goal setting and body types

rayfromtx

I have been wondering about the goals that different people set and why. I grew up quite skinny and at high school graduation I was 6'4" and 165 lbs. Nearing 50, I had shrunk in height by over an inch and had swelled around the middle to 235 lbs. I set my goal at 185 and later dropped it to 180 lbs. I get lots of comments about how if I lose that much, I'll blow away or look wormy, or look sick, etc.

I wonder why I'm not setting my goal at what I weighed in high school.

My wife is 5'0" and got up to 180. She was at 170 with exercise when she joined me in using myfitnesspal. She set her goal weight at 150. She changed it later to 135. She was a gymnast and a gymnastics coach when we met. My thoughts are that she would be healthy at 115 but I don't share that thought with her. She says her body type won't let her go below 135. I wonder why she thinks that.

My boss topped out at 330 lbs and is now just over 300 at 5'11" tall. His goal is 250 lbs. He says with his body type he would be sick at less than that. His is the wormy comment about my own goal. Why do people that are very overweight often set their goals at a level that is still overweight or obese and believe that it is unhealthy to go below that level?

I was really concerned about my weight when it was 15 lbs less than his goal weight. He has a difficult time getting around and his joints are failing. He is 62 years old and has the genetics to live a long time. I worry that it will be a difficult 20-30 years if he doesn't get the 100+ lbs off. His wife will bear a heck of a burden.

Am I being cynical, judgmental, or is this a valid question? I have learned that letting people do their own thing is best, but it is a thought provoking question for me. Is body type as big a factor in setting goals as it is made out to be or are we just setting goals that are high to avoid failure?

catcrazy

Its probably because setting a lower goal just seems so daunting. When you have a lot of weight to lose its better to break it into mini goals. They may be totally deluding themselves and believe that the heavier weight is their "ideal" but my guess is that the thought of losing all the extra weight they have seems unachievable so settle for a higher weight. There is a very good chance that if they do get close to their own set goal weight that they will then set it lower. At the end of the day any weight off is good. I have listed all the weight I want to eventually lose but in my head i'm working in lbs, not stones as I just don't think I could cope with the massive number. Its scary!

DeeDeeLHF

Hi Ray, I struggle with this as well, setting a goal for myself. I am 5 ft, 1 and 1/2 inch. I am 46 years old and the mother of 5. I currently weigh 123-125 and my goal is 122. My first goal was 115, then it was 120 and now 122 but I am wondering if I should go back to 115. In my 20's I fluctuated between 112-122 (my wedding day was 122 and with breastfeeding went down to as low as 102!)

My husband says to stop now. My mother says to stop now. People at church ask me if I am feeling OK, do I have cancer or something. YIKES! So, I can't help but wonder if losing that extra 5-7 pounds just so that I can weigh what I did 20 years ago will make me look even more sick...

My sister is an inch shorter than me and her goal is 125-130. She does have a completely different body build than me and really does look good at 130-135!

So, yes, I think body build does make a difference but it can be used as an excuse. I don't want to use it as an excuse but I don't want to be too thin either.

Congratulations on your weight loss and the decisions you and your wife have made to be healthier. Your wife may surprise you and look amazing at 135. Our bodies change as we get older.

BTW...if your wife is on MFP she probably knows by now how you feel about her weighing 115. Get the couch ready!:laugh:

D

JenUB

Well, I think most of us have heard the experts say that we SHOULD weigh slightly more as we get older. This opinion is perhaps proven by the fact that it is that much harder to lose weight as we age. Our metabolism natural slows. Isn't that Mother Nature's way of telling us something? I exercise much more and eat less than I did in my early twenties; however, I weight about 20 pounds more, and I can't seem to take it off. I could get down to my high school weight if I really tried; however, I would have to so drastically cut my calories that I would be sacrificing a healthy weight, just to see the number I want. We need to remember this IS about being healthy. Then again....maybe I'm just making excuses for myself.

AllergicToExercise

Sometimes it's hard to set a goal if you've never seen yourself at an 'ideal' weight. Even if you're within the normal weight range, the range is pretty big isn't it? And if you've never been lower, then who knows how much further they can go until their body says enough is enough, or when people start to comment that you look fine as you are and shouldn't lose any more weight?! Do you listen, or do you stubbornly carry on until you get to that 'magic' number? And if you can't get to it are you forever frustrated despite having achieved so much already?

It's okay to have a number in mind, but if you get to a number that's above that and feel good, are healthy and are happy with how you look then that's all that matters surely? What difference would an extra 5lbs on the scales make to you then and who would actually notice that 5lbs other than you?

I also don't think it's just about weight, it's about body fat %. Someone of the same weight and height but with less body fat can look considerably smaller.

DeeDeeLHF

I also don't think it's just about weight, it's about body fat %. Someone of the same weight and height but with less body fat can look considerably smaller.

I agree with this! To be honest, I think I have more muscle now than I did in my 20's. But then again, maybe I am also making excuses.:laugh: Jen you are right about the weight. In nursing we learned that it is actually healthy for mature woman to have an extra 10 pounds or so, in case they become ill. The body has that available energy to fight disease (cancer). Heavier women have a greater survival rate than very thin women.

D

ChubbieTubbie

I don't know...I don't think I'd consider 200+ a good goal weight for any body type except maybe someone in a body builder position or something, but I do get the whole 'looking good above the suggest weight' thing. When I was 160, I looked like I was in the 130s-140s because of the way I carry my weight. I'm currently aiming for the 150s, starting in the 270s, and I'll probably go lower than that once I reach my goal weight, but it'll probably depend on how I look and feel when that time comes.

khk2010

I think this is a really interesting topic. I set my own goal on the high side. I gauged it on getting to the top of my healthy bmi and to a weight I had found easy to maintain as an adult (before I gained 65 pounds). I would like to weigh less but the amount of pounds to lose to get to a lower weight goal is daunting. It just looks overwhelming. I thought if I set it lower I might lose hope and not stay with the program. All along I have set that goal with the intention of looking at re-setting it to around 15 pounds less once I get to my first goal. So we'll see.

My husband has lost around 15 pounds. I look at him and see that there is plenty more for him to lose! But he is happy where he is. He says that if he loses any more weight he wouldn't be comfortable. I disagree but will keep that to myself!

gogospice

I think body type has something to do with your goals. As a highschool student who was extremley fit I weighed 175. It says that for my BMI I should be between 128-174. I can tell you right now, that unless I starve myself, thats never going to happen! My target weight is 185-190. I don't think that is unrealistic for me. I have an big frame, big bones, and unless I can find a way to compact my skeleton, I don't think I'd look healthy! Can you imagine someone who is 5'10.5" weighing 128 lbs? That isn't even realistic! So yes.. I believe that you should set your goals for your body type.

jimmydeanbakker

Um ... I think most of them want to start off with realistic goals; and in their minds, 20 pounds seem more likely than 50 pounds. I don't think a lot of dieters can imagine themselves being a hundred pounds lighter. It's just hard to imagine. Once they've started to lose the weight and reach their goals, they might make some changes to lose more. I think getting past the first hump is the hardest, especially when a lot of dieters want a McDonald's breakfast every morning. Oh yeah, the majority of obese people know the big person in the mirror. They know what that person looks like, and that body type has become the norm. They know themselves as that big person; and when they drop the weight, they have to take time to know the new person they see in the mirror. Some people have a hard time letting go.

rayfromtx

I guess we sometimes want to find ways of tricking ourselves into doing what we already know we have to do. I set the goal at what I think is the best possible outcome, not what I think I can accomplish. I think the absolute best weight for my body is 180 lbs. I have been all the way from 136(after a long hospital stay recovering from burns) to 235 as an adult.

I don't think about if I can accomplish it. I know I can. My motivation comes from seeing the progress as a result of the effort. It doesn't have to be now or even show on the scale this week. Sometimes the scale says the same but I have to drill a new hole in my belt. If I keep after it and I'm honest about the calories and the exercise, the fat is going to lose this fight. It's stubborn but I'm more stubborn.

When it comes to setting the goal, I say dream to be the best you can imagine and when it comes to judging your performance use the metric of are you further along than awhile back. Don't limit the size of your dream.

In my life I have given up smoking, drugs, alcohol, rude behavior and now, overeating. I'll work on the modesty thing later.

cutmd

I like this post. At 5'0 and a former gymnast, you are probably right that your wife would look fine at 115, certainly 135 is overweight for her height.

I am 5'3 120lbs and shooting for 115-118 for the first time in my adult life (well ok so i was 118 a few weeks ago :embarassed: ). For the longest time I was high 120s/low30s, and on my wedding day I weighed 133 with muscle and felt I couldnt be smaller. I never would have believe id be below 120 one day with a hugely different percent body fat and still wanting to lose. It's all about our frame of mind, I guess...

CroakerNorge

"I wonder why I'm not setting my goal at what I weighed in high school."

Just a thought, because you're not in high school anymore?

Also, I don't compare myself to anyone else. It's counterproductive.

Me, I'm a "big" girl, tall, broad shoulders. If I go below 140, I start looking... sick? unhealthy? weird? not good?
When I picked my goal weight, I went for the middle of the healthy range for my age/height/sex.
I am slightly below my original goal, but not by much, and I'm happy.

If the focus becomes all about the number on the scale, a person can easily spin themselves out and lose focus, in my opinion.

Google the article "Why the scale lies". For me, it's all about feeling good, being in the healthy range, looking good.

bikegeorge

Very interesting subject. There are three different body types. Ectomorphs (small boned), Endomorphs (big boned), and Mesomorphs (broad and muscular). If you look at body mass indicators, there is a range for all three. In my case at 6'1" it ranges between 165 and 189.5. If I weighed in at the bottom of the scale I would look like I was starving. I am striving ultimately for anything between 189 and 195. I began MFP at 230 lbs and now down to 219. I have the numbers going in the right direction. I love the extensive food database, and the great support from the few people who have become friends. Group dynamics work.
Good luck.

dansu2000

Interesting topic and great dialogue. Guess we'll all have to agree to disagree. This is why I love this site.

garedds

I find this topix interesting as well. I have a range of 114-144 for a healthy weight. Yet, I can't imagine weighing that. I am naturally very muscular and big framed. When I was at 175 pounds I was a size 29 jeans. Yet that is still 30 pounds over my highest ideal weight. I weighed 140 pounds when I was 13, and wore a size 8 ladies ( I also had a 32 DD chest by then), so I think how weight is carried is a big factor. Right now my goal is to get to 175 and see how I am when I get there. If I and my doctor are good with me losing more than I will. I think each of us set our goals in what works for us. If I thought "hmmm...I will set my goal for 114 pounds" I would laugh and give up every morning. Each of us work what works for our brains. For me it was 10-15 pounds by Oct 31, and another 15-20 by Christmas. Such numbers I can manage as I know I've already lost 24.

Cytherea

I think sure, for some people it might be fear of failure or change, but not all.

For me, a healthy bmi range is 110-140. I can't imagine being 110 and I don't want to be. I like my curves and I want to have that hourglass figure that I know is hiding under there (which has recently started to emerge again!). So my goal is 145-150ish. Which may put me slightly, technically, "overweight" but I really don't care. I've read a lot that says being slightly overweight is healthier anyways. Plus, with my always larger-than-average bust I don't think they'll let me get much smaller and I don't want to have back problems (is this me deluding myself? No- I went down multiple band sizes and up a cup size- I've lost weight from every part of my body but there and I'm over half-way to my goal. A friend of mine had the same thing happen- some people just don't lose, or don't lose much from there).

If your wife is comfortable at 135 that's ok- and who knows, she may change her mind. Now as for your boss, maybe his goal is a little bit short of healthy but he may change his mind too. Both of them are trying and working towards losing weight and that's the most important thing. Doing it at all is better than staying at the MORE unhealthy weight that they are now. So even if they are still "unhealthy" they will be way LESS unhealthy than they are now.

If you don't want them to criticize you for your goals, don't criticize them, either. Maybe once they get to that first goal weight you might want to broach the subject if you ARE still concerned for their health, but really, that's their doctor's job too.

I think it gets easy to obsess over weight, especially once you start seeing results, and want to keep losing, keep getting that feeling of accomplishment, and getting the praise and enjoying the benefits. It is a fine line to draw between taking care of yourself, watching what you eat, and eating right to be healthy and having an eating disorder. Just by reading the forum posts on here you can see that.

rayfromtx

Excellent posts y'all. Thanks for your insights. This is a great site with a lot of fine people working hard to get better. That's my favorite kind of folks. Good luck to all.

I did some searching yesterday and based on measurements of my frame, my ideal weight is right around 165 to 170. I won't go there. 180 seems about right to me.

Right now, I am going to celebrate 197 which keeps my 2 lbs a week intact and my 180 by Christmas a strong possibility. I'm looking forward to a new wardrobe that fits my new body and a maintenance diet that lets me say yes to a few more things.