HI I'm nursestuffedbutt

nursestuffedbutt
nursestuffedbutt Posts: 1
in Introduce Yourself
Hi MFP,
I've been using this program on and off for a couple years with some great success. I'm back because I've failed myself again. I remember this feeling pretty clearly---something reminiscent of pure hatred for myself and complete disgust for the body I see in the mirror. It feels like I'm wrapped in a giant down comforter I just can't get off. I'm ashamed, embarrassed and feel unlovable. What's terrible is that I have a lot to be happy about at this point in my life. I finished graduate nursing school this week, accepted a "dream job," and am marrying my high school sweetheart this fall. I can "blame" this weight gain (I'm 5'8 usually around 170, now I'm 197) on many things...stress, long awful hours, eating for convenience, 5+ hours of commuting per day, drinking most nights of the week blah blah. I'm angry because I've been horribly busy, sleep deprived and have been working hard to provide the best possible care for my patients but none of this really matters if I'm taking in more calories than I'm burning. I work as a psychiatric nurse and am often given unsolicited comments (sometimes they're funny, sometimes less so). I've had issues with my weight for much of my life despite being a competitive swimmer even up through college. I have a pretty high tolerance for name calling/insults/less than pleasant behavior but weight comments get me right under that kink in my armor. So when a patient's comments come out of the blue when I'm already feeling depleted, it's ego-crushing, can I be dramatic? A little soul crushing. Here are some rather colorful examples:

-"You're a big girl aint-cha! You look like you could pull your weight on a plow."
-"You got a stuffed butt and everybody knows it!"
-"You're beautiful. You got a bit of a weight problem. Where you a playboy model?"
-"Big girls don't cry! Big girls don't lie!"
-female pt: "Look! Now you're fat like me!" (and puffed up her cheeks and laughed)

I guess I mention these examples to bring some levity but I'm here because I need help. I need to learn how to exercise, drink and eat responsibly if I'm going to continue to be in this line of work. I do not want to look or feel like this a minute longer. I want to treasure my future wedding photos not dread having to share them with others.

Thank you for providing a forum to get these things off my chest.

Replies

  • rollng_thundr
    rollng_thundr Posts: 634 Member
    Uh.. ya.

    Ok, now that you've taken the leap of faith, what is your daily plan? What is your food plan? Exercise plan? Getbackonthehorse plan?

    Truth is, unless you make a real commitment to yourself, you will struggle.. and I know, I live it daily.

    I work rotating shifts, long hours, nights/days... I find it difficult at times to get exercise, eat right without binging. I like my drinks.. how do I manage that?

    It's a struggle... so strap yourself in... time to ride the crazy train.
  • manda20142014
    manda20142014 Posts: 9
    Hi,

    It is hard when you work unconventional hours to make the right choices, and when you're tired etc......

    It struck me when you said you swam competitively. I used to run competitively so spent my teenage years eating whatever I wanted no problem. I think it set me up to be naturally greedy though.......

    Yes, you do have lots to look forward to! Think baby steps and doing gradually. I've only joined today and that's what I.m planning.....

    I'm going to try and exercise most days and eat much healthier......

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