Here goes nothin'...

laols01

I did it. I started my life transformation 3 days ago. I took a leap of faith and asked for help--which is oh-so-hard for me. I asked around for a trainer who understood what it was like to be the "fat girl". To feel the eyes and hear the whispers and understand what that word does to some one's insides. To hate what she sees in the mirror and to know what it's like to walk into a restaurant alone and feel too self conscious to make eye contact with anyone.

This transformation is more than just weight. It's going to be an emotional roller coaster ride; I'm aware of this. It's about regaining control on the one thing in my life that I didn't hold on tight enough to. I went through some serious emotional stuff about 7 years back. The loss of control I had in that moment transformed me into someone who would claw and scratch to regain control in every other aspect of life that I possibly could. It was the only way that I felt I could regain "me". Fast forward to the present and I've worked out a lot of that need for control, that need to hang on to things so tightly they slip away. I mentally feel healthy but physically I have a lot of work to do. My pants are too big, like, embarrassingly big. I'm not at a healthy weight and finally looked myself in the mirror and gave myself the pep talk I've needed...(after a significant break down of tears and "I can't do this"-like sentences of course), I made the first step a couple days ago. I met with a trainer, who was basically a gift from God. Frankly, friends, I've started this trip before. I get cocky and work my tail off, lose about 10 lbs and then lose all sense of reality and quit. At the end of last year I started one of those crazy spurts of energy and ended up dislocating my knee, thus sidelining me from anything and stuffing my face with food that I was convinced would make me feel better about the situation and myself. Clearly, that didn't end well. Anyway, back to my trainer. She gets it. The girl lost 80 lbs after having 3 kids, and was wanting to help others do the same so much she went back to school and became a personal trainer. #Rockstar! She's holding me accountable to myself (which I absolutely need) and working with me to design a training program that's maintainable. My arch-nemesis is food and know that the road ahead of me is a long one, but I started and I'm proud.

Would love to have some support along the way, and I'll undoubtedly be there for you all too. Here goes nothin, friends...

seltzermint555

I am excited for you...but please remember food is not your arch-nemesis and the trainer is not your hero/savior. YOU have the power to do this!!!