Hiyaz!

AeiriMuse

Alright. Unlike most of the posts here, I'm not new to MFP. I've been here for several years, the last couple of which I have been the most productive in becoming healthier. I'm still working to get the remaining 45.8 extra pounds off, but sometimes it feels like it's an endless uphill battle.

Anyway! I don't believe I have ever posted in this thread before. I have made some posts in various groups (many of which just sort of stopped going) but over the years of collecting friends I have found that, out of a couple hundred of them, only about ten of them sill actively log and post statuses.

Considering I met most of them in groups, I recently decided to make a group of my own. I'm creating the artwork for the badge and banner myself. (I am an author and artist. *waves*) Though, I am not sure if that will even get all that much attention unless I post on official forums and/or manage to find some more friends--active ones.

So, here goes.

My name is Natalie Rae, but I go by Muse or Nona. I -just- turned 26 on Star War's day (May the fourth be with you) and I currently reside in Louisiana in support of my boyfriend's career in law enforcement. I have been working on self improvement for many years, but for my physical fitness I first began to try in 2011. Since then I have read up on many articles, books, and the like about dieting, nutrition, and how to exercise and my favorite--the author who's methods have shown me the most progress--is Jim Karas' The Petite Advantage Diet. His information coupled with a bowflex have been my own personal method of weight training and a touch of cardio with the storyline of Zombies, RUN! (They are currently on Season 3. I love that game so much.)

When I'm not playing World of Warcraft or Pathfinder with my boyfriend, drawing, reading, or writing, I am researching. I love to learn. Being a college graduate is hard sometimes because I'm still hot-wired to be busy in some way or form, somehow. (I spend a lot of time at home with my dog because employment at my location seems to depend more on the boss knowing me while I grew up rather than my college and work history credentials from another state.) I match my boyfriends graveyard schedule, so I'm rather nocturnal.

If you're still reading this, I'm sure you've come to notice I'm sometimes long-winded, but I'm a story teller at heart and I feel if I can't write/type something at length with more of a voice than a message, then it's not worth it.

Although I'm not as plagued with night terrors, nightmares, insomnia, and sleep apnea as much as I used to be, I still get punched in the face with depression on occasion. My form is mainly a negativity towards myself--self-loathing. I look at what I have and feel I don't deserve it because I'm not at a level I expected myself to be at by now. I have a horrible flux of doubt about my worth and I understand that it is stupid. I know that if someone talked to my friends they would say I'm one of the most special people they've had in their lives, but when I look into that mirror I sulk at that dark other half that points out every perfectionist detail that is wrong.

This is the reason I am creating my group, Ashes to Ashes, and this post. I have overcome it with motivation, for now, but I know it will flare up once again. My best defense has been my friends, both on and off of MFP. Just seeing them work on their goals and the occasional like or comment keeps me going. I'm not completely sure if I'm weird because of that, or completely common, but I find being on this website/app and communicating with other people on it is comforting and empowering.

So, if my TLDR didn't frighten you away, I'm open for a friend request. (Though, I prefer that you do type some sort of message in with it--it helps me know that you're not some random person trying to sell me something once I friend the account. I'm not sure if they do that anymore, but it was plenty annoying a year or so ago. Also, when you make a message, it helps me get to know you a little and that way I remember your username and goals better!)