Family can really suck (rant)
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A little background about myself and no, I'm not looking for sympathy. I never have. I have MS, PCOS, Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and as of March of this year, Diabetes. I've struggled with my weight and a lot of these issues for years. I've never burdened anyone unless it was absolutely necessary (emergency surgeries). I've dealt with all of these issues on my own and with little to no support from anyone.
When I found out I was Diabetic, I made it up in my mind that I wasn't going to die like my father and two uncles. This was MY choice and I didn't pawn my changes off on anyone. If hubby wanted to eat what I was eating, fine. If not, that was fine, as well. I've been making progress and some family is starting to notice. Some have even asked what I've been doing. Like anyone else here, I've been promoting this site. After all, it's THIS SITE and no one else that has backed me!! Thank God I'm stubborn enough not to let my family sabotage all my efforts.
I know I've asked some of you for advice and what you're doing. Yes, I've used some, if not all, of the info I've been given. Thanks to all of you, I've lost almost 70 lbs and got my A1C levels under what the ADA dictates. I'm still not ready to post any photos due to being extremely shy. I know you're all my friends and supportive; however, it's hard to get past all the years of Hell I endured of the teasing...some of it being from family.
Ok, so onto my rant...
Today, I'm sitting here planning out my menus for the rest of the day when my phone buzzes with a text message. It's my brother's fiance who says she has Diabetes and takes medicine. I've never seen her check her blood sugar or even watch what she eats. She's far from exercising, but to listen to her, she's doing everything under the sun (my brother confirms that she's just a couch potato).
Her message is asking me how many grams of carbs to eat in a day. I told her it depends on the person, height/weight ratio, lifestyle, etc. She reluctantly gives me her numbers and I plug them in here. I give her the carbs along with calories and fat grams. I figure, if she's going to change, she'll need that info, too. She comes back with that she quits!
First, how do you quit something you've never started? Second, if you want something, don't you usually have to work for it? Ugh!!! So, I tell her that I didn't start off with everything at once. I took small steps with changing this or that. Once I got used to that, I'd change something else in order to make this a lifestyle change for myself.
Her mother has a feeding tube because she's Diabetic, too and has never controlled anything. I would think that would be a wake-up call, but I guess not. She tells me that she doesn't care if she reaches 800 lbs, she just wants to get her sugars under control because she just lost her insurance. Ummm hello????? Weight, calories, blood sugar, etc. all goes hand in hand!! I'm trying hard to be nice, but explain that nothing is going to change until you're ready in your mind to actually change. It's a choice each individual must make if they're to be successful. I think this goes for almost anything.
Her last message to me: "Your right it is a choice and your choice seems to work for you but dont think for a min that you are in control. It controls everything you do...from what you eat to your workouts to avoiding family that might bring you stress to how much you sleep. FEAR is what controls you."
OMG!! I was so freaking ticked off when I read that. Seriously, who has the audacity to ask for help/advice and then go bashing efforts?? Successful efforts, I might add!! My only response to her was, "ok." What do you say to something like that? I might add, this isn't the first time she's jumped my case, either. She did it this past Saturday when we were shopping. Just out of nowhere she yells at me for losing weight because I'm going to "show her up" at her own wedding. Ummm I'm not even part of the wedding!!
I'm seriously re-thinking if I want her as a sister-in-law! Ugh!!!!
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest!
When I found out I was Diabetic, I made it up in my mind that I wasn't going to die like my father and two uncles. This was MY choice and I didn't pawn my changes off on anyone. If hubby wanted to eat what I was eating, fine. If not, that was fine, as well. I've been making progress and some family is starting to notice. Some have even asked what I've been doing. Like anyone else here, I've been promoting this site. After all, it's THIS SITE and no one else that has backed me!! Thank God I'm stubborn enough not to let my family sabotage all my efforts.
I know I've asked some of you for advice and what you're doing. Yes, I've used some, if not all, of the info I've been given. Thanks to all of you, I've lost almost 70 lbs and got my A1C levels under what the ADA dictates. I'm still not ready to post any photos due to being extremely shy. I know you're all my friends and supportive; however, it's hard to get past all the years of Hell I endured of the teasing...some of it being from family.
Ok, so onto my rant...
Today, I'm sitting here planning out my menus for the rest of the day when my phone buzzes with a text message. It's my brother's fiance who says she has Diabetes and takes medicine. I've never seen her check her blood sugar or even watch what she eats. She's far from exercising, but to listen to her, she's doing everything under the sun (my brother confirms that she's just a couch potato).
Her message is asking me how many grams of carbs to eat in a day. I told her it depends on the person, height/weight ratio, lifestyle, etc. She reluctantly gives me her numbers and I plug them in here. I give her the carbs along with calories and fat grams. I figure, if she's going to change, she'll need that info, too. She comes back with that she quits!
First, how do you quit something you've never started? Second, if you want something, don't you usually have to work for it? Ugh!!! So, I tell her that I didn't start off with everything at once. I took small steps with changing this or that. Once I got used to that, I'd change something else in order to make this a lifestyle change for myself.
Her mother has a feeding tube because she's Diabetic, too and has never controlled anything. I would think that would be a wake-up call, but I guess not. She tells me that she doesn't care if she reaches 800 lbs, she just wants to get her sugars under control because she just lost her insurance. Ummm hello????? Weight, calories, blood sugar, etc. all goes hand in hand!! I'm trying hard to be nice, but explain that nothing is going to change until you're ready in your mind to actually change. It's a choice each individual must make if they're to be successful. I think this goes for almost anything.
Her last message to me: "Your right it is a choice and your choice seems to work for you but dont think for a min that you are in control. It controls everything you do...from what you eat to your workouts to avoiding family that might bring you stress to how much you sleep. FEAR is what controls you."
OMG!! I was so freaking ticked off when I read that. Seriously, who has the audacity to ask for help/advice and then go bashing efforts?? Successful efforts, I might add!! My only response to her was, "ok." What do you say to something like that? I might add, this isn't the first time she's jumped my case, either. She did it this past Saturday when we were shopping. Just out of nowhere she yells at me for losing weight because I'm going to "show her up" at her own wedding. Ummm I'm not even part of the wedding!!
I'm seriously re-thinking if I want her as a sister-in-law! Ugh!!!!
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest!
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Replies
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I'm trying to think of something to say but all that comes to mind is that this is just terrible! Honestly, stay away, far far away from this person. After all - it is not you that is marrying her, and at the end you only have to worry about yourself. Seems that you are the only one that does anyway.... I'd move to the other side of the country and start fresh :-)0
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Way to go with the weight loss. Unfortunately you can't pick your in-laws, any of them! Good luck with getting along with her and with your continued weight loss/diabetes control.0
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one word : JEALOUSY!!!!!!!!!!
you keep doing what you're doing and if she keeps at it like you say she has she'll reach that 800lb goal that she's pushing for, that is if it doesn't kill her first...SMH...some ppl you just can't help0 -
Id avoid that dame like the plague...........shheesse, with relatives like her, who needs enemies......
Tell her , next time shes looking for drama, take it elsewheres, then call your brother and give him a heads up about this one.......he may thank you in the long run.............wow, what a mess she is...........Lloyd0 -
Thank you all!! Birdnicaj, I wish I could move to the other side! lol
I guess it just really gets to me because I've never pushed my lifestyle...before or now...onto anyone. If anything, I adjust to others. This gal, I really thought she was going to be different from the other in-laws. So, when she did this both times, I was just purely flabbergasted! The first time, we were face to face and she tried to pass it off as a joke when she saw my stunned reaction. I know it wasn't that. Today's messages really confirmed it.
Mykaar74, I thought jealousy, too. I just don't know. I don't feel like I did anything to warrant her outbursts. After all, she was the one asking for the help and then turned on me. I could understand it if I had been preaching to her, but I was merely answering questions.
Sometimes, I wish we could just ship off rude and stupid people!0 -
Id avoid that dame like the plague...........shheesse, with relatives like her, who needs enemies......
Tell her , next time shes looking for drama, take it elsewheres, then call your brother and give him a heads up about this one.......he may thank you in the long run.............wow, what a mess she is...........Lloyd
I'm definitely going to be avoiding her!
I did call my brother because I thought maybe he might know what's up with her. The sudden change in her was like a whole other person. Unfortunately, he had been at work and hadn't seen her all day. I told him he might want to get a kit to test her sugars. I wasn't saying it to be mean, but I know when mine were out of whack, I'd fly off the handle. I just know I'm not going to take someone snapping at me for no reason.0 -
Hun, you may want to tell your brother to look up the word " bipolar" in the dictionary on this train wreck..........
.I know , well, I knew one just like this, and after 5 years or so of her drama, I gave her a one way ticket elsewhere...........
She was the same, a walking trainwreck herself..........hmm., her name isnt Grace is it? I sure hope its not, and youre not in Conn......Youll have your hands full if its her, lol............good luck, stay focused and tell the drama queen you dont have time for her mess,
do yourself a favor and drop her............keep us informed, ............Lloyd0 -
Breathe, girlfriend....breathe. What did you do? You found success. That's enough to spark jealousy in just about anyone. I have no idea why she would contact you and ask questions if she wasn't serious. In all honesty I have to wonder, like you mentioned, if her sugars were off when she did it. My dad is diabetic and he will fly off the handle about things sometimes.
You just hold your head high! And avoid her when possible. When you have to be in contact with her just smile and keep making those healthy choices. You're doing GREAT! Congrats on your success!0 -
it's totally jealousy!! The comment about the wedding makes it so obvious.
Keep up your good work for yourself. If she asks for advice again, the simply give her the address: mfp.com and leave it at that. If she truly wants to change, you have given the tool that can work miracles. If she doesn't want to, she won't. Simple as that.
Sorry...in-laws can be a huge drain.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Bayoubabie, I've been asking myself that all day. Why ask if all you're going to do is insult me? One of my biggest pet peeves has always been someone asking for help and then not doing a thing about it. Why waste my time and yours? I never got that. If I hadn't been so stunned by her accusations, I'd have probably told her that. But, when she came of telling me that it controlled me and that it was fear... Wow!! Thank you!!
Lloydrt, thank you!!! That made me laugh and I needed that!! No, her name isn't Grace. hehe I just might have to mention that bipolar thing to my brother.
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congrats on the weight loss and getting your A1C under control :flowerforyou:
maybe seeing you and your accomplishments has made her face herself and see what she's not doing. and in turn, since she doesn't seem to want to fight for herself, she's going to fight against you. just a thought
good luck with all that!0 -
Lucky, thank you! I'm definitely going to do that if she, or anyone for that matter, asks. I'm done giving all the answers to everything I've done. I had help from my "family" here...and, God knows, you are all more family than my actual family has ever been. It was also through trial and error. That trial and error never stops...there's always tweaking, as we all know. But, I'm going to take your answer and use it, then walk away. They can all figure out the rest like I had. Too bad people like her couldn't see that I was trying to cut out the trouble I had.0
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Tammy, thank you!!
I thought of that, too. I've seen others post similar things. I haven't even reached the halfway mark of my goal. I would've expected something like this once I got past that, maybe. I don't know.
I guess it goes without saying, that people never cease to amaze us.0 -
First off, CONGRATS! You are doing wonderful!
Secondly, I have a grandmother just like this woman. She is 4'11" and about 200 pounds. She has had 5 heart attacks and every ailment under the sun. She asked me how I was losing weight, and I told her about this site. I even showed her how to use it. She flipped out on me and told me that she didn't care if she packed on another hundred and died of another heart attack!!!
Sometimes people get stressed when they hear the truth and feel that they can't do what they feel is being asked of them. They will come out swinging, feeling like they are being attacked. Fight or flight kicks in.
The best thing to do is just to not talk to her about it. If she contacts you with questions, change the subject, subtly. Don't let her reel you in!0 -
Thank you, lulu_beans!
5?? Wow!! I'm hoping I don't even have one. The Diabetes was enough to wake me up.
But, I guess everyone has their own wake up calls. I just wish they'd leave the anger out of it. Honestly, I don't mind helping anyone. I'm more than happy to give all my tips, tricks and anything else there is if it'll help someone. Just don't use me and then abuse me.
To all of you, thank you so much!! I'm feeling a lot better. I have to face her Saturday at another Bridal Shower. If I can, I'm avoiding her at all costs!!
On a positive note, I burnt 40 more calories than I usually do with my workout. Guess anger can really push ya!! lol0 -
Judging by her lack of motivation and laziness, I would say that she was upset and jealous that you DO have the motivation. She wants the results but doesn't want to do the work. My mom is the same way. I'll tell mom about my little successes, and she won't hardly say anything at all. She once asked what I was doing or taking and sounded upset that I didn't find an inexpensive diet pill that magically made me lose weight and make my stomach tighter. Hope things get better, and I'm so happy that you are doing well in your journey!0
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Hun, you may want to tell your brother to look up the word " bipolar" in the dictionary on this train wreck..........
.I know , well, I knew one just like this, and after 5 years or so of her drama, I gave her a one way ticket elsewhere...........
She was the same, a walking trainwreck herself..........hmm., her name isnt Grace is it? I sure hope its not, and youre not in Conn......Youll have your hands full if its her, lol............good luck, stay focused and tell the drama queen you dont have time for her mess,
do yourself a favor and drop her............keep us informed, ............Lloyd
Hey! I take offense to that! I am bipolar, and can get umm....emotional to say the least when not medicated, but not everyone who has bipolar IS a trainwreck. Just so you know........0 -
I_wanna_b_an_RN, I think you're right about the motivation. I've watched her and it seems she's only motivated to get a glass of water and chips. She seems to think by drinking water, that's going to fix everything. I'm glad to see that she's chosen to do that. Every little bit helps. But, there has to be more than that. Let me say, she's the queen of excuses!!
I guess what really baffles me is that her and my brother were commenting and complimenting me on how great I was doing and how much better I was looking. I never asked for that because I still haven't really noticed the changes. I really think I'm going to avoid her as much as possible.
I'm sorry for the offense. I don't think he meant to offend anyone. I got what he was saying, though. I also see your point, too. I've dealt with depression and I know about the emotional stuff. I do think this girl has something wrong with her and I'm tired of being the one she's lashing out at.0 -
Sooo...........let me get this straight.....a healthy diet and exercise controlling your life is a character flaw? Than I'm guilty as charged! I willingly put my neck in that yoke when I changed my lifestyle for the better. Shouldn't healthy choices control you? What's the alternative? Unhealthy choices controlling you? There's a name for that - addiction, be it drugs, alcohol, or, yes, even food. Letting the positive choices control you sounds like a pretty sensible way to live your life to me. Try not to pay attention to her and keep doing what you're doing. I think it's fabulous you've made so much progress given all the physical obstacles you're dealing with. Most of us here don't have those limitations and we still struggle. You're doing great! Keep it up! Good luck.0
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:flowerforyou: Perhaps she really believes that SHE has no control over this disease. She obviously has seen what it has done to her Mom and maybe she hit the nail on the head when she said the word fear. I am not trying to read too much into. But a lot of times people project their own feelings onto you when they are the ones feeling a certain way. I think she is scared out of her wits. I have dealt with sick people all my life and you never know how someone will react to something. I hate for you that you were the brunt of her rant and am absolutely not excusing ( I would be mad too) but before you get too upset at her, just know that she is not as strong as you are. Some people are and some people aren't and sounds like this girl is shakin' in her boots. And there probably is some unintended jealousy there. You are strong ; you overcame what she feels she cannot. What's not to envy?Good luck and if you pray, then pray. Family junk is never fun. I wish you luck.0
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