starting over after my dad recently passed away

Mizzhealthy4life

i had my baby a year ago and a few weeks ago my daddy passed away very unexpectly from septic shock and my grandma died 11 months earlier so its been hard and i have gained about 20 pounds in 3 weeks lol. its my daughters 1st birthday next week and its been hard to stay focused and im wondering and looking for support to help me through this. i am ready to get the most fit i have ever in my life. has any ever felt this way or are going thru this now please add me. altogether from my grandma and dads deaths ive gained back 65 pounds ive lost, and im ready to live life to the fullest again!!!

tl_dr

i had my baby a year ago and a few weeks ago my daddy passed away very unexpectly from septic shock and my grandma died 11 months earlier so its been hard and i have gained about 20 pounds in 3 weeks lol. its my daughters 1st birthday next week and its been hard to stay focused and im wondering and looking for support to help me through this. i am ready to get the most fit i have ever in my life. has any ever felt this way or are going thru this now please add me. altogether from my grandma and dads deaths ive gained back 65 pounds ive lost, and im ready to live life to the fullest again!!!

I'm so sorry to hear that. :frown: That's rough. I hope you are doing alright.

My grandmother passed away not too long ago, last November. She was my biggest hero. A really great woman. My parents even named me after her. Because of a car accident, she was paralyzed from the waist down from the time she was 17 until the day she died... About 60 years. She never let it get to her, though--she never felt sorry for herself, and she always had this big grin on her face. She had so many friends, and up until she got very sick she was always running all over town doing this-and-that. She didn't complain and she didn't make excuses and she didn't let herself waste away, even though she had every right to.

She was really sick for quite some time before her body finally let go. It was really hard to watch such a strong person just wither away like that. I used it as an excuse to treat my body poorly. I locked myself inside and slept all day and put on more weight.

After she passed away, I decided that what I was doing was pretty sorry. It was shameful. She spent almost her entire life a paraplegic, but she never made excuses. When I felt like I was too upset to even move, I reminded myself that she would have been running and jumping and tumbling all over the place if she could. I decided that I had no excuse, and I was going to become healthy for her. I started taking my workouts and diet much more seriously because I knew I had no excuse. I run and walk and hike and ride my bike because I know how much she would have given to be able to do that. I just wished I had started sooner so she could have watched me become a healthy, happy person.

I know that is different from your situation, but I think it is important that you find strength in your family, regardless of whether they are around to see you grow. It is important to keep in mind that you only have one body, and your body is sacred. Think of how proud it would make your daddy and grandma to see you strong and healthy and lean. Think of your daughter, and how critical it is that she has a mom that can keep up with her and teach her good habits so that she will never have to struggle with being overweight and the body image problems that come with it.

I know what you're going through, and I understand. However, death is a part of life, and it's no reason to throw your health away. You've got yourself and your daughter and the rest of your friends and family to be strong and live well for. I'm sure you love your baby, and the better you take care of yourself, the longer you will be around to spend time with her and watch her grow.

I wish you the best of luck, both with your weight loss and your emotional recovery. Remember, there is no absence of support here. You can always come here when you're feeling a little defeated. You can even add me as a friend, if you'd like.

:flowerforyou:

terbusha

My condolences to you and your family. If you are having trouble staying motivated and are looking for support, I help to run support groups through Facebook. We have lots of people in there that are improving themselves and helping everyone else to stay accountable. We teach about proper nutrition and how to exercise. I'd be happy to chat with you about it if that is something that you're looking for.

Allan

Mizzhealthy4life

omg thats exactly how my grandmother was. she was always running around and she raised me with my dad because my mom died in a car wreck when i was 7 years old. so to me she was mom, and my dad was in iraq for a long time so i didnt really get to see him to often, but when i did it meant alot. and he was risking his life so it meant even more to me. and he just celebrated his 50th birthday in march so when i got that phone call the morning after i spoke to him that he was in a medical induced coma it was hard. his gallbladder had gotten infected and me being a nurse i blame myself for not pushing him more to see a doctor. but no more your stories have motivated me even more and i am ready now more then ever to be the best ive ever been

Mizzhealthy4life

yes that is exactly what i am looking for thank you so much!!!!!

hopeflu

Hi. I have the exact same story as you. In 2004 my Grandmother died and then a few months my father died from cancer. Only knew dad had cancer for 3 months! He was supposed to marry my hubby and I the next year (he was a pastor).
Before all that, I had lost 30kg's (60 pounds I think). After that... I picked it all up and more. It was a very hard time.
I would beat myself up for the weight gain while trying to grieve and it just added so much me stress to my life.

Be kind to yourself, it is so much to go through. It will be ok but it will take time. You can do this. Thinking of you.

Mizzhealthy4life

Hi. I have the exact same story as you. In 2004 my Grandmother died and then a few months my father died from cancer. Only knew dad had cancer for 3 months! He was supposed to marry my hubby and I the next year (he was a pastor).
Before all that, I had lost 30kg's (60 pounds I think). After that... I picked it all up and more. It was a very hard time.
I would beat myself up for the weight gain while trying to grieve and it just added so much me stress to my life.

Be kind to yourself, it is so much to go through. It will be ok but it will take time. You can do this. Thinking of you.

Mizzhealthy4life

it is crazy how one minute life is good then it just seems to beat you down. im relieved to find others who have went thru what i am going thru. i recieved a phone call 18 hrs before my father passed from my sister and told me to rush down there that he was in a medical induced coma and so i grabbed my kids and we drove 2 hours and right when i got there he passed it was very hard being a nurse i thought i was immuned to feeling so dramatic over death but i was so wrong. but thank you for sharing your story death can wreak havoc on weight and we are proof lol

Vune

I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad died a month ago. He had a stroke while he was driving and would not have been able to function with the brain damage. He was absolutely the smartest and kindest person I have known.

My therapist said there is no wrong way to grieve. I don't quite have the appetite I used to, and I've been falling back on convenience foods. I want the greatest daughter. I've wasted a lot of time being angry about my medical conditions, so i figure staying on track and being healthy would be a great way to honor him.

It's hard. I log in here every day, whether i eat my veggies or ice cream. Add me if you want the extra support.

spicegeek

Be gentle and kind to yourself - do not beat yourself if you don`t eat well or don`t work out - let it go and do what you feel able to do - I sunk into a depression after losing my Mom and Dad 12 weeks apart that took me the best part of 2 years to get back on track - during that time I think I regained pretty much all of the 60lbs I had lost prior to their deaths. The spiral was made worse by me feeling so bad that I had gained back weight and I just gained more and more back. I finally sought professional help and talked to someone

I got back on track in Jan and finally refocussed - I am about 30lbs down and well on the way to getting back to my old self

khoshgeleh16

So sorry for your loss - I know exactly how you feel. My father passed away ten days ago from pancreatic cancer, and I sort of hopped off the wagon about 2.5 weeks prior - with taking care of him 24/7 for those few weeks, I only half-heartedly tracked my food and I'm pretty sure I've gained some weight back : -/ I'll just reiterate what others have said here, make sure that you're kind to yourself in this journey. It's tough, and circumstances like these make it all the more difficult. But you can do it!

momwhosbusy

JUST lost my Dad to liver and pancreatic cancer on April 26. It's been a long hard year for our entire family. Long story short...re-gained 17 of the 43 lbs lost and now I am re-taking control, or at least trying to. My condolences to you all who have lost loved ones.

looseseal

To Mizz and everyone else who has suffered recent losses, I am so very sorry for all of your losses. I know how difficult this time is for you and how you feel. Time does help . . . but you have to give yourself the time. Don't feel rushed or think you have to do this NOW. If you can, great. If not ... give it time.

My 2013 was: 5/20 my sil (hub's sister) died; 5/28 my aunt (my mom's sister, my godmother) died; 5/30 my dad died; 6/2 my mom fell and broke her hip, she died 6/10; about a week after my mom died my hub's uncle died; both brothers had their cats put down in Oct; 12/14 my mom's last living sibling (her older sister) died; 12/24 my hub's aunt died.

Grief immobilized me. I either wasn't home for weeks on end (came home to sleep but was gone all day with arrangements, had to have my parents apartment at the retirement place cleaned out within the month, got horribly sick a week after my mom's funeral, taking care of my one brother who had a really hard time with it all) and just couldn't move when I did get home. When things finally settled some (end of July) it was all I could do to just sit on the sofa. Cooking for the family, shopping, cleaning ... you name it and I just couldn't do it. The dogs didn't even get walked. Grieving is exhausting. The only thing I did manage - because I had no choice - was on July 2 we discovered that both dogs, both cats and the house was infested with fleas so I did treat the house twice for that. Dogs never got their flea drops due to all the deaths (never forget to give your dogs their flea drops!). omG last year was just awful.

Sometime in early Sept I started to try to get back to exercising. Over and over again I tried. Really, just walking on the treadmill for 20 mins. I felt like a lead weight and could not get into a routine. Through the end of 2013 and the first couple of months of 2014 ... gaaa, I just couldn't manage to get back into it. But I kept trying. Fall down seven times, get up eight. I live in SE Pennsylvania and we had a really sh*tty winter. The holidays ... oh I hated December last year. When March rolled around it was like FINALLY a break. Again I tried and slowly started to clean up my eating.

I posted the following in another thread earlier today. Someone gave this to my brother at one of the funerals last year. I think it was my mom's funeral but don't know. Anyway, I hope it helps you get through this difficult time. Don't be too hard on yourself, don't push beyond what you are capable of. In time you will get to where you want to be. Take care.

The Mourner’s Bill of Rights ~ Alan D. Wolfert, Ph.D

Although you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.

1) You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.

2) You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.

3) You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.

4) You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel ready to do.

5) You have the right to experience “griefbursts.” Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.

6) You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.

7) You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, “Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.

9) You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.

10) You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.

hjblackburn26

I'm so very sorry about your recent losses, especially of your father. I, too, lost my father 5 years ago due to a massive heart attack. For this reason I am trying to get healthy. For one, I don't want to end up with the same health problems he had: heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, etc. I actually count the years I have left until I hit the age he was when he died, he was 54 and I am 34, 5'3" and 290lbs. I know a lot of those are genetic and I'm predisposed to them but I can lessen my chances if I can lose the weight and get healthy.

I have also been battling depression for a while as well, even before my daddy passed away. This has been a big cause of my weight gain over the years so this is another area I'm trying to fix.

I wish you nothing but the best and I want you to know that I am here anytime you need someone to talk to. I sent you a friend request so please feel free to contact me anytime. Good luck and we are in this together. Again, I'm very sorry for your losses.

Mizzhealthy4life

To Mizz and everyone else who has suffered recent losses, I am so very sorry for all of your losses. I know how difficult this time is for you and how you feel. Time does help . . . but you have to give yourself the time. Don't feel rushed or think you have to do this NOW. If you can, great. If not ... give it time.

My 2013 was: 5/20 my sil (hub's sister) died; 5/28 my aunt (my mom's sister, my godmother) died; 5/30 my dad died; 6/2 my mom fell and broke her hip, she died 6/10; about a week after my mom died my hub's uncle died; both brothers had their cats put down in Oct; 12/14 my mom's last living sibling (her older sister) died; 12/24 my hub's aunt died.

Grief immobilized me. I either wasn't home for weeks on end (came home to sleep but was gone all day with arrangements, had to have my parents apartment at the retirement place cleaned out within the month, got horribly sick a week after my mom's funeral, taking care of my one brother who had a really hard time with it all) and just couldn't move when I did get home. When things finally settled some (end of July) it was all I could do to just sit on the sofa. Cooking for the family, shopping, cleaning ... you name it and I just couldn't do it. The dogs didn't even get walked. Grieving is exhausting. The only thing I did manage - because I had no choice - was on July 2 we discovered that both dogs, both cats and the house was infested with fleas so I did treat the house twice for that. Dogs never got their flea drops due to all the deaths (never forget to give your dogs their flea drops!). omG last year was just awful.

Sometime in early Sept I started to try to get back to exercising. Over and over again I tried. Really, just walking on the treadmill for 20 mins. I felt like a lead weight and could not get into a routine. Through the end of 2013 and the first couple of months of 2014 ... gaaa, I just couldn't manage to get back into it. But I kept trying. Fall down seven times, get up eight. I live in SE Pennsylvania and we had a really sh*tty winter. The holidays ... oh I hated December last year. When March rolled around it was like FINALLY a break. Again I tried and slowly started to clean up my eating.

I posted the following in another thread earlier today. Someone gave this to my brother at one of the funerals last year. I think it was my mom's funeral but don't know. Anyway, I hope it helps you get through this difficult time. Don't be too hard on yourself, don't push beyond what you are capable of. In time you will get to where you want to be. Take care.

The Mourner’s Bill of Rights ~ Alan D. Wolfert, Ph.D

Although you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.

1) You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.

2) You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.

3) You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.

4) You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel ready to do.

5) You have the right to experience “griefbursts.” Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.

6) You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.

7) You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, “Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.

9) You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.

10) You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.

Mizzhealthy4life

this could not have helped me more!! thank you for sharing that wonderful insight!! i will use it everyday, to help me through this time in my life!!

fourluvbugs

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the other losses I read about in this thread. I too lost my daddy not so long ago, he passed in October ten days after his second stroke and he was also young, 63. I lost weight while he was sick and then piled it back on. It took me about six months to get to where things are kind of normal (I've stopped snapping at my kids constantly!) though I still miss him and think of him every day. I love the Bill of Rights that was posted for you.... the loss of a daddy is shattering and you need to allow yourself to be whoever you need to be as you work through it.

I've realized that I'm genetically doomed unless I make major changes and this is now hugely motivating to me. My dad had his first heart attack at age 46 and I'm 41..... I cannot die young. My kids need me. And so I'm taking this experience and using it to push me forward to health so that I can live a long life. Its not about vanity for me anymore and that, more than anything else, has made me realize that this isn't a race, this is a new lifestyle for me.

Any of you feel free to friend me if you like.

Hang in there Mizz!