The meanies on MFP

LaurenAOK

I had a thought this morning and decided to share it. We're all used to seeing the posts about how "mean" people on MFP are - there are like 6 new topics about it a day, plus people comment in threads all the time with "why is everyone being so mean?!"

But, I noticed something in the success stories board in this forum. Never, or maybe VERY rarely, have I ever seen someone leave an unkind comment on someone's before and after photo. No one leaves comments like "you lost too much weight and you look gross now" or "good job, but you're still ugly" or anything like that. It's all very positive, kind words. If people on MFP were truly mean, wouldn't we see those kinds of comments? Wouldn't they, as mean people, enjoy bringing other people down and saying really crappy things?

Maybe, just maybe, people on MFP aren't actually that "mean." Maybe - and this will blow some people's minds - when people leave harsh comments on threads, it's not because they're being mean, it's because they're genuinely trying to help and they're just frustrated by all the bad information out there.

Very few people on MFP are mean. But we are tired. We're tired of seeing the same questions asked over and over and over and over and over and over and over and OVER. We're tired of people giving out bad weight loss advice based on personal anecdotes ("I ate 1000 cals a day and lost weight just fine, don't listen to the people who say that eating too little is bad for your weight!"). We're tired of people coming here looking for quick fixes ("Has anyone tried the ____ diet?") when most of us here have worked our butts of for months or years eating healthy and exercising, and we know there is NO quick fix. Stick around here for a couple of years and you'll get tired, too.

It's true that sometimes people don't phrase things as kindly as they could have, but hey, sometimes people are in a rush, or in a bad mood, or they've already answered your question in 12 other threads today. The world isn't out to get you, and 99% of the people here aren't trying to be mean. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can actually start taking those "mean" people's advice and finding success.

End rant.

Also linking this thread here cause it's one of my favorites: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1088600-dear-mean-people-of-mfp

Thanks for reading :drinker:

bwogilvie

You are so mean! :laugh:

Seriously, though, very well said. :drinker:

Markicksbutt

You got it sista! There is no quick fix. And while some things work better for one person, and for others certain things work not at all, it all boils down to healthy lifestyle. A sustainable diet (and I use diet in the literal sense, not the "I'm going on a 2 week, unsustainable food experiment thing"), and regular exercise.
But boy does having a buddy and being accountable help me! Throw them 'mean' comments this way! It'll just make me a lean, mean, fighting machine! (A good thing for some one who loves martial arts )

mccindy72

You make a good point. Typically, the "mean" rants show up when someone asks a question, doesn't get the answer he or she wants, and then argues about it. The long-term MFPer who gave the answer, having seen this before, and being frustrated by seeing it yet again, usually gives a less-than-kind rebuttal to the argumentative OP. Shortly thereafter, a "you're so mean" thread will show up.
When someone posts an achievement, or asks a genuine question and takes the advice he or she is given, they are always treated with respect.

ColeCake292012

:drinker:

ckriegs

Where's the like button when I need it? So true!

lessismoreohio

Well said.

gypsy_spirit

lose_weight_and_feel_great

Tbh I just think sometimes the 'advice' is unwanted. Not everyone is gonna have the same ideas and goals and it can be irritating to be repeatedly told things (I'm thinking particularly of the whole 'clean' eating thing which seems rather unnecessary and is difficult for most people).

TheVirgoddess

Eh, I've seen lots of ganging up on people where it wasn't necessary at all - it wasn't done because the poster wasn't listening to well intended advice. In the past few days - one thread turned into making fun of the way someone posted - they used lots of caps and such - which they used to question her intelligence. Several more were within a thread - just random a*shole behavior.

So while I sympathize with people who have been around a while and have to deal with askholes (and I don't think those people are being intentionally mean) - there are plenty of "mean" people on this site who are mean with little or no provocation.

Happens everywhere on the internet though, so you can either choose to stand up for/to someone or ignore it. Making threads about it will only make you (general, not OP) a target - it won't change a thing.

Shropshire1959

In maths mean means average .. so 'maybe' the average person is a bit mean .... occasionally.

What actually seems to happens a lot is some folks start a thread 'Expecting' a certain response and when they don't get it they throw a wobler.... That's NOT the responder being mean, just because they don't agree with the OP, it's just them giving THEIR opinion .. which what the OP 'should have been expecting.

mccindy72

Tbh I just think sometimes the 'advice' is unwanted. Not everyone is gonna have the same ideas and goals and it can be irritating to be repeatedly told things (I'm thinking particularly of the whole 'clean' eating thing which seems rather unnecessary and is difficult for most people).

To be honest I think you're right about the clean eating thing, but I think you need to be around a bit longer and read a lot more posts to find out the truth of the repetitiveness and downright foolishness of what can really be asked and posted in these forums.