Discouragement from mom

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Disceteer
Disceteer Posts: 9 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I recently have been losing weight (almost 40 pounds so far since the beginning of february) and I finally caved and got some clothes that fit. I personally admit I saw a good amount of progress. When I went home that weekend I was excited to tell my mom. Her first response " Are you using pills or something?" My first reaction was to keep my elation and explain that I bettered my diet and started exercising a lot more and she was just like "Oh okay". Thinking back on it, I am a cross between insulted and hurt that I got such a non-supportive and "well you must be cheating" response. Does anyone else have issues like that, or am I just over-reacting?

Replies

  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
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    its just your mom buddy shes looking out for you, she wants to make sure your not killing yourself or that you dont have an eating disorder, mine was/is the same way. get used to being constantly told to not lose anymore weight and she telling you that shes concerned for you. pretty much has become a weekly thing in my house
  • DCarter1701
    DCarter1701 Posts: 45 Member
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    First of all, congratuIations! 40 pounds is awesome in four months! Now, is your mom overweight? She could be feeling like your weight loss is a judgement on her. Or, if she's always been thinner or considered herself in better shape than you, she could be feeling threatened. When I was a child, my mom was constantly on Weight Watchers (back in the pre-points, lets-make-noodles-out-of-eggplant days), and I was considered chubby, and I went on WW with her. One day I bounced downstairs to tell her I had lost some weight. I must have been about nine years old. I was so pleased and excited!

    Her response was just "Uh huh," and she went back to what she was doing. Still not sure why she was so negative, considering that I was her "weight loss buddy" but it could have been that she wasn't seeing any progress and she felt bummed about that. Either way, it was not a helpful reaction.

    I wouldn't worry about your mom. You are going to encounter all kinds of reactions from people while you're losing weight. People can feel threatened or jealous, and throw out the "You must be using pills" sour grapes line. Don't be surprised if at some point somebody says "I think you've lost enough weight" or something like that.

    Be proud of your accomplishments and don't let anybody steal that from you. Usually what people say is 90% about them and not about you.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    you're over reacting... 40lb is a lot in a short space of time... your mum is probably just worried about you.
  • sadrithmora
    sadrithmora Posts: 121
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    I'd say it's partly your overreaction, partly her insensitivity, and partly lack of communication. One possible scenario could be that she was just worried about you and wanted to make sure you're not damaging yourself by going on diet pills or doing other horrible things. But even if that was the thought, maybe she just didn't explain it and it led to leaving a bad impression.

    Maybe she was just having a bad day and there were a lot of things on her mind weighting her down, so she didn't show the enthusiasm she might have on a better day.

    On the other hand, is she perhaps overweight? I'm not saying this is the case of course, but she might be just jealous of your progress.

    The best way you can go about it is to have a talk with her, instead of guessing the reasons. It's hard to talk with parents sometimes, but if you feel like it's putting you down, just have a talk. It's better than guessing. My own issue was that my mom can't actually lose weight because of medical conditions, so when I started losing weight I didn't feel good telling her. But we did have a talk, and she said I was being silly and that she wants me to be healthy even if she can't be. Good luck!
  • ayscrivener
    ayscrivener Posts: 27 Member
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    Be proud of your accomplishments and don't let anybody steal that from you. Usually what people say is 90% about them and not about you.

    ^This... Great solid advice :)
  • Kegha
    Kegha Posts: 37 Member
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    Sometime people show concern in an inadequate way. If she would have said: are you ok you lost so much weight I am worried. I am sure you would feel different. Unfortunatly we cannot change how people communicate it is best to breath and try to understand what they are really saying.

    As a mother if one of my grown son comes home with 40 pounds less, the first idea that cross my mind is: Is he ok, is his health ok, is he under to much stress........My question would be so what's up with you? But you see all moms are different.

    She is concerned about your weight loss and with so many stories about eating disorders she panicked. Reassure her that you are eating healthy and meeting your nutritional needs and she will relax a bit.

    Congratulation on your weight loss
  • laurie04427
    laurie04427 Posts: 421 Member
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    Mom's worry, I would just chaulk it up to that. That would deflate my excitement too but I could see my mom doing the same thing honestly.

    Congrats on your success. You're doing great. Rock those new skinny clothes. :)
  • princessariane
    princessariane Posts: 9 Member
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    It was probably just a big surprise for her and she didn't know how to react. Don't feel insulted.
    I had a good friend - the one who encouraged me to sign up for MFP to be support for her - who told me that my pacing in front of the tv to get steps in was "cheating". I was mad about it for a couple weeks, but since I know she's just wrong, I had to let it go. Any movement is good movement, and hopefully she joins me in the effort!
  • CaddieMay
    CaddieMay Posts: 356 Member
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    I could come home with a Nobel Prize and my mother would think I stole it. Some mothers...
  • Branstin
    Branstin Posts: 2,320 Member
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    I think your mother asked out of concern. I can't say I blame her with all of the fast weight loss garbage gimmicks on the market.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    In my experience, My Fitness Pal resulted in a much faster weight loss than I had experienced in the past with just trying to move more and eat less but not calorie counting. Because of that, several people in my life were concerned or at least highly curious about my accelerated loss. I think it's pretty normal, especially coming from your mom of all people. I didn't see anything in your post that indicates discouragement though.
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    Be proud of your accomplishments and don't let anybody steal that from you. Usually what people say is 90% about them and not about you.

    ^This... Great solid advice :)

    Exactly!

    Usually the people closest to us hurt us the most, whether intentionally or not. There are a million reasons why she said what she did. Some of them are just thoughtless, and some are intentionally hurtful. The other possibility is that she wasn't really listening when she kind of blew you off.

    In my 34 years, my mom has been extremely thin and extremely heavy. The things she's said to me and my sister about our weight over 34 years would make grown men cry. I finally realized that she said those things due to her own issues with weight and lack of regard for our issues. I try not to hold it against her because she's still my mom, flaws and all, and I know she wasn't trying to be hurtful (or she was but couldn't control it). I can take whatever she dishes out and try to help her instead of stewing. (On a lighter more, she just bought a Jawbone Up, so hopefully that means she's trying to take charge of her health and fitness. She recently asked me all about it and MFP without any prodding on my part, so maybe being kind and helpful works.) ETA that the things she's said to us as adults have been more snarky or ignorant, whereas the stuff she said to is as kids was downright cruel. I'd have bigger issues with my mom if she were still saying totally a-hole-ish things today.

    Just do what you're going, so long as you're doing it in a healthy way. Privately forgive your mom for hurting your feelings and realize that it's her issue, not yours, that made her say that. It's tough because she's your mom, but it should also make it more important to forgive her.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
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    Is she overweight? Some people will project their own inadequacies on their children. That said, you can't control how other people act, only how you react. So when she didn't follow her "pills" question with admiration/support, you could have said, "It hurts my feelings that you are not supportive of my weight loss now that you know I did it the healthy way." or something. You can tell her how you're feeling. You can't make her supportive, though.
  • sherambler
    sherambler Posts: 303 Member
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    Obviously I don't know your mom, so I may just be projecting here. You do have a right to be a little offended, but still it'd be to your benefit to just give her the benefit of the doubt and just assume that she's worried because you lost so much weight. If she's someone who has struggled with weight, she might just be thinking you lost the weight too quickly or something because she was never able to lose that much weight, or whatever. She could be jealous or meant something meaner by it, but even if she did you can't focus on it. It honestly doesn't matter what your mother thinks. You know you did it the hard way and losing the weight and feeling better about yourself is all that counts. Deep down, I'm sure your mother is thrilled with your weight loss and recognizes the hard work it takes for such an accomplishment. People in general are just really bad at expressing what they are actually thinking and just end up saying something stupid of insensitive.

    If it still bothers you....talk to her about it. Just be simple, unemotional, and to the point.
  • smithcarola
    smithcarola Posts: 51 Member
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    I've lost nearly 70 pounds over the past 9 months. In my second or third week of losing, my mom hopped on board with me counting calories and moving more and it was great. We were both losing and cheering each other on...until the holidays rolled around, we went on separate vacations, she took a break and I kept on. Now, she's gained back all that she had lost and I'm still losing (really maintaining for the past few weeks). And now...anytime someone comments on my weight loss to her, especially in front of me, she makes it a point of saying how it makes her sick, or I make her sick. I know it's just because she's disappointed with herself for back sliding, but it still hurts.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
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    It could be worse. My mother was telling me one day about her friend's daughter being on some medication that made her not want to eat so her friend asked the doctor if he could put her on it too. She then tells me in the same breath that the only drawback is that it makes your hair fall out and that I should try it. When I said I prefer to keep my hair she rolled her eyes and told me every pill has side effects. :noway: Be glad your mom is at least concerned with your well-being! LOL
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    It could be worse. My mother was telling me one day about her friend's daughter being on some medication that made her not want to eat so her friend asked the doctor if he could put her on it too. She then tells me in the same breath that the only drawback is that it makes your hair fall out and that I should try it. When I said I prefer to keep my hair she rolled her eyes and told me every pill has side effects. :noway: Be glad your mom is at least concerned with your well-being! LOL

    She's right; the side effect of the MFP pill is health.

    Seriously, though, I was down 50 lbs from where I am now before my last pregnancy using MFP, and everyone who didn't know me super well assumed I was starving myself or taking some pills. It was like they wanted to "tsk tsk" me and then were disappointed that they couldn't. By the same token they also wanted in on the secret pill they think I'm taking so that they could hold me in contempt for it all the while using it themselves.

    Nothing is more disappointing to most people than hearing, "I ate better and exercised."

    People are strange creatures, which is why I try not to worry about their opinions, because they're mostly self-serving.

    Edited for typo
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
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    I recently have been losing weight (almost 40 pounds so far since the beginning of february) and I finally caved and got some clothes that fit. I personally admit I saw a good amount of progress. When I went home that weekend I was excited to tell my mom. Her first response " Are you using pills or something?" My first reaction was to keep my elation and explain that I bettered my diet and started exercising a lot more and she was just like "Oh okay". Thinking back on it, I am a cross between insulted and hurt that I got such a non-supportive and "well you must be cheating" response. Does anyone else have issues like that, or am I just over-reacting?

    Sounds like Mass. Woof.

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