Power 90, just starting here and very ready to give up

pushingthrough

Hi everyone. I'm 44 and have battled my weight my whole life. I have severe body dysmorphic disorder and struggle with an eating disorder (when I was a teen I used to starve myself for days at a time) which leaves me struggling with guilt over everything I eat and a lot of body hatred. Right now I am the heaviest I've ever been now and as I get older I notice the weight is in places it's never been before.

I'm a vegetarian and rarely if ever eat above 1300 calories a day - I do eat healthy foods and my only 'vice' if you will is coffee (1 1/2 cups a day).

I have always been a tennis player and relatively active (I walk everywhere) and recently I started Power 90 (the original version). I have been doing it religiously for 23 days now and have seen absolutely zero results with the exception of my arms appearing slightly toned.

I cannot weigh myself because I become obsessed and will begin weighing myself 30 times a day so I just know from my size clothing that I'm in the ballpark of 160 lbs (I'm 5'4). I am almost to a size 14. I want to get down to a size 8 or 6, so the number of my weight is not important, it is more just feeling comfortable. I have gained weight around my chest as well and my bra is always tight. I have a pair of pants that I've been using as a guide...they still won't fit over my thighs.

I'm this close to just somehow coming to terms with the fact that I'll always be fat but I don't want to do this, I know health wise I should not do this and I know mentally I will never accept it. I want my body back, plain and simple. But I'm frustrated.

I was wondering if anyone can give me some pointers as to why the power 90 is not working or is it perhaps too soon to see results.