Family member morbidly obese, anything I can do?

tracydr

So, first of all, I'm a physician. I talk to people about losing weight all the time and refer those who desire for weight loss surgery.
Now, I'm trying to lose 50lbs, which will put me at 61.5 ", 105 lbs, as thin as I was at age 24 after Air Force officer training school. My mom is always dieting and always a little chubby but tries really hard and walks 6 miles daily at age 70. My dad walks with her.
My husband is very fit and thin/muscular. We've been married for 6 years. He has three daughters, two of who are super obese. One is trying to lose some weight although I doubt that she ever will, unless she changes her eating habits. I can't talk to her much, she's very option acted.
The heaviest though, she breaks my heart. She is probably well over 300 right now at 63". She is only 26 years old, finishing her second Master's degree. She's gained a lot of weight this year and I think she weighed about 280 before she really started gaining.
She has had a thyroid issue this year but she's been hyperthyroid more than hypothyroid. ( Hashimoto's thyroiditis)). She's using the thyroid issue as an excuse to eat everything, gain weight and not exercise, because she's not feeling well and has some racing heart along with chest pains.
Her grandparents on Daddy's side died at 50-53 years old from heart attacks. My husband has a genetic cardiovascular problem with Lpa, and also borderline diabetes, although it would be full blown diabetes without diet, exercise and keeping thin. He is on two diabetes meds and three meds for cholesterol, plus has to keep his BP uncomfortably low.
We've both talked to daughter about her weight. I've tried to go to the gym together and do MFP together but now she won't even talk to my husband because he brought up weight loss surgery again.
I saw her Saturday. She looks heavier than ever and miserably uncomfortable. She wore a long black skirt, long sleeve shirt to my grand a daughters State track meet in the sun, 100 degrees that day.
Her fiancé is very heavy and I wonder if he's discouraged her from losing weight, too.
Is there anything I can do to help?

xsmilexforxmex

No. She has to want it. No amount of pressuring will help. The most I would recommend is talking to her about health risks and that you're worried from a medical perspective. If she doesn't bite, then don't push. Calling someone out on their weight will either open their eyes or push them away, especially if they're in denial. Pictures can sometimes make them see how big they're gotten... but honestly - It's her choice.

Sztheday

Honestly, I think the most you can do is maintain a positive, supportive relationship. This means that you don't discuss the hot button issue of her weight. Let her know that she can come to you with any difficulty, Anything, and you'll be there for her. If she see's you as a trusted friend, perhaps she'll feel comfortable coming to you when she is ready to make a change. Right now, it sounds like she hasn't decided to change. Of course, you also don't need to enable her by providing unhealthy foods when she comes to visit.

Good luck!

cebreisch

It is her decision to make, and nobody else's. She HAS to want it for herself. Trust me: She knows how fat/obese she is, and showing her pictures of how she's gained weight over the years WILL NOT help. Making her feel guilty about her weight or shaming her about her weight will not be effective either. She will resist at every turn. I can say this, because, in a way, I'm her.

It will take a "defining moment" for her to realize that something needs to change. For me, it was going to an event at my daughter's school. I could hardly walk to the door, and once inside the door, I was so out of shape/breath that I had to sit down, and the only place to do that was on the floor. People had to maneuver around me, the teachers kept asking if I was okay - and I had the nerve to grumble that it was their fault for making me walk so far!! Sitting there on the floor, watching the goings on around me, having my daughter have to stand there and wait for me, I was mortified and humiliated and thought, "Something has to change." I made an appointment with a lap-band surgeon later that week.

I've still not gotten the lap-band, but the things they did for me set me up for success: I made an appointment with a therapist/counselor, I went to see a dietician once a month, I joined Weight Watchers and went to meetings. I ended up losing 115 pounds, then had skin removal surgery, a bit of difficulty recovering and a handful of other things later contributed to me gaining weight so I've gained back some. BUT that's the glory of this journey....I can start over again.

Let her know that you know of resources....dieticians, weight loss surgeons, etc.....IF she would ever want to look into talking to someone about that. Let her know you recognize that it's her decision, and that you'll be cheering her on the entire way.

For what it's worth.....