Diary of a Compulsive Overeater - Day 19

ellelit

yesterday was a bust. completely. it was rainy and stormy all day, and all i did was eat. terribly. not sure why, just seemed to make the choice that "today is going to be a cheesy movie and greasy food fest day"! it was only about 5 degrees for most of the day, so the walk was out of the question. i never do anything with friends on the weekend (the only people i know are people i work with, and i see enough of them during the week) and i know by sunday i'm going to get pretty bored and lonely all by myself, but i dont really like hanging out with people. so i dont know what to do. i had a post about this before, but i dont like the idea of forcing myself to interact with people...it's just not for me... so here is how yesterday went. i'm ashamed to even write it down.

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

lunch:
1 large salad with tomatoes, cukes, 3 TBSP homemade vinaigrette
1 avocado
1 big bacon classic
1 large fries with ranch dipping sauce
large diet pop
2 scoops of chocolate chip mint ice cream

supper:
300g steak
2.5 cups rice
mushroom sauce

snack:
ultimate burger
medium fries
medium diet pop
gravy
1/2 small chocolate shake

sigh** why do i do this to myself? why why why? usually i dont even think about what i put into my mouth, but yesterday it was like i actually said to myself with a defeated attitude, "let's just eat today. who cares". how am i going to shake off that attitude?i've gained weight, i know i have as my clothes are fitting tighter and my face and stomach look all bloated. in 2 months i've managed to gain back almost 15 pounds. it makes me want to cry. it makes me want to eat.

today i have to get in my walk for the half marathon or i am not going to be able to compete with my coworkers. it's absolutely gorgeous out, so i will do my 10k this afternoon. i actually considered faking an injury yesterday so i could lie and get out of doing the race just so i didn't have to eat well or exercise.i didn't even care about the money i spent to enter the race... i don't know what to do, i'm in a sad mood today. i'm scared to even start eating today because even with a healthy breakfast and good intentions it never seems to work. or it will be good for one day, maybe 2 if it is extraordinary, and then it's like i give myself permission to binge my face off just as soon as i start doing well. i dont understand it. with the best intentions and a depressed mood today, here is my goal:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

snack:
1 yogurt
22 almonds
mini carrots

lunch:
1 large salad with tomatoes, cukes, 2 TBSP homemade vinaigrette
1 avocado
1 cup cooked orzo
1 cup milk

snack:
1 80 calorie natural cheese stick
1 small apple sauce
sliced cukes

supper:
2 cups cooked w/w pasta
1.5 sausages
1 cup of tomato sauce
little pit of parmesan cheese

snack:
1 cup skim milk

so, here is today. yummy food that i like, trying to have some protein in all of my snacks...so i can try not to get hungry in between meals. i really am hoping today goes well. i'm not going into it with, "today has to be perfect" but i am also not going into it with the bad attitude i had yesterday. tomorrow is my weigh in, and i have a feeling i'm not going to like what i see. but i can't let my last couple of months (years) of screw ups affect the rest of my life... i dont want to be fat forever.

ellelit

yesterday was a bust. completely. it was rainy and stormy all day, and all i did was eat. terribly. not sure why, just seemed to make the choice that "today is going to be a cheesy movie and greasy food fest day"! it was only about 5 degrees for most of the day, so the walk was out of the question. i never do anything with friends on the weekend (the only people i know are people i work with, and i see enough of them during the week) and i know by sunday i'm going to get pretty bored and lonely all by myself, but i dont really like hanging out with people. so i dont know what to do. i had a post about this before, but i dont like the idea of forcing myself to interact with people...it's just not for me... so here is how yesterday went. i'm ashamed to even write it down.

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

lunch:
1 large salad with tomatoes, cukes, 3 TBSP homemade vinaigrette
1 avocado
1 big bacon classic
1 large fries with ranch dipping sauce
large diet pop
2 scoops of chocolate chip mint ice cream

supper:
300g steak
2.5 cups rice
mushroom sauce

snack:
ultimate burger
medium fries
medium diet pop
gravy
1/2 small chocolate shake

sigh** why do i do this to myself? why why why? usually i dont even think about what i put into my mouth, but yesterday it was like i actually said to myself with a defeated attitude, "let's just eat today. who cares". how am i going to shake off that attitude?i've gained weight, i know i have as my clothes are fitting tighter and my face and stomach look all bloated. in 2 months i've managed to gain back almost 15 pounds. it makes me want to cry. it makes me want to eat.

today i have to get in my walk for the half marathon or i am not going to be able to compete with my coworkers. it's absolutely gorgeous out, so i will do my 10k this afternoon. i actually considered faking an injury yesterday so i could lie and get out of doing the race just so i didn't have to eat well or exercise.i didn't even care about the money i spent to enter the race... i don't know what to do, i'm in a sad mood today. i'm scared to even start eating today because even with a healthy breakfast and good intentions it never seems to work. or it will be good for one day, maybe 2 if it is extraordinary, and then it's like i give myself permission to binge my face off just as soon as i start doing well. i dont understand it. with the best intentions and a depressed mood today, here is my goal:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

snack:
1 yogurt
22 almonds
mini carrots

lunch:
1 large salad with tomatoes, cukes, 2 TBSP homemade vinaigrette
1 avocado
1 cup cooked orzo
1 cup milk

snack:
1 80 calorie natural cheese stick
1 small apple sauce
sliced cukes

supper:
2 cups cooked w/w pasta
1.5 sausages
1 cup of tomato sauce
little pit of parmesan cheese

snack:
1 cup skim milk

so, here is today. yummy food that i like, trying to have some protein in all of my snacks...so i can try not to get hungry in between meals. i really am hoping today goes well. i'm not going into it with, "today has to be perfect" but i am also not going into it with the bad attitude i had yesterday. tomorrow is my weigh in, and i have a feeling i'm not going to like what i see. but i can't let my last couple of months (years) of screw ups affect the rest of my life... i dont want to be fat forever.

delanahub

Hi if I may be so bold it sounds like you may suffer from a bit of depression or very low self esteem, which can often be from depression. You need to get out with people who you enjoy, or if you are a true loner, you need to plan your life...sitting around all day, cold or not is not a happy life. Having this walk scheduled for today is awsome, it gives you plans and purpose, you need to do this type of activity everyday, join a club in an activity you like, it doesn't need to be exercise, maybe a book club, or volunteer at the hospital or animal shelter, or with mentally challenged people. You need to find a greater purpose,, and when you do, your life wil be so full you won't need to fill it with food. All the best, and Good luck.

ontrack454

:flowerforyou: IT SOUND LIKE YOUR ON TRACK AGAIN . THIS IS MY THIRD TIME BACK TO THE SITE
IT WORK IF WE KEEP SETTING GOALS . NOTICE I DIDN'T ADD THE PRESSURE STATEMENT >>>>"AND STICK WITH IT". BECAUSE WE HAVE BIT OURSELVES UP BECAUSE DAYS AND CIRCUMSTANCES WE JUST CAN'T. THEN WHEN "THAT DAY" PASSES,....WE PICK OURSELVES AND GET BACK IN THE RACE THAT'S LIFE. :happy: SO HAVE A FRESH NEW AND HAPPY DAY

delpha2

Hi!
I am new here...
I just wanted to comment about "not liking people". I have the same problem. Sometimes I just avoid going out and prefer to get in my pajamas and stay at home reading or doing some work. I wouldn't say that I am totally depressed, but I've been happier.

I was reading the New York Times the other day and found an interesting article about being healthy and living a long life. One of the key indicators of a healthy and long-lived person is having strong social connections (especially with family). Check out this website and do their survey...ohhh, be careful this survey estimates the number of years you could live based on your past and current habits. But it is a bit interesting and there are lots of articles.
first have a look at this article:
http://www.bluezones.com/lessons-in-likability-longevity
but here's the homepage:
http://www.bluezones.com/

Shannon023

Elle,

The ultimate burgers & fries sound like another trip to DQ. Maybe you need to make a vow that you'll only eat homemade stuff. See if you can ban that place for a week...then two weeks.....

Fast food is poison!

Good luck today! :flowerforyou:

sarakenna1

Sister, you need a hobby. I'm intimidated with meeting new people too, but sometimes I just have to knuckle down and get on with it. Usually its all in my head anyway. Get out of the house and do something you enjoy. It may be scary at first, but it will be good for you. Here are some ideas: take a class at the local community college about something you have always wanted to learn about. Learn a new hobby; Knitting and quilting are en vouge with our generation! (Seriously!) Or, join a goofy sports league. I've got friends who do kickball and frisbee golf. They love it. Join a gym and start taking group classes. Kickboxing or spin if you like high impact, or yoga or piliates if you need to chill. Join a book club (you can find local ones on Craigs List or in the paper).

There are lots of options out there. Pick something, anything, that you want. The scarier it is, the more life changing it will be for you! Sitting at home alone and binging on fast food is not going to make you a happier person. It isn't going to make a positive impact on the world or on your life. You can do it!

teshlovely

I think if you drink water before you eat the meals it will help you not eat as much and no driving to fast food restaurants would also help too. Hide the keys! I understand how you feel because I was once introverted myself and I still am at times. Sometimes you need that "me time" cause people can drain you expecially at work. But, having friendship and support is very important and I know you don't like to but I think you have to buckle down and try to meet new people just like yur trying to lose weight. Make it a goal. I agree with Sara about the community college. For me going to college has helped me to be more interactive with other students. You can also do activities by yourself as well like go to the movies, or the museum. Whatever makes you happy. After all of my blabber my point is to incorporate interactions with people one day at a time, like how yur trying to talk to us right now. Thats a start.

peej76

Hey, have you ever tried doing a low impact workout dvd? I used to eat all the time when I was bored too, especially on rainy days. If you like to walk and find the rain keeping you in, try to be doing some excersice inside. Or find a fun hobby that has you keeping your hands busy, it's hard to eat if your busy having fun doing something else, don't know if that'll work or not but it's worth a try, and it helped me tremendously when I quit smoking. Just keep your head up, you'll get there!!!:flowerforyou:

yellow_pepper

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

lunch:
1 large salad with tomatoes, cukes, 3 TBSP homemade vinaigrette
1 avocado
1 big bacon classic
1 large fries with ranch dipping sauce
large diet pop
2 scoops of chocolate chip mint ice cream

supper:
300g steak
2.5 cups rice
mushroom sauce

snack:
ultimate burger
medium fries
medium diet pop
gravy
1/2 small chocolate shake

...

with the best intentions and a depressed mood today, here is my goal:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 banana

snack:
1 yogurt
22 almonds
mini carrots

lunch:
1 large salad with tomatoes, cukes, 2 TBSP homemade vinaigrette
1 avocado
1 cup cooked orzo
1 cup milk

snack:
1 80 calorie natural cheese stick
1 small apple sauce
sliced cukes

supper:
2 cups cooked w/w pasta
1.5 sausages
1 cup of tomato sauce
little pit of parmesan cheese

snack:
1 cup skim milk

I admire your candor, Elle. And I would love to see you succeed! But it looks like you're setting yourself up to fail.

Your "goal" is very far from what you really end up eating. Let's face it: you love meat! Have you ever thought of doing a protein-based reduced-carb diet, rather than the starvation diet of boring "cukes" that you've written up for yourself (no offense, but i couldn't stick to this, and I eat tons of vegetables).

Why don't you try this:

Breakfast:
1 whole egg, and 3 egg whites scrambled
2 turkey sausage links
ketchup and pepper to season

Snack:
1 UNSWEETENED yogurt (like Fage 0%)
cut fresh strawberries (1/2 cup)
slivered almonds (1 TBSP)

Lunch:
Lean hamburger NO BUN
Lettuce and tomato
1 slice of cheese
Pickle
Ketchup and pepper to season
Side salad with Lite Italian dressing - as much green vegetables as you want
Diet pop <-- SAVE IT FOR LAST so you end the meal with something sweet

Snack:
If you like fish, try smoked salmon wrapped around melonballs
If you like turkey, try it wrapped around carrots and celery, dip in lite mayo or mustard
Or go for low-fat cottage cheese with fresh broccoli or cauliflower

Dinner:
You've already had beef at lunch - and it looks like you do that steak thing every night. Why not try a different meal like ...
Chicken breast cooked with olive oil and rosemary
Spinach, cooked in olive oil or with one teaspoon of trans-fat free margarine
For dessert, repeat the morning snack or try this decadent but healthy treat (if you like plums):

Preheat oven or toaster oven to 300
Take 2 plums, cut in half and remove the pit
Place in lightly buttered baking pan or baking dish (use 1 tsp of butter)
Bake until you smell the scent of plum pie in your kitchen!
Optional: sprinkle cardamom on plums before baking.
Optional: add 2 tablespoons of whipped topping

Similar recipes can be found for other fruits. Far fewer calories than pie. :-)

Try something like this and see if it leaves you feeling more satisfied. And less hungry! Just remember that there is no room for french fries or milkshakes in a reduced-carb diet (or any serious weight loss effort for that matter)! There is room for fruit and nuts in very limited quantities.

Helawat

Yellow Pepper made an excellent suggestion. I could not have said it better myself. :flowerforyou: