Help- my boyfriend needs to lose weight!
Missklara
Posts: 282 Member
I've been seeing him for two months now and he's amazing person, but he is... bigger 
I don't mind but i can see that he doesn't feel good about his looks and he told me he would like to make change but he doesn't know anything about food, whats healthy, whats not, how to exercise etc.
We don't live together, so i can't cook for him. I know everything about losing weight for myself, but i don't know what he should eat or do to lose it and build some muscles.
Guys, please help! What should he eat and where to start with exercising (he cannot afford a gym right now)
Btw he is 6'' and 240 lbs
Edit: i find him very attractive, please stop with comments about ME wanting him to change, it was his idea, i just want to help him get there and motivate him
I don't mind but i can see that he doesn't feel good about his looks and he told me he would like to make change but he doesn't know anything about food, whats healthy, whats not, how to exercise etc.
We don't live together, so i can't cook for him. I know everything about losing weight for myself, but i don't know what he should eat or do to lose it and build some muscles.
Guys, please help! What should he eat and where to start with exercising (he cannot afford a gym right now)
Btw he is 6'' and 240 lbs
Edit: i find him very attractive, please stop with comments about ME wanting him to change, it was his idea, i just want to help him get there and motivate him
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Replies
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its not what to eat, its how much.
and he can start wherever he wants with exercising, depends on his goals though. as a guy, i would recommend strength training of some sort, there are some decent bodyweight routines that you can do at home with little equipment. if not, then some sort of cardio is the other obvious choice, but again this depends on what hes into. he wont continue with a running routine if he hates running, its all about personal preference0 -
First you have to let him decide what he wants to do: lose weight or build muscle. It is much harder to build muscle on a calorie deficit for losing weight. Then he needs to decide if he absolutely wants to do this and suggest him joining this site. He doesn't have to exercise and he doesn't have to watch what he eats. My boyfriend and I both have eaten anything we wanted to and still lost weight just because we work off anything over our calorie goals. On days I am over on my intake, I run the hill by my house to burn the excess off. He can buy a set of weights to work out with every other day when/if he does go over or run the road at his house. He definitely doesn't have to go to the gym to do it.0
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Have him sign up with MFP..after that, he has to do it for himself.0
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You've only be together 2 months and you're deciding that he needs to lose weigh? Ok....
There's always encouraging him to go for bike rides or long walks I suppose...0 -
Maybe you just need to accept him as he is or move on. Losing weight is a long journey, if you can't deal with his weight now maybe he's not the best guy for you to be with.0
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If he wanted to make a change he'd learn how.0
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Too Funny "You've only be together 2 months and you're deciding that he needs to lose weigh? Ok.... " :laugh:0
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You've only be together 2 months and you're deciding that he needs to lose weigh? Ok....
There's always encouraging him to go for bike rides or long walks I suppose...
Did you read the post? She said she doesn't mind, but that she knows HE feels uncomfortable. There's a difference.
As for losing weight, I would also recommend he join this site and just start tracking.0 -
Agree! but she says he is not happy with his weight, and she wants to help him out.0
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If he wanted to make a change he'd learn how.
Agree that he would at least try. You can't do the work for him, he needs to sign up and do it himself0 -
I'm 5'11". A year ago I was 260.
Food - This one is really a personality thing more then anything. People (male or female) may take advice and follow instructions, or they may resent it and fight it. I'm more of a kid in that I tend to do whatever you tell me not to do. If your boyfriend is serious about this and wants to lose weight and will just do whatever he is told, then I'd recommend looking at plans like Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and modeling something around those (just not with the program itself since you've mentioned he can't afford a gym, its unlikely he can afford spending excess on prepared foods). If he's more of a self starter, then provide him the resources and things like TDEE calculators. Either way, make sure he has a food scale. Suggest acquiring more fresh fruits and vegetables as they taste better than salted cardboard. And avoid drinking calories (regular soda, fruit juices, starbucks coffee/milkshakes).
Exercise -- This is tricky because looking for weight loss and strength building. Its difficult to do both at the same time. For weight loss, running worked for me. It's mostly free. well, like any hobby you've got your initial outlay into supplies, but you can start with just a GOOD PROPERLY FITTED pair of running shoes (~$100). I was stubborn on that last one and did the C25K program on an old pair of shoes, but nonetheless I got my running started. Find an outdoor cardio based exercise that your boyfriend really likes. It could be walking, running, skating, bicycling, basketball, etc. And then keep the focus on that. ... On the strength side, it depends on what kind of strength and for what purpose. If you want him to look ripped, then a gym is likely going to be in his future. Otherwise, I'd recommend a basic regiment of pushups, planks, crunches and yoga.0 -
Hey there Missklara,
I've only been using MyFitnessPal for a day, but I think I have some suggestions based on what worked for me. A little over a year ago, I was 224 lbs at 5'11", and in that same year I got down to 160 lbs. I'm here because while I'm very slim now, I still have some leftover fat that I want to eliminate so I can show some actual muscle-tone.(sorry for my username in advance; I didn't think I'd be using this forum)
So anyway, here's what worked for me:
DIET
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I ate primarily what some would consider a "Paleo" diet, but I wasn't doing that exactly. I cut all processed sugars and carbohydrates out of my diet, especially that from wheat and corn. Instead, I ate a reasonable portion of meat and vegetables when I was hungry; when possible, I avoided the traditional 3 meals and just ate whenever I felt hungry. I would often include butter or coconut oil in my cooking, since those fats are not only much more healthful than most common vegetable oils but they made the food I eat much more satisfying. As well, I would include cheese and the occasional dairy(just nothing with added sugar). Some meals would be substituted with whey protein, especially after exercising.
Always make sure the food he eats tastes good. Tell him to never steam his vegetables! Vegetables actually taste incredibly good when covered with a hint of olive oil and seasoning and oven roasted. Steamed veggies are boring as hell.
EXERCISE
==================
Exercise is a tricky one, especially because modern life makes it difficult. I neither had the money to go to a gym nor did I want to anyway(I didn't like being stared at by a line of d-bags waiting for me to get off a machine). But I love nature, so I made sure to walk or hike at least 5 miles per day, which usually takes 2 hours. He should always make sure that his legs are sore to some degree by the end of his workouts; the more muscle built then the more calories burned. Since I am far too frugal to buy a weight set, I did strength training by making my own out of a hardware store bucket and some bricks as weights. That cost me maybe $8 in total.
Overall, I believe that my losing 60+ pounds was about 70% exercise and 30% diet. Both compliment each other(exercise increases metabolism and proper diet helps a person stay energized and build muscle). The most important thing is for your boyfriend to keep both his exercise and diet interesting and add variety here and there. So I wouldn't worry if he can't afford a gym; I was able to shed my weight without a gym, and I was the fat guy/kid for years. Gyms are boring anyway and I would have lost interest for sure.
I commend you for caring enough for your boyfriend to seek advice. I only wish my girlfriend at the time was willing to help me.
EDIT: MOAR TIPS!
- Tell him to avoid shelf juice. Shelf juice(the "fruit" juice from the grocery store that is stable for months at room temperature) is little more than watered down reject fruit peel squeezings with high fructose corn syrup added. It's really foul and has no benefits for the body that couldn't be gotten from better places. Either have him get used to water or at the very least start using crystal lite.(don't listen to nutcases who still think that aspartame is the devil in spite of the overwhelming scientific evidence suggesting otherwise)
- Have him adjust his diet before getting him to reduce his caloric intake. It's far more important to get him used to more healthful foods than to shock his body before he's ready. Just the diet change alone is likely to be enough to cause him to lose some weight. During most of my weight loss, I hardly bothered counting calories.
- If necessary, go through his food and help him throw out anything he shouldn't be eating. That means cookies, boxes of macaroni and cheese, ramen, frozen meals, etc. Most of the people I know who continually want to lose weight can't do so because they keep these things around!
- Meetup.com is a great place to find hiking/walking groups for him to join. Making exercise a social activity is a great way to stay motivated, in my experience.
If you need some ideas for reasonably-priced wholesome meals, I'd be happy to provide you with some.0 -
Encourage him to go on either a) a walk or b) a bike ride. If he is uncomfortable doing either a Wii with Fit Board is a great way of doing exercise indoors in private.
But first off perhaps he joins up here and starts to just basic calorie count. A decent start for him.0 -
I would just start with planning/encouraging dates that are active - a walk; bike ride, hike, dancing - anything that isn't just food. Pack a healthy picnic, even though you don't live together you could invite him for dinner at your place and cook healthy then. And summer is such a great time - festivals, movies in a park ... and just bring your own food/drink.0
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You don't need to eat whole foods or have money for a gym in order to get healthy!
As you say, you know that he is feeling uncomfortable and that he has expressed his wish for help in losing weight so why not offer your support in getting started on MFP and have a weekend together of outdoor activities, food shopping and cooking lessons 1:1.
The best and most valuable thing you can offer him is your time, spend it wisely
Kaela x0 -
1 - you can't loose weight for him
2 - he won't loose weight until he's ready and makes the decision himself
if my husband had told me to lose weight or started messing with what i ate or nagging - we probably wouldn't still be married
instead, he encouraged me to get more active, and made healthy choices for himself when we ate out together
when I was ready to make the changes I needed myself, he went out and bought some digital food scales to help me weigh the ingredients that we cook with and he weighs all the ingredients he uses and writes them on the fridge when it's his turn to cook
he was there for me, when I was ready and has been willing to help and support me
nagging and pushing won't work and may be more harm than help0 -
To those negative comments...
1.) Yes, we are togwther ONLY two months and i want him to feel good about himself, silly me...
2.) Read my post if you wish to comment, i never said it was my idea, he wants o lose weight
3.) He gained waight last year so it's not like he is only saying he wants to make a change, e just had some problems last year
To all you who actually helped ith anwers, thank you! I think i'll introduce him to mfp and ask him to go for a run with me or something 0 -
He can literally eat whatever he wants, he just has to maintain a calorie deficit. If he's asking you specifically for help, then tell him to sign up on MFP and start logging his food.
For exercise... he can pick anything.
Seriously, you don't need fancy plans or meals or foods... just normal food tracked, logged and within your goal.
Pick some activities you love to do... hiking, swimming, biking, football, basketball... literally anything.
You don't have to be miserable or not having fun to lose weight... it's actually the other way around. It should be fun, and you should be happy.0 -
To those negative comments...
1.) Yes, we are togwther ONLY two months and i want him to feel good about himself, silly me...
2.) Read my post if you wish to comment, i never said it was my idea, he wants o lose weight
3.) He gained waight last year so it's not like he is only saying he wants to make a change, e just had some problems last year
To all you who actually helped ith anwers, thank you! I think i'll introduce him to mfp and ask him to go for a run with me or something
Yes introduce him to MFP, teach him what you have learned about tracking food. (I hope that includes using a food scale)
Let him choose the exercise tho...I would suggest a progressive load lifting program.0 -
You don't need to do anything but let him do it.
Is he on here, is he posting about what he wants to do?
Otherwise it really is about you wanting to change him. And that's not really going to work.0 -
If he wants to lose weight, show him the tools and then do nothing else unless he ASKS for your input/help. Beyond that, it's not within your purview as a girlfriend/any other relationship because only he can make the change.0
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You know what men love? Women who saunter into their lives and try to fix them. His body, his business. Back off.0
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The best thing to do in these kind of situations is lead by example. You can show him the resources and encourage him but until he decides enough is enough your attempts maybe fruitless.0
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If he was actually interested in losing weight, he'd be the one on here asking questions0
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Have him sign up with MFP..after that, he has to do it for himself.
^^^This!0 -
Maybe you just need to accept him as he is or move on. Losing weight is a long journey, if you can't deal with his weight now maybe he's not the best guy for you to be with.
yupp0 -
My DH is getting help from me to get in shape/lose weight. He is on here but I'm better than he is at asking questions about fitness. We have this all worked out. He makes the computer work and I find info.
Some tips that worked for me:
1. I give info I do not judge
2. if he decides to blow off working out or diet I say nothing, but do what I do (workout and diet)
3. This is HIS idea. If he tries to put it on me I will give it back in an instant. We discussed this before hand.
4. I am glad he's serious about getting healthy (he's making great progress so far!) but if he bails out that's his own decision!
5. I mostly help by setting the example imho.0 -
Getting help is easy. All he needs to do is look for it. As long as you're doing it on his behalf, he's not taking it seriously. I'm sure you mean well, but you've already said that you can't hold his hand through the entire process. If he wants to do it, he'll do it.0
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It is up to your boyfriend to decide to learn how to take care of himself, you can't do that for him.0
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I used to date a guy who always said "I really want to lose weight" and then expected me to do the main portion of the work... It's not going to happen for your boyfriend if you're the one taking the initiative, sorry. My boyfriend actually gained weight because he couldn't be bothered to get info for himself.
If he's not the one on here asking for help, asking questions, etc, he'll NEVER take it seriously.0
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