Anybody experiencing jealousy from friends?

jsheph1

I have a female friend who is a little overweight but still very beautiful. I have recently lost 25 pounds, going from 190 to 165. For a 5'8" man, that is still slightly overweight. I have been lifting weights and am starting to get stronger and more muscular. By no means am I thin.

Yet this friend every time she sees me says I am anorexic. She then complains how fat she is? I think she must be feeling a little jealous, but her constant calling me anorexic and telling other people I am anorexic when I get something small or light at a restaurant is getting on my nerves. I told her anorexia is a serious disease and she shouldn't make light of it, but she kept on it anyway. Last night after I refused a piece of cake she said it again and I told her kind of curtly to stop calling me that I don't like it. She said "you can call me fat if you want to", and I said I don't want to do that.

The thing is I kind of wanted to get in shape to impress this girl, but instead she just says this thing about anorexia that I hate hearing. Is it too much for her to say, "You look good" What does this say about her? Has anyone else dealt with someone like this that ridiculed their weight loss? Am I being too sensitive?

Kadeja

I don't think you are being to sensitive. Hmmm... have you tried to invite her on your journey. Maybe when she says how she is fat, ask her if she would like to lose weight and go to the gym with you. Show her some of the things that you have learned and changes you have made. Maybe that will bring you closer.

vi_msbehavin

I don't think your being sensitive at all. The fact that after you told her to stop and she kept on lets me know that she cares nothing about your feelings, and there maybe some jealousy issues. That's not the type of person you want to have a relationship with. I say chuck the deuces at her and leave it at a hi and bye kind of thing. You deserve better than that!

foxfirekenzie

Oh my goodness, YES! Here comes my ranting!

I have this friend who is overweight and hates it and herself for it. She has horrible eating and lifestyle habits and major self esteem issues. She is constantly dissing on herself and it drives me batty. What is even worse is that she complains all the time about what she looks like (which, mind you, I don't care one way or the other if she is overweight. I'm her friend because I love her and I don't judge her for her size) and then after she is done complaining about how heavy she is and how she will never find someone to love her, she goes to her Weight Watchers meeting, directly followed by an outing for pizza! I kid you not!

What is frustrating to me with this friend, who I love dearly, is that I work really hard to be fit. I watch what I eat. I exercise. I MOVE. But she sees it as me just being naturally fit and healthy. She will make comments when we hang out like, oh, that guy was totally checking you out-he would never check me out. She'll say things like 'skinny *****' and laugh but I don't find it funny at all. First of all, I'm not a ***** :happy: and second, I work hard to look the way I do! Give me some credit!

Oh my, I am ranting for sure. To the point; yes, I know how you feel and it is maddening. Just keep up your awesome work and perhaps your inspiration will rub off on her and motivate her to get fit as well. Perhaps she isn't someone you need to impress after all.

And by the way, you look fantastic!

mcjabber

Sounds like she's pretty self conscious about her own weight, and by making comments that devalue your achievement, she probably feels better that she hasn't taken control of her body like you have of yours. Like it evens the playing field, a bit. But I doubt she's purposely trying to be mean! I think this is pretty common, actually--that friends who are still struggling inadvertently try to sabotage the progress. I don't think you're being too sensitive. Aside from asking her to stop, have you point blank asked her why she feels the need to say it all the time?

It's totally human nature. I know I'm combating some pretty gnarly jealousy feelings for my own mom right now! (she recently lost 40 lbs and is, for the first time in our lives, slightly thinner than I am). Trying to curb it, but I'm definitely feeling it!

But you can always come here for unconditional support! Way to go on your success!

andeegirl

ya I think she is quite jealous. I have been jealous of my dear friend who has lost 40 lbs but would never ridicule her for her loss. It actually prompted me to change my lifestyle. Maybe try to have a one on one with her. I hope you guys can find an understanding. Good luck and Great job on your loss.

jsheph1

Thanks for the replies, ladies. I think I will take the suggestion of asking her if she wants to lose with me next time she says she is fat and also ask her why she feels the need to call me anorexic next time she says that. I feel better and realize she is not trying to be mean on purpose.

superwmn

This is super common. It's easier for her to be mean to you than it is for her to admit who she's REALLY mad at: Herself for being overweight.

Charmagne

ottawagirl613

I know where you are coming from. I have the greatest friends in the world who are helpful and supportive of everything I do WITH THE EXCEPTION OF: WEIGHT LOSS. Both are a little overweight themselves (but still gorgeous) and both say that it is "easy" for me to lose weight or that I should not lose more because I will look "anorexic". I used to be 158 pounds and got down to 140 where I have been for six months now. The initial 18 pounds took a lot of restraint and hard work, and I hate that my friends trivialize this by saying that I "lose weight easily" in order to excuse the fact that they haven't lost much weight themselves. I am finally ready to kick the last 10 pounds and get down to my goal weight of 130 and I am getting slack from them. I've even been told that I looked better at 150+, which at 5'6" is just over a healthy BMI for my height, whereas my goal weight is perfectly in the middle of the normal range.

It's very frustrating, but as long as your goals are healthy and you acheive them in a healthy way then don't lose focus based on what other people say. In the end it is you that will miss out on the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, a healthy body, and the confidence and happiness that can go with it!