Unsupportive people

MsMimidoll · May 2014

So, this morning my mom was talking about having a bbq tomorrow and including roasted veggies. I said I wasn't interested in them because they are soaked in oil, and that is totally gross to me. I think she got offended and was talking about how I should start taking coconut oil, because its good for you. I told her that I'm getting fats in,my diet and she started talking about how conventional stuff doesn't work for everyone. She had also told me before how counting calories doesn't work for her, I guess she's that special snowflake, and I told her that it was working for me and I had lost XX lbs doing it. She told me that it wasn't going to always work for me, once I got older. She is always trying to tell me that this or that diet is going to work, if I just eliminated this or that the lbs would melt off. Its soooo frustrating that she puts down what I do even though its working and I've already lost almost 30 lbs since joining MFP. Does anyone else deal with this?

Achrya · May 2014

I have found that a lot of people take their diets as seriously as they take their religion and, much like religion, you're just better off letting them do whatever it is that they do. I can promise you you'll be happier if you take a 'do not engage' stance and they next time someone starts with the 'you would do better with X/you should do Y' talk just smile, nod, and change the subject as quickly as possible.

RachR669 · May 2014

Hey....try not to let this affect you and what you are doing! I experienced similar stuff with my family and it drove me crazy! It got to the point where I would smile and pretend to be listening but wouldn't actually take on board anything they were saying. My sister used to put down my plan and still does now even though I am now a qualified PT. She thinks that her way is the only way.

If you want to say something, I'd probably just say that we are all different and what works for her may not work for work for you and vice versa! Please don't let it get you down! You've already lost about 30lbs...that's awesome so you know what you're doing is working for you!

Good luck

Cranquistador · May 2014

Cranquistador · May 2014

Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.

sabified · May 2014

Everyone has their opinions, whether well informed or not. Just remember- you're trying to lose weight to make your life better in some way. Pretty sure allowing it to ruin your relationship with your mom won't make your life better

I'm sure your mom mentioned the roasted veggies to try to have something there for you- next time she offers something which you're not interested in try to say it in a way that won't offend her. You're her kid- I'm sure you know how.

And on another note- coconut oil is actually great. I'm not eating it right now because I've moved from my hometown and haven't found a cheap, virgin option around here yet, but when I have having 1 tbsp a day (finding diff ways to get it in my diet) after about a month my skin actually GLOWED and my hair was fantastic. I loved it

It is high in calories and fat- but they're the good fats, and you can make a way to fit the 100 or so cals in (esp if you're exercising).

MsMimidoll · May 2014

I usually know when to stay quiet, I wasn't thinking I guess

brower47 · May 2014

Yar.

Double yar.

If you start with negativity, don't be surprised if negativity is what you receive in return.

(This was my respond like a pirate in the affirmative, post.)

HerkMeOff · May 2014

Meh.

Why be so rude to your mother though?

andeey · May 2014

QFT.

Seems like mom WAS being supportive by providing vegetables. You could do a few things:

#1 - Tell her thank you for thinking about your healthier preferences (reinforcing positive behavior means you might get more in future).
#2 - Tell her thank you for thinking about your healthier preferences and ask if you can help because you would like to prepare them (and then use less oil).
#3 - Tell her thank you for thinking about your healthier preferences and bask in the afterglow of your mom seeing you as an appreciative daughter.

See the trend here?

Chezzie84 · May 2014

Have a bbq, enjoy it and make it fit into your day. Maybe offer to do the vegetables, make them into kebabs, don't use oil. I suggest hallumi cheese, red pepper, mushroom. Use wooden sticks and soak them in water first.

We are having a bbq and cream scone lunch for my nan in laws birthday tomorrow.
I am going to go for a long walk in the morning, munch down the burgers and sausages, devour the scones with clotted cream and raspberry jam, then go for another long walk in the afternoon.
The alternative?? offend my NIL by not eating and looking miserable while everyone else does. Since I like her, this is not an option.

Scheezo · May 2014

There are always going to be haters. Don't let them get you down. If counting calories didn't work for her then so be it. You've lost quite a bit of weight by doing what works for you, remind her of that. Keep going! You're doing awesome!!

dsb188 · May 2014

I have said this before. But sometimes people will put you down (even family) because they can't do what you are doing. I have had people make suggestions about what I'm eating or tell me you are on that "crazy" diet and it won't work very long. The problem isn't with you, its with them. If something is working for you they need to be supportive. I realize that for me I have to keep what I'm doing to myself.

I had gone to the store with a friend and picked up some junk food. It was one day where I said I was going to have what I wanted. The following day I posted a picture of a healthy dinner and made and she proceeded to say "I didn't see you post that junk food you bought yesterday" To me she was trying to call me out. People can be very jealous. I still have alot of weight to lose but don't let people break your stride. You lost 30 and geuss what you will lose more!

kwantlen2051 · May 2014

Yep.

Deborah105 · May 2014

Everyone has opinions; even you yes?

It's one meal and it was vegetables. And coconut oil not some horrible vegetable oil. Coconut oil is fantastic!

Cheerful and stupid is the way I try try try to be. But of course I am loud and have many opinions!

It's good and she's not a hater as someone mentioned; she's your momma!

mfp2014mfp · May 2014

Yeah seems to me that you were the one who opened the can of worms, probably hurt her feelings to boot :flowerforyou:

Capt_Apollo · May 2014

you were probably hungry.

and roasted veggies have to be cooked with oil. maybe try preparing them yourself, with less oil. i know that my mom kinda over does it with the oil, especially for cooking vegetables. last time she made veggies, there was so much oil on the plate, the US tried to invade it.

neandermagnon · May 2014

I agree about not engaging with her. The nod and smile approach works best, or "thanks for telling me that, I'll bear in in mind." - you're not agreeing to follow their advice, only to remember it. But usually people just want their opinions to be heard, you don't have to actually agree with them, just let them know you heard what they said without dismissing it. And if they keep harping on about it like they expect you to do exactly the same as them, tell them that what you're doing already is working for you, but you'll consider switching to their way if and when what you're doing ever stops working. (emphasis on consider.. you're not agreeing to do it their way, just to consider it)

sabified · May 2014

lol!

SunofaBeach14 · May 2014

^ This. I've found that telling people that their cooking is gross is rarely a good conversation starter.

AglaeaC · May 2014

We all have our moments of slipping up. It's difficult, but what you wrote in the OP sounded breathless to me, "he said she said". If you know your mother well enough to hold your tongue successfully most of the time, why not include not discussing your journey with her? Figure out some stuff to close the topic each time she (not you, really) brings it up, then let anything she remarks go out the other ear. You even mentioned special snowflake, so streamline your whole existence around her to that philosophy.

Unsupportive people

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