Abusive ex manipulated my scale and my heart is breaking...

Options
sassymanatee
sassymanatee Posts: 102 Member
in Motivation and Support
No this isn't the typical "They eat food around me and I don't have willpower" thing.
I'm a woman who dated another girl for 3 years. It was nice at first but then became extremely physically, financially and emotionally abusive. The stress over that time made me gain sixty pounds. I finally kicked her out of my place (she said she would kill herself and me if I made her leave, but I had enough) and I felt so free. I thought she could never touch me again.
How wrong I was. You see, she never supported my weight loss. I just recently found out that she changed my scale manually. Once I changed it back to it's original settings, I found I was ten pounds heavier than I thought! I was so happy with the progress and thought I was doing an amazing job, but in reality I didn't change at all. My heart is broken for so many reasons that I spent two months thinking I was doing well and in reality I wasn't changing at all. I've binged the past couple days because I just lost motivation. I guess I'm sharing with you guys because this is so devastating and I don't think other people would understand.

Replies

  • qtgonewild
    qtgonewild Posts: 1,930 Member
    Options
    I am a lesbian and have been in an abusive relationship before so i understand the stress. But to get all bent out of shape over the scale thing is crazy to me. Girl just get back on that horse and ride it. To give up on your goal because of one setback would be like slashing all three of your other tires because one has a flat. YOLO. stop giving her power. Its ten pounds. its not the end of the world. But that story is kinda funny and I wish my gf would do that to me. Hell id be a happy girl. Maybe ill suggest we roll the scale back a few. Since the scale is just a number what really counts is how you are feeling. People see you and they dont SEE a number girl. Dont even sweat it.
  • kk_140
    kk_140 Posts: 518 Member
    Options
    So you have been 10 pounds heavier from the start? You still lost the same amount of weight, be proud of yourself. Don't let her have any power over you and keep working at it!
  • sassymanatee
    sassymanatee Posts: 102 Member
    Options
    Your response kind of makes me realize that it is sort of insane to feel so emotional over a messed up scale. I suppose I generalized the anxiety specifically to my weight loss when in reality I am just very emotional when I find traces of her still in the apartment. Like one of her favorite things to do was put glass in my shoes and socks so I would step on it and not be able to run that day. Then she would laugh at me while I used prid to try to get it out. The other day I found a fragment of glass in one of the shoes I rarely used and I felt so violated. I guess I am more emotional over the fact that she was still able to touch me with that scale stunt even though she's gone now. So now that I know what I'm really upset over I can take steps into healing in a healthier way than food.
  • turpenoid
    turpenoid Posts: 73
    Options
    1. You deserve to do what you need to do to heal and be happy.
    2. Eliminating toxic people from your life is an act of self care and is a very difficult thing to do. Be proud of yourself.
    3. Allow yourself time to process your goals and think of realistic milestones you'd like to achieve.
    4. Remember that you are a unique human being with your own stories and experiences. You are special, you are worth the effort, and you should dream big!

    And we are here for you if you ever need motivation or support. Best wishes to you, darling.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Options
    Sorry about the bad relationship!! I'm glad that you have decided to move on!!

    As far as the scale - throw that thing out of your place too! The scale is such a poor indicated of progress and yet people allow themselves to be defined by the number. Whatever you thought was your start weight, what it really was is of no consequence. This is a fresh healthy start all the way around. Eat healthy, stay in calorie deficit, log every bite, drink lot's of water and move move move! The weight will come off if you are consistent and accurate!
  • darkrider42
    darkrider42 Posts: 5,323 Member
    Options
    Broken glass in your shoes???? So you couldn't run? WTF!?!?! She wouldn't have to kill herself, I'd do it for her. :grumble:
  • pinkyslippers
    pinkyslippers Posts: 188 Member
    Options
    You should still be proud of your achievement, the starting number is just a number. Keep doing what you are doing, and now you have reset the scale, hopefully she will fade out of the picture for good. :flowerforyou:
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
    Options
    Oh really?
  • qtgonewild
    qtgonewild Posts: 1,930 Member
    Options
    the broken glass just seems crazy to me.
  • KaseyDH83
    KaseyDH83 Posts: 100 Member
    Options
    The scales may not show it, but you HAVE lost weight … the weight of a person who was bringing you down. You are going to be so much healthier and happier without all of that negative energy around. I'm really sorry for what you have been through. It's OK to be sad for a few days after a breakup, even one as emotionally taxing as what you experienced. However, you have a fresh, new start. You can reach your goals without having your ex there trying to jeopardize it. Revel in that freedom and start focusing on YOU.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    Options
    The scales may not show it, but you HAVE lost weight … the weight of a person who was bringing you down. You are going to be so much healthier and happier without all of that negative energy around. I'm really sorry for what you have been through. It's OK to be sad for a few days after a breakup, even one as emotionally taxing as what you experienced. However, you have a fresh, new start. You can reach your goals without having your ex there trying to jeopardize it. Revel in that freedom and start focusing on YOU.
    I was thinking the same thing.. you've lost the weight of an abusive relationship. You should be so proud of yourself for finally getting rid of her and her toxicity. Instead of having the little reminders pull you down, remind yourself how strong you were to get out of it and you'll never have to deal with her again. Hold your head up high, find your motivation to really lose that 10 pounds and think how great you're going to feel once you really do.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Options
    So you have been 10 pounds heavier from the start? You still lost the same amount of weight, be proud of yourself. Don't let her have any power over you and keep working at it!

    This!

    You're not insane from feeling emotional over a messed up scale. It sounds like a horrible relationship, only to realize she was still manipulating you after you got rid of her by changing your scale. You still lost the weight and you're still accomplished! You were just a little further from the goal than you thought you were when you started.
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
    Options
    ya know what???

    my ex did the same:

    threatened to kill me, himself, burn the house down, go through all our financial assets, yada yada yada... I believed him and stayed for 22 effin years. you were SMART to kick her out after 3!!!! GOOD for YOU!!! You are a MUCH STRONGER WOMAN than I was!!! I know it's really tough going through it, but 10 pounds is not the end of the world. You're doing great and don't sweat it! Glass in your shoe... well, glad you caught it, empty it out and move on. Don't let that manipulator get the better of you. You're in a much better place now than you were before. I'm happy for you!!! :flowerforyou:

    edited for grammar...
  • louisianagirl1612
    louisianagirl1612 Posts: 39 Member
    Options
    Broken glass in your shoes???? So you couldn't run? WTF!?!?! She wouldn't have to kill herself, I'd do it for her. :grumble:

    ^^ This

    Congratulations on ridding yourself of abusive dead weight that was holding you back! Now you are free to pursue your goals and dreams without someone sabotaging your efforts. No worries, you have done the most difficult thing already by removing the person that was holding you back, losing the weight will be a cake walk in comparison!
  • caracrawford1
    caracrawford1 Posts: 657 Member
    Options
    ya know what???

    my ex did the same:

    threatened to kill me, himself, burn the house down, go through all our financial assets, yada yada yada... I believed him and stayed for 22 effin years. you were SMART to kick her out after 3!!!! GOOD for YOU!!! You are a MUCH STRONGER WOMAN than I was!!! I know it's really tough going through it, but 10 pounds is not the end of the world. You're doing great and don't sweat it! Glass in your shoe... well, glad you caught it, empty it out and move on. Don't let that manipulator get the better of you. You're in a much better place now than you were before. I'm happy for you!!! :flowerforyou:

    edited for grammar...

    Amen. And you already lost at least 100 pounds---you dumped her. I dated a man who was married(without me knowing) found out he was married and threw his $&#$5% out the window including a radio he really liked. Two years later he has the nerve to call me up to tell me he and the wife divorceed. Well I'm not interested. I hung up the phone. I got rid of the dead weight a long time ago.

Categories