Needing Support

ChubbyBunny

I am really just needing to develop a good stable support network of people with similar goals and possible the same struggles as me.

My family tries....They say they'll help and support me (cause they could ALL use some weightloss, even more then me). However, they say that and then have big get togethers with junk food all over. It kinda is counterproductive.

Anyway, this is just my little shout out for help. My future husband is leaving for Iraq in a few months and my goal is to lose a significant amount of unhealthy weight before him comes home in a year.

ChubbyBunny

I am really just needing to develop a good stable support network of people with similar goals and possible the same struggles as me.

My family tries....They say they'll help and support me (cause they could ALL use some weightloss, even more then me). However, they say that and then have big get togethers with junk food all over. It kinda is counterproductive.

Anyway, this is just my little shout out for help. My future husband is leaving for Iraq in a few months and my goal is to lose a significant amount of unhealthy weight before him comes home in a year.

Jewlz

well we are all here to support you. I have simular problems with my family and this site has helped a lot:happy: we are always here for you. good days and bad.

Sun-Shine

Hey, Im with you. I need to lose like 50 pounds and my family eats sweets and all kinds of stuff all the time. My husband is thin and eats icecream and anything he wants everyday. I need suport as well. I am trying and not losing. Getting ready to starve myself here soon.....

DBranchaud

I know how you feel.My family says " Let's all go on diets together!" The very next day Mom will ask me to make butter tarts. There's alway some type of baked good or sugary soda or icecream somewhere in the house.

Well, we are all here and when your man comes back he won't recognize you!!!:bigsmile:

ChubbyBunny

I need to lose about 50 lbs too. I just don't want to end up a diabetic like my parents are....I have only been on this site a few days and it's already help me realize why it's no wonder I've been gaining weight....let alone not losing any.

I haven't really reached out a ton to find support cause on other sites usually people lose interest or just can't be bothered to form a good solid support group.

So much is going on (wedding, postponing of wedding due to the military, teaching, deployment, single parent) that for me I do a lot of stress eating and it's usually not the healthy kind of stuff I reach for.

julie737

Good for you in recognizing that you need to change! I have the same issues with family, but we're slowly changing. I've seen my mother-in-law's health deteriorate over the years (she lived with us for almost 2 years), much of it due to being obese and just not taking care of herself. I didn't want that to happen to me!

So take care of yourself and utilize all the support there is here. Good luck!

Julie

ali106

hey there!! big hugs to you and sending my best to your fiance on his tour...thank him too!!!

This has been such a great place for me in so many ways....I'm losing weight, I feel confident that I will keep it off and have made a lot of great pals who I cherish!!!

I think you'll make your goal and just take it one day at a time hon....here if you need us!!! cheering you on!! I'm an emotional eater too....best piece of advice...exercise when you want to grab for those chips, or ice cream, or whatever floats your boat
hugs!
Ali...

foxfire9372

I know you are not married yet, but what post is he stationed out of? Yeah, another mil wife. This is a great site for support, but I did the same thing while my husband was in Iraq and Kuwait. Find a person close to you for similair goals and be with them. If you haven't been involved, make sure you have the contact info for your finacee's FRG. Normally it is available to you when you get married, but they do a whole lot of different things while they are gone and it is good to have people around who truly get what you are going through. It is hard to do when they are gone. Just take it day by day.

ChubbyBunny

Thanks for the support. Obviously this place really does believe in being there for each other.

Actually, I won't be living near where my fiance is stationed. He's National Gaurd in WA and I am a school teach in ID. I know weird. We decided for his sanity to have me stay in Idaho with my family while he is away so he won't have to worry about us (my daughter and I), which is okay with me, except the whole "family eating issues."

I am actually freaking out pretty bad about the whole situation even though I try not to show it or talk about it. I mean, I wake up everyday with the mentality "He may not be coming back..." which is not the best but I am a total realist and know that is what I am getting into...which increases the stress. Also, with the military not saying whether he can have time to get married next month that's more stress. I've basically been a walking water fountain since Friday...a part of me is like, "It's a sign!"

grinningkat

When I was in the army my wife and I were in a similar situation. I know its not the dream wedding, but we ended up getting married REAL fast with a judge, then did a celebration when I got leave.

tell your husband I said thank you for my freedom.

ChubbyBunny

Oh don't get me wrong...I'd just do the judge thing in a heart beat. The catch for him is that he doesn't want us living in seperate states after we are married. I teach until the middle of June so can't really just STAY in WA right away.

I know it's going to be hard, and I am trying to prepare myself mentaly for it. However, over the last few weeks, I've noticed I've been totally emotionally eating. I didn't even think I was stressed til all this wedding roadblock stuff came up this weekend. However, it came up just about the same time I found this site and I've been working on keeping in my limits and trying to be as close to what my exercises are. That helps a lot cause I was WAY wrong on how I was doing things.

I would only eat 1200 calories on top of working out 45+ (sometimes 3 hours) a day! With this site it actually adds what calories I need to be adding on top of normal calories!

foxfire9372

I understand the whole living in the same state, but you will be spending more than the first year of marriage with him deployed and June isn't that far off. It is not easy. My husband and I got married while he was on leave from a hardship deployment and he went back to Saudi two weeks after we got married. It is hard with the military making you feel like a puppet dancing to some weird tune, but the benefits available are helpful. I know I sound a little mercenary here, but there has been a lot of press from girlfriends and fiancee's and how they feel left out because they are not married. The most heartbreaking one was when a girl's very serious boyfriend was killed and the shock she got when she found out that there was zero support for her military wise, how the support went to his family, as do all the immediate benefits. What is his deployment date? Keep your fingers crossed and hope it keeps getting pushed back.

ChubbyBunny

I don't want to be a military fiance/girlfriend for a year. Due to the reason that if he were to die and we never got married....it would kill me...I am not sure I'd be able to forgive myself. I will admit I am still tossing in my brain, "Is this a sign....that we should wait, that it's not meant to be...." All those things and the truth is...I don't know. I typically don't believe in fate, that I am the one who has the most say in my destiny...but it was an addition to other odd things (such as my former boyfriend showing up outta the blue...)

I've had friends who married on leave as well.... but in my heart I am like, "What if something were to happen....right off...and there never was a leave." I guess I am a worrier by nature. I understand the mercenary statement, but I made sure that I was prepared for remarriage. I teach, his benefits are not necessary (also very limited in Idaho) due to my profession but it's nice to know they are there.

He is in training all of july and leaves the middle of august.

foxfire9372

Go for it now. You truly are never prepared for what can happen. Whether it is injury or death. Which benefits are you talking about? We are 100% active military. My husband was a reservist in Desert Storm and went active after that. He has been all over the place and luckily, nothing has happened. We settled on a quick civil ceremony and are still trying to have a "honeymoon", but with deployments, school, me being on bed rest for incubating the kids, we still haven't got there, but then, the honeymoon hasn't ended for us. Even if you plan for family only. The only reason that I held off waiting for 6 months is that I wanted to make sure that I could handle the separation, knowing that I was in it for the long term.

ChubbyBunny

I am not sure I could wait...just with my mentality.

Military benefits are a pain in the butt to access in Idaho, especially in the rural parts. Not tons of places that support military families, which isn't fun. There are way more benefits then that which he brings to the table.

He is talking about waiting now...til leave or when he gets back in a year.

foxfire9372

The waiting game is hard, but can be done. I know what you mean about support. Everyone who knew me just looked at me with the you got to be crazy look. What my husband brings to me then and now is way more important than what he does for a living. Not that I am not so very proud of him. If you hit the "how do I deal with this" mood and need someone who knows what it is like, just do a posting. I check in daily when I do log ins and stuff.

ChubbyBunny

Thank you, I appreciate that.

I basically had to tell him that maybe we'd try to get married when things settled down. I just...I thought this was all taken care of before. That it wouldn't be such a hassel to him just to simply get married.

foxfire9372

Good luck with it all. Is waiting what you both want or does it seem easiest.

ChubbyBunny

I don't want to wait...because the whole..."What if...?" factor. I think in his mind it's easiest but in my mind it's just more stress for me. I mean....life has no garuntee...

foxfire9372

It is not easiest. I understand the "what if" factor. There may be some other issues at hand. There are so many true, moderately true and downright wrong stories that go around about what happens during deployments, both stateside and overseas and if he is listening to some of those, he may be getting wigged out. Ask him if you haven't already. When Chris went to Riyahd, it wasn't in "combat", he was at the base so there wasn't the same danger element, but I would've hated to have had him gone to Iraq or Afghanistan and us not be together.

ChubbyBunny

He is protection for convoys. I have heard crazy stories as well. Most hitting too close to home due to buddies..... I'm wigging out and he's wigging out....and the last thing I want is him worrying about me. It's just so frustrating.

I didn't want to eat after he told me. I was just so upset my stomach hurt and everything. I even cried! AT SCHOOL! In front of kids! It was mortifying. Anyway... we are still trying to figure it out. It's a no go on leave and it's taken all day to convince him that getting married is easy. Having a wedding is more time consuming.

foxfire9372

Have him ask the battalion chaplain if he will marry you. There are really good flight deals going on now. Fly out, get married and let you both have some peace of mind. Convoys are scary. My husband was with the 106th Trans. Batt at Fort Campbell and was with a trans batt in Desert Storm. Scares the hell out of you. You can still do a full fledge ceremony when he gets back and honeymoon and all of that. Only point I will make there, is to wait a couple of months and let the redeployment stuff settle. If you are worried that feelings will change, my husband and I had been together 9 months before he left for a year and we will be married seven years in June and are still deeply in love with each other. Don't let all the bad that can happen outweigh the good.

foxfire9372

Also, you will go through days when you are too upset to eat/exercise and everything else. I know it is hard not to breakdown, but it is normal. When my husband is gone I can't even watch anything over Memorial Day or I spend all day in tears. This is one of the hardest things to deal with, married or not. On the food/exercise, I know you want to lose weight, but take it day by day and do the best you can. If you are too upset to eat, don't. Just don't let too many days go by with that happening. It will even out in the end. The hardest times will be right before he leaves, about two weeks prior to mid-tour leave, and the month after he leaves. Again, there are a whole lot of people going through the same thing. If you do get married, have him set you up with an ako account. Helps with email.

ChubbyBunny

We are working on it. I am currently thinking of flying up and getting the liscence so we at least can do it when we get time. The big thing is me going to him instead of him coming to me. My family will be disappointed they can't all make it but....I don't want him to go without being married. All his guys say not to marry before you go....but....I think for us it would help (religious thing).

I really appreciate all your help and support. Especially today, I was pretty pathetic.

foxfire9372

Never pathetic. Where is he training out of? If it is close and you need help!?! When Chris and I got married, my mom and stepfather came out, my now step-daughter, his mom, his sister and two nieces. His dad, other sister, brother in law, their kids, his brother and wife and the rest of my family couldn't make it and although it is hard, we got married and that is truly what is most important. You will have more days like today. Glad to help, come screaming if you need more support!

ChubbyBunny

Okay today is a rough day! I haven't gone crazy calorie wise or anything but man....I feel a difference. Today at school the staff had lunch provided for them, which made me cringe a little, cause usually teachers aren't well known for healthy eating. Come to find out the were doing tacos (my fav!). I resisted for a bit but then caved. One of the PSRs made one and left it in the fridge (little did I know that her idea or making a taco was WAY different then mine, it was sooo full). Anyway, I forgot and made a dainty little one, careful with everything in it. However, when I remembered she had one down there for me....and I was a little hungry still I wandered down and got it. Now my stomach hurts, too much of a good thing.

I have learned a valuable lesson though. Be the one preparing your food, cause there was a HUGE difference in the two tacos.

foxfire9372

My new thought for the day - make the whole world go on a diet whether they need it or not, deprive them of their fave foods for a couple of days and then eat them in front of them and see how they feel. I

ChubbyBunny

He is doing all his training in WA. I am in Idaho and have my family all here for support. It's just trying to figure out time together between now and when he deploys that is killing us.