Are You Okay With Your SO Dropping Hints?

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Replies

  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
    It doesn't bother me as I will do what I want anyway.
  • 1lexisva
    1lexisva Posts: 978 Member
    My boyfriend tells me not to lose a lot lol but he does give me hints and I know I had to do something so I joined the gym :D
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Hints would be more offensive to me than someone just saying what they mean without being insensitive. Ain't nobody got time for that!
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
    If it was about my health yes...if it was about my weight it would be a big FU...or STFU...

    Not that he had to...I saw it and when I chose to do something about it he supported me...he doesn't complain about the food I cook and if he cooks he makes sure it's what I would eat...he will go for walks/bike rides with me etc.

    It is all in the delivery. I tell him occassionally he needs to get back to working out more too...mainly when he is winded on a bike ride and I am not...but again delivery.
  • kcmcd
    kcmcd Posts: 239 Member
    In a helpful way, sure.

    In a picking on me way, absolutely not - I would hurt forever.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Nope.
  • SymphonynSonata
    SymphonynSonata Posts: 533 Member
    I find it hard to be objective sometimes, especially when there is a Taco Bell menu in front of me, so I prefer my SO to let me know, gently, of course.
  • MegE_N
    MegE_N Posts: 245 Member
    If your SO can do it in a way that is supportive and respectful, I say absolutely. It sounds like your SO was both of those things - good for the both of you!
  • Fitfully_me
    Fitfully_me Posts: 647 Member
    It's all in the delivery. It's the way that they say it.

    Very much this.
  • christys03
    christys03 Posts: 22,786 Member
    I think our SOs have every right to have an opinion about our weight/habits, and they even have the right to say it out loud. However, it all comes down to delivery. There are probably 464738374648392 ways to say it wrong and 2.3 ways to say it right...so, yeah, it's a tricky subject.
    Agreed...it can go south very quickly...
  • Iwishyouwell
    Iwishyouwell Posts: 1,888 Member
    My wife and I have had plenty of discussions about her weight. Mainly because I'm far more aware of these issues and she tends to brush them under the table. She isn't morbidly obese or anything, but the extra 40-50 lbs she's carrying around have adversely affected her mental and physical health, and need to be addressed.

    I've struggled with weight for longer than her. I was much fatter than her, but didn't suffer any ill health (yet). However I have, since childhood, always been my biggest critics, super aware of my obesity, and very, very honest with myself. Being fat was devastating to my mental well being. My partner didn't "drop hints" because there's nothing she could ever have said to me that I hadn't considered, or already told myself, 10 million times over. It would be utterly redundant and pointless of anybody to have a conversation with me about my weight.

    Also, just being different people, with different backgrounds, we see fat differently. I can tell when a person gains even a little bit. My wife can't, and never has been able to. When she finally noticed that I was losing I was already down over 40 lbs. To this day she says she never really saw me as anywhere near as big as I was. God bless her, best wife ever.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Hints would be more offensive to me than someone just saying what they mean without being insensitive. Ain't nobody got time for that!

    This. I'd prefer the direct approach. Something like "Hey, I don't mean to be a ****, and I love you and you're sexy as hell, but you do realize you've been gaining weight, right?".
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I want him to be up front with me in a kind way. Not cryptic or nagging.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    I'd prefer he would be up front.

    But I'm much harder than myself than he could ever be.. so it doesn't happen.

    he actually gives me high fives when I pig out on terrible food.
  • helenarriaza
    helenarriaza Posts: 517 Member
    My ex used to be awful to me, I was not even at my highest weight and she told me I was getting huge, that no clothes were gonna fit me, that I was going to drop dead. When I joined the gym and started eating better she complained night and day that if I lost weight I was not going to be interested in her, that I was sure cheating on her and that's why I took care of myself, that I was eating rabbit food etc. Awful.

    My partner is 0 BS telling me that we need to lose weight. Supporting me, and doing this with me she's weighing a bit over 300 so we both need to get ourselves in shape.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    I'm okay with it. Telling each other we had gained weight over the years (at different times) impacted both of us in a positive way.

    Now, we talk about gains and losses more within the confines of bulking and cutting. We still talk about it, but we know each other pretty well and have figured out how to say things to each other without unnecessary cruelty.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,369 Member
    Dropping hints is passive aggressive or tippy toeing around an issue because they are fearful of the response. If genuinely concerned for a prrson's health and well being, better that people be direct and honest. Same deal if somebody's excess weight is a reason that they are no longer as physically or as sexually attractive to you as they previously were.
  • Shutter_bug03
    Shutter_bug03 Posts: 35 Member
    I dont know.....I've had 3 kids in 5yrs and I weigh over 50lbs more than I did when i met and married my hubby and he's never really said a word about my weight to me unless I bring it up, and even then it's "well if you aren't happy, then do something about it, but I dont think you are ever going to be happy with how you look until your dead"....which he's right. I obsess over my faults. We've both gained weight and we both know it and don't need each other to tell us that we've put on weight, we each put on our own pants every day and know how those pants fit or don't fit our own rear end. I think it's good to encourage each other if you are trying to drop weight/get in shape, but to point it out unless it's mentioned first, is not necessary and often times can be hurtful. If my husband were to come out and tell me I've put on weight, it would first, hurt my feelings, and then tick me off that he felt it necessary to tell me when I live in THIS body and I know everything about it.
  • RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle
    RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle Posts: 1,349 Member
    Is this what you mean by "dropping hints'?

    My husband used to poke my belly and say "pop and fresh", you know, like the pilsbury dough boy. I didn't mind.
  • laban1ca
    laban1ca Posts: 59 Member
    I don't mind when my boyfriend drops a few hints. He's in great shape and loves the gym. He's worked really hard to get his body and I'm proud of him. Whenever I talk about wanting to lift more he's super supportive of me. When I talk about going for a run he asks if he can come (he never runs much but wants to get into it). And on those days I feel like giving up he reminds me to get out there and go for a run. Honestly, just looking at his abs is enough to get me to run another couple miles.

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