Suffering from eating disorder. Need help.

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NatalieBrooke88
NatalieBrooke88 Posts: 240 Member
in Motivation and Support
I started purging this summer. I quickly realized it was an easy way to eat what I want and maintain my weight. Don't get me wrong- I didn't binge, but rather I would eat something high in calories, such as a sub, knowing that I could purge it.. and everything would be "okay". I haven't done this in awhile since I moved in with a roommate in the fall. However today I REALLY fell off the wagon diet wise.. and I felt as if I had no choice. I let myself have a pizza hut personal pan pizza/ bread sticks, which led back to this destructive habit. I am not going to lie, though- I felt so relieved when I did. This is so hard for me. I don't want to be the crazy girl who throws up her food, but that's what I am. I want perfection, but I keep failing. Does anyone else struggle with this?
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Replies

  • Bermudabarbie
    Bermudabarbie Posts: 568 Member
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    Nat... I hope some of the others on this board will respond. Keep bumping this up. I have no experience with this at all, but I am sure there are others in MFP who will give you some advice. I know this is serious stuff, so hang in there and if there is no one on this site who will admit to a similar problem, you should get help at your School.

    You are an absolutely beautiful girl, Nat. You just need help with this problem... please... get some help, okay?
  • natalaylay09
    natalaylay09 Posts: 14
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    I had the same problem recently.. I just got tired of not being able to eat what i want nd watching everyone stuff their faces nd not have to worry about gaining weight :/

    I eat alone alot so i would bing feel HORRIBLE nd than go throw up.. I havent purged in a while but im still binging a little bit but my workouts balance that out.

    You're not alone girl Keep your head up ur freaking gorgeous :)
  • Kminor67
    Kminor67 Posts: 900 Member
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    You need to get some help. NOW! Eating disorders are no laughing matter, and nothing to sweep under the rug. You mentioned a roommate. Are you a college student? If you are and your school has a graduate program in clinical psychology, chances are you can get free counseling on campus. Check with your social sciences department and see if you can find help there, or check with student services. Even if you aren't a college student, please get help now. Don't wait.
  • tulaniq
    tulaniq Posts: 46 Member
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    I agree with the first respondent: I would highly recommend that you talk to a real live person who you trust about this, whether their a counselor or an understanding and supportive family member or friend.

    Next: I suffered from this for a few years in high school. I can understand the feeling of wanting everything to "be ok" and for a long time my excuse for never dieting or getting in shape has been that it would trigger my old eating disorder symptoms/feelings. I have to say, it has somewhat triggered those feelings but I really want to be healthy and happy with my body and I know that my eating disorder - as easy and comforting as it was - never got me there. Besides that, I'm sure you know, binging and purging (or just purging) is extraordinarily bad for you. It can lead to all sorts of electrolyte imbalances and even heart failure (not to mention holes in your esophagus and really bad teeth). I really wish you the best with this, I know how hard it is and really suggest you start talking to someone about it soon so you can begin the process of figuring out how to stop.
    Also, I'm here and always willing to talk!

    Edit:
    p.s. you are BRAVE BRAVE BRAVE to reach out like this!
  • raeannefowler
    raeannefowler Posts: 24
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    I have not personally dealt with this issue myself but I do feel for you. I'm sure you understand that this is a psycological issue and that alot needs to be done to properly deal with it. I read an article about this. Did you know that purging doesn't actually make you erase what you ate. When you lose weight it's likely because of lose of water. It's so scary to imagine what you are feeling when you do this. Know that people care about you and want you to be healthy, not just thin! I found this number if you wanted to try to talk to someone about it : National Eating Disorders Association’s toll-free hotline at 1-800-931-2237. Good Luck! :flowerforyou:
  • soze
    soze Posts: 604 Member
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    Nat, you will ruin your beautiful smile!

    Let me ask this. Why are looking at what others eat and getting envious? I don't understand that. Everyone is different. Every life has different challenges and opportunities. Celebrate those differences and find your own way to health.
  • supersped
    supersped Posts: 4
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    Natalie,

    First of all, I think you are BOLD to post this....that is a good sign that you truly want help and support and do not want to hide this. I would have done anything to have a site like this to help me when I was struggling with Bulimia. You can overcome this and you will. My bulimia started early and lasted many years, but it has also been many years since I have struggled with it so I know you can too. Friend me if you'd like...I'd be happy to help you through. (also have two masters in psychology---no coincidence, eh?)
  • mandijo
    mandijo Posts: 618 Member
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    Natalie,
    You, like everyone else has already stated, are an incredibly brave person for coming on here and asking for help. I had a friend who was bulimic all throughout high school. It ruined her teeth, her self-esteem, and her overall outlook on life. It consumed her thoughts and spiraled downhill and she was miserable. You need to talk to someone and get this under control now before this becomes you and you forget how to do this "right" in the first place. Remember that not having something healthy or dining out doesn't put you off the wagon. It means you decided to let yourself have a moment to enjoy something that you love and that's perfectly ok! If you allow yourself to have reasonable portions of things you enjoy, you are more apt to stay "on the wagon". You can do this. People overcome this everyday. I believe in you! You are beautiful!
  • NatalieWinning
    NatalieWinning Posts: 999 Member
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    No one is perfect. No one has it easy. We all have our own challenges, even if it doesn't look like it. Try out that eating disorder hotline and see about getting help. It's really good that you are trying to get this straightened out! I have 2 2nd cousins that died of anorexia. It's not the way to happyness. You deserve to feel okay.
  • NatalieWinning
    NatalieWinning Posts: 999 Member
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    Actually, you don't "keep failing"
    You keep trying!

    That's the real way to keep eating well. Past is past every meal, and go forward. Get help, keep trying.
  • mariasheehan
    mariasheehan Posts: 335
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    Natalie sweetheart, please take supersped's help, talk to someone who has gone through this. You're too beautiful to let this win.

    Good luck angel
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
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    Natalie, I haven't dealt with this personally, but I have watched a sibling go through it after quitting drugs and it was terrible. The throes of this disease(yes, it's a disease) are traumatic to everyone involved. I hope you seek personal, professional help and not just someone who claims to have masters in psychology. Not trying to discredit anyone here, but let's be honest. This is the internet. People say whatever they want.

    Anyway, sometimes, as far as food goes, complete abstinence from the bad ones is the only way to go. I know I feel guilty about eating something like pizza now. Just promise me you'll get the help you need. It's not just something you do and forget about, especially if you feel bad enough about it to say something and feel horrible about what you eat. I won't give you my sympathy, but I will be here as part of a crutch to help you through. Chin up.
  • NatalieBrooke88
    NatalieBrooke88 Posts: 240 Member
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    You all are so kind. The truth is- I did seek out counseling this summer. I ended up quitting after three or four sessions because the psychologist creeped me out, and I felt bad going since I don't purge after all meals, but rather I will only throw up if I feel as if it is "bad". It's like I have complete control, but I don't have any at all. I find that most of the time it is premeditated and its used as a negotiaion technique- "I can have this and then throw most of it up".. I must admit, I feel very bad labeling myself with an eating disorder when I am not nearly as bad off as most others struggling with this. Nonetheless, thank you so much for your encouraging comments and finding that number. I might have to try that out..
  • Bermudabarbie
    Bermudabarbie Posts: 568 Member
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    Nat, like I said, I have no personal experience with this at all. But I have been battling my weight for some many years, and have read so much about dieting, etc., that I know this is nothing to mess around with. It's like being pregnant -- you can't be "a little bit pregnant." Agree? Dump that creepy therapist and seek out another one. Call the number and get the info you need to get going with some help. They may not be around this late at night, but first thing tomorrow sounds great. At least get things going to help yourself. Let us all know how you are doing...
  • platoon
    platoon Posts: 340
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    Natalie - I'm so glad that you were brave enough to share your struggle. You can get through this... we'll cheer you on. You made the first steps of acknowledging the problem, and seeking assistance... The next step is to believe in yourself. :-)
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
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    You all are so kind. The truth is- I did seek out counseling this summer. I ended up quitting after three or four sessions because the psychologist creeped me out, and I felt bad going since I don't purge after all meals, but rather I will only throw up if I feel as if it is "bad". It's like I have complete control, but I don't have any at all. I find that most of the time it is premeditated and its used as a negotiaion technique- "I can have this and then throw most of it up".. I must admit, I feel very bad labeling myself with an eating disorder when I am not nearly as bad off as most others struggling with this. Nonetheless, thank you so much for your encouraging comments and finding that number. I might have to try that out..

    Okay. I am a recovering addict, and ALL diseases are the same, NO MATTER WHAT! I know you didn't do it much, or think it was bad, but if you were doing it to feel okay, does that say something? Do you think most addicts start out by shooting meth or drinking 1/5 of vodka a day? No. They drink socially or smoke weed recreationally. It's something most normal teenagers do. And when I started going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings, I was like I was NEVER as bad as this person or that person. But my life was pretty darn unmanageable when I was using, and I felt okay only when I was really high. If I had any inhibition about me, I would not want anything to do with life. Purging is purging and is a disease if you feel "better" after you do it. Let me share a quote with you out of the Narcotics Anonymous book. "We are not addicts because of the amount of drugs we did, it was the reaction we got from the drugs." This means, if I did drugs to feel better, I was an addict.
  • brewer_gal
    brewer_gal Posts: 8
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    You area brave, strong woman! I AM A LICENSED THERAPIST and strongly recommend a comprehensive medical and mental health evaluation for you. You ate clearly insightful and motivated, ready for healthy change. There is help! Best wishes to you : )
  • abeidt2
    abeidt2 Posts: 3
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    Hi Natalie,
    I wont lie to you that this is bad... but I am glad you are able to talk about it! You are better than most people who are feeling just like you are keeping it in! I will also say that "help" can sometimes not be as helpful as you may expect. Unfortunately if you are not seeking help from those who understand the situation fully and are willing to work with you at the point where you are, meaning, being realistic with their approach, you end up walking away from the sessions feeling worst than you walked in... I can tell you have mixed feelings on where you are since you said you don't think you have that bad a problem, and yet the name of the topic you started includes the term "eating disorder". Know that it is NORMAL to be confused about what is happening, but also know that there are resources that can be extremely helpful.
    The truth is, everywhere you look today there are images of bodies that are not the reality for most of us... Unfortunately it ends up having an influence on what we believe society wants us to look like. Please know that a lot of those images are man made and not reality... Believe me, hollywood is a lot uglier in person!
    As a Nutritionist, I know what this can do to you in the long term, but I am sure you have heard it before. The next step now is not to get more worried about how bad it is, but to move forward to a better position, from which you can take control of how you feel about the food you eat and what your body tells you when it looks back at you from the mirror.
    If you need to talk, feel free to email me at eddieandtina@yahoo.com. I can also give you my number - no strings attached. Depending on where you live, I can give you some contacts for Registered Dietitians that can help you make friends with your food!
    Please know that if you are speaking with a professional, you are looking to work with a non-judgemental person. If you don't feel you have a friend in your support person, then seek another one, until you find a good match. Dont give up girl!!!
    Take care,
    Tina
  • chrissym78
    chrissym78 Posts: 628 Member
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    I'm with the rest of the posts, find help and get some MFP girls behind you and know that you can beat this! You are beautiful and your health is worth whatever it takes to fix the problem! I, for one, HATE to puke and would do anything to avoid it. I can, however , relate to feeling bad about "bad" things I eat. You have to fix that feeling a different way. It's not the end of the world if you splurge here and there. You can always take a walk and burn up the calories or just eat better the next day. Good luck to you! Saying a prayer for you tonight :) God bless!
  • brwnsugababe
    brwnsugababe Posts: 102
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    I admit I have not had any experience with eating disorders, but I want to congratulate you on your bravery for sharing your struggle with strangers in seek of help. Seeking some kind of counseling would be a great place to start as some has already mentioned. I see from your post that you have attempted counseling but quit. If the counselor you choose did not feel right to you, find another counselor, but dont quit. If you have to go through 100 counselors before you can find the right one for you, then so be it.

    You say that you are not bad off as others. Throwing up after each meal is in no way good and can lead to more serious conditions. You are a beautiful person and we will be here to lend support the best way we can.


    http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help-today

    Information & Referral Help Line:

    1-800-931-2237

    You will overcome this, just don't give up or give in!:flowerforyou:

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