Lost the attraction

erobinson90

Do you think that I could have lost my attraction to my boyfriend due to the lack of acceptance in the way that I look??

Ok I will start from the beginning.
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we have never been that sexually active but in the last couple of years it seems to be getting worse and worse.. I mean to the point were we barely have sex at all.
Anyway, I know that he can be difficult to put up with and a handful at times but I love him (I think) and am trying to make things work. But I am just not sexually attracted to him..
Do you think it's possible that I might be feeling this way because of the way I see myself?
I don't know I am just so confused. I don't know if we should stay together and see if things get better or not..
Breaking up with him won't fix any problems if its all on me.

HELP!
any advice?

T_Ciku

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erobinson90

I can definitely say that it doesn't have anything to do with beliefs.. He is not the first person I have been with so I don't see that being an issue. I have anyways been one to not have an issue having sex except for maybe confidence.. Maybe its time to try and spice things up myself.. He isn't the best in bed.. Sorry to say.

Cranquistador

I can definitely say that it doesn't have anything to do with beliefs.. He is not the first person I have been with so I don't see that being an issue. I have anyways been one to not have an issue having sex except for maybe confidence.. Maybe its time to try and spice things up myself.. He isn't the best in bed.. Sorry to say.

cant get no satisfaction?

bomftdrum

It has been seven years and you are still not sure that you love him? That is your answer right there. It sounds like you guys started well, but have grown apart. Honestly maybe a break in the relationship is what you need. Also as far as the sex, have you communicated with him what you like and what you don't? You say he is bad in bed, but have you gave him any direction in where to start? Communication is key.

wheird

1. Not sexually attracted to him.
2. Sex isn't all that great. (probably due to both of you not feeling it)
3. Not sure if you love him.



It sounds to me like you both are together because it is easy and comfortable rather than you really want to be.

erobinson90

I do try my best to communicate with him.. Its hard to has a hard time listening and he isn't all that egger to please is what I keep feeling like.. I am sure its just the way that he is.. I love him as a person but as a partner, I'm not to sure.

ew_david

You've been with him since you were 16. Sounds like the relationship has run its course but you're too complacent to actually do anything about it.

T_Ciku

I wasn't saying that my experience was the same for you. I was just giving my perspective and how the problem was actually with me. But good for you.

Mr_Bad_Example

I can definitely say that it doesn't have anything to do with beliefs.. He is not the first person I have been with so I don't see that being an issue. I have anyways been one to not have an issue having sex except for maybe confidence.. Maybe its time to try and spice things up myself.. He isn't the best in bed.. Sorry to say.

cant get no satisfaction?

devil_in_a_blue_dress

...

Why are you with your boyfriend again? You aren't sure you love him and the sex is bad...

bd0027

1. Not sexually attracted to him.
2. Sex isn't all that great. (probably due to both of you not feeling it)
3. Not sure if you love him.



It sounds to me like you both are together because it is easy and comfortable rather than you really want to be.

True.

erobinson90

Ok.. I think the points been made.. I probably shouldn't be with him.. But I do love him for who he is, just maybe not who he is with me?

wheird

Ok.. I think the points been made.. I probably shouldn't be with him.. But I do love him for who he is, just maybe not who he is with me?

And that is fine. Hopefully he feels the same way and if/when you two part ways, you can remain friends.

MyPureSteez

I think you already know the answer to your question. When you Google "how to break up without being a douche bag" make sure you do it in incognito mode. Good luck.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Ok.. I think the points been made.. I probably shouldn't be with him.. But I do love him for who he is, just maybe not who he is with me?

Over thinking.

You don't love him enough to be in a relationship with him. Period. The right thing to do is let him go.

Unknown

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KrazyDaizy

He isn't the best in bed.. Sorry to say.

^^^^Ouch. Get out now before you do more damage. If you are willing to say this on a public forum then your love for him is not the biggest, IMO.

You aren't married and you say you love him as a person...loving someone as a person VS a partner is totally different (while most married people aren't always "in-love" there typically is a love of a partner still there, at least in my experience, which is different than loving your friend). If you are recognizing this now then it's time to move on before marriage and kids.

Mr_Bad_Example

Remember men are people too

I want that on a t-shirt.

JenAndSome

Ok.. I think the points been made.. I probably shouldn't be with him.. But I do love him for who he is, just maybe not who he is with me?

You have described him as a handful, difficult to put up with, he doesn't listen and isn't eager to please and he isn't good in bed and you are still trying to take the blame somehow. It doesn't sound like you love him or even like him, really. It sounds like you feel like you are stuck with him for some reason. I think it is time that you let go, move on and find a way to be happy with yourself.

Unknown

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devil_in_a_blue_dress

I can definitely say that it doesn't have anything to do with beliefs.. He is not the first person I have been with so I don't see that being an issue. I have anyways been one to not have an issue having sex except for maybe confidence.. Maybe its time to try and spice things up myself.. He isn't the best in bed.. Sorry to say.

THe only thing you two are mising in the bedroom is communication

He can get better in bed if you have the time and patience to show him what you want.

No one is born a superlover. Lovemaking and compatibility come with time and communication.

Work on bettering your relationship from the inside out, try that and surely good sex will follow.

Remember men are people too and they have thoughts and feelings even when it doesnt appear that way. Have an open honest conversation with him with out judgement or blame and u may be pleasantly surprised.

If you cant communicate consider moving on.

Pretty sure she said he was a handful and not eager to please so...

wheird

I can definitely say that it doesn't have anything to do with beliefs.. He is not the first person I have been with so I don't see that being an issue. I have anyways been one to not have an issue having sex except for maybe confidence.. Maybe its time to try and spice things up myself.. He isn't the best in bed.. Sorry to say.

THe only thing you two are mising in the bedroom is communication

He can get better in bed if you have the time and patience to show him what you want.

No one is born a superlover. Lovemaking and compatibility come with time and communication.

Work on bettering your relationship from the inside out, try that and surely good sex will follow.

Remember men are people too and they have thoughts and feelings even when it doesnt appear that way. Have an open honest conversation with him with out judgement or blame and u may be pleasantly surprised.

If you cant communicate consider moving on.

Good point. There is a lot of pressure on men to be amazing in bed and we are often made to feel like we are lesser men if we aren't terrific. Part of that is ego and part is social pressure. Communication and approaching it with an open mind are two very important facets of becoming a better lover, IMO.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Remember men are people too

I want that on a t-shirt.

You got it!

<

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luvs men, as a woman who lives with three of them I can say they do have feelings and thoughts when they are not burping farting and pigging out

As opposed to all the man hating happening in this thread. :sick:

wheird

I can definitely say that it doesn't have anything to do with beliefs.. He is not the first person I have been with so I don't see that being an issue. I have anyways been one to not have an issue having sex except for maybe confidence.. Maybe its time to try and spice things up myself.. He isn't the best in bed.. Sorry to say.

THe only thing you two are mising in the bedroom is communication

He can get better in bed if you have the time and patience to show him what you want.

No one is born a superlover. Lovemaking and compatibility come with time and communication.

Work on bettering your relationship from the inside out, try that and surely good sex will follow.

Remember men are people too and they have thoughts and feelings even when it doesnt appear that way. Have an open honest conversation with him with out judgement or blame and u may be pleasantly surprised.

If you cant communicate consider moving on.

Pretty sure she said he was a handful and not eager to please so...

Tch, women. Always wanting more than a handful.

Mr_Bad_Example

Remember men are people too

I want that on a t-shirt.

You got it!

<

---

luvs men, as a woman who lives with three of them I can say they do have feelings and thoughts when they are not burping farting and pigging out

'Tis true. I'm always thinking "I wonder if anyone will know that was me," when I fart, and I feel proud when no one catches on.

moya_rargh

If she don't want the D, it ain't meant to be!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I can definitely say that it doesn't have anything to do with beliefs.. He is not the first person I have been with so I don't see that being an issue. I have anyways been one to not have an issue having sex except for maybe confidence.. Maybe its time to try and spice things up myself.. He isn't the best in bed.. Sorry to say.

THe only thing you two are mising in the bedroom is communication

He can get better in bed if you have the time and patience to show him what you want.

No one is born a superlover. Lovemaking and compatibility come with time and communication.

Work on bettering your relationship from the inside out, try that and surely good sex will follow.

Remember men are people too and they have thoughts and feelings even when it doesnt appear that way. Have an open honest conversation with him with out judgement or blame and u may be pleasantly surprised.

If you cant communicate consider moving on.

Good point. There is a lot of pressure on men to be amazing in bed and we are often made to feel like we are lesser men if we aren't terrific. Part of that is ego and part is social pressure. Communication and approaching it with an open mind are two very important facets of becoming a better lover, IMO.

Yeah, but OP said this:

I do try my best to communicate with him.. Its hard to has a hard time listening and he isn't all that egger to please is what I keep feeling like.. I am sure its just the way that he is.. I love him as a person but as a partner, I'm not to sure.

I totally get what you are saying though.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Remember men are people too

I want that on a t-shirt.

You got it!

<

---

luvs men, as a woman who lives with three of them I can say they do have feelings and thoughts when they are not burping farting and pigging out

'Tis true. I'm always thinking "I wonder if anyone will know that was me," when I fart, and I feel proud when no one catches on.

You run to the bathroom to fart.

Really, it's part of your charm.

wheird

I can definitely say that it doesn't have anything to do with beliefs.. He is not the first person I have been with so I don't see that being an issue. I have anyways been one to not have an issue having sex except for maybe confidence.. Maybe its time to try and spice things up myself.. He isn't the best in bed.. Sorry to say.

THe only thing you two are mising in the bedroom is communication

He can get better in bed if you have the time and patience to show him what you want.

No one is born a superlover. Lovemaking and compatibility come with time and communication.

Work on bettering your relationship from the inside out, try that and surely good sex will follow.

Remember men are people too and they have thoughts and feelings even when it doesnt appear that way. Have an open honest conversation with him with out judgement or blame and u may be pleasantly surprised.

If you cant communicate consider moving on.

Good point. There is a lot of pressure on men to be amazing in bed and we are often made to feel like we are lesser men if we aren't terrific. Part of that is ego and part is social pressure. Communication and approaching it with an open mind are two very important facets of becoming a better lover, IMO.

Yeah, but OP said this:

I do try my best to communicate with him.. Its hard to has a hard time listening and he isn't all that egger to please is what I keep feeling like.. I am sure its just the way that he is.. I love him as a person but as a partner, I'm not to sure.

I totally get what you are saying though.

Yeah but that could be embarrassment on his part, especially if she hasn't communicated tactfully.

Or also because most men are loathe to talk about it and admit they have things to work on.

Mr_Bad_Example

Remember men are people too

I want that on a t-shirt.

You got it!

<

---

luvs men, as a woman who lives with three of them I can say they do have feelings and thoughts when they are not burping farting and pigging out

'Tis true. I'm always thinking "I wonder if anyone will know that was me," when I fart, and I feel proud when no one catches on.

You run to the bathroom to fart.

Really, it's part of your charm.

It's true. Sometimes I even use a spritz of air freshener.