what should "middle aged look like? Am i chasing a dream?
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Sexist 46 year old on this site:
You can be in great shape no matter what age. My x's 70+ mother who still hikes after a hip replacement And has nicer legs then I do is living proof of that.
We all have our down moments for various reasons. Take a breath. Smell the roses... And then get back on the horse before it tramples you
I had a similar moment when I turned 30. Then I started lifting weights and felt a while lot better about myself.
In my early days on this site, I stumbled across SaraUK's story (that's who's pictured above) and immediately thought, yeah, but how old is she? And then I clicked and saw that she's all of one year younger than I am.0 -
Sexist 46 year old on this site:
You can be in great shape no matter what age. My x's 70+ mother who still hikes after a hip replacement And has nicer legs then I do is living proof of that.
We all have our down moments for various reasons. Take a breath. Smell the roses... And then get back on the horse before it tramples you
I had a similar moment when I turned 30. Then I started lifting weights and felt a while lot better about myself.
In my early days on this site, I stumbled across SaraUK's story (that's who's pictured above) and immediately thought, yeah, but how old is she? And then I clicked and saw that she's all of one year younger than I am.
Nope, it's Codergal. But both have amazing results.0 -
After 40, I started having trouble remembering the name of someone I met 10 minutes ago. I talked to my doctor about it - multiple times - and he kept saying it's a function of age. I know guys 10-20-30 years older who are sharp as a tack, so I didn't buy it.
Could be from B vitamin deficiency.0 -
I believe Dylan Thomas said it best:
"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
Not that I think 45 is "Old age" but good old Dylan didn't make a poem about middle age.
My point is, do not give up. Set yourself realistic expectations and continue to be healthy and fit.
Everyone told me that once I got married, once I had a kid, once I had more than one kid I'd give up and let myself go. For a little while I fell into that thinking. But I am now determined to change things and get back to the fit and happy me.
My mom is 60 (I think) She works out 5 days a week (weights, yoga, swimming) and continues to be a daily inspiration for me in all she does.
Surround yourself with positive, active, like-minded people and you will find it easier to achieve your goals.
Change is inevitable. Adapt to change, without giving up on yourself.
As long as everyday you try 100% to reach your goals, you won't have a reason to dwell on failure or regret.
I realize I sound like a fortune cookie now (mmmm, cookies) but I digress. You can add me for support.
Best of luck
Rodney Dangerfield said it better...but yes.....Rage...kick *kitten*......go kicking and screaming....otherwise you'll be like the other 99% just letting it happen. There is either getting busy living or getting busy dying....you choose. Next caller....0 -
LOVE THIS!I was stuck in that rut. Around 40, getting frumpier, dressing to hide certain areas, I fell into thinking that this is what happens, you get older and frumpier, start looking like your mother more and more every day. Then I came here to try to lose a little weight. I saw so many amazing looking "older women" who were in better shape than I was ever in. Looking very hot at 40, 45, 50 and beyond. After awhile I started lifting weights, not entirely to try to look "hot" but for all of the other benefits of strength training like preserving bone density as I age and to stay strong so I can keep doing the things I love for a long time, and not be so frail in 10 or 15 years that I can't enjoy life like I do now. My idea of "ideal weight" has changed, I'm no longer chasing a number on the scale. And probably for the first time in my entire life, I am happy with my body. Not because it is perfect, not because I don't have fat, but because I have accepted it for what it is right now as I work on improving it. And yes, you can improve it even at age 50+.0 -
Hi,
Last month i had a few really horrible mental health days. Loads of negative, but very logical sounding self talk. I was having a tough time "loving myself" each time i looked at my reflection in the mirror. Even 2 years ago, i looked like my normal self....at 45, i was around 145lbs ....and i looked O.K. I hovered between my ideal weight of 135-145....and I was fine.
But lately my body just doesnt look like my body anymore. I have gained over 20 lbs this past year. My weight is more in my belly then ever before.....my usually curvy waist ...is almost gone. What happened to the 10" hip to waist ratio that i have had my entire adult life??? Is that because I'm middle aged and im carrying the weight differently?
My negative self talk seemed so logical though! Things like: well, I am 47 after all....and most women my age gain weight, and they seem to deal with it, they accept their body changes, but they love themselves anyway. Just accept the weight gain and learn to love yourself as you are and start accepting that you wont ever look like you used to 2 years ago.
Then i felt so guilty for how bad i felt towards myself. My thoughts were like: geez elida, you are so shallow, there are people who have 4x the weight to lose...why cant you just loveyourself anyway, regardless of your present weight? why all of this stupid focus on weight? just adapt to your body...and resign yourself that this is how you will look at middle age. this is you....accept it.
Ladies, or men, people.....is it normal to want to just resign yourself, giving into to what "middle aged should look like" ?
I know that i'm struggling between 2 paths
wanting to feel sexy, fit, healthy at my age.....or accepting of my body and where i am...and stop feel bad about myself.
Deep down, I know i can do better physically,.. I know what its like to get fit, i;ve done it before, in my 30's my 40's....... BUT i had never done it while being 47, hormonal, and super stressed about a few very real life situations.
I would love some feedback, especially if any of this resonates with anyone.
Elida
aka eat-alot-elida
am I allowed to say scary things like menopause? Negative emotion sounds like hormone disturbance.
The mental trip you went on is interesting: is it real, do I have to endure this? should I feel guilty for not liking it? Everyone else manages to cope so why am I so special...
it's all rot.
It's all silly.
let yourself feel how you feel, which is sad and disappointed, and let that be something that passes through you and out the other side, and floats down stream. I think you have to accept what you are in order to be able to be positive about changing it: when I was young the self-loathing I cooked up would help me lose five kilos but I have noticed it can never help me lose more than that before it fizzles and i can't be bothered any more. I have had to try and work out new ways of seeing things.
I think if you just recheck your daily maintenance level calorie requirements and at least stick to that for a week or 2 would be a good move, and then maybe you'll feel like reducing it by 250 cals a day and dropping half a pound a week, fairly painlessly, till you're back on top.
And just remember: 165lb is still sexy. It's sexy with bits to hold onto. There are a lot of guys out there who like their women 165lb. 0 -
It is true that you are carrying weight differently that 'middle age spread' is real thing. There is no evidence that women gain weight during menopause ( i know you are not talking specifically about this) but as we get older the weight is redistributed around our middles. We also lose weight from all the wrong places: our faces, bums and bust. You need to decide for yourself why you are doing this ? Is it to ' chase a dream?' Or do you want to be as healthy as you can be in life , both life now and in the future. I'm doing it because I am choosing to live and I want to live as well as I can. I saw two futures ahead of me and i chose the one where I am fit and active. A couple of my fitness instructors are 50+ and there is woman of 82 who does the same classes as me.I want to be like them. I'm never going to be 20 again and that's OK. All of this stuff I am doing now would be wasted on her anyway. Be kind to yourself it sounds like you have a lot going on and life is hard enough.0
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Sexist 46 year old on this site:
You can be in great shape no matter what age. My x's 70+ mother who still hikes after a hip replacement And has nicer legs then I do is living proof of that.
We all have our down moments for various reasons. Take a breath. Smell the roses... And then get back on the horse before it tramples you
I had a similar moment when I turned 30. Then I started lifting weights and felt a while lot better about myself.
In my early days on this site, I stumbled across SaraUK's story (that's who's pictured above) and immediately thought, yeah, but how old is she? And then I clicked and saw that she's all of one year younger than I am.
Nope, it's Codergal. But both have amazing results.
Ah, well, both are one year younger than I am, and inspiring, needless to say!0 -
Hi Dudes and Dudettes,
Thank you for responding to that tough question. I have a few few questions to ask of myself, for my own benefit.
Thanks for the feedback!
Elida0 -
First, you do not need to accept any of the nonsense we've grown up hearing (that metabolism slows down as we age, it's normal to gain weight as we age, etc.) While those things may be typical of the average American, it's doesn't have to happen. Second, "middle-aged" can look however you want it to look! Eat well, incorporate a balance of cardio and strength training into your life, and treat yourself right. I am not quite your age, but I'll be there soon enough, and I know what it's like to work my *kitten* off to get back into shape. It's slightly more difficult as we age, but completely possible! Good luck to you! 0
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I'm never going to be 20 again and that's OK. All of this stuff I am doing now would be wasted on her anyway. Be kind to yourself it sounds like you have a lot going on and life is hard enough.
QFT. (Never thought I'd write that as I thought it meant Quit F***ing Talking...) But THIS is some awesome self-talk. Love the feedback you got on some honest mental-messing-of-the-head. There are lots of guys and gals who can relate.
Do it for you. You've reminded us to do the same.
Cheers, ~Curly :drinker:0 -
I like that you are thinking about this. It's tough stuff to work through. Personally, I find journaling to be a big help. I'll let it all out and by the time I'm done, I will usually come around to a positive mental state.
It is a hard balance to strive to look good but to be content at the same time. I know people say to focus on health over looks, but looks don't have to be a bad driving factor-as long as you still are happy with your appearance as is. I feel like staying away material that can trigger negative thoughts, womens beauty magazines for example, can help.0 -
I hear you--I was definitely in the "well I'm in perimenopause and I'm hypothyroid and and and so what if I have no waist!" stage for a while.
But as others have said, losing the weight isn't just about the number on the scale or the looks--I've also dropped my blood pressure and my cholesterol significantly. I've built up muscle, and hopefully bone density, which should help me age more gracefully. (And I'd be lying if I said I weren't happy to have dropped 2-3 clothing sizes.) I have to be more realistic about exercise given back problems, but it's all good.
So I guess my only advice is, find the balance that works for you.0 -
Was in the same boat two yrs ago then i got serious with my exercise and diet. Look better than i ever have. Own all of these 53+ yrs and hell ya i wish i was younger, i dont like this old lady skin on my now flat stomach, but its not hanging over my bikini and id rather have it than the fat. I had my pics on before but got too many weird friend request kinda gave me the creeps.Whatever you decide just please dont ever buy pants with elastic waist ,except for jammies or exercise,when the waist thickens and the butt disappears thats what some women do and its not only unattrative imo it dosent keep you aware of weight gain like fitted clothes do.0
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I was at that Crossroads last year. I cost fit healthy and sexy. Didn't get the last part yet, but still I look lot better at 47 than I did at 27!0
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When you have done things diet and exercise wise in the past have they been quite hard as in punishing or depriving? I'm wondering about the 2 paths idea. You can still accept yourself and be happy for who you are and work on your fitness and health but in a way that isn't stressful. Just thinking 'today I'm going to try and make healthy choices' whatever that means for you. I do that with food, try to eat more veg or walking instead of taking the bus, seeing things as an opportunity to improve my health and fitness but not in a regimented way, just integrating it into my day. Sometimes when things are absolute decisions like' I'm going a diet / fitness kick ' it can mess with the head a bit esp if we compare it to how we may have done it in the past and the results we got then too..Does that make sense?0
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I was in good to great shape up until my early 30s, 32 to be exact. Then marriage, babies, career came along. I spend the rest of my 30's and a good part of my 40s being obese. Well over 25%BF. I didn't feel fat, but when I'd see picture of myself, I would be in shock. My wife, on the other hand, maintained a slim figure her whole life. Then I got the proverbial wake up call. Two years ago the sawbones said if you don't change your wicked ways, stop drinking as much and lose 40lbs you'll wake up dead.
So in the next 4 months, I lost 60 lbs. I also pretty much stopped drinking. All, and I mean ALL my aliments went out the window. Nine months later, people stopped making comments about how much weight I lost and started noticing how much fitter I looked. Now, 2 years and 4 months later, I get questions on whether I plan to compete in professional Body Building. I'm easily in the best shape of my life.
Trust me, I'm nothing special, many on this site have done similar or greater transformations. The only thing I feel guilty about now is that I let 15 years go by not knowing what was possible. Trust me, EVERYTHING, is better when one is at the top of their game.
Make a change, while there is still time.0 -
Yup, that was me not long ago.
A year and a half ago, "middle aged" looked dumpy, out of breath, stressed out, and exhausted just from day to day life. "Middle aged" looked like taking the elevator instead of the stairs for anything over two flights. "Middle aged" looked like walking into the living room through the garage, flopping into the recliner chair with a laptop, falling asleep there and waking up later to drag into bed. "Middle aged" looked like squeezing into stretchy pants for work, a size larger than before... like always setting the clothes dryer on the "delicate" cycle because it seemed to be shrinking all the clothes that went through it, then hanging most clothes up to dry, then finally realizing that the dryer wasn't really the problem, and neither was the washer. It looked like carefully packing the Brooks Brothers suits in a box because parting with them was unbearable, even though they probably would never ever fit again. It looked like driving for hours to the beach to play frisbee with the kiddo, then only being able to play for about 10 minutes before sitting down red-faced and wheezing.
What "middle aged" didn't look like... is... fun.
Now, "middle aged" looks bruised and red-knuckled from a martial arts class. It looks calloused from the knurling on a barbell. It looks a little silly, but wildly exuberant, dancing to The Cars with a hula hoop. It usually looks a little mussed and tousled, but also happy and well rested. It looks unusually healthy for its age and capable of recovering from surgery in record time. It looks strong, independent, and perfectly handy at moving its own furniture. According to my girlfriends, it looks "like a college kid" or even "like a high school kid." It looks like "the hot one" in group photos. It looks... too small to wear those same Brooks Brothers suits, darn it... but that's ok, because it looks damned fine in jeans, and the suits can be taken in. It looks like something its 20-something son is proud of for its perseverance.
What "middle aged" should look like... is... what you want it to look like. But what it feels like is most important. The looks will follow.
<--- Closer to 50 than 40.0 -
Love where you are now and, because you love yourself, take any steps you feel you may need to reach a healthier place so you can continue to have a rocking life. And if that healthier you is also a couple of sizes smaller and feels sexier and more confident, that's an extra win!
Spoken as someone who look hit fifty a few weeks ago almost twenty pounds lighter and much more fit and healthy than I was just a few months ago. And yeah, I feel sexier too. My wonderful man thought I looked good before, but he's reaping the benefits of me feeling better about how I look. :-)0 -
"many on this site have done similar or greater transformations. The only thing I feel guilty about now is that I let 15 years go by not knowing what was possible. Trust me, EVERYTHING, is better when one is at the top of their game".
Make a change, while there is still time.
[/quote]
Ok....All of the feedback I received touched me.....every single one....honestly. The above excerpt truly resonates with me for 2 reasons, 1 i love the meaning of the word " transformation" and how it does apply to so many people here (poster included) 2 I havent been on top of my game in YEARS, at least the last 3 years to be exact.
I am having a moment.....i cannot type anymore.0
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