I'm irritated at my family

soze

Went to Mom's for dinner and it was great. After dinner they wanted to know if I wanted some Jello with marshmellows in it. I said no. Then they wanted to know if I would take some cookies home, "they're only 100 calories in each". I again said no. Do you want to take home some raspberry jelly, again no. We have an extra package of hot dogs, you want them, No no no no no!

I'm morbidly obese and they know I'm watching what I eat. It really got irritating today. I'm also worn out from yesterday's activities.

Can I for the love of God get someone to work with me! I need them on my team.

JayneWilson1963

Welcome. I have been on MFP for almost 4 months. It's the best decision I have made in many years. I have lost weight with diets many times before, but it was never a lifestyle change. This time is different; it's a lifestyle change, not a diet. Good luck on your weight loss journey. Please feel free to add me as a friend; we can help motivate each other.

catcrazy

I think maybe you should tell them exactly what you've stated here because that just isn't fair. Are they big, do you think they are trying to sabotage your efforts or do you think they just aren't thinking? Whatever it is say that you want them on your side because its a hard enough journey without loved ones pushing temptation your way

flower1988

i know exactly how you feel, my mother, everytime she sees me- "do you want this? do you want that? it won't hurt, one won't hurt"
when i'm almost twice the weight i should be- i'd like some help from my family too!
i can totally sympathise with you here.
chin up and be strong hun
xxx

nancyggg

You need to tell them.... Sit them down and very politely explain that although you really appreciate them and their offers, that you are changing your lifestyle and you need them to be supportive of you. They may not realize what they are doing wrong if they have never tried to eat healthy.

And You need to be strong. You are doing this for you and no matter what any one else says or does you will succeed!! Believe in yourself. Write it down if you have to and put it on your mirror where you brush your teeth. . Read it every day and say it to yourself.

You are on the right track! Don't let anyone or anything derail you.

Nancy

fitnesspirateninja

People can be really frustrating when you change. I'm sure if you asked them point blank if they wanted you to be unhappy and unhealthy they'd say, "No! Of course not!" But if they're used to you taking home extra food, they might pressure you to do it because it's what they're used to. Or they don't want to have extra food in the house (either because they'll eat the cookies or let them go to waste).

Yesterday my sister was annoyed with me because she made popcorn for us and I didn't like that she'd put butter on it. "I only put a little bit on it!" she said. But I'm trying hard to avoid butter. I'm not eating it at all. I'm sorry that I'm a pain, but I need to do what I can to take care of myself.

Maybe next time you can tell your family ahead of time that you don't want to take home leftovers or be pressured to eat unhealthy foods. You can be nice about it, and say something like, "I love your cooking/baking, and I appreciate it when you offer me food, but I'm working really hard to get healthy. It's difficult for me to say no to cookies, so when I say no, please don't try to make me take the food."

I hope that helps...

lotusfromthemud

Here's a phrase that's come in handy for me when "no thank you" doesn't work.

"I'm sorry, but it's very important for me to be in control of my food."

Often it's those that are the closest to us that are the least supportive. The mistake of "love = food" is so rampant with our families.

Ely82010

I agree with catcrazy, you should tell your family (yes, even your mom), that although you appreciate the food offers, that you will appreciate more their support on your journey to a healthier life style.

If they still resist or give you a hard time, well, I suggest that you stay away from visiting them for awhile. Sometimes tough love is the only way to go.

Best of luck to you and don't give up!

Holton

That is a shame to feel so frustrated with family. I think a lot of us on MFP can sympathize with you regarding this. One thing I have learned: I cannot change another person, but I can change myself. SO as frustrating and annoying and irritating as they are, if they already know you are trying to lose weight and yet they continue to shove food at you then one of two things is happening: they are trying to sabotage your efforts or they just really don't know what healthy eating is themselves so don't even realize that what they are offering you is not on your agenda. Hopefully you aren't faced with too many of these situations but when you are, go in the front door with a firm resolution and when they are cleaning up the leftovers, I would politely excuse myself from their presence. It sounds like you are going to have to communicate your healthy eating agenda to them again and again and maybe you will educate them on what that means to you. Keep making healthy choices for yourself. Your friends here on MFP will keep cheering you on!!!

MissingMinnesota

I know how you feel but one of the things about most parents is that they like to feed their families. It doesn't matter who you are or what you are doing with your life. I wouldn't be upset with them I think you just need to sit them down and explain your feelings.

Dencrossgirl

Are they overweight and jealous that you are changing and they are not. Jealousy is really awful think and I wish people could just deal with it.

soze

Are they overweight and jealous that you are changing and they are not. Jealousy is really awful think and I wish people could just deal with it.

I'm the heaviest in my family. Others are just fine.

Debtappe

It sounds to me like they are substituting food for love. They want you to take food because it means you take a little bit of them with you when you leave. Maybe you could give them an alternative. "no thanks to the cookies but I could really use a hug." That way they get to show you they love you in a way that doesn't involve food.

curvykent

Went to Mom's for dinner and it was great. After dinner they wanted to know if I wanted some Jello with marshmellows in it. I said no. Then they wanted to know if I would take some cookies home, "they're only 100 calories in each". I again said no. Do you want to take home some raspberry jelly, again no. We have an extra package of hot dogs, you want them, No no no no no!

I'm morbidly obese and they know I'm watching what I eat. It really got irritating today. I'm also worn out from yesterday's activities.

Can I for the love of God get someone to work with me! I need them on my team.

I can SO relate! My mom is the worst! I actually caught her lying to me once about there being no sugar in something that clearly had sugar in it! I'm doing no sugar, no flour diet which is hard to accomodate, I understand but she'll go so far as to try to tell me it's got none in it or very little. I've just stood my ground, like you did, and eventually she gave up. Now she is very accomadating and informs me when she's made something with an ingredient I've nixed. Just do what you are doing and eventually people will learn that you are dedicated and won't be strayed with temptation. They'll come around. And maybe you'll be the attraction to better living

juliefeirer

At least it doesn't sound like they're trying to make you overeat on the spot, mostly bugging you to take extra food home. Do you know any families in need (or a family with lots of kids) who might like a surprise bag of goodies? Maybe you could just go along with taking the food and then give it away! Your little secret

alwardt

Are they overweight and jealous that you are changing and they are not. Jealousy is really awful think and I wish people could just deal with it.

I'm the heaviest in my family. Others are just fine.

Maybe they like you being the heaviest. Hang tough and do what is right for you to be healthy.

Stooooo

Hey Soze,

I know exactly how you feel. My family eats healthy (that's my wife and I and our kids). We have found ways to make the food we love much healthier. We even do this for Thanksgiving. So my dad comes to my wife and I and says we don't want your healthy stuffing this year. "You make it with whole wheat bread and it's just not as good as the stuffing mom makes and I look forward to it all year." So my wife and I both said fine, my mom can make her "unhealthy" stuffing.

What gets me about this whole conversation is back in July I suffered a little health scare, my uncle died of a heart attack when he was 61 and my grandfather died at a young age. So you would think they would be a little more supportive.

jchapman1957

Pretty much all of us have been there. I have been on both sides of this. My wife did Slim for Life years ago and I was not ready to admit that I needed to lose weight. We ended up eating separate meals but she stood her ground and lost a good amount of weight. Whenever we would visit my Dad(in Michigan, we live in Kansas City area) he would ask me when I was going to lose weight and proceed to serve a huge meal with no healthy options. He was well over 350# and was giving me diet advise. Well I didn't listen until July when I hit 370# and my Dad went back into the hospital with Diabetes issues again. On October 5th I hit 50# lost and was looking forward to letting my Dad and the rest of my family know how I was doing. My sister called that morning to let me know that our Dad had passed away that morning in the nursing home he was in for rehab before going back home. He had been battling Diabetes for years and had lost a leg to the disease several years ago. His father had lost both his legs and his life to Diabetes. Well the rest of the family got to see at the funeral but my Dad did not. I am posting this for 2 reasons. 1 is to express how extremely important this change is for your own personal well being. The second reason is that I have drawn a line in the sand and am stopping this pattern right here and now for me and my family. I do not want to go through the same problems when I get that age.