Just venting.....my friend says I'm "starving" myself

koosorlose

So, I'm currently at work and my boss brought in donuts and bagels this morning for the team. While it is a ridiculously nice gesture and I would love to eat one, I pre-log everything I eat at the beginning of the day for the most part and donuts and/or bagels do not fit into that allotment. Anyways, my closest friend here at work tells me that there are donuts and bagels in the back and that I should grab one. Mind you, she is my gym buddy and we go every week five times a week and care equally about getting fit, but when it comes to food, we do things very differently. She is doing the South Beach diet (currently in phase two) and I count calories. She got mad and said, "You take this stuff way too seriously. I eat like **** often enough and have still lost five pounds recently. I don't starve myself, either!" Ughhhhhhh. I do NOT starve myself. I eat at LEAST 1200 calories a day, and more when I exercise. And I usually eat about 3/4 of my exercise calories back!!! I have lost seven pounds in the past month and a half, which is HEALTHY. I just want her to understand that what I'm doing is not unhealthy, and that diets have NEVER worked for me, because I have to deprive myself of things that I eat regularly. WHICH IS WHY I'M COUNTING CALORIES RATHER THAN DIETING. Different strokes for different folks, JEEZ.

Chris_Pierce

It sounds like your friend has no idea that a doughnut isn't really food.

brandi_kae

Checked your diary. You're not starving yourself. Your friend is feeling guilty about eating unhealthy food and wants to feel better about herself by trying to manipulate you into doing the same. Stick to your guns. It's YOUR body.

TheKidd2013

Checked your diary. You're not starving yourself. Your friend is feeling guilty about eating unhealthy food and wants to feel better about herself by trying to manipulate you into doing the same. Stick to your guns. It's YOUR body.

I definetely agree with what she said! That person is trying to make herself better for giving in to indulgence that wasn't necessarily the greatest of food choices for her either.

tabbyblack13

Wow, your friend is over reacting. If she is doing the South Beach diet then she might be a bit on the cranky side because she is craving the carbs right now. That was still out of line tho.

AnthonyThrashD

I had a bagel with cream cheese on it AND I count calories...I'm like the offspring of you and your buddy :P

But seriously, fad diets come and go, accounting for the calorie content of the food you eat, is here to stay :-)

JoRocka

It sounds like your friend has no idea that a doughnut isn't really food.

rubbish.

it totally is food.

it's just not food that fit into her day.

it's fine either way- but her friend is feeling guilty. Tell her to stop feeling guilty and eat the damn doughnut if she wants it.

CaroleLea438

hopefully someday it will click with your friend that it's not "dieting" it's eating healthy and continuing to eat the right things your entire life, not just until you get a few pounds off. Good for you for sticking to your way of doing things. Keep up the good work. :happy:

adstott

We have break food here all the time, donuts, cookies, cakes you name it it's here. I have been offered multiple times the food and I just nicely turn it down and say I'd love to but I know I shouldn't. Don't worry about others worry about yourself if she feels guilty about eating it why should that be your problem?

MyRummyHens

If she ate what you eat she may well "starve" if she has a much higher calorie requirement than you. If she's any or all of taller, bigger framed, more muscle mass, more active, heavier then she will have a higher calorie requirement. which I often think makes it easier to fit treats in.

That doesn't mean that it's right to pick on you though. I suspect one of the earlier posters is right and she's trying to lead you off the straight and narrow to not feel guilty about tucking in herself. But there is always the chance that she just can't relate to your diet because you are a completely separate person with separated needs/requirements from her. Perhaps a chat is in order, so she understands that what applies to her doesn't necessarily apply to you.

jmmcelhi

i have done both ways of losing weight. I did south beach and lost 30 pounds before I got married, and I fell of the band wagon and I am currently doing this for the 2nd time(do to also falling off the band wagon). Both of these life style changes are equally as hard it all just depends on how you want to make the change. with phase 2 of SB she should have slowly introduced GOOD carbs back into her diet and can afford to cheat every now and then but if its something she does often she might as well give up on SB now.. The hardest part about that diet is phase 1 with no carbs. But with you, you are allowed to eat whatever you want good or bad as long as it fits into your daily allotment. I too try to track at the beginning of the day bc it is easier for me to keep track of what I am eating that way. Nicole I know how you are and try not to let it get to you, in my experience I lost a lot of weight a lot quicker doing SB but I didn't stick to it in the long run either. As long as you did not feel hungry and you are not starving then just ignore it and let her know that it is better for you to do things this was and you would rather not splurge right now on a donut or bagel when you could splurge on something else later that is way more satisfying

koosorlose

Thank you to everyone for all your kind words and reassurance! I know I'm on the right path because I'm seeing results, both on the scale and in the way my body is changing. And want to know what the funny thing is? Right before we went on break, she said she was gonna grab a bagel and I told her I was gonna eat my one ounce allotment of mixed nuts (to which she replied "No thanks..." to), she ended up not grabbing that bagel!!!! It really WAS just a guilt thing, after all. She was only gonna eat one if I did! People are so odd sometimes! If I want a treat, I'll eat it! As long as I've still got room in my calories! I love the MFP "diet" way better.

koosorlose

i have done both ways of losing weight. I did south beach and lost 30 pounds before I got married, and I fell of the band wagon and I am currently doing this for the 2nd time(do to also falling off the band wagon). Both of these life style changes are equally as hard it all just depends on how you want to make the change. with phase 2 of SB she should have slowly introduced GOOD carbs back into her diet and can afford to cheat every now and then but if its something she does often she might as well give up on SB now.. The hardest part about that diet is phase 1 with no carbs. But with you, you are allowed to eat whatever you want good or bad as long as it fits into your daily allotment. I too try to track at the beginning of the day bc it is easier for me to keep track of what I am eating that way. Nicole I know how you are and try not to let it get to you, in my experience I lost a lot of weight a lot quicker doing SB but I didn't stick to it in the long run either. As long as you did not feel hungry and you are not starving then just ignore it and let her know that it is better for you to do things this was and you would rather not splurge right now on a donut or bagel when you could splurge on something else later that is way more satisfying

Hahaha, Jami...you know me too well. I take things a little too personally sometimes. But the counting calories thing is REALLY working for me, because I can still eat the things that I want, just in moderation. No diet has EVER been successful for me because I just can't give up certain foods. I guess I'm just frustrated because I never said anything bad about her doing the South Beach diet, yet she thinks I'm starving myself just because I'm counting calories! Thanks, Jami. I can't wait until we're skinny *****es.

koosorlose

It sounds like your friend has no idea that a doughnut isn't really food.

rubbish.

it totally is food.

it's just not food that fit into her day.

it's fine either way- but her friend is feeling guilty. Tell her to stop feeling guilty and eat the damn doughnut if she wants it.

Donuts are TOTALLY food!!! Just not gonna treat myself to one today! Maybe tomorrow.

Jenn19891

Ugh, I get this all the time at work and I'm closer to 1700-2000 calories per day. If you know you're healthy, that's all that really matters.

Tracey_B_72

I had a bagel with cream cheese on it AND I count calories...I'm like the offspring of you and your buddy :P

But seriously, fad diets come and go, accounting for the calorie content of the food you eat, is here to stay :-)

I had a cinammon and raisin bagel toasted for my lunch and it was lovely.

I had planned on it being my lunch today.

koosorlose

I had a bagel with cream cheese on it AND I count calories...I'm like the offspring of you and your buddy :P

But seriously, fad diets come and go, accounting for the calorie content of the food you eat, is here to stay :-)

I had a cinammon and raisin bagel toasted for my lunch and it was lovely.

I had planned on it being my lunch today.

Yummm...maybe I'll allot for a cinnamon raisin bagel tomorrow

FatFreeFrolicking

Checked your diary. You're not starving yourself. Your friend is feeling guilty about eating unhealthy food and wants to feel better about herself by trying to manipulate you into doing the same. Stick to your guns. It's YOUR body.

I second this all the way.

suzyfj8

She is just trying to undermine your determination, ignore her, she is jealous, let them eat their cake, and we can do it our way and lose weight healthily

_Zardoz_

It sounds like your friend has no idea that a doughnut isn't really food.

Is there some strange definition of food that has passed me by?

BrittanyMG3

Be proud of your choices and the progress you've made! Don't let your friend get you down, good for you for resisting temptation! sounds like your friend could benefit from your example if she stopped being so stubborn!

BamaBreezeNSaltAire

It sounds like your friend has no idea that a doughnut isn't really food.

rubbish.

it totally is food.

it's just not food that fit into her day.

it's fine either way- but her friend is feeling guilty. Tell her to stop feeling guilty and eat the damn doughnut if she wants it.

Donuts are TOTALLY food!!! Just not gonna treat myself to one today! Maybe tomorrow.

Atta girl! :flowerforyou:

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

It sounds like your friend has no idea that a doughnut isn't really food.

hahaha, not really food? Sure it is. It all depends on your caloric allottment. What works for one won't always work for everyone else. Personally, someone brings donuts in, I'm working it into my day.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

She is just trying to undermine your determination, ignore her, she is jealous, let them eat their cake, and we can do it our way and lose weight healthily

why does she have to be jealous? Sounds like the friend ate the donut. Maybe she just doesn't understand that her way doesn't work for OP.

Allelito

Ask her if she seriously thinks that you not eating that doughnut means that you're starving.

lucylousmummy

classic case of trying to make you feel like crap for "starving" yourself, to make herself believe that her diet is better, and therefore making it ok that she ate the bagel/donut

ignore and carry on your own way

jkwolly

It sounds like your friend has no idea that a doughnut isn't really food.

rubbish.

it totally is food.

it's just not food that fit into her day.

it's fine either way- but her friend is feeling guilty. Tell her to stop feeling guilty and eat the damn doughnut if she wants it.

QFT!

eclat80

I feel both parties. I think your friend may have been trying to get a donut/bagel buddy to make her feel better about her indulgence, but I also think you should be able to brush things like this off, and smile to yourself as you watch the inches and pounds fall off and/or stay gone. What works for her may not work for you as many have said. Everyone's body is different.

Chris_Pierce

It sounds like your friend has no idea that a doughnut isn't really food.

rubbish.

it totally is food.

it's just not food that fit into her day.

it's fine either way- but her friend is feeling guilty. Tell her to stop feeling guilty and eat the damn doughnut if she wants it.

If it don't fit. It ain't food

fitfreakymom

She is just trying to undermine your determination, ignore her, she is jealous, let them eat their cake, and we can do it our way and lose weight healthily

why does she have to be jealous? Sounds like the friend ate the donut. Maybe she just doesn't understand that her way doesn't work for OP.

This

AllMyUsernamesRTaken

That was a good call OP that she was feeling guilty. I would've totally thought she was jealous. I am known to jump to conclusions because I am emotional. You're on the right track, and I don't know you, but I'm proud and impressed by your level of maturity. Kudos!!!