How do you feel about your support system?
karmac0matic
Posts: 285
I've been thinking lately about how my boyfriend acts about me losing weight.
When I was at my heaviest he would say "You still look great!" and would say "I won't find you as attractive if you lose weight!" when I'd complain that I felt fat.
Then, now that I've spent 4 weeks or so working out every day, eating better, etc and my body has made a drastic change, he's saying things like, "Your body looks so tight and all your curves are so much more accentuated with the loss. The difference is impressive and ridiculously sexy." (His exact words when I told him I'm not feeling like I'm improving fast enough).
The issue is: I wanted him to motivate me to start losing weight and he refused and now that I can't do it fast enough, I feel like he's finally being supportive of it. But it's like, he chose the wrong time. And now I can't help but feel like he was lying to me when I was fattier to make me feel better. So how am I supposed to know if he's lying now?! Who knows? Sigh.
On the other hand, I mentioned to my mom that I'm trying to lose weight and eat healthier. She hasn't said a word about it except the other day I was eating gummy bears and she goes "Yeah, that's really healthy". THAT is exactly what I had wanted from my bf; something to stop me in my tracks when I'm screwing up! It felt weird coming from my mom. But it was nice that someone was looking out for me in the moment.
TL;DR:
I guess I'm just curious what supports you guys have and if it's what you want/need right now.
When I was at my heaviest he would say "You still look great!" and would say "I won't find you as attractive if you lose weight!" when I'd complain that I felt fat.
Then, now that I've spent 4 weeks or so working out every day, eating better, etc and my body has made a drastic change, he's saying things like, "Your body looks so tight and all your curves are so much more accentuated with the loss. The difference is impressive and ridiculously sexy." (His exact words when I told him I'm not feeling like I'm improving fast enough).
The issue is: I wanted him to motivate me to start losing weight and he refused and now that I can't do it fast enough, I feel like he's finally being supportive of it. But it's like, he chose the wrong time. And now I can't help but feel like he was lying to me when I was fattier to make me feel better. So how am I supposed to know if he's lying now?! Who knows? Sigh.
On the other hand, I mentioned to my mom that I'm trying to lose weight and eat healthier. She hasn't said a word about it except the other day I was eating gummy bears and she goes "Yeah, that's really healthy". THAT is exactly what I had wanted from my bf; something to stop me in my tracks when I'm screwing up! It felt weird coming from my mom. But it was nice that someone was looking out for me in the moment.
TL;DR:
I guess I'm just curious what supports you guys have and if it's what you want/need right now.
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Replies
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96 pounds is freaking pretty much insane for a grown woman over 4'9" tall and 12yrs old. I could tell by your profile that you are pretty much underweight. Your boyfriend , if he is smart, is trying to find a way to improve your self esteem with compliments before you starve yourself to death and die right in front of his face.
Get HELP ASAP!0 -
Outside of MFP I really don't have any.
This.0 -
96 pounds is freaking pretty much insane for a grown woman over 4'9" tall and 12yrs old. I could tell by your profile that you are pretty much underweight. Your boyfriend , if he is smart, is trying to find a way to improve your self esteem with compliments before you starve yourself to death and die right in front of his face.
Get HELP ASAP!
sigh I didn't come here to be told how I should think/act/what I should have as my goals.
I wanted to know how your support system is!0 -
Me, myself and I and my Venus ladies....my Hubby is happy if I am happy and I am happiest training and eating well....0
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My support system is *kitten*
It makes it so much harder. I wish I had friends who wanted to eat better and that wanted to get in shape. 0 -
96 pounds is freaking pretty much insane for a grown woman over 4'9" tall and 12yrs old. I could tell by your profile that you are pretty much underweight. Your boyfriend , if he is smart, is trying to find a way to improve your self esteem with compliments before you starve yourself to death and die right in front of his face.
Get HELP ASAP!
You have no idea about the OP or her struggles0 -
Outside of MFP I really don't have any.
This.
x30 -
That's too bad about those of you with no outside support. Have you attempted to confide in friends, a S.O., or family members? Or people you meet at the gym? Or anywhere? /: My only real support is my boyfriend because he's the only one who knows what's really happening in my life haha.0
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He just likes YOU. He is attracted to YOU. Your body is part of you and of course it's nice to see you taking care of yourself.
My support system is in my head. Not too thrilled.0 -
Just leaving this here. I hear they are great for support. http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org0
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That's too bad about those of you with no outside support. Have you attempted to confide in friends, a S.O., or family members? Or people you meet at the gym? Or anywhere? /: My only real support is my boyfriend because he's the only one who knows what's really happening in my life haha.
I'm good with having my fitness and diet support system here. In real life, my sister thinks I'm starving myself because I don't eat breakfast, my father yells at me for eating pizza, and my mother likes to ask what I do to lose weight/get fit and never follow my lead.0 -
Holy **** people just stop with this. Just telling me over and over to do that isn't helping anything ,it's only frustrating for both parties! PLEASE STOP.Just leaving this here. I hear they are great for support. http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org0 -
My support system on here - well, I'm improving it with adding more friends and being more active on here. My support system in real life? Uh.... well... girlfriend is very supportive in words. But when it comes to actions, it's really difficult, as she wants me to eat at the same time as her (even if i am not hungry) and she eats things all the time that are hard for me to resist, so even if I am not hungry it's hard to sit down and watch her eat without having 'just a little' too.0
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The issue is: I wanted him to motivate me to start losing weight and he refused and now that I can't do it fast enough, I feel like he's finally being supportive of it. But it's like, he chose the wrong time. And now I can't help but feel like he was lying to me when I was fattier to make me feel better. So how am I supposed to know if he's lying now?! Who knows? Sigh.
I'm sorry but thats not his job. His job is to be supportive no matter what your goals whether you are happy with how you are or are trying to make a change.
What you are wanting him to do will not lead anywhere good. YMMV
Have you tried talking to him about it??0 -
Holy **** people just stop with this. Just telling me over and over to do that isn't helping anything ,it's only frustrating for both parties! PLEASE STOP.Just leaving this here. I hear they are great for support. http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
You know that it's not a healthy weight for your size/height, you admitted that in a post yesterday, as well as the fact you have had disordered eating/body dysmorphia/eating issues for the last 10 years and also have drug addiction issues. I'm not going to comment again, I'm just going to urge you to get help from a professional because it sounds like you are still struggling with the ED as well as the substance abuse. You said you are seeing someone, but if you are having issues with support from the people around you and that counselor is not available, the link I posted has information on support hotlines.0 -
The issue is: I wanted him to motivate me to start losing weight and he refused and now that I can't do it fast enough, I feel like he's finally being supportive of it. But it's like, he chose the wrong time. And now I can't help but feel like he was lying to me when I was fattier to make me feel better. So how am I supposed to know if he's lying now?! Who knows? Sigh.
I'm sorry but thats not his job. His job is to be supportive no matter what your goals whether you are happy with how you are or are trying to make a change.
What you are wanting him to do will not lead anywhere good. YMMV
Have you tried talking to him about it??
He knows it would make me HAPPIEST if he were to tell me to be careful with my diet rather than just allowing me to eat whatever I want. He doesn't really get that by letting me eat what I want when I want, I end up 100x more upset.0 -
Hub supports me, but can be also be a downer because he is tooo honest! I am overweight and not the 135 lbs of sexy he met 7 1/2 yrs. ago! Now I'm a tubby 177 lbs. that can't seem to get the weight off! He knows that I'm trying, but we are both struggling with depression, and the center of our day...taking care of his mom, takes up all of our time, so we don't have time to do real exercise. By the time we can finally get time to sit down and relax, it is after 8 or 9 pm and we are too mentally and physical tired to exercise! It is after 11 pm and I'm finally getting ready to get in the shower!
You guys who are my friend on her and Fitbit give me a lot of support! Love my friends. Like I said hub is too honest!
Does this shirt make my tummy look big? No your tummy makes your tummy look big! Too honest!0 -
Holy **** people just stop with this. Just telling me over and over to do that isn't helping anything ,it's only frustrating for both parties! PLEASE STOP.Just leaving this here. I hear they are great for support. http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
You know that it's not a healthy weight for your size/height, you admitted that in a post yesterday, as well as the fact you have had disordered eating/body dysmorphia/eating issues for the last 10 years and also have drug addiction issues. I'm not going to comment again, I'm just going to urge you to get help from a professional because it sounds like you are still struggling with the ED as well as the substance abuse. You said you are seeing someone, but if you are having issues with support from the people around you and that counselor is not available, the link I posted has information on support hotlines.
At what point was any of this okay to bring up in this thread?0 -
Hub supports me, but can be also be a downer because he is tooo honest! I am overweight and not the 135 lbs of sexy he met 7 1/2 yrs. ago! Now I'm a tubby 177 lbs. that can't seem to get the weight off! He knows that I'm trying, but we are both struggling with depression, and the center of our day...taking care of his mom, takes up all of our time, so we don't have time to do real exercise. By the time we can finally get time to sit down and relax, it is after 8 or 9 pm and we are too mentally and physical tired to exercise! It is after 11 pm and I'm finally getting ready to get in the shower!
You guys who are my friend on her and Fitbit give me a lot of support! Love my friends. Like I said hub is too honest!
Does this shirt make my tummy look big? No your tummy makes your tummy look big! Too honest!
It's like your husband is exactly how I wish my boyfriend was!0
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