How does your significant other make you feel about your loo

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jamie77
jamie77 Posts: 101
in Health and Weight Loss
General question for you ladies...When you catch your significant other checking out hot girls (victorias secret model type), does it make you feel worse about yourself or motivate you more?
I'm torn with this one. I know men are always going to look at other women and women are always going to look at other men.
It just makes me feel like "does he secretly wish I looked like someone else?" Then I think "ok, I'll do my best to look like her". Does anyone else feel that way, or am I being ridiculous?
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  • jamie77
    jamie77 Posts: 101
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    General question for you ladies...When you catch your significant other checking out hot girls (victorias secret model type), does it make you feel worse about yourself or motivate you more?
    I'm torn with this one. I know men are always going to look at other women and women are always going to look at other men.
    It just makes me feel like "does he secretly wish I looked like someone else?" Then I think "ok, I'll do my best to look like her". Does anyone else feel that way, or am I being ridiculous?
  • abbychelle07
    abbychelle07 Posts: 656 Member
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    I definitely don't feel more motivated if I see a woman that is so glamorous, beautiful, thin, put together, etc. I feel more like it is hopeless! The feeling doesn't last for long, but I definitely feel like that will NEVER be me. Because, even if I was that thin, I would never be that fashionable, with perfect make up, etc. It's just not me.

    I don't feel at all like I have to look more beautiful for my husband. He gets what he gets since I get what I get! It's not a contest. He already chose me, and we have been together 8 years total. We told each other that neither of us ever would cheat on each other, and we never want to get divorced. So, even if he wishes I looked like someone else, TOO BAD BUDDY! :laugh:
  • sawtoothtye
    sawtoothtye Posts: 14
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    It is hard to not let it bother ... but I also check out attractive men and women myself. It is just human nature to want to look at pretty people. But he chose to be with you so he must think you are all that and more. You shouldn't try to be more like someone he looks at. You should think of ways you are similar to that person and celebrate yourself. But I know this is easier said than done.
  • bodibykelli
    bodibykelli Posts: 135
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    :heart: I've gotta say, that 22 years after we first started dating and 17 of those years being married, my husband STILL makes me feel like the hottest girl in the world! I catch him staring at "my parts" and he can't walk by without giving something a squeeze! He's still the man of my dreams :love:
  • jamie77
    jamie77 Posts: 101
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    I love that attitude...:laugh:
    I don't ever feel hopeless about it, but sometimes I do want to smack him upside the head :laugh:
  • LokiFae
    LokiFae Posts: 774 Member
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    My husband have almost the opposite problem. He doesn't check out ANYONE, ever. And I know you're going to be like, What?!! But he doesn't. He's a musician and he always has skinnier, younger, better-looking girls than me throwing themselves on him when he plays, but he has no interest. That drives me crazy, because it feels like he's not human or something. I check these girls out, they're so hot. But lucky for me, he thinks I'm the only woman worth looking at. All my insecurities about these girls are my own thing.

    But if he DID check them out, I would feel a lot worse about myself.
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
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    As a guy, I admit that I look at pretty women, but I can also very honestly say that I can appreciate their beauty without wanting to sleep with them.

    If I dedicate myself to someone I do it with all my heart and soul. It would take a lot more than a pretty face or body to make me cheat, or even consider it. That said, I am a guy, and I do look. Does it mean anything? Not a thing. They are just a random person in life.

    If you are out and you get a look from someone who obviously finds you attractive, does that not make you feel good? Sure it does! Does that make you want to bed that person right then and there? Probably not.

    I promise though, as far as myself is concerned, I have never in my life thought 'Wow, I wish my S.O. looked like her.' I also have never fantasized about someone else while...uhm...well...you know....:embarassed: . I choose to be with whom I am with, and they are my everything.

    Guaranteed, if I glance at a pretty girl, I won't remember her 10 minutes later. (If I'm single...well, then all bets are off :laugh: )

    Just my two cents on it.
  • Smilineyes
    Smilineyes Posts: 346 Member
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    My boyfriend makes me feel great about myself. He's known me when I was thin and athletic to when I was a fatty and he supports me 100% in my journey to be healthier. Of course he looks at other women and I always tell him I'm gonna be hotter than her soon enough lol. So I guess it motivates me. That's just my competitive nature though :tongue:
  • kerrilucko
    kerrilucko Posts: 3,852 Member
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    I'm with Mary, I've never heard my guy mention that another girl was attractive, or seen him looking. I don't know if i'd really care if he did. He makes me feel beautiful no matter what size I am...... and if I may be honest, I wouldn't still be with him if he didn't make me feel that way. I hope I make him feel as good as he makes me feel :bigsmile:
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    First of all, I think it is human nature to look. I mean, I don't think it's much different looking at a beautiful piece of art or looking at a beautiful or handsome person. I think we are just drawn to attractive things (now, what we all find attractive can obviously differ)

    I think it's all about respect. I mean, it's one thing to look, it's another thing to gawk and make the person you are with feel bad because you are so obviously staring at others around you. So, I think if you truly care and respect who you are with, then it shouldn't be hard to go about things in a considerate way.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    My husband has NEVER looked or commented at another woman infront of me. I'm not stupid and i'm sure he has done it while i'm not there. He always tells me he loves the way I look now even if I never lost another pound and that I'm the most beautiful woman to him.

    I'm usually the one that is like "Omg, look at how gorgeous her body is" and he usually says "You are way more beautiful than she is".

    GOOD ANSWER HONEY! :laugh:
  • pmkelly409
    pmkelly409 Posts: 1,653 Member
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    My husband is so funny about this, he is really catty and he will generally say something to me about the person he is looking at. If he looks at a pretty girls, he hids it very well because I never catch him - but I know he is human so he must do it when I am not around! :grumble: But he is just one of those truly good, honest men and I trust him 100%, so let him look! As long as he comes home to me every nite.

    We are both big people watchers so that really helps - it is rare that we are not looking at the same person as we stroll around.
  • Helawat
    Helawat Posts: 605 Member
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    My man doesn't look at other women when he's out with me unless they're very ugly...then he stares for a while. My boyfriend acts like Lina's husband, I would comment about another woman and he would say "you're so much hotter and your eyes are prettier"

    I'm sure he does it when I'm not there though but I look at other men when I'm alone...so.... :)
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    Hi

    I agree with a few of the other posters..I think it's human nature to 'look' at other people
    I think there is a tasteful, respectful way to do this
    It's never bothered me in the least...when I was heavier or smaller...
    Reality is, some woman out there are better looking than me...it is what it is...oh well
    Sometimes I would see a cute girl and point her out for DH..LOL

    No big deal...Kim
  • jamie77
    jamie77 Posts: 101
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    I've given you all the wrong impression of my boyfriend (poor guy)....I know it is human nature to look at the opposite sex...I look myself.
    He has never said anything about another girl, and he tells me I'm beautiful every day. I just know him and I can tell when he's trying not to check someone out in front of me.
    It's my own insecurity....Thanks for the insight...
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    I have to say my husband has gotten better. He used to fail miserably!! BUT, I met him when he was 24 and I was 27 (yes I robbed the cradle!! HAHA!)

    But, now I am 33 and he is just turned 31, so obviously I have "communicated" to him what is acceptable and what is not over the years and he has learned and improved as he has grown up a bit!! haha

    But, he does make me feel beautiful and is constantly trying to molest me, so I guess that's a good sign!!! Hahaha!
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
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    constantly trying to molest me,

    Woohoo!!!
  • kenzie
    kenzie Posts: 17 Member
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    It doesn't really bother me to have my BF looking at other women..we'll comment to each other if a pretty face walks by..but that's all it is: a pretty face. I know that he's with me, and i know that he loves me with all of his heart, so it doesn't have a negative effect. Now, if there's another woman that is clearly checking HIM out? Personally, i think there is nothing hotter, because he is coming home with me, and only me..and i know that's where he's happiest. :happy:
    Try not to let things like that get too deep under your skin. Your sig. other has chosen to be with you, and remember, noone is perfect. Those 'victoria secret girls' you describe all have thier bad days just like everyone else does. :smile:
  • Jenna423
    Jenna423 Posts: 178 Member
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    Oh I definately feel like crap when that happens! I have very low self esteem so as soon as he turns his eyeballs I think he's automatically wishing he had someone that good looking.:grumble: It's depressing. That's why I'm trying to get in shape so I feel better about myself. I hope that if I can feel better about myself, then I won't automatically think he's wishing I looked different. He thinks I'm ridiculous but I think he's just covering his own butt. lol :laugh: After the depressing stuff goes way it's kind of like motivation to me. I don't know, I guess its just insecurity. Just stick to it and hope that when you feel better about yourself, he won't be able to look at anyone else but you! :flowerforyou:
  • ToTheLove
    ToTheLove Posts: 357
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    My boyfriend and I actually have issues with this subject. He does it on purpose to get to me. He thinks he's being funny but it really bothers me. It would be one thing if he didn't look at other things that I won't go into detail about here, but he does. So to me that's saying "Wow, I wish I could have that instead."

    I even confronted him about those looking at those "other things" and asked him why he does it and he had no answer. I asked him if it had something to do with him wanting me to look more like that and again, he had no answer.

    It's something I try to ignore because aside from that we have a great relationship and a 1 year old, and the whole works.

    It honestly breaks my heart. I feel a little tiny peice of me die each time he makes a comment about a girl or a find one of those websites...

    Why am I not good enough?

    After the self pity moments are over it motivates me. I get pumped. Like... You'll see. Someday I'll be prettier than all those girls! And someday... I'll be having guys check ME out and he can get all jealous about it. And he BETTER get jealous too.

    I guess for me this topic hits home pretty hard... sorry this is getting long.. it's something I keep pretty close to my heart because I do everything I can do ignore it.

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