Rejected due to weight?

BrightCrystal3
BrightCrystal3 Posts: 242 Member
in Motivation and Support
Recently I have started trying to lose weight after being rejected because of my weight. It has been like a wake up call and has stopped me living in denial. Before I didn't see my weight as a problem and just kept on living my life.

Has anyone else also been rejected due to his/her weight?
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Replies

  • mlssdl
    mlssdl Posts: 7 Member
    I'm confused on what you've been rejected for. I've only gotten dirty looks from people while in a bathing suit or getting a second plate at my local buffet. I've never been outright rejected for anything really. But I do understand a guy not saying "yes" when I asked him out. Rejection hurts. For every 10 people who say no, at least one will say yes. Just keep being the awesome you that you are and let the other people take care of themselves.
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  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    I once had a guy that I had a crush on for a few years tell me that I was a pretty girl but he didn't date fat chicks. :/ . I wish he could see me now haha.

    Honestly, my husband met me over weight and married me over weight. If someone is really interested in you, they shouldn't be so shallow, there is a lot more to a person other then their looks.
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  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    I have been rejected due to my weight, my race, my looks, and economic status.

    It's why I rarely date.
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  • CA_Underdog
    CA_Underdog Posts: 733 Member
    When I was <= 275lbs I had no trouble finding women interested in me. I remember at >= 300lbs plus, dating was a struggle. I can't fault this reality-- it makes sense that those who put in the effort to weigh less want a partner who does likewise. I'll be under 275 lbs again soon enough. ;)

    Wheird, keep at it. It's okay if 99% of women reject you. You only need to find that 1% of women who are a perfect match for you! And statistically, somewhere, they are waiting for you.
  • blesseddiva77
    blesseddiva77 Posts: 32 Member
    I totally understand and yes I have been rejected. It hurts to be rejected by someone you like simply because of your weight. I say just keep moving to healthy for yourself and once you lose weight the guy will realize what he passed over and regret it.
  • dkapplejacks1
    dkapplejacks1 Posts: 59 Member
    I've never been rejected because of my weight...actually the opposite, which is weird to me because I always thought guys only liked slim & trim women. Even so they didn't see past appearance.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I'm sure this is very common. It's just reality.
  • Fivepts
    Fivepts Posts: 517 Member
    Yes, most of my life and even now my husband perks up and works to get the attention of thin and fit women in the room. He really is attracted to tall thin women. He's 100% faithful but his non-verbal are obvious. It's pretty discouraging as I'll never be tall and fit is a long way off. I'm trying to do it for myself because if I do get fit I'm not sure that will be enough. Then I guess he'll add young to the list.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I've never been rejected because of my weight...actually the opposite, which is weird to me because I always thought guys only liked slim & trim women. Even so they didn't see past appearance.

    I've never been plain out rejected due to my weight but I've certainly been criticized or looked over for it...on both sides as you state. I've been in relationships where it became obvious I was not "thick" enough to keep the person's attention on me when other more "healthy" women walked by and I've been in relationships where taller women caught the man's eye and I've been in relationships where my weight seemed too much as compared to whoever he was looking at. It kind of depends on the taste of the person and generally speaking I think people end up less with their physical ideal and more with their overall ideal and so there will always be those tendencies.

    It's a lot more respectful if the person can learn not to do it. I think it shows low self esteem, a lack of confidence, and spinelessness though to let the fact that someone is not your physical ideal be a reason to outright "reject" them. It means your personal needs of wanting that person who is not what you beleive is the physical ideal are less important than the facade you want to portray to others who are both less important than you and that person you claim to "really really like". For this reason if anyone ever claimed to be rejecting me based solely on my weight either too heavy or too thin, I would consider them a follower, spineless and not worthy of my time. You should too.

    Let me put it to you this way. If you were eating the most delicious german chocolate cake in the world and you could not beleive how you'd found the perfect blend of chocolate, nuts, coconut, buttery caramel, and chocolate mousse, would you let someone come up and tell you your cake was ugly? That they had a much prettier tiny tootsie roll? No, you would scoff and say I think I know what I like. That's the kind of confidence and self assurance you want in a man that will be by your side in life.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    Yes, most of my life and even now my husband perks up and works to get the attention of thin and fit women in the room. He really is attracted to tall thin women. He's 100% faithful but his non-verbal are obvious. It's pretty discouraging as I'll never be tall and fit is a long way off. I'm trying to do it for myself because if I do get fit I'm not sure that will be enough. Then I guess he'll add young to the list.
    Stop letting that man walk all over you...
  • CrusaderSam
    CrusaderSam Posts: 180 Member
    Hell I have been rejected because I have been to fit. Some women have to be better looking then the guy they are going with. Anyway guys get rejected all the time, for just about everything. So this should be a double wake up call for you. Getting turned down is something you should get used to as it will help you find better jobs.
  • otter090812
    otter090812 Posts: 380 Member
    No, not exactly. But I've noticed I tend to attract older men for some reason. I did once have a housemate tell me he'd have asked me out if I was thinner (I wouldn't have wanted him to, and his BMI was probably higher than mine at the time!). I was dumped due to my race once (well, three times by the same person actually).
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    Height, looks, money, car - I've been rejected for a whole host of reasons!
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    People can't help what triggers attraction.

    Some men/women are attracted to overweight people and some aren't.
  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
    Awwww I'm sorry that people are so rude and close-minded as to give you dirty looks! *shakes head* Thanks for your kind words. This guy actually said that he really liked me and that we had chemistry, but my weight was what held him back from making me his gf. And I can understand that. I mean, there is a level of weight at which it becomes an impediment for a guy...I mean yeah there are some guys that like obese women, but in general, it tends to be a turnoff...

    How heavy are you? He says there's chemistry but he doesn't want to date you means, in my personal language,

    he's a superficial jerk and deserves to be foreveralone...

    or else it means there was no chemistry and he's letting you down easy.

    You're young, and whatever your life is like you can turn it around. Just eat 15 or 20% below tdee and don't go near anything quick fix.

    The way I am doing it, finally, after 44 years of idiocy (and at least 3 years on MFP), is to say "when I'm at goal weight I will require 1700 cals a day. So I'm going to eat 1700 cals a day now, and just go with it. This will be my new daily requirement."

    1700 isn't anything like as hard and depressing as 1200. As to exercise, I just walk to and from work.

    Dieting's as hard as you make it. Don't make it hard and it'll be easy. :)
  • GreatDepression
    GreatDepression Posts: 347 Member
    I once had a guy that I had a crush on for a few years tell me that I was a pretty girl but he didn't date fat chicks.

    Wow. I've been rejected for being fat and ugly plenty of times but no one has had the gall to say something like that to my face. Even though the outcome would be the same, I would feel devastated and like a piece of s hit.
  • PurpleCupcakes01
    PurpleCupcakes01 Posts: 141
    I'm sure this is very common. It's just reality.

    This
  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,153 Member
    No, not exactly. But I've noticed I tend to attract older men for some reason. I did once have a housemate tell me he'd have asked me out if I was thinner (I wouldn't have wanted him to, and his BMI was probably higher than mine at the time!). I was dumped due to my race once (well, three times by the same person actually).

    I've been getting the eye from much older men lately. And I've been attracted to older men in the past, actually. But only college professors. Next time I catch a seventy year-old staring, I'm going to say, "Lecture me eloquently on the importance of human rights in a global marketplace, grandpa, and I might just give you a chance." :laugh:
  • stellawella13
    stellawella13 Posts: 1
    That's sad, there are some shallow people out there! You will meet someone who appreciates you for you and if not tell them to get on their bike!
  • luzdelua
    luzdelua Posts: 88 Member
    I never had this problem with men :laugh: I think that some that are not entirely superficial really like confidence.

    But, I did with a friend. He refused to recognize our friendship in public because I was too "fat" to associate with him. :frown:
  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,153 Member
    I never had this problem with men :laugh: I think that some that are not entirely superficial really like confidence.

    But, I did with a friend. He refused to recognize our friendship in public because I was too "fat" to associate with him. :frown:

    That is ridiculously immature. I hope you meant he was a school friend when you were both twelve or something.
  • amwbox
    amwbox Posts: 576 Member
    Men get rejected routinely for...pretty much anything at all lol. So women should be a little more realistic about the prevalence of rejection.

    Weight is a big one though, and I wouldn't be surprised to learn that obese people, men in particular, get rejected 95% of the time. Obesity is probably a bigger problem than having not enough money, even.

    Its sort of an expected outcome.
  • Timelordlady85
    Timelordlady85 Posts: 797 Member
    Yes, I'm sure i did when I was in high school and middle school but I've been married going on 9 years and 3 kids later. :) For all the people who may not like ''us'' for who we are of how we look, there is that one that will love us for ourselves and to me it was worth the wait.
  • Oxxygi
    Oxxygi Posts: 250 Member
    I've been rejected not because weight, but because a bunch of other reasons. Even when I was thin, dating was difficult. So I would not blame weight. Sometimes it just doesn't work.
  • Eleonora91
    Eleonora91 Posts: 688 Member
    I've never been told something like that, but I've always thought that my extra kgs were actually one of the reasons no one ever used to like me at all. I have no proof just because no one has ever been interested in me enough to even tell me that my weight was keeping them away, but I think there must have been a combination of more factors which should have led people to dislike me. My 2 cents anyway: if you really like someone and you get treated like ****, it hurts, but being rejected because of your weight is actually stupid. No one is forced to like you or love you, but there's no reason to blame it on your weight only, since there are so many other factors that cooperate to make us appear desirable or intresting to the other people. Some people might absolutely like you at your exact weight. If he didn't like you because of your weight there wasn't probably much chemistry as he liked to say. It's perfectly reasonable to still like someone even if she's/he's overweight/underweight, so his excuses look pretty childish to me. You'd better just say "I'm really not interested" instead of making such excuses.
  • qstneverything
    qstneverything Posts: 125 Member
    I got rejected once in a nightclub, a bunch of guys asked me to talk their friend into staying, he scrunched up his face and was like "ew, gross. Now I am leaving" his friends apologised a thousand times for having a jerk friend but I kind of just smiled weakly, and proceeded to the bar to order shots.

    No one else has rejected me to my face that I can recall, but after a few internet dates I think the main reason why a few didn't contact me after was due to my weight. To be fair I didn't contact them either, and don't hold it against them.

    To be honest I'm having more luck with guys asking me out chubby than I did when I was a little thing. I think guys find it easier to talk to me when I'm not at my full potential, I hate to be stuck up but a lot of guys seemed nervous around me and too scared to talk to me when I was thin.
  • luzdelua
    luzdelua Posts: 88 Member
    I never had this problem with men :laugh: I think that some that are not entirely superficial really like confidence.

    But, I did with a friend. He refused to recognize our friendship in public because I was too "fat" to associate with him. :frown:

    That is ridiculously immature. I hope you meant he was a school friend when you were both twelve or something.

    haha, no... this was in college... he was a frat bro

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