Fear of losing weight is holding me back

Koldnomore

I also live in one of the worst cities in the country for sexual harassment.

I have to ask, where do you live?

Like some of the other posters said, don't give anyone that much power over you. Lose weight, dress how you like and enjoy your life.

Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Our police have tried a few things in the past couple of years to cut down on sexual harassment, but it really doesn't seem to be helping much.

I lived in Edmonton for years, right down town, 2 blocks from Churchill square, there were hookers who worked on my street corner. I just moved from there about 5 years ago... One time there was a guy who got too close to me while I was walking to work at about 3:45 am (I worked the opening shift at a cafe) I was carrying my running shoes. I told him I would beat him with them if he didn't fu*k off.. must have been the wild look in my eyes, he didn't move for a long time after I passed.

Must have gone downhill lately.. Sorry to hear.

_Pseudonymous_

I TOTALLY understand this. It was a problem of mine as well. After being raped, being in a abusive relationship, an attempted abduction, and a mugging I developed the same fear. It's tough to overcome but I honeslty feel that finding something that makes you feel strong will take away the vicitimization feeling. You'll feel more confident and able to defend yourself. Also, carry pepper spray or mace OPENLY. LET IT BE SEEN and if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable let them know that they are invading your personal space and you have NO quarrels with using your Mace or your kickboxing skills. Straight to the face and balls. Lifting, kickboxing, regular boxing, or even just taking self defense classes will make you feel better and put you in a better state of health.


best of luck hun! I hope you can get through this and be able to focus on yourself and your health!

shining_light

Get some pepper spray, a taser, a knife. There are ways to protect yourself. Don't let sexual harassment hold you back.

I would do that, but none of those are legal to carry here, and you are not allowed to own pepper spray or tasers.

I don't think I'm doing it for myself in the first place. I've been losing weight and trying to get in shape for my partner, and all he really cares about is me not being fat. As long as I'm "not fat", we're good. Gotta stay skinnier than the ex-wife...


What am I doing with my life? Seriously.

likitisplit

Get some pepper spray, a taser, a knife. There are ways to protect yourself. Don't let sexual harassment hold you back.

I would do that, but none of those are legal to carry here, and you are not allowed to own pepper spray or tasers.

I don't think I'm doing it for myself in the first place. I've been losing weight and trying to get in shape for my partner, and all he really cares about is me not being fat. As long as I'm "not fat", we're good. Gotta stay skinnier than the ex-wife...


What am I doing with my life? Seriously.

That is a great question. If you lose no pounds at all, I think it would be good if you answered it.

wonderwoman234

Confidence can also be a detterent. Think about it from that perspective. Your lack of self confidence is sabotaging you in many ways and you are using outside influences to demotivate you. Stop! You deserve to be confident, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be motivated to improve YOU! By improving your health (I won't use the word appearance because although a byproduct shouldn't be the sole motivation) you will in turn increase your energy level, your self confidence, and your personal drive! This can be extremely intimidating to men who would otherwise hoot, holler, and whistle. Live this life for you and your family, adopt a buddy system when you will be walking outside long distances. If you are concerned beyond that consider a detterent such as a whistle or purse alarm and when one of this idiots bothers you... Make it known. Take care of you!

This is great advice! I personally think your question and concerns are legitimate, so ignore the haters who say you are being a troll. They lack emotional intelligence.

There are women who subconsciously do not want to lose weight (or feel conflicted about it) for a variety of reasons, including being sexually more attractive. Some of these women were raped or abused in the past and the weight feels like a protective mechanism to avoid sex.

Start weight training. I have found that it has made me feel more powerful and confident. Skeevy men tend to pick on women who look meek or insecure.

shining_light

Confidence can also be a detterent. Think about it from that perspective. Your lack of self confidence is sabotaging you in many ways and you are using outside influences to demotivate you. Stop! You deserve to be confident, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be motivated to improve YOU! By improving your health (I won't use the word appearance because although a byproduct shouldn't be the sole motivation) you will in turn increase your energy level, your self confidence, and your personal drive! This can be extremely intimidating to men who would otherwise hoot, holler, and whistle. Live this life for you and your family, adopt a buddy system when you will be walking outside long distances. If you are concerned beyond that consider a detterent such as a whistle or purse alarm and when one of this idiots bothers you... Make it known. Take care of you!

This is great advice! I personally think your question and concerns are legitimate, so ignore the haters who say you are being a troll. They lack emotional intelligence.

There are women who subconsciously do not want to lose weight (or feel conflicted about it) for a variety of reasons, including being sexually more attractive. Some of these women were raped or abused in the past and the weight feels like a protective mechanism to avoid sex.

Start weight training. I have found that it has made me feel more powerful and confident. Skeevy men tend to pick on women who look meek or insecure.

I do weight train. I'm kind of on "meh" terms with it.

AliceDark

It's not uncommon for women to look at extra weight as "armor" and feel ambivalent about losing weight for the exact reason you cited. I had a somewhat similar reaction when I first started thinking about gaining -- I wasn't sure I wanted to let go of being the "skinny" girl. It helped me to remember that change can always be reversed. If you lose weight and the attention becomes unberable, you can gain some or all of it back. Usually that's not a selling point when you're talking about weight loss, but it might help you to remember that nothing you're doing is necessarily permanent. You can go back to being this version of you if you need to.

I agree with the idea that confidence can be a deterrent. I don't mean this in a "blaming the victim" kind of way and I hope you don't take it as such, but sometimes the energy we project influences the reactions we get back. You could be giving off kick-*kitten* vibes right now, I don't know, but losing a little bit of weight might help you project a "don't mess with me" vibe if it makes you more confident in you.

You can also easily add the illusion of 15-20 pounds using clothing, if you want. You can lose the weight and put it back on whenever you need to. Layering and maybe a big puffy coat would do it.

deksgrl

You need to just own yourself and your decisions and not worry about what other people say/think/do.

Pretty_vacant

Harassment is a power thing, not an attractiveness thing.

THIS. If you lose 25 lbs or put on 25lbs, some men are still going to harass you. Harassment is horrible, demeaning and sometimes frightening, and it reinforces the idea we seem to have in Western society that you (as a woman) are only worth as much as your appearance, and your body is public property. You are NOT an object, you are a human being with agency, and you can't let the harassers win by letting their actions dictate your choices. There is no shame in wanting to appear attractive - to yourself, your partner, or even, if you wish, to strangers on the street. There is no shame in wanting to diminish the harassment you receive either, and the two don't have to be mutually exclusive. Do what makes YOU happy in your body and your life, and don't let yourself live in fear.
(The Hollaback! project has information, stories and practical advice regarding street harassment, as well as running events. It might be worth checking out as a way to increase confidence or even to share your stories and get some support - www.ihollaback.org )

shining_light

Harassment is a power thing, not an attractiveness thing.

THIS. If you lose 25 lbs or put on 25lbs, some men are still going to harass you. Harassment is horrible, demeaning and sometimes frightening, and it reinforces the idea we seem to have in Western society that you (as a woman) are only worth as much as your appearance, and your body is public property. You are NOT an object, you are a human being with agency, and you can't let the harassers win by letting their actions dictate your choices. There is no shame in wanting to appear attractive - to yourself, your partner, or even, if you wish, to strangers on the street. There is no shame in wanting to diminish the harassment you receive either, and the two don't have to be mutually exclusive. Do what makes YOU happy in your body and your life, and don't let yourself live in fear.
(The Hollaback! project has information, stories and practical advice regarding street harassment, as well as running events. It might be worth checking out as a way to increase confidence or even to share your stories and get some support - www.ihollaback.org )

Thanks for sharing this! I shared one of my stories on their website just now. I appreciate seeing a group that sees the problem and is trying to do something about it.