Healthy becoming unhealthy...
Chuchiiee
Posts: 43
So I just want to see if I'm the only one becoming crazy.
Last month, I reached my goal of 130 pounds and then I thought, well 130 is nice.. but 125 would be even better. And around the time I hit my goal, everyone.. EVERYONE was started commenting on how skinny I had become which under normal circumstances would be great.. however, it was more of "you're too skinny", "you look sick", "soon you'll have a bobble head", etc. However, when I look in the mirror, I still see a fat stomach (no lie. I'm 28% body fat and my stomach is the headquarters of it all) and back fat, etc. Though my limbs and face are really tiny now (which is what everyone sees). Well in order to combat the negative problems, I started eating more to show them that I wasn't "anorexic". And I mean I was full on binging on three things: cereal, crackers/chips, and bread. I'm talking one and a half boxes of cereal in one sitting. Then of course afterwards I was like oh heck no. -purge-. Well I did this for three weeks straight. Binge on these three things then purge. I even started experimenting on what I could easily purge on. Anyway... surprisingly... I didn't gain any weight.. actually fluctuating between 128-130 pounds. Last week, I decided enough was enough and really reflected on this whole journey. And what I realized is that I've become more obsessed with the "fitness journey". My thoughts on food have become more negative (labeling the not so healthy food as "evil"), I don't like to shop anymore, being around food is stressful (calorie counting/do people expect to eat x amount of food), and I exercise like a maniac now (6 days a week/ with almost an hour and a half each time).
Well needless to say I'm appalled at how obsessive I've become SINCE the journey started. I'm kind of worried because my journey isn't over and I don't want this whole thing to take over my life and positive efforts. So.. has anyone else noticed a not so pleasant change about them the closer they got to their goal?
-Note- I'm know I'm probably developing bulimia. I've been reading up on it, etc. >_> No need to state the obvious. Though..interesting enough... my binging is more so to prove a point. And the purging is because I eat until I reach that point. It's not emotionally driven in terms of self-loathing, guilt, etc. Maybe boredom is involved.
Last month, I reached my goal of 130 pounds and then I thought, well 130 is nice.. but 125 would be even better. And around the time I hit my goal, everyone.. EVERYONE was started commenting on how skinny I had become which under normal circumstances would be great.. however, it was more of "you're too skinny", "you look sick", "soon you'll have a bobble head", etc. However, when I look in the mirror, I still see a fat stomach (no lie. I'm 28% body fat and my stomach is the headquarters of it all) and back fat, etc. Though my limbs and face are really tiny now (which is what everyone sees). Well in order to combat the negative problems, I started eating more to show them that I wasn't "anorexic". And I mean I was full on binging on three things: cereal, crackers/chips, and bread. I'm talking one and a half boxes of cereal in one sitting. Then of course afterwards I was like oh heck no. -purge-. Well I did this for three weeks straight. Binge on these three things then purge. I even started experimenting on what I could easily purge on. Anyway... surprisingly... I didn't gain any weight.. actually fluctuating between 128-130 pounds. Last week, I decided enough was enough and really reflected on this whole journey. And what I realized is that I've become more obsessed with the "fitness journey". My thoughts on food have become more negative (labeling the not so healthy food as "evil"), I don't like to shop anymore, being around food is stressful (calorie counting/do people expect to eat x amount of food), and I exercise like a maniac now (6 days a week/ with almost an hour and a half each time).
Well needless to say I'm appalled at how obsessive I've become SINCE the journey started. I'm kind of worried because my journey isn't over and I don't want this whole thing to take over my life and positive efforts. So.. has anyone else noticed a not so pleasant change about them the closer they got to their goal?
-Note- I'm know I'm probably developing bulimia. I've been reading up on it, etc. >_> No need to state the obvious. Though..interesting enough... my binging is more so to prove a point. And the purging is because I eat until I reach that point. It's not emotionally driven in terms of self-loathing, guilt, etc. Maybe boredom is involved.
0
Replies
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Please go and consult a professional as soon as you can - you know this is not a healthy attitidue.0
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As far as you being too skinny...don't let other people's opinion have this much control over YOU. I think bulimia is a serious issue and if you are realizing that you are headed down that path it's time to reevaluate your journey NOW while you are still in control of the situation.0
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