The Comedy Club!!! Come on in y'all and have a laugh!!!

Wiitabax

"What the HELL kind of accent you trying to do there boy?"

Ahem... I have no idea... I'm a Northern English guy... accent? Hmm... take a touch of "An American Werewolf In London" ("Keep off t' Moors)... add a dash of "Wallace & Gromit" ("Crackin' toast laaad"), and stir in some "Coronation Street (plotless drivel lol) and yer nearly there as to how I sound... but anyhow - I digress.

I'm fat. Or "dimensionall challenged", or "successfully beating anorexia since birth" etc. etc. I like having a laugh too - I KNOW that weight issues are serious or I wouldn't be here... but this is to let you know, I'm NO going to be making fun of ANYONE re: their weight... I joke about mine, but that's how I deal with it - it would be rude to poke fun at others!!!

Anyhow - serious cr*p out the way... I decided that as a comedy fan and person who's done stand up stuff/impressions/spoof vids, I'd set up a 'Comedy Club' here to share jokes, funny stories etc. etc. - please feel free to join in - I've heard all my material lol, I need to hear someone else's!


:laugh:

By the way... I made my wife "Oasis Soup" yesterday (you know... named after the Brit. group) with a breadroll and butter.

"Hey" she asked afterwards, "why's it called 'Oasis Soup'?"

"Well..." I began with one of the most TERRIBLE punchlines ever...

"You
Gotta
Roll
With
It"


:laugh:

Wiitabax

Right... before I take my two belovéd doggies out for a walkies... ponder this:


Will Lady Gaga shock everyone on Halloween by going out dressed "Normal"?

That'd be reall spooky!!!


:laugh:

Aid_B

FOR SALE: Deceased Budgie

Not going Cheap ! :bigsmile:

sandara

FOR SALE: Deceased Budgie

Not going Cheap ! :bigsmile:

That's so bad . . . but couldn't help laughing!

arewethereyet

I had a hard time finding a partner to sing with me for Kareoke night

Turned out OK, I ended up buying a duet-your-self kit

Wiitabax

FOR SALE: Deceased Budgie

Not going Cheap ! :bigsmile:

:laugh: I like it!!!

By the way... my budgie was ill - took him to the vets for tweatment!


Turns out he was constipated... so they gave him Chirrup of Figs!

:laugh:

Wiitabax

I had a hard time finding a partner to sing with me for Kareoke night

Turned out OK, I ended up buying a duet-your-self kit

:laugh: that is terrible!!!

Who is this 'Gary Oakey' fellow anyhoo?

I have an Indian friend who's great at Karaoké - his name?

Gerruptah Singh!


:laugh:

Aid_B

Ok last bad budgie joke !

3 Budgies in a cage, each one has its own perch,

1 sits at the bottom, 1 sits at the middle, 1 sits at the top

Which one owns his own seat ??????

.

The one at the bottom, the other 2 are on Higher Perches :laugh:

Aid_B

I have an Indian friend who's great at Karaoké - his name?

Gerruptah Singh!

:laugh:

His brother is a Elvis impersonator

Hamal Shookup !

Wiitabax

I have an Indian friend who's great at Karaoké - his name?

Gerruptah Singh!

:laugh:

His brother is a Elvis impersonator

Hamal Shookup !

:laugh: that's even worse than mine - I didn't think that possible!!!

Here... I'll tell you when you KNOW yer 'too fat' - it's when you look everywhere for jeans, and end up having to get 'Tesco Value' jeans because there's none to be had in 'size fatty wi' short legs'.

Jesus - I reckon that they got the measurements off a hippopotamus which is NOT flattering... hey, for ME not the hippo ye cheeks sods!!!

And that little tale there is actually TRUE - still, it means I got some cheap clothes to replace the ubiquitous jogging bottoms though eh?

:laugh:

Chenoachem

I'm tagging for later.

ginnyroxx

:laugh:
you guys are too much. thanks for the laughs this morning :drinker:

Sheepdoglady

OMG! U just crack me up !

Two nuns in a bath . . .

Wiitabax

So I said to the doctor... "I keep thinking I'm a pig!"

"How long's this been going on for?" he asked...

"Oh," I replied... "about a WHHEEEEEEEEEK!"

And I told him about my hallucinations... that I kept seeing a cockroach that was being abusive to me... he said he thought it was just a nasty bug that was going around...

But I told him "Yes... but I keep seeing Mickey... and Donald... and Pluto..."

But he reassured me - said it was just Disney spells!

:laugh:

Sheepdoglady

Sounds a bit like when I went to my Geordie doctor and told him I keep feeling like a coconut chocolate bar, and he replied,
"Why I, ya bounty!"

Wiitabax

Sounds a bit like when I went to my Geordie doctor and told him I keep feeling like a coconut chocolate bar, and he replied,
"Why I, ya bounty!"

"Please Miss - can I have permission to gol"?


* Groan Out Loud


:laugh:

Aid_B

Sounds a bit like when I went to my Geordie doctor and told him I keep feeling like a coconut chocolate bar, and he replied,
"Why I, ya bounty!"

now that one i like :laugh:

Sheepdoglady

Knew you would!

Wiitabax

What was Jack The Ripper's dog called?





Jack

The

Russell

:laugh

arewethereyet

I am a claims adjuster so we are always throwing around lawyer jokes. They make is SO easy.


You know you need a new lawyer when he tells you the last good case he tried was Budweiser.



:blushing:

Wiitabax

I am a claims adjuster so we are always throwing around lawyer jokes. They make is SO easy.


You know you need a new lawyer when he tells you the last good case he tried was Budweiser.



:blushing:

:laugh: excellent!!!

I'm a Nurse, so you can imagine I know a lot of silly medical jokes... I'll think of some and post later lol!

:laugh: