eating disorder anxiety

LauraFouhse

A little context...
I have struggled most of my life with disordered eating, food obsession and distorted body image. I have lost and gained hundreds of pounds over the years. I've reached my goal weight several times but have never been able to maintain it. My diets have always been very restrictive and once finished, I've returned to my old eating habits. I've never been an exerciser or really involved with sports.

9 months ago I decided I needed to try again but really wanted to do it differently this time. I started by joining a gym and hiring a personal trainer. My trainer helped me get started on a fitness plan and also gave me some really great diet tips. I had to log all of my food and bring him my food logs for critique every week. With reluctance, I let him convince me that in order to lose the weight I wanted, I actually needed to eat more... especially more protein and healthy fats.

So for the past 9 months I've been working with my trainer 3 times per week and 3 months ago I started training for a triathlon. I'm at goal (140lb) and have decreased body fat % from 36% to 25%. Feeling pretty proud of the shape I'm currently in.

HOWEVER... now I'm at maintenance and I feel the panic start to set in. I notice that I've been thinking alot about things like chocolate, ice cream, cookies etc. I haven't been indulging at all over the past months because (1) these foods do seem to set up a trigger response for me in that when I have a little I really want more and (2) when I eat them my stomach revolts and I feel gross.

I know there is lots of contraversy here about food addiction and I don't really want to get into that debate.

Mostly I'm looking for feedback/advice/comments from others who have struggled with disordered eating and who have successfully managed maintenance. What has helped?

I really really really do not want to yo-yo any more. I want this time to be it and to maintain both my healthy diet and my new found love of sport (triathlons) and fitness.

Thanks.

Smiles_And_Pizza

Hi!
I've struggled with disordered eating and am currently in maintenance.
I eat on average 1500 calories(Give or take 100 cals) a day to maintain. But I'm also tiny (5 2'5 103 pounds) so my maintenance is lower than average.

I've been able to maintain my weight pretty well though...And I still give myself treats.
When I want a treat( For example ice cream) I log it then plan the rest of my day around it.
So If one day I want an ice cream cone I'll log it, then compensate by having something low calorie, but nutritious for dinner.
Some people don't agree with this(Eating less at one meal so you can have a treat) but It's what I have to do to maintain and I'm fine with it.

I don't know if this helped any...if you want to talk more you can message me! =D

SharonCMach

Hi, I am currently struggling with disordered eating as well & also have issues with body dysmorphia. I had issues with yo-yo dieting as well and the one thing that has helped me this time is exercise. Before recently I would diet & exercise to lose the weight, only to go back to old habits and gain it all back. I have a HUGE appetite...I could out eat my husband anyday of the week & he's a big guy!! (6'4, 275)

Anyway, I have learned from MFP that exercise is VERY important in maintaining weight loss. I think if you stick with your current fitness habits you can maintain what you lost. You can eat what you want, just in moderation.

During the week I really watch what I eat, usually what I call my safe foods & exercise everyday during my lunch hour. Very rarely do I go over 1200 calories a day during the week. Then come the weekend I let myself indulge. Some people might not agree with my method of eating but I'v been maintaining since last November and this seems to be working for me so far.

As far as the disordered eating, food obsession & distorted body image goes, I don't think it ever goes away. I'm sorry to tell you that, but I struggle with it everyday & still see that fat girl in the mirror. But I can tell you that I am alot happier now than when I was 70 pounds heavier.

Congrats on your weight loss & welcome to maintenance. :flowerforyou:

einzweidrei

I could never attempt to give up treats and junk. That being said, I have found it easier to:

-Make it fit into my calories. (~2,000/day at maintenance + any exercise calories I win back.)
-Not to stockpile snacks in my house. (I fail sometimes. But then I'll be better the next shopping trip.)
-If I do buy snacks, try to buy smaller amounts when I can. (Small bag of chips rather than my huge delicious bag of salt n vinegar.)
-Buy things, generally, that are lower in calorie to have around all of the time when I want a snack but feel like I can't go crazy. (Ices, Popcorn, Etc.)

Basically, I find logging still keeps me accountable because I am really more of a snacker than anything else.


I still have a lot of weird/disordered eating patterns/dysmorphia/etc. But I just keep chugging along.

Apocalypz

Not having an ED makes it difficult for me to understand how serious your trigger foods are, but I thought why not the extra comment. I just don't purchase certain foods which I know I'll finish quickly. For example, I don't purchase chocolates, pre-packaged snacks, cheese, etc to bring home any more. Why? Because I'd eat all the chocolates when I got home. I'd eat all the snacks in a sitting. I'd eat all the cheese. You get the idea. It may have been but 2 bars of chocolate, but what was the point anyway? If I know the concern is there that I'll eat the whole thing, then I simply don't tempt myself.

Some people say this is absolutely mental and that this method "starves one of eating what tastes good"; however, that is quite far from the truth. Not snacking on chocolate has made me find other sweet treats. Not eating cheese (at home, mind you) has made me find alternatives to cheese or simply none at all. I'm not saying any of these foods are "bad" for you -- no. I simply recognise them as my trigger foods. Do I miss them? No, because I'll have them when I go out to a restaurant or out with mates. Turned out to be a lot easier than originally expected.

wilmnoca

This little tip may be something that just works for me, but either way I'm happy to share and perhaps you'll find it useful. Years ago when I got serious about overcoming this disordered relationship with food, I knew I had to get a handle on those craving for things I used to abuse. My favorite sinful custard filled donuts, snickers, cordial cherries etc. When these things were around (mostly work events and holidays) I would literally say myself "Yup, I have eaten that before and remember exactly what it tastes like, so, I don't need to try it again. I am well aware of what it tastes like." Believe it or not, it worked for me. I would really concentrate on remembering the flavor and then walk away. Period! Now, honest to God, I don't crave that stuff anymore. When they say you can break that need for sugar or your trigger food you can't say no to, it's TRUE! You can! I haven't had a donut or a snickers or any of that stuff I used to craaaaave in YEARS! Not that I couldn't if I wanted to but I really just don't have a taste for it anymore. Weird, but I'm soooo glad! Congrats on your weight loss.

PikaKnight

Have you talked to your therapist/counselor about this? If you aren't seeing one, maybe consider doing so?

Here's a link that put quite a lot of things in perspective for me:
http://body-improvements.com/2013/05/24/undiet-your-diet/

But still, I hope you consider talking to a professional.

quietcountrylife

I have dealt with disordered eating too, and anxiety is frequent for me (food related or otherwise). I tend to believe that there is something behind disordered eating. If you have the opportunity to explore it in a therapeutic setting, you might be able to find ways to understand it and manage it effectively. I know that there are a lot of anxiety management practices that can help in the mean time as well. I wish you all the best!

shining_light

Not having an ED makes it difficult for me to understand how serious your trigger foods are, but I thought why not the extra comment. I just don't purchase certain foods which I know I'll finish quickly. For example, I don't purchase chocolates, pre-packaged snacks, cheese, etc to bring home any more. Why? Because I'd eat all the chocolates when I got home. I'd eat all the snacks in a sitting. I'd eat all the cheese. You get the idea. It may have been but 2 bars of chocolate, but what was the point anyway? If I know the concern is there that I'll eat the whole thing, then I simply don't tempt myself.

Some people say this is absolutely mental and that this method "starves one of eating what tastes good"; however, that is quite far from the truth. Not snacking on chocolate has made me find other sweet treats. Not eating cheese (at home, mind you) has made me find alternatives to cheese or simply none at all. I'm not saying any of these foods are "bad" for you -- no. I simply recognise them as my trigger foods. Do I miss them? No, because I'll have them when I go out to a restaurant or out with mates. Turned out to be a lot easier than originally expected.

This is me too. There are foods I simply cannot have in my house.

michellelipton16

Hi! I have been anorexic and bulimic almost my entire life and this site has helped me more than any program or rehab I have been to! I haven't binged and purged once since I started it and I have been increasing my food every week and accidentally losing weight. That being said, you have to stay away from your trigger foods! I almost completely cut sugar and flour out almost 10 years ago and it helped sooo much. I was finally able to go all the way anorexic! lol jk. but the longer you stay away from it, the less you will crave it. "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is what I always told myself, now my biggest problem was eating "normally" again because I was scared I had slowed my metabolism down too bad. I actually set my goals on here to lose .5 lbs a week and I have lost more than that because I have been eating in my own deficit. That's partly bc I don't have a fitbit so I'm not sure if the machines at the gym are acurate with how many calories I burn, but each week I bump it up 100 calories a day. I'm 5'5", 115 lbs, and 13% body fat and this week attempting to maintain with about 1800-2000 calories a day which is crazy high for me. If you ever want to talk you can message me, I really think this site helps!

LifeReinvented

I started reading this thread because I have similar concerns as you, so I don't know how much I can "help" right now because I hit my goal 3 months ago and then gained some. However, after being obese or significantly overweight for the vast majority of my life, I have maintained within a healthy RANGE (in spite of not maintaining at my GOAL...yet) for about 14 months. So, maybe thinking about what helped me during those 14 months will assist the both of us.

As someone who's also dealt with disordered eating, I think there's a thin line for me between monitoring my weight/intake, and becoming obsessively and unhealthily involved with it to where I end up slipping back into old disordered eating patterns or even developing "new" disordered eating patterns. Since I do seem to lack the satiety response and can easily eat the house with no effort, I do feel like I have to continue to track my intake and weight to an extent, even in my maintenance phase. I'm starting to think that perhaps weighing myself once every 1-2 weeks could help with this, as it will alert me to whether I'm gaining without realizing it, without feeding the obsession I tend to get when I track every calorie day in and day out and weigh myself a lot. That's the technique I used for those 14 months -- basically tracking portion sizes and weighing myself periodically -- and that has worked well for me. Everyone is different, though, of course, so some people do seem to do better when they more closely track their intake.

As far as dealing with triggering foods...up until now I have tried to totally stay away from a few really tough ones and hugely reduce my intake in other cases with the less tough ones. This method has generally worked for me in everyday life when I can (to an extent) control the foods that are brought into the house...but I've had a HELL of a time around holidays when I cannot avoid the tough ones being placed in front of me, and I admittedly do not do well in those situations to this day. That's why I REALLY like what one person said here about: "When these things were around (mostly work events and holidays) I would literally say myself 'Yup, I have eaten that before and remember exactly what it tastes like, so, I don't need to try it again. I am well aware of what it tastes like.'" That is something I had never tried but that I think might also work for me and for others. :-) Perhaps avoiding your serious trigger foods when you can would help, and then using the strategy another person suggested when you can't would help for those other situations? I don't know, I have yet to try it, but it sounds like it could work.

pbbagel

When you say that you've been thinking about chocolate, ice cream, etc., in what way do you mean? You're thinking that you want to eat them? Or do you feel anxiety towards these foods?

Maybe it seems or feels too much like an eating disorder to completely avoid certain foods but I think that if ice cream and chocolate makes you feel bad (mentally and physically) then it is more positive for you to not eat these foods.

LauraFouhse

super helpful posts everyone. Thank you for taking the time.

I am definitely taking away a couple of strategies:

1. not having trigger foods in the house
2. I'm going to try to allow myself a treat now and then but the parameters I am going to set are: I'm not going to BUY treat foods but if I'm some place outside of my home (like at a friend's house for dinner) and something I really would like to have is offered, I will accept it.
3. I'm definitely going to try the "I know what that tastes like and don't need it" strategy. Along with this, sometimes my memory of a trigger food is better than the actual food. One of my trigger foods is licorice. The other day I was craving licorice something fierce and so bought some. After months of a practically clean diet, it tasted terrible. I was both disappointed and relieved. I had to resist the temptation to continue eating it until I relearned to like it (anyone with an eating disorder will understand that very crazy statement)
4. I will continue to track and log everything cuz it definitely helps to keep me on track.

Thanks again. There is definitely comfort in community.

josstuff

I am currently struggling with a eating disorder and its not fun at all. I am trying to maintain weight, but it ends up going down more than I want every time because I'm scared to gain weight. I exercise a lot, I mean a lot. I burn an avg of 1500-2000 cals per day working out due to depression, its the only thing that makes me feel better. Problem is, I never eat enough to compensate for it, which sucks. On the weekends I'll eat whatever I want, usually hit 3000-4000 cals, but its not enough. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food, it sucks.

spacelump

I did not read all the responses, so forgive me if this has already been suggested, but have you considered talking with a therapist? I spent a good 10 years of my young life in cycles of anorexia, bulimia and all the in betweens of food and exercise abuse. As I'm sure you know, disordered eating is hardly ever about food, but so much more. I imagine you are experiencing these back and forth cycles and binges due to larger issues. Please take no offense to my suggestion. I found therapy to be a huge help in my recovering, staying recovered and learning to eat intuitively and trust my body. Yeah. We can trust our bodies and the cravings we have. True story. I wouldn't have believed it myself a mere 4 years ago.

Outside of that I would remember and practice being good to yourself, showing kindness and self-care. Kindness can be forgiving ones self for 'mistakes' when they do inevitably happen, but still caring enough of yourself to move forward and hold yourself accountable. Self care can be free writing when cravings to binge occur and in doing so, perhaps unveiling and acknowledging unknown feelings behind these urges. I didn't truly stop binging until I started writing again. I hope that some of this speaks to you and you remember how amazing and capable you clearly are. Many people will never reach their goals in life once, let alone many times. You clearly have a strong drive and determination.

Best of luck. Should you wish to talk more or vent, please don't hesitate to reach out. Whatever the case may be or come to be, having support is crucial to a positive human experience.

LadyTalulah

First off, congratulations for getting to where you are now and wanting to do things the healthy way!
I understand disordered eating, and although my weight fluctuation has been less drastic than yours, I definitely understand how food can occupy your every thought and create a lot of anxiety..
The thing I found that has helped the most is to relax. I often catch myself in the thought process "I really want that piece of cake.. But I'm not allowed too eat it, I'll gain weight.. I shouldn't think that way, it's too restrictive.. Yes but if I don't think like that I'll just eat everything in sight.. Yes but if I restrict myself too much, I'll fall back into bad cycles of starvation and bingeing..." and so on and so on...
For a long time, I was either stressing about gaining weight or stressing about starving myself…
Anyways, recently I've found that whenever I get a craving (or just feel like I want to eat) I leave the kitchen and sit in a calm place. I think about how much I love myself, and how I want what is best for my body. Then I ask myself what I really need. If you come out of a place of self-love and acceptance, you will always make the right decision. That right decision might be that you're not actually hungry, or it might be that you chose an apple as a snack, or it might be that you will have that piece of cake and you have decided before hand that you won't feel guilty about it. Whenever you feel yourself getting anxious about food, you must calm yourself down and think about how amazing you are. Then when you are calm, you can make a clear and conscious decision about what to eat.
It might sound cheesy, but by loving yourself and your body, it takes away a huge amount of stress. When you lower your stress and anxiety levels, your much less likely to fall into habits of emotional eating.
Remember, any body at any weight is beautiful (:

MyChocolateDiet

super helpful posts everyone. Thank you for taking the time.

I am definitely taking away a couple of strategies:

1. not having trigger foods in the house
2. I'm going to try to allow myself a treat now and then but the parameters I am going to set are: I'm not going to BUY treat foods but if I'm some place outside of my home (like at a friend's house for dinner) and something I really would like to have is offered, I will accept it.
3. I'm definitely going to try the "I know what that tastes like and don't need it" strategy. Along with this, sometimes my memory of a trigger food is better than the actual food. One of my trigger foods is licorice. The other day I was craving licorice something fierce and so bought some. After months of a practically clean diet, it tasted terrible. I was both disappointed and relieved. I had to resist the temptation to continue eating it until I relearned to like it (anyone with an eating disorder will understand that very crazy statement)
4. I will continue to track and log everything cuz it definitely helps to keep me on track.

Thanks again. There is definitely comfort in community.

Here's a blurb from the article that was linked for you above by PikaKnight. I'm not sure by your answers that you got to look at it so here are the most "trick" like parts from the article. Hopefully it will pique your interest enough to visit that link.

"Overgeneralization – with this, you’re quick to jump to conclusions. “I’ll never be able to control my weight.” That’s the sort of generalization/conclusion neurotic dieters who rarely try new approaches and never work on their mindsets/perceptions.
Mental Filter – with the mental filter distortion, you let positives slip by unnoticed while holding the negatives in the spotlight. I’ll typically see this with my female clients when I get them eating better and following an effective strength training routine. The reflection in the mirror might be improving like crazy, they can feel like a million bucks, but, because the number on the scale hasn’t budged, they’re not happy.

Disqualifying the Positive – closely related to mental filtering, with this distortion even when you’re succeeding you don’t allow yourself to feel adequate. For example, suppose we got you pointed in the right direction. You figure out a way to be more loose with your nutrition values, you feel less on edge, you’re more consistent, and you’re making progress. If you have this distortion installed, you’re likely still going to discount your success because you’ve identified yourself as a permanent neurotic dieter.

Mind Reading – with mind reading, you assume everyone sees you for what you are… that neurotic dieter. This perpetuates the neurosis. You assume that everyone else assumes you eat perfectly. Typically when you’re eating around others, you always feel on edge about making the “right” food choices. Little do you know, but most everyone else accepts some leniency.
Fortune Telling – changing behaviors and perceptions takes time. You have to approach it on a day by day basis. Live in the moment. Own the moment. With this distortion however, it’s really hard to focus on ‘the now’ when you’re always predicting the future based on how you’ve identified yourself in the past – a neurotic dieter. You’re always predicting that even if you get on the straight and narrow, you’re going to eventually cave and revert back to the rigid, inconsistent diet of yesterday. Remember… all that matters are the choices you’re making RIGHT NOW! Your future isn’t shaped by your self identity. It’s shaped by the ongoing decision making processes.

Magnification/Minimization – “making a mountain out of a mole hill,” and “you’re your own worst enemy,” are very fitting idioms for this distortion. With this distortion installed, you’re very likely to hold the magnifying glass to flaws and mistakes yet you’ll discount awesome accomplishments as if they’re nothing. This distortion takes the mental filtering distortion and makes it even uglier since not only are you ignoring successes and holding mistakes to the light…. you’re also minimizing and maximizing them respectively. You’re distorting the distortion!

Emotional Reasoning – letting how you feel dictate your realities. This is a big one… and based on the things you’ve said, it’s obvious that you’re battling this. I think most dieters are. A prime example would be the following sequence of events:I ate a horrible cookie –> I am guilty of failing –> Since I failed I might as well eat the whole boxThere’s not a lot of logic in emotional reasoning. This goes back to that automaticity I mentioned earlier… when we let our minds run wild, they’re generally going to act on emotion rather than clear thinking.Something else to consider here is the simple fact that there is approximately 3,500 calories in one pound of fat. Maybe you ate a few cookies that totaled 300 calories. So F-ing what? It’s one day. And it’s not like you’re going to turn into a blimp from that 300 calorie deviation. 300 =/= 3,500!!! Of course, if you let guilt seep in for no good reason at all, you might end up devouring the entire box of cookies and then, yeah, you might see a problem. But that’s the point… don’t make mountains out of molehills (see magnification below).

Should Statements – this is another big one that’s definitely tripping you up. So-called neurotic dieters love rules. They like control even though they spend most of their time out of control. If they spent as much time on sane allowances and consistency as they did on developing and refining rigid rules, they’d be much further along toward their goals. As it stands though, they’re drowning in ‘shoulds.’ I should avoid sugar at all cost. I should never skip exercise. I should always eat organic. I shoulds are good for one thing… making you feel guilty.

Labeling – in my perspective, this distortion lumps many of the others into one evil bugger. I lost, I’m a loser. I failed, I’m a failure. I cheated, I’m a cheater. Newsflash, while we tend to be a product of our choices… we are not our choices. We are in control of the directions we head and this is why change is always possible. Damn hard for some, but possible."

Ulwaz

im dealing with my own food problems, if you need some support, always here x

belanna5

Are you me?
It seems so . Years ago I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. I did what was necessary to overcome it ( psychologist , nutritionist, dietitian ) . Now I'm good, I'm in my weight range , but nevertheless I can not be said to be completely healed . I do not think you can heal completely . At least for me , the thought of what I eat , how, how much , it is always the first thought before everything else.
After reaching my ideal weight , a year and a half ago , I've kept up with a way of eating that was not healthy , but it worked for me: eat 600/700 cal during the week and no limits on the weekend. But I started to have some serious deficiency (vitamins and minerals).
In September, I enrolled in a gym.
It changed my life. Every day: cardio and lifting or cardio and pilates . Long walks on the weekends . I could not continue eating so little if I wanted to have a satisfactory performance in the gym, so I started to increase calories during the week and to have a limit on the weekend. Now I eat an average of 1,200 cal during the week and from 1500/1700 on the weekends. And I log everything. Unless there is a wedding or birthday event type, that I prefer to log with a fixed amount. 1200 are not yet the net , but I'm getting there slowly . Go slow is the only way I know that it can work for me. Now I'm trying to decrease fat and increase lean body mass.

I do not forbid anything to myself, steak, ice cream, cakes. I log them so they will fit within my range. The idea of being able to freely eat some cake on the weekend allows me to keep a good control over what I eat during the week.

An example: last week I wanted an ice cream. I did the shopping on Monday and I bought it, along with a pizza. They were in my fridge until Saturday, I didn't I touch them and they didn't tempt me, because I knew that I would have enjoyed them on Saturdays. A few years ago I would not have resisted the temptation.

For me, the key is finding what works for you. For me it is enough to plan what I'll eat during the week and insert some treats during the weekend.
No panic, listen to your body. Not the voice that says 'eat whatever you want'. But the real voice of your body that will tell you to love it, because to love it is to love yourself. In this body we live, we love and we die. There isn't another one. Love and respect what you have.