How do you deal with a friend who ignores you?
Replies
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I'm pretty sure he has already "ditched" you and you just didn't get the memo.0
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This may be a different perspective than the other responses. You refer to this person as your friend, so how are your being their friend? By giving them a deadline? Your attitude towards this person seems to be: since I am not getting what I need/want from you, I am going to get rid of you. Does that sound like the attitude that a friend would have? Perhaps there is something going on in their life. Perhaps there is something that they need to discuss with you and they are not ready to have that conversation.
So, for what it is worth, here is my recommendation. Rescind the deadline. Tell them, in one short message, that when they are ready to talk, you will be ready. Then, move on. Stop sending this person messages. Stop using third parties to check up on this person. Cut out the drama. Write them off mentally if you want to. Then, if they contact you, have an honest discussion about what happened.
No. It takes two to complete a friendship/relationship. You don't just let someone decide when they want to be your friend. Either they do, or they don't. If he had something going on in his life, he should have cared enough to send her a quick message (takes 5 secs) to say hey, something is going on, I don't want to talk to anyone or talk about it.
That's all it takes. I don't buy for the bullsh!t just ignoring people because you're going through whatever. It's selfish and childish. Be an adult. And if you don't want to do that, don't be surprised when you get left behind.
Don't ever be someone's friend on THEIR terms only. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Peace0 -
Unfortunately some friendships which previously felt strong can fall apart for no reason at all. I had a very close friendship with someone, dieted together, exercised together, shopped together, read the same books everything...then one day we weren't friends any longer. It happens, you move on, no point in ultimatums, emotional blackmail or moratoriums...moving on is the healthiest thing you can do.0
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Another vote for moving on.
Unfortunately sometimes friendships just don't work out.
Continuing to contact him isn't furthering your cause, nor is trying to appeal to his sympathies.
Let him come to you if he wants to be friends, you've done your part.0 -
Were you secretly hoping for more?
Can't say I was! I don't date people who are more than 5/6 years older.
You're missing out on hot older men who know how to treat women.
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That whole mention of suicide seems to me like a desperate attempt for attention from him. To be honest, if I were him, after getting the texts you described, I wouldn't want to answer either.
Another vote for move on. No more texting, just stop.
It wasn't just about that though. I was trying to emphasise the fact that I needed a friend, and if he were to truly care, he would of replied, he didn't that is low beyond words, sorry but you want your friend to actually contemplate dying? Even my worst enemy I would help in talking them around. There are other ways to look at things, you know. I have stopped. See page 3.0 -
Yum.0 -
you keep saying you have ditched him but you obviously haven't or you would quit trying to contact him and would not be asking us here what to do.
He most likely thought he'd get lucky (sexually) and didn't, it is that simple. Leave it alone, stop having mutual friends working on him, just leave it. He is done and does not want to hurt you and you are simply hurting yourself with this.
If he thought he would get lucky, he is looking at the wrong person lmao. Don't worry, I only asked my friend once, that's done. I'm done completely. Number blocked.0 -
You seem very hurt by the fact he is ignoring you. I am considerably older than you (40), so I've had a longer time to learn that sometimes these things just happen, and I don't hinge my self-worth or happiness on it. I have lost friends and not been 100% sure why, but I have also learned that I can only control my part of any relationship or friendship. I may try to contact them once or twice, then life moves on without them.
You asked how we would react. If I had attempted to contact him, and he did not respond for a month, I would let it go. I can't force a friendship when it's not there. And let it go without fanfare, announcements, or emotional investments in something that is already gone.0 -
everyone feels suicidal at some point in their lives
:huh: ....no they don't....0 -
I agree, there's no need for a formal break-up, just let the friendship die.
Not sure how you're messaging him as you weren't specific (text, email, other message service like here on MFP or on FB) but maybe he's just not that into social media. I suck at checking my home email and know people who very rarely go on FB.
Not to make you freak out but if it was me (because I'm a huge worrier) I'd be more concerned something happened to him.
Text. Oh I'm a worrier too, but I was told he was fine by yet another mutual friend. Sorry didn't mention that.0 -
I usually message them till they block me. :bigsmile: I am incredibly good at it.
Lol fair enough.0 -
Keep on moving forward with your own life. That's really all you can do. You'll always have yourself even when you have no one else. Some people follow the same path, and that's great when it works out that way. Some people go separate ways, and it can be painful to let go. It it's meant to be, it will be. That's just life. I prefer to keep mine simple.
Great advice. Yeah, I'm a recovering agoraphobic and I've made a lot of progress, and continuing to do so. I will follow you on the simple route.0 -
everyone feels suicidal at some point in their lives
:huh: ....no they don't....
You're right. Everyone doesn't. I work in suicide prevention.
But a lot more people do than you would think.0 -
No. It takes two to complete a friendship/relationship. You don't just let someone decide when they want to be your friend. Either they do, or they don't. If he had something going on in his life, he should have cared enough to send her a quick message (takes 5 secs) to say hey, something is going on, I don't want to talk to anyone or talk about it.
That's all it takes. I don't buy for the bullsh!t just ignoring people because you're going through whatever. It's selfish and childish. Be an adult. And if you don't want to do that, don't be surprised when you get left behind.
Don't ever be someone's friend on THEIR terms only. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Peace
+10 -
everyone feels suicidal at some point in their lives
:huh: ....no they don't....
You're right. Everyone doesn't. I work in suicide prevention.
But a lot more people do than you would think.
You know what I think?! Spooky!0 -
This may be a different perspective than the other responses. You refer to this person as your friend, so how are your being their friend? By giving them a deadline? Your attitude towards this person seems to be: since I am not getting what I need/want from you, I am going to get rid of you. Does that sound like the attitude that a friend would have? Perhaps there is something going on in their life. Perhaps there is something that they need to discuss with you and they are not ready to have that conversation.
So, for what it is worth, here is my recommendation. Rescind the deadline. Tell them, in one short message, that when they are ready to talk, you will be ready. Then, move on. Stop sending this person messages. Stop using third parties to check up on this person. Cut out the drama. Write them off mentally if you want to. Then, if they contact you, have an honest discussion about what happened.
I didn't give them a deadline, I never told them that. I told you guys that because that's the point where I was just going to ditch them by blocking them. But I've already blocked them. My attitude towards them, is , 'I've given you MORE than enough time, for you to respond, I've spent way too much time on you than my other friends, And I don't deserve to be ignored when I have done nothing wrong.' No way to contact now, the person is an ex-friend and blocked. I think if you ask any friend they will tell you I am a nice person, who is also struggling, like everyone in their own way, and I am loyal. So that's that.0 -
He has til tomorrow to reply, and if not I will tell him he is ditched.
Or you could just move on without being dramatic. Sometimes we get busy or we drift away from friends. You're 21, you'll make more friends.
I'm not being dramatic? Lol.
Yes, you are being a dramatic baby about this. He has been ignoring you for a month. Get it through your head that he does NOT want to talk to you anymore. HE DITCHED YOU!! GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON!
Think you're the one being dramatic now, honey. And I have moved on.... and I have gotten that in my head. Are you me? No. Quit judging and grow up.
I agree. The post above was ridiculous and the person sounded hangry. Calm the eff down for godsakes. Lawd. She just asked for an opinion over someone who was ignoring her.
OP, I'm going to echo what others have said, without using all caps. Move along. If he isn't making time for you that's a pretty big indicator that he has other things going on that are more important to him. Let it go. If he cares, he will realize he made a mistake and will try to befriend you again, at which that point, you can decide if you want to take another chance on the friendship. His loss. Always address feelings of suicidality if they come to fruition.
You will make more friends. I understand, I am extremely introverted too. But I don't really care about having friends because I'm a recluse. lol.
Life goes on:flowerforyou:
Thank you! I have moved along now- he's blocked. No way to befriend me now haha. Given out enough chances.0 -
everyone feels suicidal at some point in their lives
:huh: ....no they don't....
You're right. Everyone doesn't. I work in suicide prevention.
But a lot more people do than you would think.
You know what I think?! Spooky!
huehuehuehue
But yea, my job isn't the most fun lol.0 -
OP - if you've moved on as you're stating, stop replying to people's individual responses to your question. Let the thread die. Do what you said you already did - MOVE ON.0
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I would give zero f*cks writing him off as a friend. It sucks, I know. But why would you put in so much effort into someone who doesn't care or want to be in your life?
One of my best friends (we've been friends for over 10 years) recently started ignoring me. First, it was our busy lives that made us not able to hang out as much. Then I had a baby, and I was the one reaching out to her all the time to catch up. We would talk, but as soon as I mentioned hanging out, she would ignore me. This went on for over a year. Finally I decided to not give a *kitten* because she obviously didn't want to be in my life anymore for whatever reason.
Probably because I am one of those people who put everything into a friendship, but no longer, I just try and hold onto friendships- it's to do with loneliness I suppose. Sorry about your friend.0 -
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I'm pretty sure he has already "ditched" you and you just didn't get the memo.
Yeah kinda obvious now. Sometimes, these things don't hit you straightaway.0 -
This may be a different perspective than the other responses. You refer to this person as your friend, so how are your being their friend? By giving them a deadline? Your attitude towards this person seems to be: since I am not getting what I need/want from you, I am going to get rid of you. Does that sound like the attitude that a friend would have? Perhaps there is something going on in their life. Perhaps there is something that they need to discuss with you and they are not ready to have that conversation.
So, for what it is worth, here is my recommendation. Rescind the deadline. Tell them, in one short message, that when they are ready to talk, you will be ready. Then, move on. Stop sending this person messages. Stop using third parties to check up on this person. Cut out the drama. Write them off mentally if you want to. Then, if they contact you, have an honest discussion about what happened.
No. It takes two to complete a friendship/relationship. You don't just let someone decide when they want to be your friend. Either they do, or they don't. If he had something going on in his life, he should have cared enough to send her a quick message (takes 5 secs) to say hey, something is going on, I don't want to talk to anyone or talk about it.
That's all it takes. I don't buy for the bullsh!t just ignoring people because you're going through whatever. It's selfish and childish. Be an adult. And if you don't want to do that, don't be surprised when you get left behind.
Don't ever be someone's friend on THEIR terms only. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Peace
Thank you, someone who realises how I think.0 -
Were you secretly hoping for more?
Can't say I was! I don't date people who are more than 5/6 years older.
You're missing out on hot older men who know how to treat women.
Thanks for the laugh
They are good looking but I'm not into older men romantically. I'm sure others are though. 0 -
everyone feels suicidal at some point in their lives
:huh: ....no they don't....
You're right. Everyone doesn't. I work in suicide prevention.
But a lot more people do than you would think.
Thank god not everyone who thinks about suicide actually commits it, because of people like you.0 -
Sounds like he wanted more than friendship but you friendzoned him so he moved on. Send him some nudes and see if he responds.0
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I live by the rule: Never make someone a priority that only considers you an option.
Never heard that one before; I like it Suzi.:)
OP: Yeah, leave the guy alone. He has his reasons. You'll be fine.0 -
everyone feels suicidal at some point in their lives
:huh: ....no they don't....
Most people do. Come on. Not everyone is happy go lucky, especially not where I live.0
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