My mother has no idea how weight loss works

nairedavis
nairedavis Posts: 30
in Health and Weight Loss
Me and my mom have started our weight loss journey together. My first attempt last year worked for a bit and then I fell off the wagon. So we're gonna do this together. My mom says that we're going to do this her way, which means eating only 1 meal a day and no snacking on healthy food throughout the day. I'm trying to tell her that that's not healthy and eating that little, will only cause your body to go into starvation mode, but she says I don't know what I'm talking about. Apparently this method worked for her after she gave birth to my younger brother. However, this method doesn't work for me.

So I really don't know what to do. Help please?
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Replies

  • annabananna1183
    annabananna1183 Posts: 14
    As someone who has tried to diet with her overweight mother as a sort of bonding thing (and had a similar mismatch of styles), I'm sorry to say that you've just got to do what works for you. Your weight loss is ultimately about *your* health. You may inspire her to change her views if you do what is healthy and lose weight while she doesn't. If she does lose weight or doesn't change her mind, then there is really nothing you can do except look after your own health. In that case, maybe you will influence her in the long run.
  • chrisdavey
    chrisdavey Posts: 9,834 Member
    Meal frequency is secondary to energy balance so her way can work just fine. Starvation mode aka adaptive thermogenesis occurs from dieting with large deficits for long periods of time and it is meant to happen. It's the bodies way of telling you to stop losing too much weight. Dieting being controlled starvation.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Starvation Mode takes a LONG time to achieve.

    ETA: It doesn't happen in a day.
  • nairedavis
    nairedavis Posts: 30
    Sounds like neither one of you have any idea how weight loss works.

    You should both read this:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819055-setting-your-calorie-and-macro-targets
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

    Thanks! I'm still learning how this whole thing works. So I need as much info as I possilbly can get in order to lose weight as healthily.
  • nairedavis
    nairedavis Posts: 30
    Meal frequency is secondary to energy balance so her way can work just fine. Starvation mode aka adaptive thermogenesis occurs from dieting with large deficits for long periods of time and it is meant to happen. It's the bodies way of telling you to stop losing too much weight. Dieting being controlled starvation.

    Thanks for the info.
  • tmj4477
    tmj4477 Posts: 145 Member
    Do what works for you and don't tell her. when you are losing weight if she asks then let her know. This site has great advice and eating/workout plans and its FREE. The first link is the site and the next link references "starvation mode"

    http://www.nowloss.com/#/how-to-lose-weight-fast

    http://www.nowloss.com/starvation-mode-myth.htm

    Friend me for motivation if you like!!
  • nairedavis
    nairedavis Posts: 30
    As someone who has tried to diet with her overweight mother as a sort of bonding thing (and had a similar mismatch of styles), I'm sorry to say that you've just got to do what works for you. Your weight loss is ultimately about *your* health. You may inspire her to change her views if you do what is healthy and lose weight while she doesn't. If she does lose weight or doesn't change her mind, then there is really nothing you can do except look after your own health. In that case, maybe you will influence her in the long run.

    Thanks! I think that's what I'm going to do. Things that worked for her, don't work for me. And I'm trying to tell her this. But mother knows best, I guess.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,049 Member
    Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.

    I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".
  • forkofpower
    forkofpower Posts: 171 Member
    Meal frequency is irrelevant. I eat one huge meal a day, and have lost weight. Others prefer to eat many smaller meals. They can also lose weight. Just eat a deficit.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.

    I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".

    Oh I see so now she is not losing weight WITH her mom, but AGAINST her mom. It's summer and it gets hot and I kinda don't want to see her mom have health problems.

    What if they agreed to do their own tiing for ONE WEEK during which they researched and collected information from this site and then at the end of the week, they have a meeting of the minds and fine tune their method and agree on some method? I feel like the "doing it together" aspect is what they are after.

    Like the convenience of eating places together or buying foods in bulk etc. Not sure, just a guess.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.

    I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".

    Oh I see so now she is not losing weight WITH her mom, but AGAINST her mom. It's summer and it gets hot and I kinda don't want to see her mom have health problems.

    What if they agreed to do their own tiing for ONE WEEK during which they researched and collected information from this site and then at the end of the week, they have a meeting of the minds and fine tune their method and agree on some method? I feel like the "doing it together" aspect is what they are after.

    Like the convenience of eating places together or buying foods in bulk etc. Not sure, just a guess.

    I like the idea in theory but in practice I wouldn't let my meal or diet choices be restricted to what I can get another person to agree to.

    Plus people tend to "research" on sites that confirm the beliefs they already good. Her mom could spend the week watching YouTube videos of freelee the banana girl and then come back with a 80/10/10 meal plan, for all we know.

    Lecturing her mom on other ways could just make her mom more determined to do it her way. Lead by example instead and answer questions when asked
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.

    I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".

    Oh I see so now she is not losing weight WITH her mom, but AGAINST her mom. It's summer and it gets hot and I kinda don't want to see her mom have health problems.

    What if they agreed to do their own tiing for ONE WEEK during which they researched and collected information from this site and then at the end of the week, they have a meeting of the minds and fine tune their method and agree on some method? I feel like the "doing it together" aspect is what they are after.

    Like the convenience of eating places together or buying foods in bulk etc. Not sure, just a guess.

    I like the idea in theory but in practice I wouldn't let my meal or diet choices be restricted to what I can get another person to agree to.

    Plus people tend to "research" on sites that confirm the beliefs they already good. Her mom could spend the week watching YouTube videos of freelee the banana girl and then come back with a 80/10/10 meal plan, for all we know.

    Lecturing her mom on other ways could just make her mom more determined to do it her way. Lead by example instead and answer questions when asked

    Okay but she should IMO still watch her momma for signs of dehydration depending on where they live b/c eating ONCE a day and not even snacking even if it's healthy foods seems like too many hours to go without anything and pretty scary from my experience.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,049 Member
    Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.

    I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".

    Oh I see so now she is not losing weight WITH her mom, but AGAINST her mom. It's summer and it gets hot and I kinda don't want to see her mom have health problems.

    What if they agreed to do their own tiing for ONE WEEK during which they researched and collected information from this site and then at the end of the week, they have a meeting of the minds and fine tune their method and agree on some method? I feel like the "doing it together" aspect is what they are after.

    Like the convenience of eating places together or buying foods in bulk etc. Not sure, just a guess.

    I like the idea in theory but in practice I wouldn't let my meal or diet choices be restricted to what I can get another person to agree to.

    Plus people tend to "research" on sites that confirm the beliefs they already good. Her mom could spend the week watching YouTube videos of freelee the banana girl and then come back with a 80/10/10 meal plan, for all we know.

    Lecturing her mom on other ways could just make her mom more determined to do it her way. Lead by example instead and answer questions when asked

    Exactly, my thought was it sounds like her mom is pretty set in her ways and determined to do it her way, and a way to avoid that angst is to propose a friendly competiton, especially if the only alternative is doing it her mom's way. They don't need to eat completely different things, her mom can have her one small meal a day, OP can have the same thing but have other meals and snacks also. If they go out, mom can have her meal, OP can have her choice. They don't need to be opposites or not meet along the way?

    And absolutely she can monitor her mom, especially in the conditions you have mentioned. It just sounds like Mom is set on this path for the short term and it may be the fastest way to convince her otherwise is to be an example.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    Read the links posted above and share them with your mom. If she doesn't agree then do it yourself. She'll come around eventually after you are successful .
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Eating once per day won't hurt her. I've known some people who have done that successfully. But that one meal was like 2500 calories, not the lovely leaf of lettuce that I'm betting her mom is planning on eating.

    But no one starves to death in a house full of food. The biggest problem with those ultra restrictive diet plans is the lack of adherence. Her mom will lose a ton in the first two weeks and they'll be no way to talk her into something different. And then week 4 rolls around and she assaults a neighbor's kid for their French fries and a week long binge later, the whole diet is busted and the remorse sets in. That will be the time to discuss a better way.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Okay if you guys are sure the momma is safe to try out her method. I just get nervous b/c of my past things I've seen.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    Me and my mom have started our weight loss journey together. My first attempt last year worked for a bit and then I fell off the wagon. So we're gonna do this together. My mom says that we're going to do this her way, which means eating only 1 meal a day and no snacking on healthy food throughout the day. I'm trying to tell her that that's not healthy and eating that little, will only cause your body to go into starvation mode, but she says I don't know what I'm talking about. Apparently this method worked for her after she gave birth to my younger brother. However, this method doesn't work for me.

    So I really don't know what to do. Help please?
    How incredible it is that you and your mother want to do this weight loss journey together.

    However, you are incorrect about starvation mode. That happens when you have lost a certain percentage of fat and muscle and you are pretty much emaciated. Overweight and normal people don't go into starvation mode, and its not based on how often during the day you eat or the number of calories.

    Why don't you tell your mom what YOU plan to do to lose weight and then love her and support her in the way she wants to lose weight. Some people do only eat one or two meals a day, other people eat several times a day, and they all lose weight.
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
    Naire is it that your Mom cooks the meals for everyone and determines what you have at meal time, etc?
  • nairedavis
    nairedavis Posts: 30
    Naire is it that your Mom cooks the meals for everyone and determines what you have at meal time, etc?

    Yeah. If I had my own place, I think I would have more freedom in my decision on what I should eat. But I'm a recent college grad with no job, sooo...*shrug*

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