Are You Okay With Your SO Dropping Hints?

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  • Iwishyouwell
    Iwishyouwell Posts: 1,888 Member
    My wife and I have had plenty of discussions about her weight. Mainly because I'm far more aware of these issues and she tends to brush them under the table. She isn't morbidly obese or anything, but the extra 40-50 lbs she's carrying around have adversely affected her mental and physical health, and need to be addressed.

    I've struggled with weight for longer than her. I was much fatter than her, but didn't suffer any ill health (yet). However I have, since childhood, always been my biggest critics, super aware of my obesity, and very, very honest with myself. Being fat was devastating to my mental well being. My partner didn't "drop hints" because there's nothing she could ever have said to me that I hadn't considered, or already told myself, 10 million times over. It would be utterly redundant and pointless of anybody to have a conversation with me about my weight.

    Also, just being different people, with different backgrounds, we see fat differently. I can tell when a person gains even a little bit. My wife can't, and never has been able to. When she finally noticed that I was losing I was already down over 40 lbs. To this day she says she never really saw me as anywhere near as big as I was. God bless her, best wife ever.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Hints would be more offensive to me than someone just saying what they mean without being insensitive. Ain't nobody got time for that!

    This. I'd prefer the direct approach. Something like "Hey, I don't mean to be a ****, and I love you and you're sexy as hell, but you do realize you've been gaining weight, right?".
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I want him to be up front with me in a kind way. Not cryptic or nagging.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    I'd prefer he would be up front.

    But I'm much harder than myself than he could ever be.. so it doesn't happen.

    he actually gives me high fives when I pig out on terrible food.
  • helenarriaza
    helenarriaza Posts: 517 Member
    My ex used to be awful to me, I was not even at my highest weight and she told me I was getting huge, that no clothes were gonna fit me, that I was going to drop dead. When I joined the gym and started eating better she complained night and day that if I lost weight I was not going to be interested in her, that I was sure cheating on her and that's why I took care of myself, that I was eating rabbit food etc. Awful.

    My partner is 0 BS telling me that we need to lose weight. Supporting me, and doing this with me she's weighing a bit over 300 so we both need to get ourselves in shape.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    I'm okay with it. Telling each other we had gained weight over the years (at different times) impacted both of us in a positive way.

    Now, we talk about gains and losses more within the confines of bulking and cutting. We still talk about it, but we know each other pretty well and have figured out how to say things to each other without unnecessary cruelty.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,371 Member
    Dropping hints is passive aggressive or tippy toeing around an issue because they are fearful of the response. If genuinely concerned for a prrson's health and well being, better that people be direct and honest. Same deal if somebody's excess weight is a reason that they are no longer as physically or as sexually attractive to you as they previously were.
  • Shutter_bug03
    Shutter_bug03 Posts: 35 Member
    I dont know.....I've had 3 kids in 5yrs and I weigh over 50lbs more than I did when i met and married my hubby and he's never really said a word about my weight to me unless I bring it up, and even then it's "well if you aren't happy, then do something about it, but I dont think you are ever going to be happy with how you look until your dead"....which he's right. I obsess over my faults. We've both gained weight and we both know it and don't need each other to tell us that we've put on weight, we each put on our own pants every day and know how those pants fit or don't fit our own rear end. I think it's good to encourage each other if you are trying to drop weight/get in shape, but to point it out unless it's mentioned first, is not necessary and often times can be hurtful. If my husband were to come out and tell me I've put on weight, it would first, hurt my feelings, and then tick me off that he felt it necessary to tell me when I live in THIS body and I know everything about it.
  • RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle
    RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle Posts: 1,349 Member
    Is this what you mean by "dropping hints'?

    My husband used to poke my belly and say "pop and fresh", you know, like the pilsbury dough boy. I didn't mind.
  • laban1ca
    laban1ca Posts: 59 Member
    I don't mind when my boyfriend drops a few hints. He's in great shape and loves the gym. He's worked really hard to get his body and I'm proud of him. Whenever I talk about wanting to lift more he's super supportive of me. When I talk about going for a run he asks if he can come (he never runs much but wants to get into it). And on those days I feel like giving up he reminds me to get out there and go for a run. Honestly, just looking at his abs is enough to get me to run another couple miles.
  • DeadliftAddict
    DeadliftAddict Posts: 746 Member
    Yes I would want my wife to tell me that I've gaining weight. Don't wait till i'm no longer attractive to you and leave me or not want to sleep with me. Tell me early on so it can be avoided. Now looking at it the other way around. My wife wouldn't care at all. But, I've dated women that no matter how the delivery was they would get a pissed and take it the wrong way.

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