childhood weight criticisms

Nazy1343

Hi guys.
I am new to here and am absolutely loving the site.
Basically since an early age I had problems with the way I view food. My mum from the age of 5 would tell me that i should watch what i eat or that i was too fat., making fun of me infront of her friends etc whilst my father told her off and gave me more food.. i know she never meant it but it stuck with me. I had a nanny who fed me as soon as my mum was out because she knew for example how much i love ice cream.. but now that i am older i have become into this secret eater that continuously snacks to hide the amount of food i am eating.

For the past 2 months since doing insanity i have been trying to stick to 5 meals a day and slow reducing my portions which has helped but i am just wondering if anyone else had weight criticism from when they were younger and if it affected you in any way?

feedmedonuts

Absolutely. When I was overweight it was "you're arms are too fat for tank tops, you need to suck in your gut, you got you butt from your dads side (they all are "pear shaped")". She also would talk about herself being fat all the time and criticize people in front of me for their weight or judge what they were eating. In fact, she STILL does it when we go out in public. She will criticize a larger person for eating something other than a salad at a food place and has even criticized someone for jogging in a tank top. This has caused a lot of issues between us and it drives me insane but I know it is a result of her own insecurities. She has a lifetime of yo yo dieting, up and down weight gains, and desire to get lap band. I find myself like her sometimes only in the sense that I criticize myself WAY too harshly and openly say things about my weight, appearance, and diet which I KNOW is annoying and I need to stop. I'm going to be a mother soon and I want to raise my child to be healthy by example. I also want them to feel beautiful and see the beauty in other people!

Nazy1343

You are right, the good thing is we will never do that to our children.
If i was a mother and I saw that my child was gaining unhealthy habits, i would make sure the kitchen is full of healthy products and tell them facts about why certain foods are not good. I think many parents forget that children understand logic and appreciate being thought new and exciting facts.
For me the worst was when she would eat chocolate infront of me and then tell me I can't eat it. the amount of arguments we had over dinner table when she said "are you sure you want to eat that"... drives me nuts.
May I ask how did you deal with it? Did you just ignore it?

trippymace

My experience is a little different from yours. My parents never meant their references to my weight to be mean. They always said them in the tone you'd use for an endearment. Something like the German word for chubby (which is mollig) and turn it into "Molly". I know they didn't mean to insult me or anything, but I also got the comments about not being able to wear things without sleeves. Not that I'm at a normal weight yet, but I feel so uncomfortable if something doesn't have some semblance of a sleeve (even if it's just half an inch of fabric, I'm good. If it's not there, I won't wear it).

I guess that just goes to show that parents should watch what they say, especially concerning weight in this society...

feedmedonuts

As a child/teenager I dealt with it in a poor way and spent many years crash dieting/dealing with disordered eating. I will never blame her for my problems but I can say it did not help. As an adult I deal with it by reminding myself SHE has the issue. She tells me her parents were hard on her about her weight (she was tall and stick thin). When she says rude things about others I don't feed into it, I tell her it's none of her business and I don't want to hear it, although with her it's almost constant. I quickly change the subject and make it clear I'm not interested in bashing others peoples bodies/diets.

IdcShrimp

I could tell you a couple of mean stories from my childhood but I wouldn't want to write a novel here so I'll share a similar experience:

Dad would always say things about how fat I was, specifically the two that stuck with me were:

"You could skip a few meals you fat *kitten*."

"OH MY GOD, are you pregnant? Seriously, are you having a baby right now? You look disgusting." (Mind you I was 15 so that really hurt)

I think my mom used to tell me to stop eating dinner all the time but the one that stuck with me was:

"I think you're getting a Santa Belly."

Or this gem:

"Wow, your sister is so much thinner than you. It must be because you're mean and she is nice."

My God, these were the very people that FED ME. If a kid grows up obese it is the parent's fault. No exceptions. They are too young to make their own choices and to give someone unhealthy eating habits and then humiliate them for it is evil. Not to mention my Dad used to say I was going to Hell if I didn't eat EVERYTHING on my plate, and he also cheered me on when I overate because it was like twisted, sick entertainment for him. He would dare me to finish huge Burger King burgers and stuff and I did it because I wanted 'Daddy's love.' Parents suck.

tinkbaby101

My mother made references to my "thunder thighs" and "baby fat" when I was around 10 years old. If I remember correctly, it was a reference to how I'd "outgrow the baby fat and thunder thighs, and have a nice, curvy body." Now she's in on my niece about the same thing. She has the exact same build I had at 10 years old, and my mom talks about how fat she's getting. Even when I tell her it's inappropriate or mean, she continues to blow off what I'm saying, and continues to call her fat.

I used to ignore it, and internalize. I've always been an introvert, and my opinion was never welcomed in our household. I'm nearly 30 years old, and I still struggle to express myself honestly with her, because of her response when I disagree with her. Honestly, her own attitude toward food ("My doctor says I can go off the high blood pressure meds if I lose 10lbs, but I just can't lose weight" as she eats an entire, jumbo tub of cheese puffs) is part of the reason I'm focusing so much on weight loss now. I don't want the heart problems she and my grandmother have and ignore, claiming they "can't lose weight."

bkcuti3

My mother is a bit similar to eggoz's mother, when I was really young my mom didn't criticize my weight a lot since she was a bit too busy to do so, until my teen years, but my other family members were there in her place. My sister, cousins, and sometimes aunt was there to nitpick every part of my body that didn't look skinny enough. I somehow adapted the Haitian word for potato as a nickname(used to insult fat people), which my cousin until an few months ago stopped calling me. During, junior high school I didn't really care about my weight as much since I had bigger problems to distract my family members but once in high school I would eat 1-2 meals a day so that I could lose weight, or just seem like I ate less. I would have excruciating stomach pains although the day until I came back home to eat, I was losing some weight but instead of creating a healthy eating pattern, I went back to overeating.

seltzermint555

My mom was generally very supportive and encouraging but she did make comments about certain things not being flattering, or other things "very flattering" and it was instilled in me very early (probably 2nd grade at latest) that I wasn't like the thin girls or my cousins who could just wear whatever...I had to be cautious. This was also reinforced when I was an early developer and needed a training bra...being very big for my age (5'6" at age 10 and around a misses size 10 and M/L clothing at that time - as a 4th grader) my grandmother and mom both would say how pretty I was but also things like "you can't hug people too much because of your chest" or steering me away from wearing horizontal striped polos or having my hair pulled back. The worst was wanting a double French braid badly, and my mom took me to a salon to have it braided because she didn't know how to do the fancy braids. I loved it but when we got home she had me take it out before bed because it made my face look too round. That stuck with me, definitely.

I am not 'scarred' emotionally by this stuff IMO but it definitely contributed to me feeling that I was different for being big and fat, and that became a major part of my identity from an early age. However, I feel lucky that instead of feeling too negatively about this difference I kind of took it in stride - as much a part of me as my brown eyes or fair skin. I really didn't spend a ton of time focusing on being bigger than my peers (not even in high school). I got a lot of compliments on my appearance despite this, and I got a lot of positive feedback on other aspects of my personality, skills, etc. I can't even imagine how sucky life might have been for me if my family and those around me were more consumed with appearance and weight. Scary stuff, honestly!

Nazy1343

I just never understood why did they concentrate on our appearance instead of encouraging us to take up sports or improve certain life skills etc.
To this day I want to have a serious conversation with my mother about work and get her opinion... instead she suddenly looks at me with a weird look and (this was 2 days ago) says hmm you know if you got a nose job you could really become beautiful...
It's like come on.. all i ask for is your opinion on which strategy is best for a certain project and instead I get a nose job recommendation..
oh well I guess I just have to learn to take it from ear and out from the other

Raeesa_777

Nazy.. I have has the same problem as you.. I had it and im still living with it.. its mot easy.. and for me just moving out is not an option.. im surrounded by negative ppl.. and I hate it.. idcShrimp.They might think they are encouraging you and motivating you, when in fact they're just putting you down.. I am 18 years old.. I try so much to really love them and believe that theyr doing good for me.. but the truth is.. they r not.. im sorry to say but I hate them.. I know I myt sound like a rebellious teenager, I am not! I have never done anything behind their backs.. or disrespected them but they need to understand too.. feeding me and then tellimg me im fat is not going to help me at all.