She F***ing Hates Me

brittlynne3579

This isn't weight loss related at all. I just moved to South Carolina and started a fabulous new job with the company I've been with for four years. The job is much like what I was doing in Texas so I feel pretty confident I'm doing a good job in the three weeks I've been here. I've already gotten praise and attention which is great, but I have one HUGE problem.....

My coworker who is my direct counterpart HATES me. Now I know ya'll are probably like, is it in your head? Is she having a bad day? Are you just paranoid? No. None of these things. This chick I think despises me. At first she was somewhat friendly saying hello when I said it first, and even once accepted a lunch invitation.

However that was just week one. For the last 2 she will not respond when I say hello or goodnight. I'll send instant messages (we have through work) and she'll not reply or will with short, curt one-word answers. She added me on facebook only to post statuses about how she misses her old coworkers who transferred to other departments and how she wished now she had a hard wall office (I sit beside her).

She even complained to my boss that I'm on my cell alot and that I type too loud??!! I have been on my cell a little as my mom is transferring here too and needs my assistance, but I always walk to our common conference room as to not disturb anyone.

Very rarely do I say this, but it hurts my feelings. This girl is so ugly to me and it's only week 4 and I'm dreading seeing her at work. Does anyone have suggestions to make this better? I've definately tried killing her with kindness which, like I said, she is indifferent to. Should I avoid her? Stop initiating friendiness? Help :explode:

SoldierDad

Im sorry sweety. You deserve better than that. I will be praying for you both.

sallyLunn

You type to loud. (that is the funniest complaint that I have ever heard.)

There could be a jealously issue. She could be afraid that you will do a better job than her. Someone could have said something to that effect to her. You could be cuter than her?.....

Keep it professional and courteous. Use your cell in the conference room like you have been doing. If she keeps making complaints like she has been, she will eventually come off as a kook. Make other friends in the office and keep your mouth off of your unfriendly cube mate as much as possible.

Truth is, you can't be friends with everyone.

ProTFitness

I always say you like me great :-) if you don't oh well. DOnt let it bother you. Not everyone will like you and vise verse. That is life. Dont let it get under your skin. I am not out in this world to impress others. Be true to who you are. People will like you for you!

ron2282

Sadly I have a co-worker like that too and she also sits directly in front of me. Only she is sweet to my face, and talks about me the second I walk away. So now I don't talk to her unless I have to and when I do, I make sure it's only about work - nothing personal. Giving people like that information about your personal life only fuels the fire, and I deleted her off my facebook page. I hope thinks get better; we spend more time at work than we do at home so it horrible when we have to deal with stuff like that. Just don't sink down to her level and be nasty like she is.....you're better than that.

elzettel

I'm sorry that in the middle of the huge adjustment you are making someone seems to be making it more difficult. I would just ignore her behavior and take the high road--easier said than done. I wouldn't go out of my way to be rude but I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice either. Be polite and professional. Perhaps she was really close to another co-worker and is dealing (very poorly) with her feelings about him/her being relocated. Maybe time is all it will take and once she gets to know you better she'll feel like an *kitten* for acting like, well, an *kitten*. If not...her loss. We can't change people...only the way we react to them. Hang in there and hope you have a better day.

LotusF1ower

Personally, I would stop trying to be friends with her, she obviously doesn't want to know, so why continue trying? Treat her with basic respect, do not be rude to her, only communicate with her when you have to during work and unless she initiates the first move, stay away from her. If you don't, she could well find a way to report you for harrassment or bullying (stupid I know, but she may be looking for any excuse).

In my opinion and from what you have said, she is being unfair, but who knows what is going through her mind. It could be anything from jealousy to something you inadvertently said and she took offence to.

If you stop trying, after a few weks, she may eventually begin to come round and try to strike up a friendship with you (whether you would actually want to know by that time is another matter), but until that happens, ignore her.

Whatever happens, do NOT let her ruin your work or your time at work, you have to spend enough time there without it being like torture. Get to know the others where you work instead, maybe that will be enough to get her to come round xxx

laughingdani

Why don't you just ask her (in a calm tone) what her problem is? Ask her what it is that you have done to cause her to act like that.

You could even confront her with your boss present. I am sure there should be no problem with having a grown up conversation about the situation. Because if something doesn't get resolved soon she is just going to keep making your life more miserable and eventually put your job in jeopardy potentially. Good Luck in whatever you decide.

Dani

maryann73

I agree with Sally. I live in SC too, and I'm mad she isn't showing you our hospitality! WELCOME TO SC!!!! There really are friendly, nice people here. Sorry your coworker sucks. I'd also make sure she doesn't get your status updates on FB, and then block her. (slowly, so she doesn't realize it). She will look like a nut, especiallly when your other coworkers realize how nice you are, you don't say bad stuff about her, and she complains. I hope it gets better. Welcome to your Mom too!:flowerforyou:

surlydave

Stop killing her with kindness and just plain kill her.

I'm kidding of course.

ErinMarie25

One of my friends' manager hates her too, for no dang reason! She doesn't get it either. She has never done anything to her. I think it's a jealousy thing. It's the only explanation.

CombatVet_Armywife

Personally, I would stop trying to be friends with her, she obviously doesn't want to know, so why continue trying? Treat her with basic respect, do not be rude to her, only communicate with her when you have to during work and unless she initiates the first move, stay away from her. If you don't, she could well find a way to report you for harrassment or bullying (stupid I know, but she may be looking for any excuse).

In my opinion and from what you have said, she is being unfair, but who knows what is going through her mind. It could be anything from jealousy to something you inadvertently said and she took offence to.

If you stop trying, after a few weks, she may eventually begin to come round and try to strike up a friendship with you (whether you would actually want to know by that time is another matter), but until that happens, ignore her.

Whatever happens, do NOT let her ruin your work or your time at work, you have to spend enough time there without it being like torture. Get to know the others where you work instead, maybe that will be enough to get her to come round xxx

^^^Exactly what I would do. I wouldn't waste my time on someone who obviously isn't interested or doesn't like me. I don't put effort in people who aren't willing to return that effort. I also agree with another post....do not supply her with ANY personal information. Chicks like that are just WAITING for an opportunity to use it against you! Good luck....I know that is a STICKY situation!

TheNewJessieMae

You can ask her, why she is short with you.
But then stop trying to be friends. You are there to make a paycheck-friends are a bonus. Be professional, but don't run yourself ragged trying to kiss her *$$

groucherella

I work with women that I do not get along with and I can tell you it's HARD. I've gone home in tears, I've gone home so stressed that I'm physically sick, and I gone home so angry that I tune out my real friends.

Five years later, I've learned to deal with them in a more healthy way. One thing you can do to make things more easy on yourself is kill the cell phone use at work. You can talk to your mom at lunch or after work or through email if just has to be during your work hours. Then you have 2 options. You can ignore it and just don't talk to her outside of work related issues. I do not gossip/chit chat/ or converse in anyway with my co workers. I have no desire to. I would die if I had to fratenize with them. OR you could work up the courage to address her and tell her you're not sure what you've done, but you'd like to know so you can try and reverse it and see what she says.

Now, the fact she's gone to your boss....well...the cell phone thing is legite in my opinion. I can NOT stand it when my co workers go talk on their cell phones when I'm left working and battling meetings. Highly annoying indeed. But typing too fast is a trivial complaint. I'm sure your boss recognizes that. I eventually went to my boss after 3 years and told her how I felt. She told me if she took stock in what girls said I wouldn't still be there, but I do good work and she saw past what they'd tell her. But she appreciated me coming to her. I'd give your boss the same respect and just talk to her.

freightdiva

Hi I always try kindness first and if that doesn't work. I try to avoid as much as possible. It has only happened to me once in my life that someone took an immediate dislike to me and made my life difficult! I was so stressed and confused as I didn't even know her and do not understand people that are like that! Fortunately she quit 6 weeks later! Maybe your co worker will do the same! fingers crossed!

jusniq

Personally, I would stop trying to be friends with her, she obviously doesn't want to know, so why continue trying? Treat her with basic respect, do not be rude to her, only communicate with her when you have to during work and unless she initiates the first move, stay away from her. If you don't, she could well find a way to report you for harrassment or bullying (stupid I know, but she may be looking for any excuse).

In my opinion and from what you have said, she is being unfair, but who knows what is going through her mind. It could be anything from jealousy to something you inadvertently said and she took offence to.

If you stop trying, after a few weks, she may eventually begin to come round and try to strike up a friendship with you (whether you would actually want to know by that time is another matter), but until that happens, ignore her.

Whatever happens, do NOT let her ruin your work or your time at work, you have to spend enough time there without it being like torture. Get to know the others where you work instead, maybe that will be enough to get her to come round xxx

I agree with this. Its not worth the energy to try and befriend her. Just go in and do what you have to do. Let your work speak for it self. can't please everyone.

championnfl

NEVER!, quit a job because of a co worker,boss...they will either get promoted,transferred, or fired.[might leave,..can only hope]
As far as what your doing...keep doing it! Killing her with kindness bothers her more then the behavior she directs towards you!
Remember when people act like this there either insecure,jealous, or feel threaten of you and your abilities....be careful might even try to make you look bad or even sabotage your efforts....The bosses know what kind of job your doing, comminicate with them so they know what your doing...good luck! you can do this!!!!

Kath712

You type to loud. (that is the funniest complaint that I have ever heard.)

There could be a jealously issue. She could be afraid that you will do a better job than her. Someone could have said something to that effect to her. You could be cuter than her?.....

Keep it professional and courteous. Use your cell in the conference room like you have been doing. If she keeps making complaints like she has been, she will eventually come off as a kook. Make other friends in the office and keep your mouth off of your unfriendly cube mate as much as possible.

Truth is, you can't be friends with everyone.

Ditto! I would just let this person go. Continue to do a good job at work. The only person you have to please is your boss.

annaatlp84

Do you think that your main boss would be open to a conference bwteen the 3 of you??? At least that way you would have a witness to what you are saying to her and her reaction. Plus, if you send the request via email, you'll have a paper trail just in case things get messier later on down the line.

PanicAtTheBuffet

Sometimes you have to make work fun.

When she leaves her desk, rearrange some things on it.

Talk quietly to her, so she can't really hear anything you're saying.

Throw your trash in her wastebasket. (this really bugs some people)

Good Luck! btw I really love the title of this thread.

soze

Quite a bit of good advice here and I doubt I can add much. There's a quote I heard many years back, "Don't waste time on people who don't waste time on you." You've done everything you can do. It's time to stop reaching. In fact this may be just feeding her. Don't let her control you this way. Like others have said move on. Make friends with others in the office. Keep in mind some people won't come around no matter what. They are just incapable.

I assume she complained to the manager about the loud keyboard. If so go to the manager and request a silent keyboard. This will show you are willing to work with your co-workers. Now I'm not saying she's not being petty, I'm just saying you would be showing flexibility and thoughtfulness.

Treat her as a business associate, nothing more and nothing less.

Finally stay on your toes. Don't give her any ammo.

daniface

hi something similar was happening with me- i started a new job a few months ago at this company. the woman who had my position before me retired and i'd taken over for her- The second i came in i was met with nothing but an attitude from this one particular woman[ i believe she was close to the lady who retired], she made my life a living hell for the first month or so at this company. She would talk down to me, roll her eyes at me, she would try to make me look bad any chance she got. she would scoff at me and talk under her breath as she walked away from my desk after an interections. she even went as far as calling me incompetant. It was awful, this was all going on under everyone's nose. Unfourtunatly i had to interact with her a lot so there was no avoiding her. she USED TO BE responsible for covering my desk on my breaks and i am responisble for distributing work to her. a few times i caught her removing staples then restapling papers that i had prepared for her [she didnt like the way i stapled things], throwing the staples around my desk, another time while she was covering my break she deleted a spreadsheet that i was working on. she even made me cry once.

I too tried to kill this woman with kindness but it was no use. I eventually had to go to my boss and have her get involved becuase it was getting rediculous. We ended up having a meeting and there wasnt much progress. i was actually appalled at my boss's reaction to my co-workers behavior, instead of scolding her she kind of made excuses for her and even asked HER to judge how i was taking to my new position. i was floored after that and did not see much improvement until the situation was taken to someone higher up and then one day everything was fine.

Later i had learned that this woman has a history of behavior problems. She's been talked to several times about her attitude and has been a menice to other newbies in past [ones who no longer work for the company might i add] It's my theory that she was told to shape up or ship out becuase shes been nothing but nice to be since this has all happened. I'm still really disappointed in how my boss handled the situation though. i feel like she was tring to cover for her or something, i dont repect that.

But anyway, do what you need to do. It's true that you are there to work not to make friends, not everyone has to like you but they will repect you. demand that. I hope things get better for you, all she may need is a small confrontation and then she'll make the adjustment on her own.

soze

hi something similar was happening with me- i started a new job a few months ago at this company. the woman who had my position before me retired and i'd taken over for her- The second i came in i was met with nothing but an attitude from this one particular woman[ i believe she was close to the lady who retired], she made my life a living hell for the first month or so at this company. She would talk down to me, roll her eyes at me, she would try to make me look bad any chance she got. she would scoff at me and talk under her breath as she walked away from my desk after an interections. she even went as far as calling me incompetant. It was awful, this was all going on under everyone's nose. Unfourtunatly i had to interact with her a lot so there was no avoiding her. she USED TO BE responsible for covering my desk on my breaks and i am responisble for distributing work to her. a few times i caught her removing staples then restapling papers that i had prepared for her [she didnt like the way i stapled things], throwing the staples around my desk, another time while she was covering my break she deleted a spreadsheet that i was working on. she even made me cry once.

I too tried to kill this woman with kindness but it was no use. I eventually had to go to my boss and have her get involved becuase it was getting rediculous. We ended up having a meeting and there wasnt much progress. i was actually appalled at my boss's reaction to my co-workers behavior, instead of scolding her she kind of made excuses for her and even asked HER to judge how i was taking to my new position. i was floored after that and did not see much improvement until the situation was taken to someone higher up and then one day everything was fine.

Later i had learned that this woman has a history of behavior problems. She's been talked to several times about her attitude and has been a menice to other newbies in past [ones who no longer work for the company might i add] It's my theory that she was told to shape up or ship out becuase shes been nothing but nice to be since this has all happened. I'm still really disappointed in how my boss handled the situation though. i feel like she was tring to cover for her or something, i dont repect that.

But anyway, do what you need to do. It's true that you are there to work not to make friends, not everyone has to like you but they will repect you. demand that. I hope things get better for you, all she may need is a small confrontation and then she'll make the adjustment on her own.

Its been my experience that when a person has a bad attitude its something they had before you got there. I never will understand why people go out of their way to make other lives more difficult.

My best bet is that you have an intelligent boss. Being so, she wouldn't scold the employee in front of you. She also may have had to get permission to do so. Companies are very careful these days on how they handle employees.

BTW. I disagree that this isn't weight loss related. I know when I had a horrible boss I ate way too much.

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nursevee

You know... It's amazing to me that people feel the need to act like that. I don't understand it and I probably never will. I'm sure there are factors in her life that have contributed to this poor attitude but I don't personally think that you are responsible for any of them. The most important thing here is that she's trying to make you miserable. I guess she figures if she makes you miserable enough you might actually go away. It won't solve her problem though because she will ultimately end up with another person that she will do the same thing to.
I understand it being in your nature to try and be friendly but I think you've laid a sufficient amount of groundwork and I now fail to see how it is your problem to force her to like you. Sometimes this doesn't happen... I've been in workplaces where this scenario has arisen time and again and it never gets any easier.
So... the way I deal with it is to lay low. There is no need for you to say hi to her anymore. You could, but that has gotten you nowhere except upset. I mean, SOMETIMES the best way to deal with these people is to refuse to stoop to their level but you have to be incredibly secure in yourself and be able to accept rejection on a constant basis to deal with this. If you're not, it will only upset you further. I used to push the envelope so far that i'd give birthday cards and put on a winning smile. I was so blindly annoying with my pleasantries that it really threw them a curve ball.
If you're not quite there yet just hang back. Don't take any notice of her FB updates, don't IM her, don't listen to her whining and *****ing... in the end someone will just get fed up with her Debbie Downer attitude. I'm sure you're not the only one that has seen it. Be bright and smiling and happy to everyone else. She will dislike you more because she will likely perceive that as you being a kiss *kitten* BUT you're already in a position where you can't win for losing so who cares?
You can get through this honey. It's not impossible. The work environment is all about what we make of it and that includes how we deal with the miseries that we're forced to share cubicles and work spaces with. Be happy, smile and know that you're obviously in a better place than she is!!!!

Aid_B

Stop killing her with kindness and just plain kill her.

I'm kidding of course.

Get a spade and bury her under the staff car park, it's a great cardio workout :laugh:

brittlynne3579

First off, thank you for all the good advice! Sadly, I have tried alot of the suggestions. I have asked her calmly if I've done something/said something to offend her and she will over the top say no way! She has explained that she's guarded and a little socially akward, but I would just think if someone wanted to include you, you would want to brush up on those social skills.

I really know that just being plain and polite is the best thing, and I'm sadly surprised how many of us deal with this. I guess I'm just taken aback because (not in a conceited way) I think I'm pretty likable :laugh: I've never had someone downright be ugly and rude to me....EVER. Which I guess is a blessing but had to happen sooner or later.

At least I have my MFPeeps :drinker:

SweetPandora

This isn't weight loss related at all. I just moved to South Carolina and started a fabulous new job with the company I've been with for four years. The job is much like what I was doing in Texas so I feel pretty confident I'm doing a good job in the three weeks I've been here. I've already gotten praise and attention which is great, but I have one HUGE problem.....

I think that your answer is right there in your opening statement. She's jealous of you!

Think about it, you were transferred from another office within your company, that says alot about how they value you, you also said you have been getting alot of praise and attention! Hello, she views you as a threat to her comfortable little environment.

As others have said I would be polite to her and only talk to her about work related issues and just continue being yourself and doing your job.

Best of luck

Karen

ginnyroxx

Sometimes you have to make work fun.

When she leaves her desk, rearrange some things on it.

Talk quietly to her, so she can't really hear anything you're saying.

Throw your trash in her wastebasket. (this really bugs some people)

Good Luck! btw I really love the title of this thread.

you're eeevil
i love it
:devil:

HerbieSue

Move back to TEXAS......................where everyone is friendly!!!! (yes, I'm from Texas!)

DanL66712

Over the course of the next few weeks, get in early, place a quarter in her phone handset. Do this every other day. She will automatically adjust to the extra weight without realising. Then one morning, come in early, remove all the quarters and watch her smack herself in the head with the phone because it is suddenly lighter!

That'll make you feel loads better!!