Hi. I'm "gay fat" but "straight skinny" ugh. Long post.

iprincey

I found out this site from a friend, and it's pretty cool. Although I do think it's giving me false hopes when it says "if everyday were like this, you'd weigh 68kg in 5 weeks". But it's sort of inspirational, really. Uh, I don't know if my thread here belongs in "introducing yourself" or "getting started"... I mean they're both really similar, but here goes.

My name's Freddy, I've recently gained a lot of weight over the past years, honestly mostly staying inside the house (all the time actually) and playing videogames and watching anime, 2 things I love to do. I let myself go. I used to weigh like... 70kg. Now I'm on 80. I miss being able to dress in this shirt a few years ago: http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbnww93Hhj1qm3z2ao1_500.jpg

I'm 20 (nov 29th) and I'm a shorty, at 5'5.

I have major depressive disorder (MDD), and generalized anxiety disorder, so I take a lot of medication for depression. Back in school I had a lot of trouble with panic attacks and social anxiety that I had to drop out, mostly causing me to skip school and stay inside the house more. I've had panic attacks since I was a little boy, but I didn't know what they were, like when I was home alone and my mother was out, I started freaking out for no reason because I was alone and I called her to come home because I wasn't feeling well, I was having an anxiety attack, but I didn't know how to explain it to her .And was only diagnosed with my **** at around age 14/15. My panic attacks got worse at that age, but when I started taking the proper medication, I almost have none at all anymore, unless something really bad happens that triggers me.

I'm not gonna lie, the depression really cut off any motivation for me to do basically anything at all but sit inside the house and play videogames and watch shows. Which led to the weight gain. Although, I've been through so many ant-depressant medication, that maybe one of them made me gain weight. I used to be a stick... when I was a little boy I was so thin, up until age 10 I was literally so skinny. I envy those times.

Right now I look like the person in my profile pic. I use Tumblr a lot, and for those who don't know, it's a blogging website. I see tons of beautiful cute anorexic thin boys and it makes me really sad and angry that I do not look like that, it makes me angry at my genetics, because my mom has weight problems, my dad not so much, BUT my mom had that... uh, stomach bypass surgery or whatever, so she's really skinny right now. My mom's a doctor and we're well-off, thus her being able to afford a bypass surgery, I envy her, because I could get one, cut my stomach in half, but that would mean I wouldn't be able to eat anything. And I LOVE food. I just... LOVE eating food. I'm a compulsive eater and I can't control it. I look at the pretty boys on the internet and I'm like "why can't I look like that? why is the world so cruel to me?" I just want to be that small, thin little cute boy in the relationship with a stronger, taller, dominant man. But if I want someone like that, I should work on myself also.

It's been like 6 years, and I guess now I'm trying to get my life back. Trying to get in shape so I can be beautiful and skinny and possibly find a date. I've enrolled in the gym that opened in my town close to me and I started yesterday, so hopefully I can achieve my goal. I'm just so sad that I have to work for it, while people with good genetics just sit there being skinny all their life and eating anything they want. It's tough. But I think my metabolism is fast and I could lose weight fast... I just didn't have the motivation to do anything but now, I think it's the new medication I'm on that's giving me motivation. I'm just tired of living in depression and negativity and in this rut that I'm in. I hate my body and I guess I need to start liking it.
I have really bad motivational problems, like if the slightest thing irks me or doesn't please me, I'll just sulk and not do anything.

I'm gay fat but straight skinny, like, if I want I could have a girlfriend, my weight should be normal if I was a heterosexual man. But alas, I'm gay, and in the gay world I'm considered "gay fat" and being chubs is something that I certainly don't want to be.
I'll be updating my fitness pal thingy daily, as I'm determined to lose weight this time. Hopefully it goes well.

Honestly, I'm not gonna stop eating the foods I love though. I still should have the right to be happy eating whatever pleases me, I don't believe in dieting or giving up things you love just for being thin. I will never give up good food. I think I can get to the weight I want just by exercising and going to the gym. And if it doesn't work... well.. **** it, back to being in a rut again. I could get liposuction though and do those weight-loss massage therapy things as I can afford it. Unfortunately when I went to see a liposuction doctor he was like "you need to lose weight before the procedure, like 5kg" and I'm just like................... uh.... okay..... it really pissed me off, because isn't the point of lipo to get rid of the fat anything? He said something about me not being able to lose the 20kg I want because I don't have the mass for it or something, and something about how you also lose blood with lipo. And I'm just like... ugh.

But anyways. Sorry for the rant and long post. I just started here and hopefully I can make some new friends to help keep me motivated. I am go glad my friend Christina showed me this website. I love you all!

tyshamar

I know exactly what you mean. I used to be super skinny too, 130 6'0. I'm a dancer and the school I go to has strict policies on weight and so they told me I had to gain weight until I was in between 145 lbs and 180. Well I finally gained the weight but now I'm 6'1 and right at 180 which is like "gay fat" but since I'm mostly muscle I look like I'm "straight skinny". I'm trying to get down to at least 145 but 130 would be ideal. It's hard because I actually have to lose muscle weight instead of just fat or water weight

yc4king

In that whole post what I really heard was "I want to change my body so that other people will like it more".

Maybe i'm wrong but that's what it sounds like.

You will never be successful long term unless you're doing it for YOU. Don't lose weight because other people will like it more, if you're losing weight do it because that's what YOU need to do to be happy for YOURSELF.

aedreana

Thank you for sharing your story! I had never heard of "skinny fat," till I joined MFP in June-- recently, I posted a thread to ask exactly what does that mean? This is the first time I have ever heard of "gay fat."

Please don't get a gastric bypass. I know people who have had that surgery and the side effects are excruciating. It isn't worth it.

You are so young. You are in a far better place than you even realize. I understand you see life as unfair (which it is) and I understand what it feels like to endure dissatisfaction with your physique and frustration at not being in a relationship. You have more going for you than you know. And I am not in any way trivializing your pain, for you have every right to feel depressed about these things.

1) The more you weigh, the quicker you will lose weight. In a matter of a very few months, you can be at goal.
2) You won't need liposuction, because at 20 years old you won't be in danger of middle-age-spread (localized fat deposits) for a long time. And you won't need skin-removal surgery after weight loss, because you're young and your skin will snap back.
3) I've known people who took antidepressants, and it gave them not only weight gain, but also impotence, permanent short-term memory loss, apathy, I've seen someone decline and deteriorate over the 32 years I knew him-- a man who started out with a genius IQ and ended up not being able to tell you what he ate for lunch or saw on TV; it never occurred to him to change his TV channel, or the thermostat in his apartment, and wore a flannel shirt and thermal shirt in 99° weather. USA Today ran an article in 2007 revealing that people who take them live, on average, 25 years less than people who don't. That stuff is TOXIC. Worse than street drugs. Poisons your liver; ruins your heart. It will f*** you up. But only you yourself can decide whether whatever feeling you derive from these drugs is worth the hazards.
4) I won't lie to you. You will not lose the weight without dieting. You can still eat whatever kind of food you want, with
5)Portion control, and
6) Count every calorie
7) You cannot eat as much as you want of whatever you want and be thin. It cannot be done. You cannot have both. But looking great and feeling great about yourself is worth it. It feels even better than eating.
8) I sincerely wish you the very best of success. You have your whole life ahead of you.

LumberJacck

Welcome to MFP. I think that maybe the title of this thread is too controversial for the moderators here, but you never know, maybe it won't be. Anyway, you don't have much to lose. 10kg. Let's be honest, there are people here on MFP who have 20, 30, 40+ kilograms to lose, 10kg is not a lot. That's not to minimise your situation, but really, 10kg is not a lot. You could get rid of those 10 kilograms in 100 days without too much trauma. Just over 3 months.

That said, losing weight is not easy. The reason why it's not easy is that it requires you to re-program your attitude to food. That takes time, maybe longer than 3 months.

My suggestion is to find out why you put on weight, and think about how you can change your attitude to food.

Something you probably need to consider is that the average weight loss of people on MFP is approximately zero. Many people join up to this or any other website, and guess what? They stop losing weight, put on more weight, or stay the way they are. Losing weight is hard work, as you probably know.

GabrielWJ

For someone who is 20, you strike me as someone with the maturity of a 15 year old.

Find mature role models in your life who live healthy, happy lives. Hang out with them as much as you can.

If you have a passion - see if you can find a good teacher for it and learn as much as you can. Go to college and observe your better professors.

You have a lot of growing up to do.

Grow up and all the rest will follow.

RodaRose

If you want to make yourself attractive to quality people, go take some classes and get some therapy.
If you want to lose weight, eat less of whatever you are eating now.

chadya07

if you are looking at anorexic people and wishing you could be them, you may want to consider seeing a mental health professional before you become one.

this is a very sad post and i think you dont need to lose weight personally, you should think for yourself. you know you are at a healthy weight and you are thinking the world is putting pressure on you to be unhealthy and are sad that you have to work to get what is... natural to them?

but the people you are emulating are the anorexic boys, as you say.

you need to see someone about this. especially given your history and diagnosis...

FromFlabToFurious

This is honestly the first time I've ever heard the expression "gay fat" and "straight skinny" and, I'll be honest, I don't really get it. However, what I will say is to not worry about labels. You do you and if anybody tries to put you in a box, tell them to piss off. Anyone can be fat, anyone can be thin, anyone can be muscular and anyone can be fit so why does sexuality have to come into it? I mean, I'm not "straight fat" but I'm fat...and quite confused right now as to how sexuality is related to body size, haha.

You ignore those labels and you'll do well! A lot of people are too hung up on labels but the best thing you can do is ignore them and be yourself. I'm sure you'll do amazing! I hope for nothing but the best for you!

jenilla1

...3) I've known people who took antidepressants, and it gave them not only weight gain, but also impotence, permanent short-term memory loss, apathy, I've seen someone decline and deteriorate over the 32 years I knew him-- a man who started out with a genius IQ and ended up not being able to tell you what he ate for lunch or saw on TV; it never occurred to him to change his TV channel, or the thermostat in his apartment, and wore a flannel shirt and thermal shirt in 99° weather. USA Today ran an article in 2007 revealing that people who take them live, on average, 25 years less than people who don't. That stuff is TOXIC. Worse than street drugs. Poisons your liver; ruins your heart. It will f*** you up. But only you yourself can decide whether whatever feeling you derive from these drugs is worth the hazards...

:noway: This ^ is just so wrong. I'm speechless. Please ignore this, OP.

laratacita

Are you seeing a therapist currently?

IHateThinkingOfAUsername

if you are looking at anorexic people and wishing you could be them, you may want to consider seeing a mental health professional before you become one.

this is a very sad post and i think you dont need to lose weight personally, you should think for yourself. you know you are at a healthy weight and you are thinking the world is putting pressure on you to be unhealthy and are sad that you have to work to get what is... natural to them?

but the people you are emulating are the anorexic boys, as you say.

you need to see someone about this. especially given your history and diagnosis...

This 10 times over.