Lifestyle changes and unsupportive families

aubreybear

Hi Guys,

I know there are other threads about this topic, but I just needed to vent. I have been on this "lifestyle change" since last summer. I have about 8-9 lbs left to my goal weight. More importantly, though, I have changed my eating habits completely.

I was diagnosed with a wheat allergy and IBS around November of last year and my family really has not taken to supporting my diet and food exclusions due to allergies. They are always trying to get me to eat junk with them, trying to literally force feed me and even often try to convince me to eat a flour tortilla (burrito) or pasta "just this once", without realizing that I will have a miserable week after that. On Mother's Day, I had the healthiest thing I could find on the menu at the restaurant, and was still fully regretting it that week with stomach upset. I really think that they do this to me because they feel guilty about their unhealthy lifestyle (terrible food choices and no exercise) and want to make themselves feel better by having me eat it.

UGHHH!! Anyone else have this problem? I have tried being firm with them but they just don't get it. Anyone have an idea of what I could say to them to make them get it?

And the saddest part is that they are passing this on to their children. Having grown up like that, I can tell you that breaking that habit is very difficult.

missiontofitness

Wait...so your body cannot tolerate a food item, yet they still try to make you eat it? That's insane!

Honestly, if they are so rooted in their eating habits and are unwilling to change, there may not be much you can do to try to get them to back down and accept your choices. You want to be able to live your life the way you want, and you've made changes that are beneficial to your body and well being.

I really think you need to stick to your guns. If they try to pressure you to eat an item that your body cannot physically tolerate, or just something you don't want to eat, just say "no". Don't explain, or give them any ammo to fire back with. The more you explain, the more they'll try to sway you and argue against your point.

For future reference, if you know a restaurant ahead of time, call ahead and see if there's any way they can accommodate your dietary needs. If not, you can always eat before you go to the restaurant, and order an appetizer or dessert you know your body can tolerate. Or just go to be with family. You shouldn't have to be in discomfort for a week after eating just to accommodate your family!

aubreybear

YESSS!! Insane, right??! They always say "here just eat this burrito! You can have wheat just once!" They once even said to me "We can put spaghetti sauce on rice for you" after I repeatedly told them that I did not want any spaghetti because of the wheat and the tomato sauce makes me sick. They just don't get it. And they always say resentfully "oh you can't have it because it's not on your "diet"" without realizing... like you said, MY BODY CANNOT TOLERATE IT! I'm not just "on a diet", I'm on a mission to change my life.

It's very frustrating. There is a vegetarian in my family and any time that she comes over, it's constant bombardment towards her too "here, just eat this turkey... just once" or "pick the bacon out of the green beans..."

I have tried being firm, but rather than trying to understand, they have made snide comments about how I think I'm too good for their food or that I'm starving myself.

seltzermint555

I'm confused - they are passing on to their children the idea that it's generally okay to eat wheat? And that is a problem why?

You're an adult so they can't force you to eat anything that your body is allergic to. That's the good news.

aubreybear

No, they're passing on to their children a generally unhealthy lifestyle without any kind of physical activity.

rbiss

I would be very firm with them and make it clear that you love them, but they are incredibly disrespectful. If can either accept your choices or you will stop being around them. Then you will see how much they care. They don't have to make special food, and always go prepared with something you can eat, but they really should have an ultimatum given about their comments.

missiontofitness

YESSS!! Insane, right??! They always say "here just eat this burrito! You can have wheat just once!" They once even said to me "We can put spaghetti sauce on rice for you" after I repeatedly told them that I did not want any spaghetti because of the wheat and the tomato sauce makes me sick. They just don't get it. And they always say resentfully "oh you can't have it because it's not on your "diet"" without realizing... like you said, MY BODY CANNOT TOLERATE IT! I'm not just "on a diet", I'm on a mission to change my life.

It's very frustrating. There is a vegetarian in my family and any time that she comes over, it's constant bombardment towards her too "here, just eat this turkey... just once" or "pick the bacon out of the green beans..."

I have tried being firm, but rather than trying to understand, they have made snide comments about how I think I'm too good for their food or that I'm starving myself.

You're not too good for their food...your body can't tolerate it, plain and simple! I do not have IBS or any food allergies, but I've known people with gluten allergies, lactose allergies, ect...it's a real struggle, especially if you accidentally eat a food that triggers your symptoms. My friend, who is lactose intolerant, accidentally had a dairy based alcoholic drink, and was in the bathroom minutes later and very sick. Wasn't even intentional (our friends didn't know she couldn't have Bailey's), but still. "Just once" can mean a night of extreme discomfort.

I'd still stand by a simple "no". If they try to push it farther, or question why, just keep repeating "no". You don't owe them any more explanations at this point. Your family doesn't seem to want to accept that there's other ways to eat, and it's not fair of them to expect you to accommodate their ideologies when it's literally putting you into pain. Until they're ready to accept that you need to change your habits, no amount of explaining until you're blue in the face will help them understand.

Artionis

Try this. "I love you, but I am very disappointed that you are cavalier about damaging my health and making me sick." Give them a hug and leave the premises immediately. Repeat this EVERY TIME. It's like training a puppy. Train them that you will not tolerate their bad behavior.