Time to vent a bit about the ball and chain

TamTastic

There are SO many double standards in my marriage! My husband is constantly complaining about money and wanting to budget and save save save and yet when football season is approaching, he suddenly says "Oh, we're doing better........I want to go to FedEX Field and watch the Redskins play this coming season". Now, tickets are not cheap AND the driving/gas to Maryland from CT isn't cheap......but he keeps talking and talking about it. We are already spending to fly out West in July to Oregon and California to see my family and his dad. For some reason he thinks he is entitled to do this every year because as he says it, he's "passionate".

This happened last summer too. All year he wanted to save save save and then in August he "managed" to be able to go to Memphis for Elvis week! (He is an Elvis dork). He wanted to be there for the 30th anniversary of his death and I was there with him celebrating MY birthday so he could fulfill that dream.

But, when I want to spend on anything, I get attitude.

Ok, what to do, what to do!!

Thanks for letting me vent all!
Tami

TamTastic

There are SO many double standards in my marriage! My husband is constantly complaining about money and wanting to budget and save save save and yet when football season is approaching, he suddenly says "Oh, we're doing better........I want to go to FedEX Field and watch the Redskins play this coming season". Now, tickets are not cheap AND the driving/gas to Maryland from CT isn't cheap......but he keeps talking and talking about it. We are already spending to fly out West in July to Oregon and California to see my family and his dad. For some reason he thinks he is entitled to do this every year because as he says it, he's "passionate".

This happened last summer too. All year he wanted to save save save and then in August he "managed" to be able to go to Memphis for Elvis week! (He is an Elvis dork). He wanted to be there for the 30th anniversary of his death and I was there with him celebrating MY birthday so he could fulfill that dream.

But, when I want to spend on anything, I get attitude.

Ok, what to do, what to do!!

Thanks for letting me vent all!
Tami

zenmama

I hear that! Heeellloooo!

:explode:

zen

ali106

LOL oh man do I feel you!!

I'm the saver he's the spender! lol....he thinks if there is money in the bank than its all good to use it which make me insane!!! I'm all about doing fun things too..maybe not all at once lol.... but yes I feel your pain girl! lol

hugs and thinking of ya and sending good calming vibes your way girl!
Ali:flowerforyou:

cinandchris

I love football, so I understand his passion about that. The Elvis thing?? lol Maybe you could do a compromise that whatever his estimated tickets and gas equal out to, you get to take the exact same amount of money to do something that you love. Maybe new clothes or a weekend with the girls or something.

ali106

YES weekend w/ the girls Tam!! come on up to Boston LOL.....he he he

sgtinvincible

Maybe I could understand it better if he liked a decent team. The 'Redskins'? They are almost as bad as the 'Patriots' Cmon!?!! :laugh: *hides from all you rabid New Englanders*

Cin seems to have a plan I would advocate. If he gets to spend, then you get the same in kind. Or he gets to do something, then you get to choose the next time. Yay compromise. Course, I'm the last person who can give relationship advice, but those are terms I would agree to. Course, I always enjoyed watching my signifigant get to do stuff she always wanted to do. It makes me feel good knowing I helped someone I love achieve a dream, so I might be a little biased. I dunno. *shrug*

ali106

'Patriots' Cmon!?!! *hides from all you rabid New Englanders*

Do not make me come down there boy!!!:noway: lol....we can't all be the michigan beating blah blahs LOL

:flowerforyou: truce!

sgtinvincible

'Patriots' Cmon!?!! *hides from all you rabid New Englanders*

Do not make me come down there boy!!!:noway: lol....we can't all be the michigan beating blah blahs LOL

:flowerforyou: truce!

I heard you guys were in the Superbowl....how did that turn out by the way? *I am SO gonna get it for that* :noway:

ali106

O-M-G! YOU WENT THERE!:devil:

:noway: truce off!!!!


lol

yoginimary

Back to the original vent - she already has a vent against football, come on guys

Husband and I started a budget this year. We each get a certain "allowance" each week. We can "earn" more money by doing challenges. He wants a high-def TV, I like books on cd. So for each weekly challenge, we "earn" so much money. He earns $35 a week if he gets all his squares ($25 if he misses one square, $0 if he misses more than one), he can save these up and get his TV by the end of the year or spend them on whatever he likes. I get $15 per week, as my challenge is easier. By the way, 90% of our income comes from my husband.

Now you may not be able to talk your spouse into doing a challenge (and it doesn't have to be diet and exercise, his includes taking the bus to work and mediation) - but you could say, we have X amount to spend on trips this year. You can go to the Redskins game or Elvis week, but not both, unless you find some way to get extra money. We plan all our trips and major purchases out each year.

Just a thought.

chriss1tt

'Patriots' Cmon!?!! *hides from all you rabid New Englanders*

Do not make me come down there boy!!!:noway: lol....we can't all be the michigan beating blah blahs LOL

:flowerforyou: truce!

:noway: Picking on Michigan now???????????????? Well, Sarge didn't pick on my Lions in that post.

greysweatshirt

Being from Detroit, I have to say that the Lions are the only horrible team we have!! haha..the Pistons, Tigers and Red Wings are all doing great this year!

Healthier_Me

I think he wants to save save for his game game..... hmmmmmm... LIGHT BULB!

Mention that to him Tiramisu.... you guys have to sit down and say, "Ok, you can go do your Elvis/Football thing if I can do __________".

~Joanna:flowerforyou:

chriss1tt

Being from Detroit, I have to say that the Lions are the only horrible team we have!! haha..the Pistons, Tigers and Red Wings are all doing great this year!

How true. Hope it changes this year.:drinker:

sgtinvincible

Back to the original vent - she already has a vent against football, come on guys

Husband and I started a budget this year. We each get a certain "allowance" each week. We can "earn" more money by doing challenges. He wants a high-def TV, I like books on cd. So for each weekly challenge, we "earn" so much money. He earns $35 a week if he gets all his squares ($25 if he misses one square, $0 if he misses more than one), he can save these up and get his TV by the end of the year or spend them on whatever he likes. I get $15 per week, as my challenge is easier. By the way, 90% of our income comes from my husband.

Now you may not be able to talk your spouse into doing a challenge (and it doesn't have to be diet and exercise, his includes taking the bus to work and mediation) - but you could say, we have X amount to spend on trips this year. You can go to the Redskins game or Elvis week, but not both, unless you find some way to get extra money. We plan all our trips and major purchases out each year.

Just a thought.

Sorry. :frown:

TamTastic

You guys are too funny! I posted and then ran to the gym and now I am back and laughing! You guys are great!

I would think he would be ok with me spending on myself considering the amount he has spent on himself but it seems when I want to buy even the slightest thing he has an attitude. Unfortunately I haven't been working (stay at home mom right now) and I think he feels he has the say in how our money is spent because of that. I don't know.

It's not that I don't think he deserves to do fun things but I don't like being told that our budget is too tight and yet suddenly is better when he wants something.

Anyway, I like things like books, clothes, spa trips! hehe...Sooo, perhaps the same amount he spends on his tickets and trip down to Maryland, I get that same amount to spend at a spa!! hahahaha!!

greysweatshirt

:laugh: Yes, I'm thinking that season football tickets could buy a lot of massages!!

sgtinvincible

:laugh: Yes, I'm thinking that season football tickets could buy a lot of massages!!

True that Grey. :laugh:

cmriverside

Husband and I started a budget this year. We each get a certain "allowance" each week. We can "earn" more money by doing challenges. He wants a high-def TV, I like books on cd. So for each weekly challenge, we "earn" so much money. He earns $35 a week if he gets all his squares ($25 if he misses one square, $0 if he misses more than one), he can save these up and get his TV by the end of the year or spend them on whatever he likes. I get $15 per week, as my challenge is easier. By the way, 90% of our income comes from my husband.

Mary: I only quoted part of your post here.

Since all relationships suffer with money management in one way or another, I have to say your solution is AWESOME! ( sorry Sarge.)

sgtinvincible

Husband and I started a budget this year. We each get a certain "allowance" each week. We can "earn" more money by doing challenges. He wants a high-def TV, I like books on cd. So for each weekly challenge, we "earn" so much money. He earns $35 a week if he gets all his squares ($25 if he misses one square, $0 if he misses more than one), he can save these up and get his TV by the end of the year or spend them on whatever he likes. I get $15 per week, as my challenge is easier. By the way, 90% of our income comes from my husband.

Mary: I only quoted part of your post here.

Since all relationships suffer with money management in one way or another, I have to say your solution is AWESOME! ( sorry Sarge.)

:bigsmile:

kimber607

Hi

You're a SAHM, right?
I wonder if DEEEEEEEEP down if feels since he is working FT, he is entitled to a bit more?

DH doesn't get AT ALL the $ I spend on make-up, hair care, etc etc
So, we also set up a budget with NO questions asked
I can spend my alloted money on whatever the heck I want, w/ out hearing his mouth and vice versa

IF you have the money, I can understand DH wanted to get season tickets for football
BUT I would be royally tiffed if he did that, THEN complained to me about $ I spent (especially if it was significantly less)

I would talk to him..good luck and let us know how it pans out
Kim

icandoit

I am a stay at home mom too. It is the same around here. I just let him do it. It works a very high stress job and is providing for me and our two kids. I ask for very little. I do have a little side job-Personal Assistant to a x nun. I keep $150 out of each check for me. The rest goes with his check. We go through times when there is no spending so he can go on him Harley trips. That is a vacation for me too. He is gone-the bed is mine, the remote is mine, mom comes over and we go out. I think he has the right to be picky.
Now when I go back to work and bring in a reg income, it is not the same. Budget is still there, but not so much stress, and I shop a bit more.

TamTastic

I am a stay at home mom too. It is the same around here. I just let him do it. It works a very high stress job and is providing for me and our two kids. I ask for very little. I do have a little side job-Personal Assistant to a x nun. I keep $150 out of each check for me. The rest goes with his check. We go through times when there is no spending so he can go on him Harley trips. That is a vacation for me too. He is gone-the bed is mine, the remote is mine, mom comes over and we go out. I think he has the right to be picky.
Now when I go back to work and bring in a reg income, it is not the same. Budget is still there, but not so much stress, and I shop a bit more.

I totally agree with him doing something fun and special since he is the one working right now and his commute is tough too. It's not about not being ok with him doing things. I just don't like it being a different story for me. And the thing is, he gets an attitude if I want to buy the smallest thing. Right now I am really needing clothes because I have lost so much weight. Most of my clothes are hanging on me like a tent...but I am trying to avoid buying much because I plan to keep losing...so it's a weird place to be. But even buying a pair of jeans seems to be an issue for him. I don't know.

Part of it is also because we had already said we needed to do some renovations to our condo so we can sell it before too long. I just don't see how spending a lot of money on football tickets and the trip down there is a great idea when we need to do so much around here. The only thing I am excited for this year is our trip out West so I can see my family in Oregon and he get's to see his dad in California. I figured that was our big thing this year and we should focus on renovating so we can buy a house.

songbyrdsweet

Wow, all these relationship threads lately are really making me never want to get married.

Back when I wanted to marry my bf (lol), we discussed finances. Since we've lived together for about 2 1/2 years now, we've had to deal with it somewhat already. We both have jobs and our own money, but he works a lot more than I do because of school. He pays rent (it's really his apt with a roommate) and I buy most of the groceries unless he wants something specific, but sometimes we go halfsies. We have our own hobbies that we pay for with our own money.

In the future, if we were to buy a house together we decided we'd go halfsies on that too. We'd have a joint account for rent/bills/food, and our own accounts for our own needs. We'd each put an equal % of our paychecks into the joint account and the rest would could into our own accounts.

It's definitely different if you're a SAHM...my stepmom is, but it seems like she gives my dad allowance sometimes lol. She pays the bills and buys the food and does all the shopping for everything, but it's my dad's $$. Then she gives him lunch money and he said thanks, which I think is pretty funny. To my knowledge, he doesn't really give her much of a hard time. Neither of them are big spenders though and they both plan the budget. Maybe if you planned the budget and did the shopping with him, you guys would both have a better understanding of the finances.

Of course my advice means very little because I've never been married, but hey I thought I'd chime in hehe:laugh:

icandoit

I am a stay at home mom too. It is the same around here. I just let him do it. It works a very high stress job and is providing for me and our two kids. I ask for very little. I do have a little side job-Personal Assistant to a x nun. I keep $150 out of each check for me. The rest goes with his check. We go through times when there is no spending so he can go on him Harley trips. That is a vacation for me too. He is gone-the bed is mine, the remote is mine, mom comes over and we go out. I think he has the right to be picky.
Now when I go back to work and bring in a reg income, it is not the same. Budget is still there, but not so much stress, and I shop a bit more.

I totally agree with him doing something fun and special since he is the one working right now and his commute is tough too. It's not about not being ok with him doing things. I just don't like it being a different story for me. And the thing is, he gets an attitude if I want to buy the smallest thing. Right now I am really needing clothes because I have lost so much weight. Most of my clothes are hanging on me like a tent...but I am trying to avoid buying much because I plan to keep losing...so it's a weird place to be. But even buying a pair of jeans seems to be an issue for him. I don't know.

Part of it is also because we had already said we needed to do some renovations to our condo so we can sell it before too long. I just don't see how spending a lot of money on football tickets and the trip down there is a great idea when we need to do so much around here. The only thing I am excited for this year is our trip out West so I can see my family in Oregon and he get's to see his dad in California. I figured that was our big thing this year and we should focus on renovating so we can buy a house.

When you go to the grocery store, make the check for $20 over. Same if you run to Trader Joes for your Sushi, make it a bit more.

foxfire9372

Doing the SAHM thing too. I just recently started teaching and riding a little. Still our play money. I luck out. I have the husband that doesn't want anything. I am the one who goes, honey its time for new socks, whatever. But, when he is a little too stressed out from work and only once has he gone to the I work, how hard is your life bit. I presented him with a monthly bill for my time and services. It is amazing how quickly cleaning, driving, cooking, laundry, psychiatry and yeah, I put in a service charge for that too. Last time I heard anything about how easy my life was!! Do the same. I stay at home because I can't justify daycare, car payment, insurance, wardrobe, food, gas etc for the amount I would bring home after and I want my kids. We also do budget meetings once a month to see where we are, what we want to do and where we want to go.

plantlady99

Maybe I could understand it better if he liked a decent team. The 'Redskins'? They are almost as bad as the 'Patriots' Cmon!?!! :laugh: *hides from all you rabid New Englanders*

Cin seems to have a plan I would advocate. If he gets to spend, then you get the same in kind. Or he gets to do something, then you get to choose the next time. Yay compromise. Course, I'm the last person who can give relationship advice, but those are terms I would agree to. Course, I always enjoyed watching my signifigant get to do stuff she always wanted to do. It makes me feel good knowing I helped someone I love achieve a dream, so I might be a little biased. I dunno. *shrug*

I love my pats

mkeithley

Doing the SAHM thing too. I just recently started teaching and riding a little. Still our play money. I luck out. I have the husband that doesn't want anything. I am the one who goes, honey its time for new socks, whatever. But, when he is a little too stressed out from work and only once has he gone to the I work, how hard is your life bit. I presented him with a monthly bill for my time and services. It is amazing how quickly cleaning, driving, cooking, laundry, psychiatry and yeah, I put in a service charge for that too. Last time I heard anything about how easy my life was!! Do the same. I stay at home because I can't justify daycare, car payment, insurance, wardrobe, food, gas etc for the amount I would bring home after and I want my kids. We also do budget meetings once a month to see where we are, what we want to do and where we want to go.

I think this is the best idea!!! Men with stay at home wives have NO idea how much they do. GO thru your whole day from sun up until you hit the pillow of everything you do, calculate the time and money it would caost to have someone do those things and give it to him. I'm sorry, I don't believe just because someone brings home a paycheck that they get to have the final say in making the financial decisisons. Mine was a stay at home dad and worked part time for awhile and I brought home the majority of the income, we both checked in with each other before making purchases out of consideration and respect. When he took a full time job I missed him not doing the laundry and the shopping and all of that. I still miss it:sad: :laugh:
He sometimes will get on to me for overspending, not enough to cause an arguement. I figure we both work hard and we are both entitled to spend. Onnce Oprah had a guest on and the gist of the show was "You can't take it with you".:bigsmile: