just blowing off steam

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  • fitnewlife
    fitnewlife Posts: 339 Member
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    Its good that you chose this avenue versus eating. Turn your stress into energy and get yourself a good workout. Take a class that incorporates boxing (or punching):wink:

    You know that you've done all you can for your sons and don't let this take anything away from that. I was taught that the one who controls the most love the least and this is just an example of that. Let him control how your son celebrates his birthday, maybe he's trying to make up for time lost. (Even though he can't).

    While they are out partying, you do something for you. Be proud of how you raised them and continue to love them regardless of this incident.

    Don't let this action cause a negative action from you. Rise above it.
  • Voncreepy2
    Voncreepy2 Posts: 1,450 Member
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    Maybe you should tell your son that you are hurt you weren't invited. You have feelings, even as their mother. I know it is not their fault but they are grown and it isn't acceptable for you to be excluded from every event because you divorced that guy. What's next, Christmas, school programs, baseball games of your grandchildren? Tell them in a nice way, how you feel. Honesty may hurt, but if you don't they will never know and it will get easier to leave Mom out because she acts "ok" with it. Can't they see him for the jerk he is to you? I don't want to suggest starting trouble in your family but expressing your feelings should be ok. Healthy communication is a must. good luck . Also , prayer works for me. But believe in what you pray.
  • sagesitter
    sagesitter Posts: 15
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    Same thing happened to me with my youngest son's wedding. Turned out his father became ill and could not go so there was the wedding with no parents attending. Now the youngest holds that in his heart and regrets his decision to this day. Maybe you should plan an event and celebrate on your own after this whole thing is done. Invite both your son's to a really nice resturant or have an outing you all enjoy, ie sports game, theatre or something you enjoy. Let them know how hurt you are and then drop it, this is too heavy a burden to carry for a long time. I managed to move on from it and have never mentioned it again, my son knows how hurt I was. Good luck with your choice and a light heart. I know it hurts. Thinking of you.
  • Sharont213
    Sharont213 Posts: 323 Member
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    Congrats on turning to this instead of eating away the feelings you are going through. That is a huge accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself.

    You have every right to feel the way you do. You are correct - this really isn't your ex husbands fault..it is your son's. Did he plan this specifically as an event for your ex to go and not you? did he think something else would be planned by you so you could celebrate with him and his brother seperately? Perhaps this is all a case of misunderstandings..

    You should talk to your son and tell him how you feel.. no anger, no recriminations - simply a statement of facts. If he did this thinking you would be doing something else and simply wanting to ensure his dad got a chance to participate too, then he should know that hiding it from you is not the right way.. that is more hurtful than the fact that he wanted to do something. If that wasn't his rationale, then he definitely needs to know how it affects you.

    :heart:
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    Roll with it. Whether they are right or wrong, it's already in motion and there is nothing you can do or say that won't make you appear in a bad light.

    Sometimes people do things and don't even realize what effect it will have on others. Unfortunately, sometimes they do, but go forward anyway.


    You see my EX-husband is such an *kitten*. after 16 years of divorce, he still cannot forgive me for wanting the divorce EVEN though he's moved on, got remarried, has 2 more kids and lives in a pretty nice home in a pretty nice neighborhood. He holds so much anger towards me that in 16 years I dont think we've spoken more than 6 words to each other. I could care less what he does and I certainly do not mind being in the same room as him. HOWEVER, he wont even be near me, let alone speak to me. Because of his stupidity, my son did NOT invite me to my other son's 30th birthday yet he expects me to watch his kids.

    My EX was out buying cigars while I was in labor and giving birth to our son. He hasn't done barely anything for our boys. He never took them for visitation (unless it was a holiday and then he'd show up with to his family's house looking like SUCH a great father). He never contributed financially to their future. He spent very little time with them and now HE gets to be right there while they all celebrate our son's birthday and I have to stay away just because HE cannot stand to be around me.

    Judging by you intial comments, you need to come to terms with your husband's inadequacies and move on.

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