Feeling too far gone

Whitwhitfitwhit

I have been on MFP since August of 2012. During my first 18 months I lost 41 pounds taking me from 177 pounds to 136 pounds my goal weight was 130 pounds. Over the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays I gained 10 pounds back. I planned on restarting my "journey" and getting back on track in February. I bought a new treadmill, P90x and bowflex dumbells then when February came my husband was layed off of his job until May, we lost our car, our apartment everything. Us and our 2 kids (6 and 2) moved in with his grandparents. The plan was take everything day by day until he got his job back in May. Now we have found out that he can not return to work, they are laying more people off. The apartment we had line up is a no go and my workout equipment is now in storage because we have no room for it and no room to do it. There are six people living in a 3 bedroom house. I have been eating everything I know I shouldnt. I feel like the only thing I have control over, look forward to and relief stress is food. I have fallen back into bad habits and today I weighed myself for the first time in forever and I was shocked when I seen the number. 160 pounds. I am so angry with myself I worked so hard to lose the weight I lost and for the first time in my life I was starting to feel good about myself. I feel like I have thrown away all of my hard work and I dont know where to begin trying to fix it anymore. I am exhausted mentally and emotionally but I can not let my weight get out of control again. My self-esteem is gone, none of my clothes fit anymore and I hate the way my body looks. I guess I am reaching out here because I know a lot of you know what I am going through, weight loss alone is a struggle but when you add it to the stress of every day life its overwhelming. I would love some input, tips anything to get me motivated and back on track. Thank you all in advance for taking the time to read my post.

RenaTX

Just my opinion but you have / are going through a lot so first of all don't be so hard on yourself. You need to a new stress management tool and perhaps finding another stress management tool will get you through this. Forgive yourself and let's get started eh?

You don't have room for exercise equipment. Understood. What about hitting the pavement and start walking? It's a good stress reliever as well. I've started doing it for that exact reason and yes it has helped!

lilRicki

I walk to relieve stress too. I make sure that it's through some form of nature (river valley, parks, open green space, etc).

rockmama72

I have some experience with this. You don't need all my details, but yeah, it is REALLY hard to care about your health when everything else is a disaster.

Look at it this way: It's the one thing in your life you CAN control. If you can just pull yourself together enough to start making some progress, your self-esteem will start to come back. Like magic! Start going for daily walks by yourself. No equipment required. Rather than calling it a workout, think of it as Mama's free time. Get out there and think and reflect and listen to music or an audiobook. Learn to cook some awesome healthy recipes for the whole family and soak up the compliments when they tell you how good it is. As hard as it seems, getting healthy can be a great "hobby" to take your mind off of other things.

jlynnm70

Stress will do that to you - my husband has been laid off since March - I am the sole support and slipping farther behind each month. I get it.

You don't need a gym or equipment to work out - with 6 people in one house - take the kids for a walk - go to the park - nerdfitness has a workout you can do at the playground. Look it up. The kids can play and burn off steam (go home tired and calm for grandparents!) and you can get a work out in.

Also remember - most of you battle will be in the kitchen. Offer to do the cooking and make healthier items. Adjust your portions and go with it. Talk to hubby - let him know you are feeling stressed, without putting blame on hm - and that you really need to be able to go for a walk, or something to clear your head a few times a week.

Look up some videos on internet (Zumba, etc. maybe get a few small things out of storage - dumbells, jumprope that don't need much room).

I wish you the best.....I know its hard - but the one thing that is helping me get through - is taking care of ME for the first time in a long time. I may still have 15# to go - and maintain as many weeks recently as I lose - but I'm still lighter than I was in January - and you aren't back up to the Highest weight - catch it and reverse it before you are!

aNewYear123

If there is a place nearby where you can take your kids for an hour and run around with them then that would give you exercise, let them burn off some of their energy, and give the grandparents a break from 6 people living in the house as well. Later you can go for a walk by yourself to regroup and center your mind, or with your husband so that the two of you can have some alone time and talk things over that you may not want to do in such a crowded environment.

When things get stressful the first food I want to reach for is comfort food, however you need to remind yourself of two things: one – you do have control of what you eat, so make a conscious decision about what it is going to be, and two – you will feel better and have more energy to deal with the situation if you are well nourished, not just well fed.

Good luck and I hope things improve soon.

dakotababy

One thing I find incredibly difficult to lose weight and continue to stay in shape, is to do so while you are unstable.
Ex - moving, switch jobs, tragedy, traveling, etc.

I have been incredibly lucky in that during this past few years I have been fairly stable. I have however, gone through periods of instability. During those times, I just decide what is priority at that time. Sometimes, I give myself a break and just do the best I can in the situation I am in.

The biggest challenge, and I think the true secret to losing weight/dealing with addiction/any behavioural change...is to acknowledge that you WILL fall off the wagon, but the true test is being able to get back on again - even if its 1,000,000 times over again.

harleygramma

So sorry everything is in such a mess,,At least you got on the scale and are facing your problem,,When I KNOW I have gained too much weight I will NOT get on the scale or look at myself in the mirror,now if you could just start walking a little bit it WILL help you feel better,I find if I get some activity I make better choice in what I put in my mouth,,It just is not fair some people have to struggle with this problem and some do not.Just remember" nothing tastes as good as thin feels" God Bless You and good luck,,(((HUGS)))

cpiton

I'm sorry you're going through all that. I've been there.
I'm going to put another vote in for walking. Right now, I'm finding that walking helps me de-stress like no other form of exercise--even lifting, and I love my barbells.
I also liked the park workout idea. The kids can burn some energy and so can you.

When I had that down, I'd tackle one area of my eating. Are you drinking your calories? That might be a good place to start. One thing at a time. Maybe just start tracking without limiting anything. Maybe eat at your TDEE for a while, so you aren't losing, but aren't gaining, either. I think the key will be to keep it simple. Good luck. :flowerforyou:

girlwithcurls2

You're in a tough spot. I agree that you can turn this around into the one thing you DO have control over. It's tough getting back at it. What you really need right now is to get a little success behind you. It's not hopeless. It's Life. Things change, we react. Maybe try something new. I did a Couch to 5K-like program before I even knew it existed. I didn't have a smartphone anyway... but I took my 9 year old and my digital kitchen timer (on cold, dark November evenings, mind you!) and out we went for a little over 2 miles. We walked and jogged slowly, chatted, enjoyed breathing fresh air, enjoyed being out of the house. She no longer runs with me, but in the meantime, I have found it to be a great stress relief. I don't run far. I don't run fast. But none of that matters. It gives me time alone, burns some of the Fritos I had with lunch off, and works for me right now.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. If there is anybody you can wrangle as a buddy, it helps. So many of us have something in the way, it's finding a way around those dang obstacles that Life throws at us. You'll get there. Give yourself the understanding you would give a good friend. You deserve no less. :flowerforyou:

~Curly

Calliope610

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I know how difficult and stressful worrying about family and finances can be and how difficult it can be to put yourself first even for a little while. But remember, you can't take care of your family to the best of your ability if you don't take care of yourself first.

Another vote for walking - not only for your physical health but for your mental health also! After a full day of work and caring for my disabled DH, taking care of household/financial matters on a modest income, I NEED to de-stress. So I lace up my walking shoes, put my earbuds in and take a hike - literally. I find that "me-time" is essential to a healthier outlook and it frees me (at least for an hour or so) of my daily troubles and worries.

Best wishes to you and your family.

bugtaylor

pray. remember the race doesn't go to swift nor the strong but to the one who endures!

Deborah271

Sorry to hear your going through a rough time, life can do that from time to time, you just got to believe that this will pass. I agree with the others on here, you got to take care of yourself first before you can look after anyone else, I'm giving you this advice and I should be doing the same thing. Maybe we can do it together, I need to start exercising, it's very difficult carrying around this weight, my poor body is worn down. All the best to you, I hope things work out for you. Hugs:flowerforyou:

ponycyndi

I can sympathize. I was laid off, exactly 30 days before my 11th anniversary at my job- while 6 months pregnant. And I was the sole earner for our family of 4 + 1/2.

I suffered major guilt for taking care of myself while our family was in trouble. Just remember the oxygen masks- you have to take care of yourself before you can care for others.

Sending good vibes your way for things to get better for your family.

cebreisch

I'm sorry to hear of the troubles you're having. I remember about a week after we signed the papers to build our house, my husband was laid off too, and didn't find another job for about 3 months. That was about 10 or so years ago.

Last year, I had lost 115 pounds and had skin removal surgery that took off another 26 lbs - I had a really rough time recovering from it. Then last December, I lost my dad - he had been struggling with a lot of health issues (mostly cancer related) for about 2 years. Now, I'm sitting at at about only 70 pounds lost.

Yes, it's just grates at me that I gained so much back. I was closing in on 150+ pounds lost....not too far off from "one-derland".

A friend of mine always says, "Life happens when you make other plans." I don't think anybody would have thought any of this would have jumped right in our path and really mucked things up the way it did.

My 20th wedding anniversary was Wednesday. My "early" anniversary gift to myself was to get back on track. Since Monday, I've been logging everything, and trying to pay attention to the Fitbit numbers. It's gone a lot better than expected, and it's gotten easier as the week's gone on. I'm almost to the point of being excited to weigh in on Monday/Tuesday. Gotta get thru the weekend though.

It's hard not to focus on the things that have diverted us from the path we're on. But it's necessary to keep the eye on the prize and continue working towards it.

My last year, I spent a lot of time pulling a "poor pitiful me" because it's the child in me so upset and bothered that it seems like everybody else can eat whatever they want and never gain weight. I have felt like other people don't have the same challenges that I have in losing weight. I've come to realize that that isn't so. There are plenty of other people who have had life throw them plenty of curve balls.

We can't focus on the past. We can't focus on those things we have no control over. We can't let our emotions overrule our head when it comes to figuring out what sort of food we're going to have. That's how we got here.

Realize you're human. You will fall. It has happened before, and it will happen again. It's that whole being fallable thing. What matters is what happens after that. Get back up, dust yourself off, see if you can figure out what triggered the fall and if there's something that you could have done different. Don't dwell on it too long, but realize that stressors can come in a variety of forms.

Make sure you set aside some quiet time for you each day just to help you chill, think about the day, think about the day ahead. Etc.

You can do this, and you are worthy. Worthy of the effort, worthy of the success that comes from it. You matter to a lot of people.

One of the lists I'm on has many women of different faiths. We sort of thought it sounded corny to say, "We're praying for you" or maybe it just didn't "go over well" with some....so we started telling each other we were "sending good thoughts" their way.

So - sending good thoughts to you! You can do it!!

Whitwhitfitwhit

Wow. I am overwhelmed at the responses from you all and I am so grateful that you all took that time to reply to my post without being judgemental. I woke up this morning and read all these comments and for the first time in months I feel hopeful and inspired. Thank you ladies for your kind words and tips. I will begin walking today and I am logging my food, good and bad from here on out. xoxo! Thank you!!

Neliel88

Please be more kind to yourself. You don't deserve to be treated the way you are treating yourself right now in being so harsh. Sure, there's work to do. Just accept that it will take time. I wish you all the best for getting through this terrible time. The world is a cruel, harsh place but you need to keep your spirits high and KNOW that everything will be okay.

themedalist

Wow. I am overwhelmed at the responses from you all and I am so grateful that you all took that time to reply to my post without being judgemental. I woke up this morning and read all these comments and for the first time in months I feel hopeful and inspired. Thank you ladies for your kind words and tips. I will begin walking today and I am logging my food, good and bad from here on out. xoxo! Thank you!!

Yes, the responses to your post made me smile as well. A whole lot of folks taking time to offer their thoughts and suggestions on how to move forward in a really difficult position. I'm so glad I joined MFP!

I don't have much to add to the other terrific posts. I think walking more is a great idea and very therapeutic in many ways. I've also found that becoming healthier and fitter has made it much easier to cope with the stressful areas of my life and handle the inevitable curve-balls life throws our way.

Best Wishes, OP!

Jazz_2014

Lots of great responses but I'd like to add one more thing. Whenever life puts too much on our plates to deal with and we are basically in survival mode, its real difficult to focus. My favorite saying is, "How do you eat an elephant? . . . answer: one bite at a time".
Don't overload yourself in making new habits. If walking and logging is too much, then pick one to start with and then add the other a week or so later.
You want to develop a habit. Too many can kill the goal before you even get a good chance at it. Granted some of us are better at cold turkey and lots of changes . . . others it is best to go one habit at a time.

For myself, the one habit at a time has been the ticket for me. Stopped drinking sweet tea, changed to water. Stopped drinking coffee, changed to herbal teas. One hour less television, went to one hour walking. The list goes on. Just swap one bad habit, for a good habit. Best to you