Fatty haters

Notenispal

Hey everyone. I wanted to see if anyone on here has experienced dealing with people who are not interested in getting to know you most likely cuz you are fat? I joined a mommy group with babies around the same age and most of the moms are nice except for one in particular. I tried to engage her multiple times in conversation and she would be very short with me or turn and start a conversation with another mom. I cant help but think its because Im fat since all the other moms are skinny. It has gotten to the point where I feel uncomfortable around her and dont want to go to any of the activities shes going to which unfortunately is most of them.

Any advice? Ive never been confronted with this situation...at least not as direct as this. It really sucks and I wish I hadnt let myself go like I have. :-(

Justkeepswimmin

Hmmmm . I have found that Mom groups CAN be vicious and frightening judgmental places. Do not fret it's probably some other bizarre and unreasonable thing that is causing her to act this way. Best thing you can do is keep being nice to her; because soon some thoughtful kind Mom will notice and one of 2 things will happen 1) mean mommy will look like an idiot or 2) she will stop treating you that way because deep down she knows its not socially acceptable and others are starting to notice.

HerkMeOff

So you don't actually know for sure it's because you're overweight?

Could it be that she doesn't like you, for another reason?
Have you tried talking to her about it?

LKArgh

Why do you think it has to do with your weight? She could be having a hard time understanding your accent, she could be thinking you are boring, she might hate your clothes, she could be thinking you are a snob, she could be naturally shy and prefer talking to the people she already knows, you might have made a comment about a topic she is sensitive about and offended her, you might have said something that led her to believe you disagree on something very important to her, like parenting style, religion, politics.

supermysza

Why do you think it has to do with your weight? She could be having a hard time understanding your accent, she could be thinking you are boring, she might hate your clothes, she could be thinking you are a snob, she could be naturally shy and prefer talking to the people she already knows, you might have made a comment about a topic she is sensitive about and offended her, you might have said something that led her to believe you disagree on something very important to her, like parenting style, religion, politics.

This. I think weight might be what you're most self-conscious about so you immediately assume that's the reason. You should ask her straight out why it is that you don't get along, it could just be a misunderstanding and something you two could get over in a matter of minutes.

SomeGirlSomewhere

Or she might not even dislike you at all. I am often accused of not liking people when that isn't the case since I tend to be reserved until I get to know someone well.

That being said there ARE some people who actually DO treat those who are heavy differently than those who are not. If she in fact IS that kind of person then I would NOT let her stop you from doing something you otherwise want to do and I would NOT worry about what she thinks of you since someone like that is NOT worthy of your time or your friendship regardless of your size.

MyChocolateDiet

Just trip her.

greentii

Don't you worry about your weight, you can do your own thing and just let her be her. One day, she might come to you when she wants to come to you. Don't push it if she's not warming up on you. Weight - i think you're just being self-conscious, and thinking too much. Just stop, take a breathe, relax, do your own thing.

krispy1982

It's probably not you at all. Some people just have "b itchy resting face" and have no intention of coming across that way. But I do get how someone putting out those vibes can make it hard to go.

Remember though, dealing with other moms gets easier as your kids get older. We all just kind of relax a little bit and those kind of groups become more about supporting each other and less about what kind of stroller you have etc. (Not that a lot of new mom groups aren't fantastic!) If you can find a way to connect with some older moms too you may find a lot of great friendships and encouragement there too. We love hanging out with moms with little ones to squeeze!

dopeysmelly

I know exactly what you mean. Where I live seems to have a disproportionate amount of skinny moms, some of whom really do look down their noses at others who don't fit in because they're not the "right" size, wear the "right" clothes, or some other spurious reason. I do know it's that, because as I've lost weight, more of them say hello to me, because I "fit in" now. It's all very juvenile. I tend to ignore people like that. There's plenty of people out there who are lovely, friendly, warm, welcoming people regardless of size/clothes/religion.

Maybe you could try balancing the "new moms" group with one that is of specific interest to you and nothing to do with babies/moms, like a book club? You'll probably find other moms there anyway, and might have more in common with them.

Notenispal

Thanks for all the input. There really are some nice moms in the group who enjoy hanging out with me. I guess I should just suck it up and ignore the one person as best as I can. It could very well be that she doesn't like me and considering how many nice girls there are in the group, one who doesn't like me shouldn't bother me.

Again, thanks for responding! I feel much better :-)

Mom2QJandT

I was in a group for stay at home moms when my kids were little and I was one of two moms in the group that were substantially overweight. I had some of the moms treat me differently as a result and it really hurt my feelings at the time. I ended up befriending the other mom that was overweight and we became the best of friends and still are very close even 14 years later. I stayed in touch with some of the other moms, but not many of them. I recently was talking to one of the moms from that group and she said that when she first met me she was intimidated by me because I'm pretty smart and she felt dumb around me (apparently I use a lot of big words). Here all this time I though that it was my weight. You never know what insecurities other people have, so just go, be yourself, and make friends with the people that appreciate you for who you are!