Starting again - unhelpful comments

nicolacx

Hi All,

Big fan of MFP it always works when i use it - but when I don't use I seem to go a bit mad and put loads on!!

Anyhow over the last year I've put on 3 stone and decided that last week I was going to eat clean and start my weight loss and getting into shape.

Today, a woman who retired 3 years ago came into the office and the first thing she said to me in front of the whole office was "God uve put on a lot of weight"

Not hello - not nice to see you - just that!!!

Has anyone else had such unpleasantness?! I just thought what a rude horrible woman!!

JustSomeEm

I just blogged about things like this. Makes me so mad! Just remember that no one can make you feel bad without your permission.

Next time call them on it. "Nice of you to make such a rude comment, there. Good to see you too!"

Welcome back to MFP, and good luck on your journey. Don't let rude idiots get you down.

Edited because I suck at spelling sometimes.

_HeartsOnFire_

Sorry posted links in wrong place...

I once had my best friends mom do that to me...I drove an hour to see her in the hospital and that's the first words out of her mouth. It was awesome.

DamePiglet

Sorry posted links in wrong place...

I once had my best friends mom do that to me...I drove an hour to see her in the hospital and that's the first words out of her mouth. It was awesome.

This is a nice, helpful post.

sean_d33

Some people use that as motivation...others get depressed and fall off the wagon. Which is it for you?

hill8570

Some folks just don't have much of a filter between their brain and their mouth.

I've had the opposite happen a few times since I've lost weight -- one coworker said I "looked like I had cancer", and another friend asked me if I'd been sick (at least that was somewhat polite). Sheesh...I'm still solidly in the overweight category, too. Just let it flow through you and move on...

rachelg145

Wow, that's super crappy. I agree that you should call them out next time - Then you keep the power and don't let them take home the satisfaction that a bully gets from making people feel bad. And remember, you can lose weight - but an a-hole is an a-hole for life

MissDeeDee78

Happens to me all the time when I go to visit family in the Caribbean. There's no, "it's good to see you, long time no see". It's usually "Wow, look how fat you are or if you lose 10 lbs you'll look great or my fav, where are you going with all that weight". This my family who are making those comments, kinda hard to ignore. If I were you, I'd just ignore her.

Good luck on your journey

Calliope610

I just blogged about things like this. Makes me so mad! Just remember that no one can make you feel bad without your permission.

Next time call them on it. "Nice of you to make such a rude comment, there. Good to see you too!"

Welcome back to MFP, and good luck on your journey. Don't let rude idiots get you down.

Edited because I suck at spelling sometimes.

I wouldn't even acknowledge the rude comment - that just lets them know it got to you. "well, bless your little heart, it's good to see you too" works wonders.

jcc4

Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.


1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!

2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!

Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?

ahamm002

Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.


1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!

2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!

Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?

What century are you from? Obviously telling someone they've gained a lot of weight is an insult. Whereas telling someone they've lost weight is a compliment.

SezxyStef

Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.


1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!

2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!

Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?

What century are you from? Obviously telling someone they've gained a lot of weight is an insult. Whereas telling someone they've lost weight is a compliment.

I was actually thinking the same thing...if the opposite was said it wouldn't be an issue...

To the OP you have gained weight...did she need to point it out....nope but she did...was she trying to be rude..probably not but she hasn't seen you in a while and shock obviously overcame her filter...

It happens...

NaturallyandProperly

Yup, a co-worker, that had retired, saw me in a store and said, "is that a little baby bump I see there?" F NO! LOL I laughed and she blushed.. then I went to the gym. LOL haha, whatever, people are people and there is nothing you can do but feel good about yourself and take care of you.

Cheri0830

Don't let others get to you, because of their stupidity, I like a seminar I went to once, people can't make you mad you have to allow your self to be mad. The other part of this is the Plane leaves at 10:05 so if you miss it you can't get mad because you knew what time it leaves, you had to allow yourself to be mad.

With that said I always try to remember that when someone does something I don't care for I think the plane leaves at 10:05.

Maybe it's silly but if it helps.

Remember your doing good for yourself not others.

Cheri

SillyTree

My Aunt Shirl posted this just today.

Throw a plate on the ground.
- Okay done.
Did it break?
- Yes.
Now say sorry to it.
- Sorry.
Did it go back to the way it was before?
- No.
Do you understand?


I thought that was relevant.

nonacgp

I feel your pain because this HAS happened to me. A family member (through marriage) insulted me like this in front of my kids. One of my adult sons replied, "You can always lose weight but you can't fix ugly." My advice is ignore the ignorant and stay on track. You can do it!!!!

princessmommy122

Been there. My mother in law once saw me after sometime and said, and I quote, "Wow, you got huge". Don't let it get you down. Some people have no filter.

jcc4

Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.


1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!

2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!

Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?

What century are you from? Obviously telling someone they've gained a lot of weight is an insult. Whereas telling someone they've lost weight is a compliment.

Why?

There is only a one word difference between the two sentences. I've yo-yo'd up and down for years and when I go back to see my family that I haven't seen in a while I fully expect them to say whether I have gained or lost (if it is that noticable). They are just speaking facts, how I interpret that and how their words make me feel speaks to my self image. Unless, they are purposefully being rude. I know that I've gained weight, so why is it so rude for someone mention it. Just like I know when I've lost weight, but it is nice for someone to mention that? Should it matter how close a friend the person is? Do we give those close to us a benefit of a doubt since we like to believe they have our best interest at heart?

Like I said, context matters...What if you have been sick or are coming off chemo and trying to gain weight? What if you are trying to bulk up for a BB comp?

My youngest son, 4 years old, recently started to talk about "Daddy's big belly" (yes, thank you Nick Jr and Peppa Pig). Is he being rude? spiteful? No, he's just calling it like it is and how it could make me feel is beyond his comprehension. You know what I say to him? Yes, Daddy does have a big belly and he's trying to get healthier.

I'll give you that a grown adult should know how their words will be interpreted, but is it about the words, or how the words bring to light how we feel about ourselves?

janinelambiase

The good thing is, weight you can fix, stupidity not. That would be my answer lol

bwogilvie

One of my aunts, who sees me only at Christmas, used to comment that I had put on weight since the last year. I just smiled, nodded, and bit my tongue so I wouldn't reply, "So have you!"

Last Christmas, after I had lost 45 lb., she kept her mouth shut.

FatFreeFrolicking

I went from this:



To this (in less than 3 years because of medications and medical conditions):



Needless to say, I get a lot of unpleasant comments about my weight gain.

RachyLovesRattys

My SO's mother announced at his birthday dinner, in front of his family, that we had both gained a bunch of weight since being together.

She actually used the words "You guys got so fat! I read a study about how couples get chubby together...must be true!"

O_O after she announced moments before how red my skin was (from starting a new acne medication), which was preceded a few weeks earlier by "you shouldn't wear so much makeup" (so i didn't wear it to please her)

I refused to be around her for the entire time I was exercising and losing weight...for my own sanity. It didn't help that after the comment, I initially gained 10 more pounds to spite her and her opinion (my SO says i'm beautiful no matter what and he LOVED my big booty lol--so those comments don't run in the family)

15 lbs off, I go to a family BBQ and get tons of compliments from her and the family on my weight loss...I don't really want to talk about my weight, but admittedly it felt good.

So, another 6 or so months go by, about 30 pounds lighter from my start at this point, and well within a healthy range (the lowest I can healthfully go is 98 pounds, the highest is about 128--I'm currently about 113) she sees me at the pharmacy, picking up prescriptions for the horrible virus i had at the time.

First words- "You're too skinny now! you need to stop! You look sick!" to which I responded "I am sick, and I haven't eaten in like 2 days because of it"

"No, but you lost too much weight. You need to gain some back now!"

FACE PALM!!! Both comments are JUST as hurtful- being too skinny or being too heavy. Plus, I feel the skinny comments can occasionally make people feel like "whoa, so you thought I was fat the whole time?"

My doctor saw me the other day and said my recent weight loss looks great on me. She also can see my charts. THAT is the only person I really want to hear a comment like that from- my PHYSICIAN!

crystalwelshroberts

Ouch, that hurts! I know. Take pride in the fact that you had already committed emotionally to taking care of you! She must have a bit of pain in her life to throw around careless comments like that so flippantly... You can use her misdirected pain to help fuel your weight loss! You might consider a note to her after you reach goal. She could probably use some compassion - (if she can even appreciate it when she sees it

Enjoy the ride! Weight loss feels great when you are on the right track, eating clean. And you deserve to feel great!

ChristineMiller2

Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.


1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!

2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!

Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?

Actually, they are interpreted the same by me. Since I've lost weight I get what I consider rude comments all the time, for example: "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight, eat a cheeseburger!" or "Geez are you anorexic!" I think both are rude and uncalled for. I have no idea why society thinks they have a right to comment on someones weight. They need to keep their opinions to themselves.

ChristineMiller2

I went from this:



To this (in less than 3 years because of medications and medical conditions):



Needless to say, I get a lot of unpleasant comments about my weight gain.

Thats awful people say crap to you. I love yours shoes btw!!!

ChristineMiller2

Hi All,

Big fan of MFP it always works when i use it - but when I don't use I seem to go a bit mad and put loads on!!

Anyhow over the last year I've put on 3 stone and decided that last week I was going to eat clean and start my weight loss and getting into shape.

Today, a woman who retired 3 years ago came into the office and the first thing she said to me in front of the whole office was "God uve put on a lot of weight"

Not hello - not nice to see you - just that!!!

Has anyone else had such unpleasantness?! I just thought what a rude horrible woman!!

I get unpleasant comments a lot...far too often but from the other end, but its still rude and uncalled for. She sounds like a very unhappy person and I'm sorry you had to experience that. I've let peoples comments about my weight loss sabatoge me, I totally quit working out for nearly a year and put on weight and hate myself for letting others sabatoge me. Don't let this hateful person sabatoge you!! Keep doing your thing, focus and stay positive! I realize its much easier said than done.

crystalwelshroberts

There is just no pleasing some people... You may as well just please yourself !!

leaaa92

Some people are just so rude and have absolutely no filter for what comes out of their mouths! One time I was hanging with an old friend, and she poked my belly and said, "You jiggle like Jell-o." It was random and I'm not sure if she meant to be offending, but it hurt.

So anyway, my advice is to stick it out, although hearing crap like that sucks, use it as motivation and a fan to your fitness fire! The most recent time I saw that same friend, she said "OMG you're so skinny now!" (I'm really not, but my weight loss was noticeable). And i admittedly felt a bit smug, hehe. So knock 'em dead!

Squeakycats

I have to agree with jcc4--"you've lost weight" is not something it necessarily makes everyone happy to hear, even if it's intended as a compliment. I became much thinner while going through radiation therapy for cancer--while my weight was still higher than the "ideal" range, people of course noticed. Every "Wow, you've lost a ton of weight--you look great!" was a reminder of how sick I was, AND of how bad I'd apparently looked to them before. I started responding, "Yes, the cancer diet is only one I've ever been on that really works!" I suppose that was sort of mean, but hey, being very sick and still needing to go to work can make a person grouchy.

I don't see why it's necessary to comment on people's weight, given that it's a sensitive subject for so many--why not just say, "Wow, you look great today!" I've found that if the person wants to talk about losing weight, he/she will respond with, "Thanks! I've lost X lbs.!" and then you can have a conversation about it. (Of course, if the person has previously told you he/she is trying to change weight, comments might welcome.)

As for people who are deliberately being cruel, don't let them have the satisfaction of upsetting you!

ChristineMiller2

Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.


1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!

2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!

Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?

What century are you from? Obviously telling someone they've gained a lot of weight is an insult. Whereas telling someone they've lost weight is a compliment.

not always so

annekejohnson

How bout just WOW, you look great???