn't an issue? Or check out exercise DVDs from the library? Just trying to think of things that will allow you to ease in to exercise that don't have time restrictions. Let us know how thing progress for you.

Cheriemightyfit

Thank you for your post! I haven't talked to many people about depression, so it is healing for me too! I am guessing that a lot of us feel that way-as you said, we don't want to burden our friends and be a bummer for them. It is awesome to have this community. I think checking in every day or every few days is a great idea.

fatalis_vox

Feel free to chime in with your own experiences or struggles, everyone! It's really very healthy to talk about it.

I saw my counselor this morning, and she thinks I'm doing very well. She's recommending that I go into an intensive outpatient program--It's 3 to 4 weeks of all-day counseling, therapy, group sessions, and just focusing on getting healthy. Or at least getting healthier, and learning how to keep working on it.

So instead of stressing about work, I get to focus on getting better. (I'm in the military, so I won't even miss any pay. It's considered medical treatment and not "missing work.)

That being said, I DID go for a run last night, but again didn't get up this morning. I was actually late for my appointment, but my counselor was cool about it. I go back on Tuesday. If I go into this outpatient program, I'll start the 12th of May.

I missed breakfast, so I'll be having a bit of a heartier lunch than usual, and I'll do the same with dinner. Maybe, if I have the extra calories, I'll splurge and have a super unhealthy snack.

lynliles

I've personally been struggling with major depressive disorder for about 10 years now.

I know there are some days that it's really hard to simply get out of bed, that you just don't want to move or do anything and that it's hard to care because the entire universe will continue rolling on without you.

How I usually deal with not wanting to work out is force myself to get up and do 5 minutes. I tell myself if I still don't feel like working out after five minutes, I can stop. Usually by the time five minutes rolls around, I almost never want to stop. Start light to sort of get yourself into it a little bit, dynamic stretching, jogging, jumping rope, whatever you're into. Once you get up and get your blood flowing and the endorphins going, it gets a lot easier to work out. I don't ever pay attention to time unless I have somewhere to be, but at the moment I school entirely online and my chronic anxiety has left me more than a little unemployed so my life is pretty free.

It's a lot of little, silly things that have helped me get into a regular routine. My psychiatrist and I are actually cutting down my anti-depressants because of all the lifestyle changes I've made recently. Getting yourself on a regular schedule for things is good for you mentally. Exercising is also extremely good to improve mood and eating better will have you feeling better. I can tell the days that I don't care and emotionally feel like crap and go for unhealthy comfort food verses the days I wake up and reach for something a little healthier. It's a whole package.

They say it takes 21 days to set yourself in a new habit. It's hard, but if you routinely make yourself work out, preferably around the same time every day, you'll start to get used to it more and it will just become natural. I've begun setting that up for myself and without fail around eleven every morning I find myself itching to go running.

I'm really sorry for the struggles you're going through. It's good you're getting help for it though and not just wallowing. Depression is harder to deal with than a lot of people realize and I'm proud of you for trying to cope with it instead of letting it win.

Timshel_

Sending all kinds of support!

I went through some depression and anxiety a few years back that changed my life. I know how hard it was to care about anything and motivate myself. I finally realized that even though I could care less about working out (or life, for that matter) it was just the chemical reactions in my body making me "feel" like that. I KNEW the workouts would help, so I just went though the motions and put in all the effort I could.

I will tell you, it turned things around for me! I use exercise and meditation to manage things now and while I can sometimes feel myself slipping, I know I can hold on with good health and habits.

Just do it took on a whole new meaning!

All the best!

tmj4477

I understand how all of you feel maybe we should start a battling depression group