My baby died, then my husband died, but I'm still strong! Li

groovylaura

Hi everyone! I read some posts where people kind of told their story, and I decided that I'm ready to tell mine, too. I feel that most of you can relate with me and my weight challenges, and I can relate with yours. I also know that we all have our own personal life struggles that we have gone through (and/or are going through now). Life can be very hard, but we must stay strong! Life is a mixture of good and bad, and we must be able to truly enjoy the good times and learn from the hard times. I think that's what life is all about... Living, experiencing, learning, and (hopefully) improving... Life is what you make it, so we need to make ours GREAT!!! Try hard to live "in the moment" and not spend so much time and energy regretting the past or worrying about the future... All we truly have is RIGHT NOW--THIS MOMENT!!!

I was never very heavy when I was younger, but I sure learned how to pack on the pounds once I was in my 20's! I went from weighing about 120 to weighing about 190 in my 20's (70-pound weight gain)! Yuck!!! That's pretty bad, and I was still so young!!! I gained about 50 pounds when I was pregnant (twice), but I got that weight back off at one point. Then, I began to gain weight like crazy again. My peak weight was about 220 pounds!!! YIKES!!! I've been quite heavy for most of my 30's & 40's also, but I don't want to be heavy anymore!!! I'm now 50 years YOUNG, and I really do feel young (in my heart & mind), but my body feels so old!!! I feel so tired, sore, and down much of the time! I want to have the motivation and energy to live the very best life I can!!! I want to be able to reach my goals and not let my weight hold me back any longer! I want to feel and look good for myself and for all the people that I care about!!! I WANT TO BE THE BEST ME THAT I CAN BE!!! I know that will take lots of time, work, and effort; but, I AM TRULY READY!!!

Anyway, I've been through a lot in my life (like most of us), and I want to share a bit of it with you! I feel a true bond with many of you, and I know that it's very healing to talk (and write) about life's challenges. So, I hope you will read my story and then share yours with me, too. I think this is the best therapy anyone can get, and it's free!!! THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH AGAIN FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND SUPPORT:flowerforyou:!!!

I married my high school sweetheart and very best friend (Reid) back in 1983. Then, we lost our baby girl in 1986. I carried her full term, and she died 25 minutes after birth. She had anencephaly, and we had absolutely no idea anything was wrong! It was so very heart-breaking and painful for us both! I don't think we ever truly recovered from losing her! Then, we finally got brave enough to try again, and we had a healthy baby girl in 1989. Reid was the very best Daddy you ever saw!!! He was so thankful for her, and he wanted to be with her every single second!!! The nurses joked that our baby would never know what a bed felt like because Reid was ALWAYS holding her! What a proud and happy Daddy!!! Then, we went on vacation to show off our new baby girl at my family get-together up at my parents' house when she was only 3 months old. We had such a great time with everyone, and Reid still had her in his arms every second that he could!!!

Then, on our drive back home, the most horrifying thing happened!!! We had a terrible accident!!! Our vehicle rolled 3 times, and Reid was thrown from the vehicle! He was not wearing his seatbelt. Seatbelts truly do save lives!!! He lived for 2 days on machines, but then we had to let him go. Kristen was in her carseat just like she was supposed to be, and I was wearing my seatbelt. We were both injured and hospitalized for 8 days, but we both survived. Thank goodness our baby girl healed completely! I had 2 compression fractures in my back, a broken left ankle, and 2 broken bones in my face. I was beaten and bruised beyond recognition, but I am mostly perfectly fine now. I have depression issues, guilt issues, and many other lingering emotional challenges since Reid's death. I feel that the "old" Laura also died at that time with Reid, and I've had to develop a whole "new" Laura ever since. It's been such a long, hard process, and there have been times I wondered if I would make it:explode:. Will I ever feel truly "normal" and happy again??? I've just been in "survival" mode for much of the time... I think I've been emotionally numb and shut off quite a bit since Reid's death, too. I feel like I'm still in shock at times... How can my brain accept what happened to us??? One minute I'm a very happily married new mommy, and the next minute I'm a completely crushed and devastated soul:brokenheart:! I had a near-death experience after the accident, and I literally "chose" to live for my baby girl, Kristen! I've done my very best, but I want to do better!!! I've felt so drained and exhausted ever since the accident:yawn:, but I think I'm truly ready to finally let go of the pain and move on with my life. I know that's what Reid would want, and I also want to do my best for my daughter. She's now 21. I want to be a good role model for her, and I know I haven't been, so far. I want to be happy, active, fit, and healthy for Reid, for our daughter, and for myself!!! I was always kind of hard on myself, and Reid was quite literally my self-esteem, and he was always telling me to be nice to myself. So, I'm quite sure that's what he would tell me now, also. And, that's what I'm finally going to do--Be nice to myself!!!

How can one person lose a baby, have another baby, and then lose her husband in just 2 1/2 years??? How could this happen to me, to us??? How could I survive 2 such horrible tragedies so close together, especially at such a young age:huh:??? Well, I truly don't know, but I did!!! And, now I want to get even stronger, healthier, and happier than ever!!! I want to feel peace and joy again!!!

I did remarry (Jerry) almost 5 years after Reid's death, and we have raised his 2 sons and my daughter together. Now, we just have tons of pets that are our kids! Jerry tells me that's how I filled my "empty nest," and I'm sure he's quite correct. They keep us very busy, loved, and well entertained!!! They keep us laughing quite a bit:laugh:!!!

I want to stop spending so much of my time and energy regretting my past and/or worrying about my future, and I want to learn to live in the present moment!!! I want to have energy and motivation to be able to reach all of my goals:drinker:! My very first goal is to lose at least 50 pounds so that I will feel better, look better, have more energy, and be much healthier, as well!!! Then, I will be well on my way to making and reaching many other wonderful goals in my life!!! A doctor once told me after Reid died that I was kind of "limping along" through life, and now I want to run, play, and laugh again through the rest of my life... THANK YOU:flowerforyou:!!!

karissastephens

WOW! That is inspiring and you are amazingly strong! I am proud of you. Thank you for telling your story. Really makes me thankful for my loved ones.

groovylaura

Yes, we must appreciate our loved ones every single second, because we don't know what might happen in the next second!!! I truly hope my story will inspire others to enjoy their life more fully and make sure that everyone they care about knows how they feel. Life is so precious and fragile, and we must remember to be our very best each day for ourselves and for those we love... PS: Also, please always where your seatbelt. You never know when something might happen... Take care, Laura

bjerkins

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure you were and continue to be a wonderful role model to all your children. Your strength shines through all that you have endured. Your weight loss journey will only make you stronger. I am so glad that I am one of your many Fitness Pals. I am so glad to know you.

poodlepaws

OMG! You're a strong lady to overcome those hardships:)

I'm glad you're hear with the rest of us and we'll help you get to your goals.

Reinee_0304

fist i am really sorry for what you have lost that is a lot but hey you are here AND NOW YOU CAN DO THIS SO LETS DO IT :flowerforyou:

missjo113

Laura, I can't say that i know how you feel... but I can empathize with you. I miscarried 3 times before we had our girl. Then we lost another baby at full term. she lived for just over an hour before she passed. I didn't think we would have anymore but we were blessed with a baby boy only 14 months later. they are now 24 and 21 years old and the joys of our lives. there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of our little angel in Heaven.

Just know that you have found a terrific place in MFP to receive (and give) support and motivation. Good luck with your goals! One day at a time will help get you through!

mykaar74

wow, i'm sorry for your losses, but I'm happy that you have the will to go on again in a healthier way. you're right we have all been through or are going through some things in life, but we have to learn how not to lose ourselves in the process. Through all my obstacles, I have always said that I wanted to be a survivor of my circumstances, and not a victim. I admit, I have allowed my weight to continue to hold me hostage, eventhough spiritually, and mentally I was a survivor. We can do this, you can do this, and that's the wonderful thing about this community, everyone has a story which is inspiring. I wish you all the best on your healtheir life journey.

Bermudabarbie

Laura, you are quite a remarkable woman. Thanks for sharing your background with us. Love and hugs, Barbara

4lafz

You are so very strong. I am happy that your daughter has you (and Jerry and the pets too). I am proud to have you as my MFP!

badrianne

so sorry for your losses. good luck on your journey and remember...the mental is just as important as the physical.

janet1111

I just joined myfitness pal and read your story. Thank you for having the courage to sit down to detail your personal tragedies and articulate your feelings. It's inspirational...Hope you're doing well on your weight loss...stay strong...and be happy. janet

sarahsmom1

Hi and welcome I do not know how it feels to lose a child and hope I never do but I do how it feels to lose 2 brothers both parents and my husband of 23 years. My son and daughter were very lucky that they have memories of their dad. My daughter was 17 and my son was 21. I gained over a hundred pounds. after the death of my husband and then gained more after the death of my mom. Evidently we can take a lot of sadness but yes we do need to push on for our kids and our loved ones that are here. Hope you do well. If you would like you can friend me

Lulu2929

Laura,
Thank you for sharing your story. Your first paragraph is so telling of the person you are. You are an amazing, wonderful woman.

odatcindy

You are right, Laura; life has a way of throwing challenges our way and God guides us through those challenges as long as we look to Him. Writing and talking about these things not only helps you, but others that have had incidents in their lives that make them dig deep to go on. Set your goals and write those down, too. Make a plan to reach those goals. Work that plan each day and you will see the results you are looking for in the near future. Continue to share your strength and your frustrations with others on these boards and be the inspiration you are meant to be.

JDMPWR

Wow

Crickks

Bump..

janemartin02

Wow!I guess when you think you have problems or live struggles,you find someone who had it worse.
Sorry for your loses.You were grieving.People grieve at there own pace.I`m glad you are making a move to be healthy.That`s the best gift you can give yourself.You will feel much better and have more energy.It`s one day at a time.
Take care,jane
thanks for sharing!

arewethereyet

Welcome, nice to have your positive attitude on board. PM me if you want!

TRize

Thankyou for sharing your story Laura. Brought tears to my eyes. Sorry for your losses..... Your story proves that we can overcome hardships in our lives. xox

Brat3073

You are AMAZING. I have not gone thru half of that, But i have lost alot....My best friend of 20 years passed in 05 from lung cancer. It was pretty hard when he died, He was only 31, that is too young for anyone to leave this earth. In 07 i lost my mother. She truley was my best frined. I took her to the ER for penumonia, and she died the next day, he had a heart attack.....in 02 i miscarried at 4 months. I have a wonderful 15 year old, and terrific husband and the best lil 19 month old boy. Not to mention my 8 year old step daughter....i feel God puts you thru your trials to make you stonger. You surely are a very strong woman....and great inspiration to us all. Welcome to MFP and i hope you will add me as a friend. This is the best place to come for motivation and support....and inspiration. After reading your story, i feel i can make it thru just about anything.

NutritionDivaRD

Laura, thank you so much for sharing this part of who you are with us. You are sincerely what I call, "Grace under fire." You are courageous, determined, and downright inspirational. I am honored to have met you here.

BIG HUGS....~Angela

StacySkinny

WOW! Sweetie, you have lived an amazing life and have come out of it very strong. I'm so proud of you for taking the steps to get a healthier life for you and your child. Reading your story brought tears to my eyes, and when I told your story to my boyfriend he was so touched. It just makes one realize that we need to appreciate that which we have and eager to live every day like it's the last. Thank you so much for sharing your story! You're a brave woman and I am so glad you are a part of this community! You and your family (and pets heheh) are in my heart and in my prayers!

XO
~Stacy

StacLegg

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you, if you were here I would hug you!! We all have our story.... and we all have to dig deep and find the strength to keep living life. I know I have weak days.... I think that is normal. I am proud of you for making the decision to keep living and be there for your daughter! I am so truly sorry for you losses, but so grateful for your new life you have had....that song is running through my head..... about God gives and takes away...... can't think of the name of it for the life of me!
Thanks again for sharing, and good for you making healthy choices to go on living! You are important and so worth taking care of!!
Stac

StacLegg

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you, if you were here I would hug you!! We all have our story.... and we all have to dig deep and find the strength to keep living life. I know I have weak days.... I think that is normal. I am proud of you for making the decision to keep living and be there for your daughter! I am so truly sorry for you losses, but so grateful for your new life you have had....that song is running through my head..... about God gives and takes away...... can't think of the name of it for the life of me!
Thanks again for sharing, and good for you making healthy choices to go on living! You are important and so worth taking care of!!
Stac

AnnaPixie

Life begins at 50! You've got to do this for yourself now. 50lbs to lose but the new you begins NOW!!! :bigsmile:

Good luck honey :flowerforyou:

superwmn

Thank you for sharing your story. You are a survivor and an inspiration.

Charmagne

Memah

Laura, I have sensed in your MFP comments to others an unusually-caring and sweet person. Your story bears that out. To have endured such tragedies at such a young age and within a short period of time could only have been devastating. And now for you to rise from that difficulty into wanting a new and better life is nothing short of admirable and remarkable.

Thank you for telling your story. You are right in that we each have a story. Telling it is healing. I have a chronic neurological disorder, and I have written 50-some poems and a book (book not yet published) about it, and a doctor once said to me, when I was in a period of health, "Have you ever considered that you're better BECAUSE you write?" I hadn't. But I soon saw that the illness was what drove me to write in the first place. And I think he was right. Speaking our stories, whether written or aloud to someone, can be very healing.

I am a person of prayer, and I will hold you in my prayers, as well as your little girl, your husband Reid, and your present family.

Thank you for sharing. And I mean for that statement to carry weight.

God bless you.

CombatVet_Armywife

Thank you for sharing your story...you are an amazingly strong and brave woman. Such an inspiration! I am glad you were blessed to find love again and survive such unimaginable tragedy. Good luck on your weight loss journey!! :flowerforyou:

lyngoode

Wow, what a story. You are such a strong woman! I am so glad to be on your list of "fit pal" friends.

lcolpo

Life is so strange! You never know what's going to happen. Sometimes it throws good at you and sometimes bad - and other times really, really bad. But it all comes down to how we deal with what we are given. You have 3 choices - not accept it and be a very unhappy person for the rest of your life. Accept it and more on - be okay and take things as they come. Or 3, you accept it and fight back! You make it better - you don't sit around waiting for the next thing to happen. And that's what you have done - you have made your life better and yourself a better person/mother/wife in the end. Congratulations.