Just need to vent

Francl27

Well I'm not too fond of friends who keep posting about their progress, random inspiration quotes and whatever on Facebook. Truth is, most people don't want to hear it. Heck I've just deleted a friend who keeps posting about her challenges and people 'amazing' results and her results and whatnot... it just gets old, you know?

I've posted a few pictures of myself, but everyone else does, and I posted when I lost my first 40 pounds, and ran my first 3 miles... that's about it. I don't need to brag to all my friends about how well I'm doing. They don't care. It's only inspirational to people who want to try. And that's what MFP is for. So, post here, and brag here.

Steff46

Yesterday, I had this same conversation with a coworker. I told her that I absolutely love MFP because it is now my venue to talk with like minded individuals about my workouts, calories, accomplishments...etc.. I really like having my MFP friends to support me instead of my so called FB friends bashing me.

Laura732

You could also use the List feature on Facebook. Make one for family, and one for your 'Healthy Friends'. Post updates to Healthy Friends and maybe less frequently to the Family list.

Nedra19455

People will be inspired if they see something of themselves in you. If your sister doesn't identify with you because she sees herself as having a completely different challenge than you, she isn't going to be inspired.

I'm not inspired by folks who have to lose 20 lbs and that's all they've ever needed to lose. 20 lbs left on a 75 lb journey to be healthy? Sure! That sounds like me! (Or what I hope to be in year or so.) I am totally happy for people who just need to lose the freshman 15 or are just wanting to tone up or whatnot, but they aren't where I turn for inspiration. And there's nothing like sitting across from a friend who's complaining about how "fat" they are when you're 50 lbs heavier than they are. I never use the word fat to describe myself and it annoys the heck out of me when people use it in themselves when they are considerably trimmed than I am. It makes me feel like they are judging me at the same time that they are judging themselves.

Not saying you have ever called yourself get in front of your sister, but this is the kind of stuff that can make people feel frustrated with any "public displays of weightloss." You wanting to better your health is a good thing. But maybe folks who don't have the same goals aren't the ones to share it with.

The sister relationship is particularly complicated. My sister's ideal weight is 100 lbs less than my starting weight. She's 2 in shorter, but still. It's hard to look at someone who shares 50% of your DNA and was raised on the same foods and is so much skinnier and looks fantastic -- and even harder to hear them talk about how their BMI is still too high.

ashCHB

Maybe cut down a bit on facebook posts if you want, but don't completely stop!

I say that because FB posts are the reason I decided that becoming fit & losing weight wasn't an unrealistic goal for me. I've been chubby my entire life. I tried anything to get out of PE class. I had accepted the "fact" that I was just built differently and I couldn't ever become the person who could effortlessly run a mile (still working on that one, lol) or look good in stylish clothes.

But then some old friends from Jr. High & High School (who were also chubby like me) posted the occasional picture on FB about their own fitness adventures. Some of these girls are super fit, running marathons and stuff now. That made me realize that if they can do it, there's no reason I can't either.

It will probably annoy some people, but it will inspire people too and I think that's worth it! Besides, facebook gives people the option to hide posts, so they can grow up and deal with it.

AglaeaC

Maybe cut down a bit on facebook posts if you want, but don't completely stop!
...
It will probably annoy some people, but it will inspire people too and I think that's worth it! Besides, facebook gives people the option to hide posts, so they can grow up and deal with it.

Precisely. The occasional update certainly isn't the same as daily spamming.

And what about the Eleanor Roosevelt quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
People, who ask someone to stop posting about health, have chosen to feel inferior rather than take an approach where the one two steps in front of them is a motivator. If they see something positive as something negative, nobody can change their perspective. And if they ask her to stop in such a case as this, then what else will they do to bring OP down in the future? It's a very complex case and one needs to think carefully about one's actions so it doesn't become about pushing one's own needs aside in favour of the insecure one. They should lift OP up or keep their inferiorities to themselves.

nygrl4evr

Congrats on your success and congrats to your Mom for wanting to get healthier!

Your facebook page is your page. Other people do not own it, that is why it is they do not have access to edit it. If they do not want to see your posts about your successes then they shouldn't read it. They have that option. They also have the option to unfriend you. That is their choice also. You have worked hard and should be proud of your accomplishments. As long as you are not walking around lecturing them then you are doing nothing wrong. Your posts are obviously doing something right because you have inspired your Mom to want to get healthier. You never know you may inspire others also.

Whatever the case just explain to your sister that you love her no matter what and your intention was never to make her feel bad about herself. Also tell her that you don't expect her to acknowledge or even read your posts concerning your weight loss but you do expect her to love you enough to not make you feel badly about it either and leave it at that. If she brings it up again just tell her you love but you choose to not discuss this with her.

Keep up the great work! :flowerforyou:

jmv7117

Facebook is one of those touchy subjects. I think certain things don't belong on it but what do I know. Perhaps you posting your progress of Facebook is being perceived in a way you didn't intended but honestly, if you put it out there you are going to get a wide range of responses, some of which you won't like. I started with very generic ones like inspirational quotes and short one line status updates like "pleased with this morning's high calorie burn". One 'mouthpiece' confronted me at a social outing and made what I thought was two inappropriate comments. She got a stoney glare as I went into my zone, ignoring her for the rest of the night. It wouldn't be bad but I have to spend a week around her so I am already working on my avoidance game plan. These folks are going to make comments anyway but there's no need to give them the ammo on Facebook :noway:

Oh and on Facebook, I can't unfriend her (long story) so set her to acquaintance, posts to friends except acquaintances and removed the few status updates directly about my progress but not the inspirational one. Essentially, she can see I'm online and IM (for the time being) but can't see any of my posts, pictures or anything else. She likely thinks it is a problem on Facebook's end :laugh: It was a good solution for me. Perhaps you could use this tactic with a couple of the ones that really irritate you.

SillaWinchester

STUFF the haters,,, you are doing whats right for you... I am also very unfit and at the beginning of a long journey.... But I am learning that there are some haters out there that will pick at everything you do and they are NOT worth it. YOU ARE!!!

Well, she isn't talking about some random "hater" that she can blow off and forget about.. she's talking about her sister. That's a delicate relationship to have and I'm sure she doesn't want to lose it.

On the other hand, the people saying "it's her problem, not yours" do have a point. But she is your sister. Sisters share their problems, you know?

That being said, OP, I think you should have a heart to heart with her. Let her know that the journey wasn't easy for you either but you've accomplished something so great and feel so much better; you only encourage others so they can try and achieve this amazing feeling you have. You don't talk about your journey to hurt anyone, but rather because your proud of yourself and it warms your heart to inspire others.. especially your mother. And let her know that you want her to be healthy too so you girls can live a long and happy sisterly life together!

I hope she can see where you're coming from.

Congratulations on all you've achieved. I can honestly say that having you on my friends list always inspires me to push myself to do better and I thank you for that.

MyOwnSunshine

I use MFP for support, encouragement, inspiration and feedback and reserve Facebook posts for the other fun stuff going on in my life.

While I agree that other people, especially family members, SHOULD be happy for you and proud of your efforts, often they're not. People have a lot of shame, guilt, judgment, insecurity and other irrational feelings tied up in weight.

ChoiceNotChance

Stand up! Be proud of your accomplishments. You earned the right to post those pics with every drop of sweat. If I was your Mom, I would be cheering you on!!!:drinker:

psych101

Aargh, it honestly f*cks me right off when people say oh it's not as easy for everyone as it is for you....it's not easy.

But if you know that you're not pushing things onto people then keep posting, you never know who you might be inspiring.

Honestly, your sisters issue is with herself, not you. :flowerforyou:

raindawg

You shouldn't feel guilty about what you post on face book highlighting your progress and accomplishments. You are not responsible for how others take it.

I think where things can be tricky is if during social interactions there is unsolicited advice, suggestions going on constantly. People have the right to choose to be healthy and exercise and eat right, etc. But people also have the right to choose not to do those things. I think for people who choose to not put as high a priority on that it can come across just like someone pushing their religion on to you every time they see you.

I'm definitely not saying you are doing that, but I can see others perspectives who get annoyed at unsolicited health advice. It's not always jealousy.

MissJay75

My family has no idea how difficult some things in my life are that they think are 'easy' because I am doing it well. So when people tell me "it's easy for you", I translate that in my head as "you make it look easy" and take it as a compliment.

I encourage you to be sensitive to you sister, but true to yourself.

navygrrl

I started my own facebook group for me and whichever of my friends wanted to join to talk about health and weight loss. Maybe that could be an idea for you. I'm of the opinion that it's your facebook page and you should be able to post whatever you want, and she can hide your posts if it bothers you, but that may not work for you.

As for your mother - don't take on her burden. She's your mother and you love her, but her shame or guilt is not your fault. Just keep on giving her support and be her inspiration. Remind her that you love her no matter what.

Congrats on doing such a good job on getting healthy.

lseed87

That is sad I don't really like posting that kind of stuff on there anyways but if people were saying stuff like that it would get to me esp since they probably only see me as a fat girl or something. Glad that you inspire people but don't understand why they have to say negative things either. I only really post stuff on here and my tumblr about fitness. The app PumpUp is also good place to do it. Has custom workouts and what not. Kind of like twitter meets instagram with the statuses you can do and include pictures all about fitness.