I wish I had a tall fat boy to make me feel thin.

ravenmiss

I think you both look fine. I think I'm about twice the size of my very slim bf but it just makes me more determined to get back into shape.

I think you're getting negative or harsh comments because relationship based questions never ever go well on here and also the title is pretty harsh for a site where a lot of people have body image issues (and may think their partners want them to look different) but with some understanding I can see where you are coming from.

vmclach

My fiancé is 1 inch taller than me and weighs only 8 pounds more than me. My brother is 5 inches taller than me and weighs 8 pounds more than me. I've never been told I "look fat" because I'm standing next to them. Just worry about yourself and how you look. Honestly, I don't think who you are standing next to matters.

Holly_Roman_Empire

I feel that even at my goal weight I will still look larger. And that scares me. If we have a future, and I have a child with him, I may never get down to what I am now even. I don't want to spend my life cringing at photos.

Are you willing to just stay the way you are because of your fear? Or do you want to challenge yourself to be the best version of you?

When my husband and I first met, I was at my largest weight ever, and about 10 pounds more than him. Just like you and your man. Now we're married, we have a one-year-old child, and I'm 35 pounds less than I was then. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

gymgirl3590

I am glad to hear that you are aware that it's your issues with body image and size, not an actual "flaw" in your boyfriend that he's not taller and larger. If that were the case, I'd say find a new boyfriend. But it sounds like your title here was more in jest. I'm glad. As a woman who has always been both big and relatively tall at 5'8", I know the feeling of seeking out guys who were both taller and heavier than me...honestly a pretty silly requirement when dating, and something I got past when I was in my mid 20's. But it's not an uncommon thing. Society tells us as women we MUST be smaller, daintier, weaker, thinner, etc. Lame.

My husband is taller than me by a lot, but when we met I outweighed him by a good 40 lb. Only in the past few months am I lighter than him. I love that he is so fit and active and he's helped inspire me to become more so.

Date the person who makes you feel amazing and vice versa. Good luck!

This. Yes, I forgot about my title, and it was not a serious thought. I thought the rest of the post would have made that clearer, but I guess it was missed.

kcmcd

He probably doesn't notice. I've almost always outweighed my husband. I outweighed him by a good 20lb when we got married (when I was about 130lb), and then every time I was pregnant... it was way more. lol. We've both gained some in the ten years we've been together, him more than me (hooray!) but I think I still have a pound or two on him (at 146lb). I spent a lot of years wondering if it bothered him and recently got up the courage to actually ask him if it bothered him that I was bigger than him.

He said "What? You're not." Completely flabbergasted. All those years I felt bad! He didn't even think about it.

Anyway. Your body will change over the years. It can't really be helped. Just try and remind yourself that he loves you and your body, because I'm sure he does.

(I'm not assuming you outweigh him. I'm just relating my experience.)

kjo9692

You both look really good together! (Not that it should matter what others think about your relationship though or how you guys "look" together)

And like another poster said, don't base how you feel about yourself on how he looks. You love him, right? That's all that matters. He doesn't care about him being shorter/you being taller, right? Then there's no problem in that area either. If your issue is about what others think, stop caring about that.

A relationship is way more than how you guys "look."

Just wanted to add that you are a really good looking gal :flowerforyou: If you feel that working towards fitness and losing a bit BF% will make you feel better, then totally go for it!

wheird

Well, I think you two look great together. And you look fit, as does he. You are just letting your insecurities get the better of you.

MrsATrotta

You two look so good! You are not bigger than him, I think you need to look in the mirror (or pics in this case) and love what you see bc you have NOTHING to worry about.

_mlee_

I'm not going to lie, I clicked on this thinking "she wants a beer to make herself feel thin?" lol curiosity got the best of me and realized it was a tall fat boy NOT a tallboy (I need to learn how to read the full sentence)

Looking at your profile pics, you don't look bigger than him at all actually (other than height wise which you look about the same) I wouldn't worry about it. You guys look cute together. He obviously likes you and I doubt anybody looking at you guys would see what you see. We are our own worst critics. Just focus on getting healthy and in shape and not worry too much about the things that you can't really change. Good luck on your weight loss

deksgrl

For what it's worth, you and your boyfriend look fine. You look like a fit couple and that's cool to see.

This.

Stop worrying about it. Not everyone gains a lot of weight during pregnancy or has a hard time getting it back off afterwards. You look very fit and healthy so I wouldn't go looking for trouble you might not even ever have.

AliceSwarthout

I don't think that you look bigger than him...You guys are adorable and you match. Don't worry so much

seltzermint555

He probably doesn't notice. I've almost always outweighed my husband. I outweighed him by a good 20lb when we got married (when I was about 130lb), and then every time I was pregnant... it was way more. lol. We've both gained some in the ten years we've been together, him more than me (hooray!) but I think I still have a pound or two on him (at 146lb). I spent a lot of years wondering if it bothered him and recently got up the courage to actually ask him if it bothered him that I was bigger than him.

He said "What? You're not." Completely flabbergasted. All those years I felt bad! He didn't even think about it.

I think that happens a LOT! I've had male friends who were just chubby or average, and average height to tall, and they seriously assumed that being female and their height or shorter, I weighed much less than they did. These guys weren't saying that to be nice. They were genuinely shocked that I was WELL over 200 lb, because they were around 190 and pretty big guys and even though I was clearly fat and not petite, they just assumed that I weighed like 170 or something....similarly, I think a lot of fit women who weigh 145-150 or so, guys assume they're 110 lb! haha

ETA: I'm talking about random guys who aren't into diet/weight loss or fitness. Athletes and more "aware" guys do tend to have a better notion of what people weigh, including women.

2fat2jump

I am glad to hear that you are aware that it's your issues with body image and size, not an actual "flaw" in your boyfriend that he's not taller and larger. If that were the case, I'd say find a new boyfriend. But it sounds like your title here was more in jest. I'm glad. As a woman who has always been both big and relatively tall at 5'8", I know the feeling of seeking out guys who were both taller and heavier than me...honestly a pretty silly requirement when dating, and something I got past when I was in my mid 20's. But it's not an uncommon thing. Society tells us as women we MUST be smaller, daintier, weaker, thinner, etc. Lame.

This is exactly what I was going to say, so I won't bother repeating it. Seriously. You're beautiful, healthy, and fit. F*** societal judgment. You and your boy are a great looking couple.

OkamiLavande

I feel the same way in my marriage only it's a bit different. He's taller than me and swears I'm not over 5' tall but I weigh more than him and it bothers me. He's about 5'9" and he's way underweight but not by his choice, his upbringing and country kind of made him that way and I always manage to fatten him up a little when he's with me stateside, but, it still bothers me he's 10-20lbs less than me.

We're both pretty fit still and we love each other no matter what, but silly things bother girls. It bothers him a bit too but he knows how hard it is for him to change his weight even though we've tried.

BrownEyedSister

Gymgirl,

My husband swears he is 5'6". However, I am 5'5" and am at least two inches taller than he is. I wear three inch heels when we go out. He's got enough confidence for a guy that is 7', believe me!!

Be grateful to have a wonderful guy and if anyone says a word about it offer to punch them in the nose - you've got the muscles to do it!

BrownEyes

BusyRaeNOTBusty

I love my boyfriend. And I wouldn't trade him to lose 50 pounds. But it is hard when we're the same height (I may be a little taller, an inch tops), and I have a bigger frame than him and weight more. As you can see in my picture, he's fit, and I'm a little more fluffy in comparison. I weigh less than ten pounds more, but I look much larger.

I feel that even at my goal weight I will still look larger. And that scares me. If we have a future, and I have a child with him, I may never get down to what I am now even. I don't want to spend my life cringing at photos.

I was a gymnast, and I'm still strong. I feel like for now I should concentrate mostly on cardio, then do strength more down the road so I don't bulk up fast or something. Am I right with that?

My earlier reply was short, because actual work and stuff.

First, I'll repeat it, you do NOT look bigger than him now, and ya know what, even if you did, who cares? Who has decided men *must* but bigger? He looks like a fit strong dude. Stand back to back. Are your shoulders broader than his? I really doubt it.

Second, loosing pregnancy weight really isn't that hard. I've done it 3 times. Of course you can get back down to were you are now. There will be no reason to cringe at any photos.

Third, you will NOT bulk up lifting while on a calorie deficit. All you'll do is preserve muscle as you lose fat. Right now you might be strong and have big muscles (this is good) but they might look a little bigger than they actually are due to intramuscular fat. As you lose they will tighten up and just look awesome. Trust, me. You want to keep your muscles. You do. So no, you are not right. Do a good mix of strength and cardio. I'd recommend a good program like Strong Lifts 5x5, which is 3 times a week and can be done in about 40min.

Lastly, story time: I am 5'9", as is my husband. I weight 155lbs currently, and he's about 163. I've been heavier than am in the past. But his biceps are still way bigger than mine (and I've been lifting for 2 years) and his shoulders are bigger. When I was younger, yeah, I would seek out the tall fat boys to make me feel thin. Had I continued on that course I would have missed out on a really really great man. He's an awesome father and partner. We are totally in love after 12 years together. What if I let my own insecurities get in the weigh and decided to move on? I was the same as you. It was really MY insecurities. I didn't like feeling "big" but the truth is, I AM big, and that's okay. Women are beautiful and have worth at all sizes. Being 5'9", broad shouldered and big hipped is just as normal as being 5'2" and petite. And yeah, when I was 9 months pregnant I weighed 190lbs, a good 30lbs more than he did. I never cringed looking at photos because there's nothing wrong with me, not even when compared to him. And yeah, I lost the extra pregnancy weight 3 times. I am now more fit, and have a better body composition than I did before I had children.

Seriously. Work on getting over it. It's not a big deal.

MostlyWater

I know. I keep telling DD to find a fat boy but she thinks I'm nuts .....

lindsey1979

He probably doesn't notice. I've almost always outweighed my husband. I outweighed him by a good 20lb when we got married (when I was about 130lb), and then every time I was pregnant... it was way more. lol. We've both gained some in the ten years we've been together, him more than me (hooray!) but I think I still have a pound or two on him (at 146lb). I spent a lot of years wondering if it bothered him and recently got up the courage to actually ask him if it bothered him that I was bigger than him.

He said "What? You're not." Completely flabbergasted. All those years I felt bad! He didn't even think about it.

Anyway. Your body will change over the years. It can't really be helped. Just try and remind yourself that he loves you and your body, because I'm sure he does.

(I'm not assuming you outweigh him. I'm just relating my experience.)

Wait, am I reading that right -- that your husband weighed 110 lbs when you got married?

RHachicho

Tbh sounds like he loves you to bits regardless. Don't be so insecure maybe he actually LIKES having a girlfriend who's bigger than he is. Ever think of that lol?

a_stronger_me13

I don't know about everyone else, but fat tall boys always make me feel bloated and hungover.



Oh, wrong kind of tall boy. My bad.

To the OP, lift weights now, not later.

kcmcd

He probably doesn't notice. I've almost always outweighed my husband. I outweighed him by a good 20lb when we got married (when I was about 130lb), and then every time I was pregnant... it was way more. lol. We've both gained some in the ten years we've been together, him more than me (hooray!) but I think I still have a pound or two on him (at 146lb). I spent a lot of years wondering if it bothered him and recently got up the courage to actually ask him if it bothered him that I was bigger than him.

He said "What? You're not." Completely flabbergasted. All those years I felt bad! He didn't even think about it.

Anyway. Your body will change over the years. It can't really be helped. Just try and remind yourself that he loves you and your body, because I'm sure he does.

(I'm not assuming you outweigh him. I'm just relating my experience.)

Wait, am I reading that right -- that your husband weighed 110 lbs when you got married?

You sure are. lol. He was very skinny. He's still trim. He just filled out a little. He looks great.

Alex_murphyy

Believe me, its much worse to have a 6ft 2in boyfriend who weighs 170lbs and can eat whatever he wants and not gain a pound... In fact, he usually looses weight. And than there is me who is 5'4'' and doesnt have a body like that. We literally calculated his calorie intake one day and it was 3500+

Bottom line, you cant compare yourself to who you are with. Its hard enough that I am always eating healthy and live with someone who just eats and eats. If I compared my weight with his, I would drive myself insane! But like you, I wouldnt trade him for the world and have been with him for 7+ years.

Women and Men have different body types. And I think its important to evaluate why he is with you and why you are with him. Looks are just a part of the equation.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

I had a child. I look better at 28 than I ever did at 18. Because I lift heavy. True story.