Balancing fitness and life

enriant

Hi all!

This is my first post on the boards, so ... *deep breath*

I just started trying to get healthy again about three weeks ago. I'd reached an all-time high weight, and I was more easily fatigued than I'd ever been. I started going to the gym 5-6 days a week, keeping track of calories, etc.

But here's the thing: it's consumed my life.

This is a problem I run into every time I try to lose weight, and is often why I give up after a couple of months.
The first week or two will go great, because I'm just excited about it. But then that excitement fades, and it turns into a compulsion.
I become so obsessed with making time to go to the gym, figuring out which vegetable would be healthier, eating and drinking at just the right time of day... I become irritable, distracted, disengaged from the rest of my life. How much I can lose, how quickly, becomes what matters.

And I know that last bit is particularly unhealthy, but it's a mindset I haven't been able to break out of. I'm so afraid of failure -- not an off-day but a complete and total stop to my own improvements -- that I wind up forcing myself into unsustainable habits.

I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this, though, so I'd love to know: how do you maintain your fitness goals without obsessing? Are there any tips or tricks I should know?

I don't want to give up this time!

r3ban1x

I've had the same problem before. No idea how to fix it. My own personal fix has been just small changes at a time. Eating 1 more vegetable a day, skipping a glass or 2 of wine, squeezing in one extra workout or walk, etc. I lost 12 lbs over the winter and couldn't maintain it b/c I was just simply not eating or sleeping and working out all the time b/c of the stress I was under in my life. Once that stress passed the weight came right back and now I'm starting again. So far the small changes have worked for me.

DCarney

The key for me was finding something that was sustainable...as the person above me posted. Make small changes, a little at a time and see how well you handle that. It shouldn't be all-consuming to get exercise and good nutrition into your daily life, but when just start out (or restart) there is a tendency for that to happen because you are so excited and motivated. Just keep it simple and don't overthink it!

mssmssy

Sometimes you just have to let other things go in order to improve yourself. I am a married mom with a full time job and I am a part time student. I exercise at least 45 minutes most days of the week. My house is a wreck--I have learned that I am not the only one that can take out the trash. I do NOT have to be everything to everybody ALL of the time!

Happilyeverafters

I think this is very common, and I think the other posts are correct about the small changes. What you have to remember is, this is for the rest of your life and not just until the weight is gone. You are trying to create new healthy habits one step at a time. Remember to celebrate the small accomplishments because they all add up in the end. We all want to see this to the end, but we have to remember a healthy lifestyle is never over. Good luck!

runner475

Pick one thing that you want to change every month. Let's say go to gym at 7.00 am 5 days a week and just focus on it for one month. Conquer it til it becomes you.

Move to the next change the next month. Your 1st month change will be the new you.

Good Luck. I wish you best of wishes.

walk757

I agree with the others. Take it one day at a time, one small goal at a time. Allow yourself that one treat....then head back to tracking and moving. You cannot deprive yourself while everyone else is indulging, it never lasts. Don't be so hard on yourself, we are here for you, we are at the same place. Good luck.

NH_Norma

Sometimes you just have to let other things go in order to improve yourself. I am a married mom with a full time job and I am a part time student. I exercise at least 45 minutes most days of the week. My house is a wreck--I have learned that I am not the only one that can take out the trash. I do NOT have to be everything to everybody ALL of the time!

THIS! My youngest is finishing high school so I'm not so wrapped up in mom duties, but I have a very demanding full time job. I have learned to prioritize at work, and offer no apologies at home when dinner isn't made for everyone because I get home later after going to exercise after work. I make no plans early in the morning on weekends because I need to exercise before the day is underway or I won't do it at all. I have signed up for 5K events without asking anyone at home first. I always thought when people said "making time for me", it sounded selfish. Now...I get it.

SapiensPisces

I become so obsessed with making time to go to the gym, figuring out which vegetable would be healthier, eating and drinking at just the right time of day... I become irritable, distracted, disengaged from the rest of my life. How much I can lose, how quickly, becomes what matters.

This problem is solved by educating yourself better. There's no reason to be scheduling your eating at the "right" time of the day. As long as you maintain a calorie deficit (eat less than you burn daily), meal timing is irrelevant.

Also, there's no reason to spend 5-6 days per week at the gym unless you have a specific fitness goal in mind that requires that. 30-45 minutes 3 times per week is sufficient for general weight loss and health for most people. Just use that time wisely and do more efficient exercises (HIIT over steady state cardio or compound lifts over isolation exercises). If you want to do more, do home workouts or increase your overall daily activity level by being more active with your family, going for walks more frequently, etc.

Additionally, the whole notion of "healthier" foods is a bit of a misnomer. To one person, spinach may be healthier than a banana, but to someone else, it won't be. It's a silly thing to assign something like "healthy" to a single food item. Health is a state of overall wellness both physical and mental.

I think it's a good idea to take a step back and stop trying to overcomplicate things. Eat good food that you enjoy. Get some activity in. Stick to your calorie deficit.

ETA: If you do have a fitness goal that requires 5-6 days a week at the gym and strict diet that is interfering with your life, and you feel as though you can't stick to it, then it may be time to reassess the goal and scale it back to a more reasonable level. I believe that one of the reasons so many people fail at weight loss and fitness is setting huge lofty goals and diving in head first too soon. Give yourself time to adjust your life.

enriant

Thank you all for your feedback!

Sadly, the I-don't-have-to-do-it-all-myself doesn't quite apply, since I live alone and get really stressed out by messy surroundings. But that's just my quirk.

Liftosaurus -- the reason I've been going to the gym as much as I have (a mix of 'bootcamp' (basically HIIT), dance-type cardio, and boxing when I get up the nerve) is that I've found in the past (and maybe this doesn't apply anymore) that if I don't work out on a regular, daily (not weekly) schedule, I'm much more likely to just stop altogether, because missing one doesn't seem as bad somehow. Maybe I can scale back gradually, rather than scaling up gradually?

I definitely like the idea of making smaller goals, and rewarding myself accordingly. In the past, I've never wanted to lose much over 20 pounds, so a two-month exercise plan was okay... but now that I'm trying to figure out how to live independently, I do want the lifelong fitness to become part of my unthinking daily routine, so small steps make much more sense.

It's just so hard to stay motivated!

AmyRhubarb

I become so obsessed with making time to go to the gym, figuring out which vegetable would be healthier, eating and drinking at just the right time of day... I become irritable, distracted, disengaged from the rest of my life. How much I can lose, how quickly, becomes what matters.

This problem is solved by educating yourself better. There's no reason to be scheduling your eating at the "right" time of the day. As long as you maintain a calorie deficit (eat less than you burn daily), meal timing is irrelevant.

Also, there's no reason to spend 5-6 days per week at the gym unless you have a specific fitness goal in mind that requires that. 30-45 minutes 3 times per week is sufficient for general weight loss and health for most people. Just use that time wisely and do more efficient exercises (HIIT over steady state cardio or compound lifts over isolation exercises). If you want to do more, do home workouts or increase your overall daily activity level by being more active with your family, going for walks more frequently, etc.

Additionally, the whole notion of "healthier" foods is a bit of a misnomer. To one person, spinach may be healthier than a banana, but to someone else, it won't be. It's a silly thing to assign something like "healthy" to a single food item. Health is a state of overall wellness both physical and mental.

I think it's a good idea to take a step back and stop trying to overcomplicate things. Eat good food that you enjoy. Get some activity in. Stick to your calorie deficit.

ETA: If you do have a fitness goal that requires 5-6 days a week at the gym and strict diet that is interfering with your life, and you feel as though you can't stick to it, then it may be time to reassess the goal and scale it back to a more reasonable level. I believe that one of the reasons so many people fail at weight loss and fitness is setting huge lofty goals and diving in head first too soon. Give yourself time to adjust your life.

This is great advice! :drinker:

I too started out wanting to do it all, and felt I needed to obsess about every food and calorie, and how much time I spend exercising to burn X number of cals. And I burned out and stopped, then restarted, then burned out and stopped and restarted.....

So 975 days ago I logged back into MFP and decided that there wasn't going to be any more "starting over". Life change needed to happen. I needed to keep a reasonable calorie deficit and a reasonable exercise schedule that didn't interfere with or completely take over my life. So I started doing just that - a small calorie deficit (I use the TDEE method, more info on my progress in my profile) and quality exercise - less than an hour a day. I still eat foods I love - pizza, burgers & fries, drink alcohol, enjoy dessert - they fit into my calorie goals. I workout 5-6 days a week, weights (dumbbells at home - no gym membership) three days a week, and a 3-5 mile run the other three. I try to walk my dogs for about 20 minutes every day, but doesn't always happen. I always take at least one rest day, and every 8-12 weeks, I take an entire week off.

I've surpassed my original goals, hit goal weight (and gone back up a few pounds, no worries though!) and continue to work on lowering body fat percentage a bit more while maintaining my lean muscle and keeping myself fit and stronger than I've been in over a decade.

I'm not an Olympic athlete or a competitive model of some kind - I don't have time for that sort of strict regimen. But I do have an hour a day to exercise and the time to plan out healthy meals and enjoy some treats along the way! My competition is me! I challenge myself to be stronger, lift a bit more next time, run a little faster, do something I've never done before. And it's awesome.

it's not a sprint to lose a certain number a pounds, it's a way of living that lets you enjoy life while dropping the fat and keeping it off. That balance you mentioned in your title. :bigsmile: You can do it!

SapiensPisces

Thank you all for your feedback!

Sadly, the I-don't-have-to-do-it-all-myself doesn't quite apply, since I live alone and get really stressed out by messy surroundings. But that's just my quirk.

Liftosaurus -- the reason I've been going to the gym as much as I have (a mix of 'bootcamp' (basically HIIT), dance-type cardio, and boxing when I get up the nerve) is that I've found in the past (and maybe this doesn't apply anymore) that if I don't work out on a regular, daily (not weekly) schedule, I'm much more likely to just stop altogether, because missing one doesn't seem as bad somehow. Maybe I can scale back gradually, rather than scaling up gradually?

I definitely like the idea of making smaller goals, and rewarding myself accordingly. In the past, I've never wanted to lose much over 20 pounds, so a two-month exercise plan was okay... but now that I'm trying to figure out how to live independently, I do want the lifelong fitness to become part of my unthinking daily routine, so small steps make much more sense.

It's just so hard to stay motivated!

I get you. I really do, but I think that it's really important here to work on your mental health when it comes to food and fitness as well. Try to stick to a 3 day a week plan instead of a daily plan. Make it a goal to reward yourself with something you enjoy for not going overboard unless you are doing it in a way that isn't causing you to obsess or feel like a failure if you don't.

A lot of people ignore the mental health aspect of weight management and fitness, and I've seen people go from compulsive overeaters whose lives were centered around eating to compulsive fitness and health fanatics who are unable to enjoy even casual evenings out with friends or holidays because they're terrified of eating something "unhealthy" or missing a workout. Neither of these approaches are mentally healthy at all.

Finding a good balance is really important, and I think it would be a good goal for you to work toward. The earlier you can get a handle on it, the better off you'll be in the long run too. You'll also be more likely to find long term maintenance manageable.

Additionally, relying on "motivation" to get you through this isn't going to work. It's just a matter of dedicating the time and effort whether you feel like it or not. If you want the end goal, you must put in the work.

enriant

A lot of people ignore the mental health aspect of weight management and fitness

Okay, yes, you have convinced me. I've definitely been experiencing this the last week, which is particularly frustrating since the first week was SO great for stress relief, and now I just feel the anxiety building every time I take a break from it -- which, you're right, is not healthy. at. all.

AmyRhubarb, your model (well, maybe what everyone's been trying to say) of really accepting that health is a way of life, and not an on-again-off-again sprint, is what I'm going to try to keep reminding myself. How do you avoid plateauing?

dakotababy

I think fitness does need to become priority...especially for the first year AT LEAST. You are building new habits, and that takes time. I kind of implement fitness time as my time and that is just simply self-care and deserves a lot of attention.

I work with addicts, and when they enter into recovery - I often mention how recovery needs to be a priority, and over time you will find a better balance that works well for you and for everything around you. Honestly...just go with it for now, and over time you will notice you do not need to focus so much on it.

SapiensPisces

A lot of people ignore the mental health aspect of weight management and fitness

Okay, yes, you have convinced me. I've definitely been experiencing this the last week, which is particularly frustrating since the first week was SO great for stress relief, and now I just feel the anxiety building every time I take a break from it -- which, you're right, is not healthy. at. all.

I hope I'm not sounding discouraging of your efforts here, as I'm not trying to be.

I started out the same way though. My first 20 lbs came off FAST because I was eating next to nothing and hitting the gym like I had nothing else to do ever. The problem was that after about a month of that, I had no energy and began to despise the gym instead of enjoying it. It became a stressful chore, not a thing I looked forward to that was going to help me improve myself.

I've been where you're at now, and it's no fun. Just do your best. You're going to screw up a lot. Just the nature of changing your life. Don't give up. Keep it simple, and you'll find great success. Best to you!

enriant

Lift -- You're not discouraging at all -- honestly, just the opposite. I posted this because I realized what I was doing wasn't sustainable, and being reminded that it's not just about weight loss/fitness is really helpful.

Dakota -- I appreciate your perspective, and it's one I'd like to follow myself. The problem is that I'm in a really intense graduate program program, and while I do want to make physical health more of a priority than it often is, I can't afford to spend a year (or even a month) focused on something other than my studies. I've heard people say you need to make fitness your passion, but no matter how much I enjoy something, nothing is going to overtake my work -- it's just going to fall prey to it, because that is My One True Love/Passion (which I guess is lucky?). I've already lost a couple of hobbies because I couldn't figure out how to fit them into my work, and I don't want fitness to fall into that category ... hence the quest for balance!

wannakimmy

Lots of great advice here.

Mine, for what it's worth, is make small sustainable changes. If you try to go all out at once, it can become overwhelming.

Good luck with your journey!

ccf_trainer

Five or six times a day is way too much... I'm a personal trainer, I train hard, and I go on #BeastMode, and I don't even train that much. All you really need is 3 or 4 days. The last thing you want to do is over-train. If you do that, trust me, you are not going to see anything but yourself being tired and burnt out. Then your regimen will not be enjoyable. Your body needs time to recover after a vigorous workout. You need a few days to rest, so you don't break down the same muscle group over and over again. Rest is very important for your muscles because it will help your muscles develop. Your muscles are putting themselves when you are resting. Please, do not over-train.

Also, if you really want good results, and after reading all of these posts (I don't have time to respond to all of them), and I cannot stress this enough, you need nutrition, nutrition, and nutrition. Nutrition is going to get you results. 80% nutrition, and 20% fitness. Not 80% fitness and 20% nutrition. Counting calories does not always work, and neither does eating in small portions (not saying that's what you're doing). You must get good nutrition, and in your case, you need plenty of rest to recover.

I hope this helps.