Dating after weightloss

seltzermint555

I don't think there's a point in bringing it up as a prominent topic (i.e. "I really want to tell you about this time I lost all this weight..."), personally, but if it comes up, then I wouldn't be shy about talking about it. It shouldn't impact his opinion of you, are you worried it will? I'm curious what the desire to talk about it is about.

If I were dating someone who only knew me at my current weight, I would be concerned about the way knowing my previous weight issues would affect his view of me. There are a lot of prejudices against obesity and a lot of people who are very freaked out by it, even if they might be fine with quite chubby partners they perceive as average sized, they would balk at even dating someone who used to be 150 lb overweight. That's awful...but it's definitely true. It would be something that could be worked out, or not...but I'd want to have that kind of conversation pretty early in the game, myself.

Also, for me if I was single right now and dating someone new, they would quickly wonder what was up because I don't live in a small town but when I go out in public I'm always running into someone from my past who has a strong reaction to the change in my appearance and they comment about 90% of the time and ask questions. So my fatter past wouldn't be easily hidden if I wanted to hide it.

azyzzam

I did this once to a guy I was pretty close with, and really liked but to my surprise he basically ridiculed me. It was something along the lines of him wanting to watch me play basketball while fat and he thought it was funny.

So ****ed up.

He was no Brad Pitt himself, but I started ignoring him and he kept trying to make up for it (he realized how rude he was I think) by saying he liked my outfits, I could "pull them off" etc. Umm. no thanks ******bag.

A different guy who I still haven't officially gone out with wouldn't believe me that I was ever heavier. I don't know why he thinks I'm lying haha, but I got the impression that he probably wouldn't like me if I was heavier. He said he couldn't picture me at my highest weight.

So I guess it depends on the guy...

bd0027

I think once I lose all of my weight, I'll mention it just to see how the guy responds. I want to pick out the guys who are turned off by it or sort of ridicule me for it because those aren't guys that I'm interested in getting to know.

AglaeaC

Personally, I wouldn't bring it up during the first few dates, but if things got serious I definitely would at some point talk about it. All things in my past have made me who I am today and I don't feel ashamed of any of them. If my date/boyfriend would mention something similar, I'd be happy to have been let into his life on such a profound level. And I'd be interested in all aspects of his past, the way I hope he would be interested in mine. I think it's called knowing each other inside out.

ETA Tried to edit bad spelling.

tracy_getsfit

I am in the same boat...but I think that showing your healthy lifestyle and healthy eating they would see that. But I also think that it what you have done is something to be proud of...so why not share it if you get serious...it is an amazing job you have done! So congrats!

wannehunter85

I think it is something that I would mention if things get more serious between us. We haven't really spoken to much about our pasts yet since we are still getting to know each other. We are currently in the stage of why we are both living and working abroad which is a fabulous journey in itself. But just like I would share my past divorce because it shapes what my new relationship expectations are, my weight loss has defined who I've become too.


Thanks for all the feedback!

odddrums

This is something I've mentioned in passing, usually if the conversation moves to lifting or the girl mentions she's not attracted to bigger guys, but it's something I tend to bring up because it's something I'm going through that's kind of important to me. Usually though, it's more I talk about how I'm eating healthy and exercising, embracing a different lifestyle than I had just a few years ago. I've only lost like 20-30 pounds and I'm not where I want to be yet so I always mention weightloss as a change in attitude and something that I am doing, rather than something I have done.

Honestly though I try not to bring it up unless I'm really getting to know the person or we're having a heavy conversation about health and exercise, then I mention what I've been doing and the results I've been getting. I agree with what the other posters have said, this is you now and how you will be, not who you were. I also agree that you should want someone who would be with you at your worst, which is why I would mention it. Mostly though, I don't bring it up because I still consider myself a little too squishy to be fit, at least in my own eyes. I'm a lot better than I've ever been, but I'm a constant work in progress.

becs3578

I told the last guy I dated seriously that I had lost 40 lbs and I was really focused on my exercise and health. He kept trying to get me to skip workouts to spend time with him... and eat some crappy stuff.. .and said "you look great you don't need to worry about it.".

I need to explain that this was BECAUSE of all the hard work I put in and I was not going to stop.

He was a bit a manipulator and I arent together any more. But yeah.. I was honest about the weightloss when the time arose that Ineeded to say something.. But not just because!

wannehunter85

I guess I am lucky, because I don't think this is much of a problem since he loves going to the gym as well. He has even mentioned us training together. Also, from what I've seen he eats well too.

Diary_Queen

I always make it known that my focus is on making better choices and that I'm in control of my current destiny much more so than I had been in the past. In my past, there are other negative choices that I made and I've worked to correct those... so segwaying into weight loss isn't a problem for me when meeting new people. I'm very up front about it. This is what I do... these are the things I like to do for myself (eat more healthily, watch my mindless eating, stop rewarding myself or comforting myself with food) and that I exercise to manage stress and to be more fit in many ways. I'm not ashamed of the weight I was, though I do have to frankly recognize the motivations behind slowly allowing myself to gain up to a total of about 450 lbs. I'm proud of my progress and anyone in my life who isn't can kindly not listen to my new recipe for whatever I'm inventing for dinner and doesn't have to take part in the 5k and 10k run schedules I create and follow each year. This is my life and I live it to the best of my ability, as I feel most people should do. I've never been shy to share my story though!

Iwishyouwell

During dating? If you don't want to, no.

But if things get serious? Absolutely, especially if you're even thinking about settling down.

Look, the reality is that the overwhelming majority of people regain some, if not all, of our weight back. Those of us who don't will be on this maintainence journey for life. If you're spending your life with somebody then they will eventually become privy to your very real struggle, struggles and challenges that don't necessarily end because you reach some arbitrary weight goal. Being fat, especially if you were obese, affects not only your body, but your mind, your very relationship with food. Imagine if you met someone who was attracted to the "new" you, the thinner you, but as time went on old self esteem issues from being fat had a very real impact on your relationship, or god forbid, you regained the weight. They've now been asked to help walk a road with you that they didn't even know existed.

Also it's VERY important for people to know the medical background of the person they might have kids with. Fat adults have a higher chance of birthing kids who struggle with weight too. Disclosing the fact that you were fat, IMO, isn't much different than disclosing the fact that you once fought cancer, or battled hypertension. Let people know what their own children could be facing some day, if it comes down to that.

I understand the desire to marry yourself so thoroughly to the "new" you that you'd rather leave the past in the past. But issues with food, battles against obesity, these things are potentially life long issues. That's no different than a former drug addict, or former alcoholic (or if you're an AA believer, an always addict), not disclosing information to their partner about their struggles in the past. Even if you don't feel it's a part of who you are anymore, it is a vital part of who you became.

Madame_Goldbricker

I don't think I'd bring it up straight off the bat. As a few others have said I'd probably just drop it into conversation later on at some point. i.e. If he/you mentions working out. I'd probably just say something about where you'd started out from fitness/weight loss wise.

It's good to be proud of accomplishments and it's not something that I'd purposely hide from someone personally. But I wouldn't make a big fan fare about it either.

fatcity66

I lost a lot of weight some years ago and was at my goal weight, I was a size 6 and a healthy BMI. I met someone and quickly fell head over heels for them. They were slightly overweight but I didn't care. In the past they had been even more overweight, but I didn't care about that, either. One day I asked him if he would still like me if I were bigger. He jokingly said "Oh, I would totally dump you if you gained 5 pounds." 5 pounds?!?! That was a red flag to me. Like he thought 5lbs was a big deal?? Sometimes people who are overweight themselves have even more trouble accepting someone who isn't "thin." I'd like to meet someone now, even though I'm still on my fitness journey, just so I would know they loved me no matter what. But unfortunately, I don't see it happening any time soon. I'm just not into anyone right now, even though some have shown interest. *sigh*

RINat612

Listen, I understand that the past is the past. He IS dating the new you. But if you're ever going to take it to the next level, he needs to be happy with ALL of you. And let's face it, our fatter sides are inside of us somewhere. You need to let him know you used to be larger so he knows the potential is there. And also so you know he will love you no matter what. Marriages fail these days because people aren't honest with one another. I couldn't stand my wife not knowing every good and bad part of me. Besides he will one day see pictures. It would be better him knowing up front.

Case in point, I met my wife when she was an accounting student in college. Super smart. And yes, very pretty! But she had a VERY dark past. She was once... *gasp*... an evil dirty sweaty jock! But she told me up front and I've forgiven her This nerd and ex-jock lived happily ever after.

mrdexter1

All successful relationships are based on communication, openness and honesty from the start, and it seems a bit off to be hiding something that has such significance while an unsuspecting partner is allowed to become emotionally involved and at a later date unable to break the bond.

denizfindigi

the weight you lost shows how strong and strong willed you are and how far you are determined to be the best version of yourself - healthwise and mentally! tell him - not also tell but also BRAG

wannehunter85

No, it would never be something that I hide from a potential partner. Kind of curious as to how/when to bring it up.

fatcity66

I'm not sure this is something you're "hiding from someone" just because you were overweight once and you don't bring it up. Potentially, someone who has never been overweight could gain weight too, right? Like if they have kids, or get sick or injured? I don't think it should matter. Your partner should be prepared to accept you either way.

JoRocka

I told the last guy I dated seriously that I had lost 40 lbs and I was really focused on my exercise and health. He kept trying to get me to skip workouts to spend time with him... and eat some crappy stuff.. .and said "you look great you don't need to worry about it.".

I need to explain that this was BECAUSE of all the hard work I put in and I was not going to stop.

He was a bit a manipulator and I arent together any more. But yeah.. I was honest about the weightloss when the time arose that Ineeded to say something.. But not just because!

yeah it's been a big fear of mine that when I move in at some point with my BF there will be pressure to stop dancing- stop working out- I currently spend almost 20 hours a week between the gym and the studio- does not include shows and gig's- that's regular working life.

He seems fine with it- but I do bring it up a few months that this is the way it is.

Dance existed before you.
The gym was my first love.

While they aren't the be all end all- at no time will I give them fully for up for you. I'll work with you and around you and do my best- but I'm not just giving up working out at any point. I make time for it- plain and simple. You can deal with it- or you can get to stepping.

Thankfully he apparently really likes me- because he's still here

so yes- establishing firm boundries on gym time- eating habits- and stuffff- SUPER importante!

ezloshead

If he's as good as you think it shouldn't matter to him. He should be super proud of you and appreciate your journey. But if hes following you on FB he might figure it out himself through pictures. Even if you untagged and deleted old pics there's still some on your friends albums. The bigger you and the smaller you have the same soul so there no use in hiding it.