Fallen off the wagon in a big way. I am devistated.

eslcity

As a teacher.... I find the hardest time for my diet is during my long vacations..... when i'm home alone without anyone to watch me.. or for something to distract me.... I believe it is very important for people like me who have sooo much free time to do something to distract us from food...

i've been off for a whole month now.... and i've not weighted myself during all that time.... i'm just hoping for the best and know that when i get back to work... next week that my diet is going to be back on full gear.....

and that is what you have to do... know you have messed up and now is the time to get ready to get back into the fight....

BoxerBrawler

I am probably a hypocrite for saying this because I am fairly obsessed with health and fitness but...

I feel that sometimes folks take this all too seriously which leads to binges, guilt, shame, over reacting, etc.

I know that for me, the more I think about counting calories and burning calories and eating clean and all that, the more I become obsessed with food and when the next time I'm going to eat will be and what I'm going to eat and on and on and I think about it so much that I end up eating mechanically when I am not even hungry. What helped me was to go back to basics and put more faith in my own signals, listening to my body, than in a computer program. When I feel hungry, I eat. When I eat, I put thought into the foods that I am preparing and/or eating. I look for healthy alternatives and I take a deep breath and take it slow. It maybe sounds simple but it works. There have been times where I'm so hungry I want to just walk in the door and eat anything I can grab quickly just to get the food in. But I stop myself and I force myself to take the time to prepare something nutritionally sound. Doing this increases my focus and creates a small challenge for myself. It's rewarding in a way. Not rewarding with food mind you, but rewarding that I am strong enough to win that battle.

This will sound counter intuitive but... give yourself permission to binge. Tell yourself "Okay, I am going to have a binge at some point... but I'll wait until later." Plan it out, but keep putting it off by 10 minutes or an hour or a day... Giving yourself permission removes the anticipation, the build up, the dread, the obsessing and the guilt. Giving yourself permission also gives you power and control... and makes the urge to binge become secondary. Weather or not you actually go through with the binge is a different story, but the more you practice that the easier it becomes to avoid it all together.

In the meantime, we are only human, everyone falls off the wagon now and then and **** happens. No sense in feeling bad about it or re-living it. It is in the past. Leave it there and move forward.

I hope some of this has helped.

Jim_Barteck

I've been doing a lot of reading recently of the DSM5 and Binge Eating Disorder. The key thing is that eating food for a lot of us is a way of managing difficult feelings. Almost like pushing them down with food so that we don't have to feel them anymore. And it becomes a viscous circle, because eating can trigger feelings of shame, which then can trigger more eating to cope. I would highly recommend you finding someone to talk to who you can trust, who won't judge you, but will listen. This can help you find alternative ways of managing your emotions which doesn't involve food. Your binge episode is telling you that you're unhappy about something. It's worth while identifying what it is because that is the cause of your episode - NOT the fact that you are weak willed or a failure.

QFT. Better advice than simply dusting yourself off. You've admitted that you're not in control right now: the disorder is. It's time to change that dynamic. Until you do, this is going to keep happening over and over.

stupidloser

You shouldn't deprive yourself of foods you like even if they are unhealthy. I I eat junk food once a week. I just keep the portions in check. Good luck!!!!!!!

Sarahsteve7kids

Stop telling yourself that there is such a thing as unhealthy food. That is one big thing you are doing that just sets you up to fail. You feel like if one Oreo passes your lips you are a failure, when the opposite is true. There is not one single food that exists on this earth that does not benefit your body in some way. Fit some of your favorites into your calorie goal EVERY DAY. What you are doing now is unsustainable and is tying you up in knots. Take a look at my profile photo - I eat McDonald's every day of the work week including an ice cream cone. I make it fit my macros, my calories, and my nutrient goals. Every now and then I eat several large helpings of chocolate chip cookie dough, and I don't even feel guilty about it (last night was an example). I don't have a special metabolism, I don't work out every day, and I'm almost 50. My diary is public, but I've been in maintenance for a few months now and don't always log.

I totally agree with this! I stopped seeing food as good or bad! I have lost my weight counting calories but I go by a weekly average NOT daily. I know me and I know binging in the past has been a problem. In part because when I would eat one thing I saw as bad I would go crazy and say 'tomorrow will be better, this is my last hoary '. Now that I know I can have that same food if I want it later it takes away (for me) the need to binge. As I said, for ME counting weekly calories helped as every day wasn't a 'diet' day and eating foods I enjoyed!

katrinab2015

Hi Strong Curves,

It can certainly feel awful, especially when you really consider how icky that way of being is now that you are much better informed than you have ever been.

Now that you have acknowledged what you've done, and felt pretty **** about it—you've really examined the calorific consequence and overall general health impact the binge had on your body and certainly not least of all your psyche (chemical and emotional), there is only one positive thing you can do—MOVE ON.

Whenever you need to move on, you choose to move in a direction that's either TOWARDS your goal or further AWAY from your goal. I think this happens in a sort of 4-part process, for which i don't have an acronym, but it goes something like this:

1. Examine what you've done (get a good grasp on what happened and the consequences)
2. Acknowledge it (be truthful about the consequences, and simply just admit to yourself that you did it — and don't over or under exaggerate either!)
3. Reflect (really feel however you feel about it—angry / sad / disappointed / demotivated—or whatever)
4. Then LET IT GO and take the first step to just MOVE ON in the most positive direction!

After a while, you can earn to do all the steps really quickly and it becomes a life skill, and a really great habit you developing for being positive.

So as an example, let's say you are out for dinner and really didn't want to drink, but then you had a few glasses on wine. When you are new to the steps, you may slip off the wagon with one glass of wine and then basically get hammered all night because **** it, you already broke your commitment to yourself, right? So may as well go all out. In this situation, you may be too inebriated to even mindfully go through the steps. But when you have practice, you will eventually be able to stop after one or two glasses, and not consider it a big avalanche.

In your binge situation, when you were one day into your binge, you are so out of practice with the steps, that there's no way you can get to step 3 and calmly and mindfully reflect on how bad you're feeling, you're just numb. So you had to go to your level of self-abuse until you crashed and were able to reflect and come and post here. Now you have to just let it go and move on, but in the future, with practice, you'll realize step 1 and flow through 2 and 3 fairly quickly—so you'll be able to just STOP the binge much sooner.

It works with everything: arguments with friends, over-spending money, anything that triggers string emotions and requires tact and discipline.

Learn the steps, and be mindful about processing them consciously, and above all do NOT compare yourself to others or yourself in the past, as this is completely and utterly POINTLESS.

Only ever compare yourself to yourself tomorrow, or in an hour from now, depending on whether you make the next step an action that will move you towards or further from your goal. So:

- Stopping binging, going for a 5 minute walk to clear your head, throwing away the remaining junk, going to the gym even though you suddenly feel like a fat slob and it's pointless—these are all positive steps n the right direction, and will lead to a better, happier you tomorrow

- Continuing binging, having just one more pack of Oreos, deciding not to go for a 5 minute walk to clear your head, staying inside and brooding about it beyond steps 3 & 4, beating yourself up—all pointless and in the wrong direction, that will lead to a sadder, unhealthier you tomorrow

It doesn't happen overnight. Everything takes practice. Practice these steps enough and they become great habits. (Don't practice them, and you will develop poor life skills that promote negativity and ill health, especially mentally).

Yeah, you really messed up. Now move on. You were doing GREAT.

Love and Strength!

Katrina

Veil5577

I don't know if this will help you but I will share what happened to me last night.

Yesterday I was in a black mood. I won't go into the reasons why but I felt like I could cheerfully tear someone's throat out. On my way home from work I stopped at the gas station and bought a cherry Slurpee and a cup of Krispy Kreme donuts. My black mood was telling me that everything in life is crap anyway so why not indulge?

When I got home I took a step back and looked at the donuts in my hand and thought, wait a minute. Is this really going to make me feel better? Or is it going to make me feel worse?

I knew darn well it would make me feel worse. I decided that if I felt any worse than I already did I WOULD tear someone's throat out.

So I threw the donuts away.

I did drink the Slurpee because I was thirsty.

I'm not feeling much better today but so far no co-workers have suffered an attack.

It's one day at a time.

headerdee

I just have to say ALL OF THESE COMMENTS have been SOOO encouraging. I have fallen so many times and have been feeling so helpless and depressed. Thank you all for posting these things. i know that today will be a good day with all your words.
thank you again.

reasons2bemissed

I don't have time to read all of these responses, so forgive me if what I am about to say has already been mentioned. And I hope I can explain myself well enough. (Ps- I understand your frustration. I've been there.)

You keep mentioning that you want to become thinner/stronger/fitter/ whatever so you can begin to feel proud of yourself. My advice to you, which I know firsthand is easier said than done, is work on being proud of yourself NOW. Forget the occasional binges. You are aware of your habits and you are consciously working hard to fix them. THAT by itself is something to be proud of. Make this an active part of your weight loss program. Right up there with the food and exercise.

Losing weight for good is, in my opinion, more of a mental battle than anything else. But if you wait to be proud of yourself until the end, you will never reach the end. There will always be that "I just need to lose five more pounds..." lurking in your mind. Once you learn to love yourself, forgive yourself, and ACCEPT yourself- especially accepting your flaws- and know that these flaws do not make you less than anyone else (because everyone has flaws, and there are plenty of people in the world who share those exact same flaws, feelings of guilt, etc) ((I mean, come on. There are over 7 billion of us....))

Anyway. Point is that you need to try whatever you can to feel proud of yourself now. Even if you fake it. Look in a mirror at least once a day and *out loud* say "I am proud to be who I am"... (You can add more if you like, but make sure there are no negatives). You probably will think it's dumb at first, and you may not believe it. But one morning, when you say it, you will realize that it actually is true.

hillstem

I struggle with Binge Eating disorder as well. Send me a message if you ever need to talk/vent to someone.