Come! Meet Me and My Woes...:) long...

HermosaKas

Hello MFP!
This is actually my second time joining, the first time I had a bad experience and deleted my account. My name is Jasmine and I'm 18 years old. Like many of you, I have been threatening to lose weight for, well, all of my life.

A little background about me:

*deep breath* (posting extremely personal biz on the internet) *sigh* I have ALWAYS been overweight. I remember going to the doctor when I was 7 in the first grade and being 100 lbs, going to the same doctor 3 yes, THREE months later and had gained 33 lbs. By third grade I was over 160. By 4th grade I was 208 in a tight size 16 and by the end of 6th grade I was tipping the scales at 315 lbs in a size 24. It had been a really, really long time since I had been to the doctor, and I don't know what I expected, but 3 as the first number was NOT it. Being 12 years old at 300 lbs--I can still remember just WAILING in the office, I'm sure the whole wing could hear me. It was literally one of the worst shocks of my life.

Good news is that I was really sick during then-- my tonsils were swollen 3x their size for two weeks and it was so painful that I couldn't even open my mouth. For two weeks I sustained myself on really diluted apple juice. Shortly after, my mom got worried about me becoming dehydrated so she took me to the ER where they put me in fast track for an IV drip. The good news is, when I stepped on the scale again in the ER, it said 304!! Of course it didn't stay that way, but it is significant because that was the first time I actually realized that it really WAS possible to lose weight. --I should also note that I did not eat a horrible amount of food growing up- I ate a lot, sure, but not so much that justifies that weight gain.. It bothered me for years, why I gained weight so fast. I was a pretty active child, rode my bike everyday, but at this point, who cares? I just want to get it off, now.

Fast forward a couple of years, and my mom's colleague told her about this new weight loss program that was supposed to be really easy and wanted me to do it with her. That's when the hCG diet started. For those of you unfamiliar I will outline just what the hCG diet is below:

First two days they encourage you to eat whatever you want. Eat your most favorite, fattiest meal ever, and once you think you are full, keep eating.. LoL-- I thought it was a miracle, but of course, whether you believe me or not, like I said, I have never been one to eat a whole lot, so I kind of failed at that, but oh well.

After those two days, for the next six weeks you are on a 500 calorie diets with a list so short of things you CAN eat and how much of it. Anything not on that list is forbidden- even certain lotions with fats in them... Also, you take a shot of the hCG hormone to the thigh six days a week, resting the 7th, which is supposed to keep your body from burning too much muscle.

I did STELLAR on the diet. I don't know if it was a placebo effect, but I pretty much followed it to a T- except for the fact that it became really, really hard to get 500 calories in everyday. I mean, when its mostly veggies and a steak, that is a LOT of food! I even went around functions where there was a whole lot of food. Like cookouts and stuff, and I wasn't even tempted.. By the end of it, I had lost like 50+ lbs, putting me back at 310.

Of course, I eventually gained all of the weight back, and more, but the beautiful thing about it is, it changed the way I thought about food FOREVER, and reinforced the fact that weight loss was possible, even for me. I would say that I resented the diet, but the first time IN MY LIFE I could tell the difference between being hungry and full. Previously I thought that full was the feeling you get when you are so stuffed you are uncomfortable and the thought of food makes you sick, and in about an hour later, when that feeling goes away, that means you are hungry again. It didn't take a lot to get there, and I think my saving grace was in the fact my mom never had much food in the house anyway, because we couldn't afford it.

Last time I went to the doctor, I was 17 and 378lbs (still in a size 24, which, honestly I am proud that I have stayed within this range for so long, you know, me gaining 200 lbs in 3 years, and such.

I have always had lower back pain which gets worse when I gain weight and disappears after I lose a little, but at that time, I could barely hold myself up. It was the biggest I had ever been, and it was wayyy too damn close to 400lbs for my liking. I ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY REFUSED to get to 400, so at that moment I knew the only way to go was down. The most notable thing I did was cut out ALL sugary drinks and drink ONLY water. I had done it for months at a time before, but I always ended up relapsing. Oh yeah, and I completely quit fast food restaurants like McDonalds and Burger King and rarely eat them now. That stuff is no joke, I noticed when I eat either one, there is only one mode- Hungry, and the ability to tell when I am full goes down the rabbit hole. My diet is still pretty crappy, though, ground beef is a staple but none the less, for doing these things alone, I surmise I have lost about 30-40 lbs.

Fast forward to now, and I just recently got over a little binge point. My mom came into a little money, and kept buying restaurant food, like everyday. But honestly, I probably didn't even top out at 2000 on those days because I really just don't have an appetite so I don't finish my food.

I no longer have a true appreciation for sugary drinks.. When I drink them, it tastes like lightly flavored sugar water--- I'd much prefer an ice cold bottle or some green tea/ ginger tea with lemon and honey. My relationship with food is meh. It's more like a crutch, because I feel I have to/ Everyday my mom asks "What do you want to eat" and I get scared that if I say nothing, which I do sometimes, that I will starve, so I normally order something from a mom and pop or Chinese, or she cooks chicken, ground beef, and pork chop with maybe some broccoli- which is the only thing we can really afford. I don't really feel addicted to food, per se. It's just, when I get that hunger feeling, I eat. Normally I have my first meal around 2pm-6pm and that will be all I eat in the day, but because I wait so long, I eat probably more than should be allowed in one meal. My biggest problem is the fact that healthy food makes me sick to my stomach. or else I'd already be doing it. detox?

Anyway, I have decided that this time, I am going to try something, and stick to it. I'm going to attempt to fast for three days or longer in hopes that It will detoxify me enough that a raw piece of celery doesn't make me want to hurl and I want to kill the next person I see for a simple carb/starch. Then clean eating. I really hope- scratch that, I WILL have a success story for you guys by the end of this year!

I know this was long and boring, but thanks for taking the time and make me feel welcome?