Today is the first time I turned to exercise instead of food

fitnesspirateninja

I had a rough day. My dad had a stroke three months ago and so I've been working part time at the family business so that I can help him come back to work (and to help the family, I know the shop really busy right now). I commute three hours three days a week. My dad started coming in part time last week, and he seemed to be doing well. However, when I picked him up this morning, he seemed distant and depressed. Later, he seemed very confused. He's had some trouble here and there, but this seemed like a big jump back in his progress. I was scared. Was he getting worse? Was he starting to have another stroke?

Later, he asked me if we had any Halloween candy. I told him no and asked if his blood sugar was low (he has Type I diabetes). He said it was, so I gave him a Fiber One bar. I didn't realize that his low blood sugar was the cause of his confusion and distance - I've seen countless insulin reactions over the years; this was so different that I didn't recognize the symptoms.

I felt pretty upset for the rest of the day (there's a lot of other drama happening with my stepmom right now - she's cut the family out of my dad's life since the stroke. I'm not allowed inside the house when I pick him up and drop him off). When I got home, I curled up in bed with a book, but it wasn't satisfying. I was tempted to get a Diet Coke even though I'd given it up weeks ago. I thought about having an unhealthy snack. But for the first time ever, I made a different choice. I wanted to walk. I wanted to walk until I felt better. And so I got myself out of bed, changed into my workout clothes, grabbed my iPod, and started walking. As I climbed up my dirt driveway and watched the sky turn orange and red, I felt blessed to be livng in such a beautiful place. And I slowly started to feel better. I've heard about "walking meditation" before, and I think I sort of got into that place on my walk. It seems like a small thing, but this is a huge success for me. I feel like a weight has been lifted.

I've felt so lost and afraid - I'm not getting any information about my dad and his health - it's nice to have some peace. I can't control my dad's health, or my crazypants stepmom, but I can control how I take care of myself. And really, that's the best thing I can do for both me and my dad.

By the way, if there are any stroke survivors on MFP, I would love to hear your suggestions about books (I've read My Stroke of Insight), websites, or other stroke resources. I'd like to know your experiences, and what you needed or wanted from your family. I want to respect my dad - he's an adult - and I'm not sure how to approach things like telling him to test his blood sugar without treating him like he's a child. I want to talk to him about how his wife has treated the family, but I don't know how to tell when he'll be ready to deal with that kind of difficult emotional stuff.

brendansmom1

So sorry you are going through a rough time!! Congrats on taking care of yourself and choosing to get out there and walk. It is amazing how much that helps!!

It is so difficult to be the caretaker for others...but it would be impossible for anyone if they don't take care of themselves first!!

Hang in there, I hope things calm for you soon!!

goingwithgrace

I love those moments when you can find beauty in the simplicity of nature.

Best wishes for your journey and your dad's health.

elainegsd

Outstanding response to an overwhelming situation!

fitnesspirateninja

Thank you all! I feel very proud of myself - and a little surprised, to be honest. I have NEVER exercised for fun or to feel good. It has always been a chore, something I have to force myself to do (I want to lose weight, etc...). It's a lot easier to get out there and move when I'm thinking of it as a way to feel good, not as a means to and end.